How Many of You Lie

I don't get that, really. I want my husband to be honest with me. He wants the same. Being sneaky because you *want*something* and then justifying it because you've heard of other women doing it... nope... I don't get it all.

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I don't lie about things, especially about money. MAYBE I'll tell a white lie about liking a movie when I didn't or something just to be polite but I think money is substantive and I think lying about substantive stuff pits you against him.

My husband works hard and I do my best as a SAHM to stretch every hard-earned dollar he brings home. He sacrifices a whole lot so that we can have the basics and be comfortable, I would just feel like I was disrespecting that if I went nuts on something that I could find a lot cheaper and THEN wasn't honest with him about it.

Example: I searched high and low for shoes for my son and couldn't find any to fit his triangular little feet. We finally paid 50.00 for shoes for him ultimately and it was because we had no other choice. He knew I did my best to find a good deal and the right shoes for him.

He felt good about spending that money on those shoes, and I was proud that he didn't pitch a fit because he knew I had done my best to be intentional about the way I spent the money he provides for us.

It sounds more fluffy than it is really. It's just about mutual respect and I don't have to worry about fighting with him over money.

One thing we did when we made LOTS of money was we created a "funny money" account. A no questions asked account that we each had. We could save it or spend it--whatever we wanted. A deposit was made to each funny money account monthly and that solved a LOT of fights about money back then--including preventing either one of us from overspending.

Not ever.

M.

No...NEVER. We have 100% honesty in our relationship, even about small things. If he caught me in a small lie, then he would think I might be lying about other things. This starts problems. There HAS to be trust in a marriage. Lying about little things causes doubt and questions. I would never invite that into my marriage.

Never in a million years. Call me old fashioned, but I even tend to ask my husband before making purchases. He makes the money, pays the bills, therefore knows exactly how much we have, so I always feel somewhat of an obligation to say "hey, the kids each need new clothes, just wanted to give you the heads up" before I go out and spend money.

Anyway, that's just me.
Lynsey

These "little" cheats are dangerous, I think. Who among us would be okay with our husbands doing the same thing with his own purchases of shoes and clothing, automotive toys, computer goodies, drinks with the guys, tickets for a game, etc.? You have a better chance of getting honesty if you give honesty. And since 'time is money,' it's easy for those little stories to slip over into how husband and wife both spend their time.

If your husband doesn't get mad, and if you shop mostly for things you need, why not just be honest about what you spend? What's to gain by lying about it? If you're doing it because you learned it from your mom, might you want to re-think that?

No, I don't lie about what I spend. If anything, I brag about what a great deal I got – often at the thrift shop.

Are you breaking the bank? Are you making poor financial decisions? Are these purchases beyond what you two can really afford? Is there a GOOD reason why you should NOT make those purchases?

If not. THEN WHY LIE???

Why be ashamed of providing good things for your family. I am sure your husband didn't go out and buy a vehicle and slam $15k off the sticker price because he figured he "shouldn't" have spent that much.

You are buying things for your family!

And even IF you buy something for yourself WHO CARES. If you are not driving you and your family into the poor house, there is no reason why you should lie. It is only putting a wedge between you and your husband and setting a very poor example for your kids (just like your mother did to you).

I can't be so high and mighty because I admittedly have done this with my husband in the past, but I had to come to terms with why I was doing it. I realized I felt shame for doing things that I actually deserved to do.

That isn't right.

and in the process you're just hurting your relationship.

No, I don't lie...but what I do do, is ask him if he really wants to know? Most of the time he doesn't :) He knows things are expensive...if he says yes, I tell him!

I can see the appeal of lying though, men really (well my man anyways) usually have no clue as to how much things really are and absolutely no care about how cute those new shoes are!

~But we have 0 CC debt and pay for everything with cash...so it's not like I am out charging things we can not afford. My hubby trusts my judgment. I am responsible for paying all the bills in our house and I have proven myself very responsible, if I don't say so myself! Sorry for 'tooting my own horn' there...I got a bit carried away, I am still very excited about our accomplishment of paying off our Suburban early, this past week and obviously in need of bragging about my fiscal responsibility! How lame am I? Excited about such 'adult' things...I am feeling kinda old and very 'grown up right about now...ick!

No, I don't lie about how much money I spend at all. I totally could, considering I do all of the bills and everything. But I honestly don't see anything good about lying about something like that. I'm not trying to preach, but lying gets you no where. If you are doing something that you feel like you have to hide from your hubby, chances are, you probably shouldn't be doing it in the first place!

I always put new things away for a bit before wearing them. This way when my husband asks, is that new?, I can say, nope, had it for awhile now! ;)

Not me! I am in charge of our money so I need to know exactly how much was spent, when and where. I would be pissed if my husband lied to me. If your husband doesn't get upset by how much you spent than why even lie? Seems pretty counter-productive to me.
I think that maybe if you have a ton of money you could lie about where the money goes, but if you are tight (like we are) then every penny needs to be accounted for.
L.

I don't. I make money, I'm responsible with it and I will spend what I want or need without apology, so it's never been an issue with us. I'm definitely the saver anyway, always looking for a bargain, only buying what we need, setting and living within a budget etc. so if there is something that I want (for myself, the kids or someone else) and it's a splurge, I can justify the expense because I know we can afford it. My husband spends way outside of his/our means and doesn't even know where it goes, so I track all of our finances (Mint.com is a great site!) and he has access to the accounts but doesn't have the interest or diligence to monitor things so he never looks