Hi everyone
My daughter invited a friend over. She asked her if she'd like to come over and heard back "Maybe".
She waited to hear back - nothing.
It dragged on and on. My daughter reached back out to her again, and nothing.
Meanwhile, we had an invitation from friends to do something.
How long do you wait before you 'move on'?
Thanks
Thanks everyone
We definitely gave it enough time then.
I really like the idea of saying we need to know by such and such a time. Great plan. Will do that to avoid this in the future.
My daughter did apologize for moving on, and said she had because she hadn't heard back. She did try to contact her friend once she got the invite from her other pal, and really gave it some time - but we didn't want to keep that family waiting.
Good to know that we were more than reasonable :) Thanks everyone
ETA: In the end, it was as mynewnickname thought - the girl was young and didn't know if she could come over. Just a disconnect. New friend/family we're unfamiliar with - new way of doing things. I like idea of taking charge by setting time limit - had not happened to us before. Has since invited my daughter over this week after school.
the 'maybe' says right there that the 'friend' is waiting for a better offer.
i'd give a day, maybe two, and then assume that it's off the table.
i don't know how long it 'dragged on and on' but it sounds way too long to hold a date open.
past time to move on.
khairete
S.
"Maybe" can mean "I'm not interested but don't want to say so" or it can mean "I'll see if something more interesting comes along."
Two attempts are enough. The other girl didn't reply. I'd wait 2 days and then move on. If the other girl replies in the affirmative, your daughter can say, "I didn't hear back from you after 2 invitations, so I made other plans for that day." If the non-replier really wants to do something, they can pick another date.
Lesson learned for both of them: 1) Don't beg people to hang out with you. Failure to respond is, in fact, a reply. 2) Be sure you reply yourself because you know how it feels to be left in the wind. 3) If you don't want to do something, decline. None of this "maybe" stuff unless it's very specific ("Could I let you know on Tuesday? I have to check with Mom/work/game schedule.")
Your daughter might not want to do much with this friend after this.
I wouldn't be calling her for awhile.
Basically if I don't hear 'yes' - then any other answer equates to a 'no'.
A wishy washy maybe is just aggravating, impolite, like your daughter is going to wait to see how this other girls social calendar fills out - but it tells your daughter where she stands with this person - they are not close friends - and I'd consider tipping her over into the acquaintance column.
This has happened to us. Now I tell my son that if the person doesn't respond with a definitely yes or no immediately, he should follow up his text with "My mom needs to know by XX O'clock". Then, if XX O'clock comes, if he hasn't heard back, he send a final "Ok,
I didn't hear from you and I have to do something else now. See you some other time."
ETA: I don't equate "maybe" with "I'm waiting for a better offer." They are kids, they need to check with their parents because they don't always know what is planned for the day, they need to set up a ride, etc. If their parent isn't home, it maybe take a little time to get an answer. I think it's reasonable to give a kid a little leeway to figure out a definite answer - but it's also ok to set a limit on how much time.
I have possibly never loved a question so much - because I have wondered a similar thing sometimes when making plans with adults!! (Invite a friend to do X next Tuesday, no firm committed reply, how long to wait until it's not rude to move forward on plans with a different friend, etc.)
I will be interested to see the responses!
In my opinion, for a child, I think the best answer is something along the lines of: "okay - but if I do not have definite plans with you by around 2pm, my mom wants me to go with her to my aunt's house", something like that. The child can "use" parents as the "bad guy" excuse for moving on without the first friend thinking that the child did anything wrong.
(The first friend in your example probably either had immature-casual disinterest, or, was an eager friend who just needed to check with parents. Either way, it's fine to put a time limit on that.)
For me personally, I won’t wait longer than an hour and that’s pushing it. I’ll only wait that hour if there has been communication and someone has a legitimate problem which results in them being late.
If someone does not respect my time, I don’t need them around me. My time is just as important than anyone else’s.
For children... I believe the same applies.
My daughter is like me and won’t waste her time waiting on sometime to show up.
When she got the other invite it's time to move on. Text or call the friend to say, I didn't hear back from you and now I've made other plans. Let's get together another time!
I typically wait 30 minutes to an hour - and after that? I'm making new plans.
I don't sit around and wait for someone who says "maybe".
It depends on what your daughter wants to do, I'd let her know she has a choice. She's not obligated to wait at all, the friend was noncommittal. If she wants to accept the invitation, the polite thing for your daughter to do would be to text that friend once more and let her know since she didn't get back to her about the day, she made other plans, and maybe they can get together another day.
Crappy friend. Help your daughter learn s lesson from this and either give a day’s notice (one more chance), or don’t invite that gal again.
Best scenario, she couldn’t get her family on board and was embarrassed, so didn’t answer. More likely scenario, she was waiting for a better offer.
Not very long. And maybe tell your daughter to let the friend know, "hey since I didn't hear back from you I'm going to do this instead."
I thi k the expected time can vary based on the age too.
Definitely when you had other plans- then it’s fine to say- sorry we didn’t hear back and made other plans, next time.
A maybe can mean different things especially based on the age—
Does it mean not interested or does it mean I need to check with my mom and we are figuring out the schedule. (With kids and parents sometimes waiting to see if they can do something can take some time).
Sometimes communicating with the parents directly can make things clearer.
If your daughter gave a time and she doesn't show and doesn't call, wait 10 minutes and call her. If she doesn't answer wait another 10 minutes and leave.
If your daughter didn't tell her when to come, I'd go without her. If daughter just asked if she would like to go but wasn't specific or if friend didn't call back, make plans without her. If they're for another day, call and give the friend that information
Ten minutes seems to be a common time to wait. I remember in college students could leave after 10 minutes when teacher didn't arrive.
I suggest not using this one incident to judge her as being a poor friend or rude or making any judgement about her.
I read your SWH! WHY WOULD YOUR DAUGHTER APOLOGIZE FOR MOVING ON!??! Sorry, that shouldn't have happened in my book.
We wait 30 minutes. Unless someone has told us they are running behind by a specific amount of time. That's it. If I don't hear from you? We move on. I make a VERY CONCENTRATED effort to be on time, if not early. I don't like to wait. I don't like making people wait.
The "maybe" to me is a no, thanks. It sounds like the other person is waiting for a better deal. Don't want to spend time with me? Fine. I understand. Please understand I won't wait while you're waiting for a "better" offer.
