Since When Is It Okay to RSVP "Maybe"?

I completely disagree with you. Maybe its because my husbands job rotates between 3 different shifts( a day, a swing, and a midnight) every 4 weeks. I never know what his days off are going to be because the schedule is put out every pay period which is every 2 weeks ( I know hes off the 29th and the 30th but wont know what his days off after that will be until the 27th) so I often respond with "maybe"

It doesn't mean they are just waiting to see "if nothing better comes along, or they don't have a hangover.." an easy way to not get maybes is the next time you send out an invite put "maybe isnt an option, please respond with yes or no by certain date" that eliminates you ending up with leftovers for days.

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I completely disagree with you. Maybe its because my husbands job rotates between 3 different shifts( a day, a swing, and a midnight) every 4 weeks. I never know what his days off are going to be because the schedule is put out every pay period which is every 2 weeks ( I know hes off the 29th and the 30th but wont know what his days off after that will be until the 27th) so I often respond with "maybe"

It doesn't mean they are just waiting to see "if nothing better comes along, or they don't have a hangover.." an easy way to not get maybes is the next time you send out an invite put "maybe isnt an option, please respond with yes or no by certain date" that eliminates you ending up with leftovers for days.

I would contact each of them and let them know that you're shopping for food for the BBQ on Friday (or whenever) and need to know for certain if they'll be attending by then.

If they don't reply with a yes, don't count on them.

I agree! I have an overly dramatic relative who basically RSVP'd this way to my baby shower. Then she didn't like something I posted on facebook cause it didn't line up with her beliefs and she backed out at the last minute.

If you gave them an option of responding "maybe" how is this rude? They responded to your invite that you sent them.

Evites are so easy and convenient, but they are also super casual, which is why Maybe is even an option. They work best for open-house type events that don't rely on headcount, or when you're inviting just a handful of people or collaborating with others online for planning.

Add/send a note to the whole list that specifies that you need a Yes X-date if they are coming so you can plan the food.

ETA: To answer the question, Maybe to an invitation is okay when it is accompanied by an explanation and a promise of a firm answer - I may have to work, I can let you know on Friday. or My mother said my sister is thinking about that date for her wedding. I will know by next week if I can come to yours or not.

If I answer "Maybe" I accompany it with an explanation and note when I will know either way. As a guest, I want the host to know that I saw the invite and am not ignoring it, but that I don't have enough info to commit to a response at that time. For example, my two younger boys were invited to a birthday party at a place where I know accurate headcount is important because the place charges per head and the host has to commit to the headcount a week ahead of time and pays for X number of kids even if they don't all show up (which I know only because I have hosted parties at the same place). However, they were both on lacrosse teams that were signed up for tournaments that could have fallen on any one of 4 dates and we wouldn't know which weekends and days until the week before the first round.

Usually when someone gives me a maybe, it's for a legitimate reason and usually is about something like the above, where a family member has another commitment but they don't know for sure what the status of that other commitment will be. We run into that a lot around here with baseball playoffs among my kids' friends, which get cancelled and re-scheduled all the time due to weather.

Got an evite for the exact time I will be on a plane, so it would be a 'maybe' if the plane actually lands the correct time, we get our luggage and they can stand us four hours later. It is hard at this time of year, so many things going on. You are right about the commitment. But then it would probably be no. Maybe means "I want to go but can't figure out how yet" at least in my book.

I only reply maybe and don't mind a maybe when it's accompanied by an explanation. ie: I was invited to a party I wanted to attend but already had plans. But knowing the person I planned with, something might have come up. So I replied I likely couldn't come bc of plans but if they fell through, I would let the hostess know. So I was officially a "maybe". Sometimes someone replies they will be out of town for work, not sure if they'll get back in time so "maybe". That doesn't bother me so much. People should follow up with a final answer though. A generic maybe is definitely rude. Evite lets you send out a reminder and I'd send one to all the "maybe's" saying you're going to assume they won't make it unless they rsvp yes by x date.

I don't know if there is a way to take it out or not. I have responded maybe to a few because they send them out way ahead of time and sometimes I don't know what my kids schedules will be that day or my husbands. My son does compatition gymnastics and we don't know sometimes till about two weeks before if he's going to have a saturday work out and when we are in season he can't miss those. I don't think they do it to be rude I think they are being considerate letting you know there is a good possibility of them coming. It's better than them waiting till the very last min and saying yes the day before.

This has become a great frustration for me, too.
Lately, I've been adding to the invite that I will only be ordering/making enough food to cover those that respond "yes".

A**hole behavior = A**hole behavior in return!

I replied maybe a few times only because I have kids. If someone is sick, we can't go. Or maybe have to work, car problems, etc. I have gotten emails from evite to update the status a few days before so not sure if that is something you can do. If possible, maybe you can send an other evite to those people that said maybe and if they don't change to yes or no, then just count half of those so you don't have too much food leftover.

Whenever we have something, I rarely ever get any RSVP from my husband's family. It is usually a hope they show type thing or we know the day before because they call to check the time.

I only use the 'maybe' option when it's really true and circumstances are such that I just don't know.

For example, when we were invited to a party at 5:45 across town on a Friday night. Well, my husband works long hours and is the on-call IT guy and stuff *has* been known to blow up at the last minutes and cancel my plans so, yes, *maybe* is really the best information I can give you if you are planning a party at the end of rush hour. I don't have a crystal ball.

For me, it's not about not wanting to make the commitment, but wanting to give the accurate impression. So, it's 'We'd love to make it if husband isn't stuck at work'. Leaning yes, but if we don't make it A. chances are you'll be too busy to answer an apologetic phone call and B.I don't want the host to think I just blew it off.

I usually reply "maybe" when I first see the evite for an adults-only party (unless I know I can't go, then it's "no" obviously) because it can take me a few days to firm up the sitter, but I don't want my friends to think I'm ignoring their invitation.

I always leave a comment saying "let me see if I can get a sitter" or something like that and change it to a firm response as soon as I know.

Side note: You can send out group messages on evite which I'm pretty sure you can filter by their response (at least you could last time I made one). I'd send a message out to all the "maybe" guests a week before and tell them you're getting ready to order meat etc., and ask them to update their responses.

I think that's rude.

I would consider replying back and saying that "maybe" there will be some food for them and "maybe" a place to sit.

I would count as no, unless they explained their particular circumstances.

Ha ha ha! It's ridiculous, isn't it! How does "maybe" help the host of the party? What does "Maybe" mean? "I'll come unless something better comes along"? "I'll come but I am too lazy to check my calendar to see if there is a conflict"?

Unfortunately, Facebook and Evite have this option so people click it.

Just buy the extra food. Send extras home with everyone or take them to a neighbor. Hope you have a good time :)

Follow up with all the maybes and ask them for a head count by x date. Nicely remind them that you need to know how many people to feed.

I don't recall if Evite will let you remove "maybe" but in the future I would do so. If you can't remove it, you can edit the text, right? So next time you can change it to "Yes! We will certainly come!" "No, not this time" and "I'm wishy washy but I'll confirm by x date."

Or something.

But it's better, IMO, than the people who say yes and then still wake up and decide not to come. And don't tell you.

Oh my gosh, this drives me nuts!!! I cannot work with MAYBE when planning a party and/or a dinner!!! Tell me either you are, or you aren't coming.

I feel like you; it sounds like maybe they're waiting for something better to come along.

But what I think is really RUDE, is when people say YES and then they don't show up!! Can you imagine how much of everything I had last year for my son's 18th birthday party??? Between no-shows and maybes, I had a refrigerator full of left-overs for quite a while!

Thanks for letting me vent!! lol!!!

I take Maybes as a "no". Hey-at least they responded. Half the time, people don't even bother!

I have RSVP'd maybe, but I have added a specific qualifier. "We can make it if ds loses the game on Saturday and doesn't have to go on to the finals. Otherwise we will have to be at the game." I then make sure to let them know as soon as I know. I have had many people do the same to me, and in some cases I have arranged to have the party on a different day because of it. Perhaps when I set the date I didn't take the softball tournament into account, because my boys play soccer. If enough people RSVP that it depends on the softball tournament outcomes I might choose a different date when the majority of the guests are able to attend.

That's one of the things I hate about evites... the ability to do maybes. I agree that it shouldn't be allowed!

when the wedding is 2 days after your due date? I personally "maybed" that RSVP. The wedding was local. I said if I hadn't popped yet I'd be there but If baby was less than a week old or there was another complication then I couldn't. Sometimes people do have a conflict and need to work something out before they can confirm and just want you to know that they at least got it and read it. Let them know that you need a yes or no and not a maybe by a certain date.

I agree with you. It's not so bad when one or two do it but when most do it, it because a big issue.

As for those that say "I reply maybe because I have kids", I have to remind them that we all have something and a "yes" is always contingent on not being sick, having to work, an emergency, etc. so if you plan to go (barring anything unexpected/beyond your control) you should reply "yes" or "attending". If you know you can't attend, you reply "no" or "not attending". If you reply yes and something comes up, you call and tell the host that the kid is sick, you have to work, whatever.

At Least They Responded Something. It Is Rude To Leave It Open. How Can One Plan? Call All Uour Maybe Answers By Phone By The Last Date You Have T Easily Add Food An.Seating. Then Say I See You Were One Of My 50 Maybe Responses, Now I Need To Pin Down A Final Head Count So I Just Wanted To Know If You'll Be Able To Attend Or Not. Want To Make Sure There's Plenty For All.

I reply maybe.. only because I have a 2 & 5 year old. I will be there unless they are sick. if I reply no, then we have a conflict of some sort. I have not committed to anything in a few years, because it seems when I say Yes.. I can not make it because of the kids.

I think it's ok to reply maybe if it's far in advance and there is a specific, potential conflict. But, I think these RSVPs need to be updated a few days before the event. Otherwise, I think an actual conversation - not an evite comment - needs to be had with the host explaining exactly why you won't know until the last minute.

It isn't ok. When in doubt, I say "no."

2-3 days before your BBQ I'd call those who sent back a "maybe" and ask them for a definite answer.

I agree! This is why I've stopped using Evite for invitations -- I use Paperless Post instead (no maybes allowed!). In my experience, though, it is very unlikely that most (or even any) of the "maybes" will show up. But it's good to have some extra food just in case. I usually make sure it's stuff I can freeze, or that my family would enjoy eating, in case it doesn't all get used (I always make way too much food anyway, and I feel bad if there aren't leftovers!). Good luck and enjoy!

When I respond to an Evite with a maybe it is usually because 1) the invitation is sent really far in advance and I have no idea if we will actually be able to make it due to another conflict with kids schedules, family obligations, etc. or 2) I follow it up with a comment to let them know why. Sometimes it might mean I need to rearrange a previous commitment so that I CAN come but until that is done I am a maybe. And then I will go back and change it to an actual yes or no. Personally, I'd rather have a maybe than no reply at all!

I agree, how rude. They should let u know either way w a weeks notice.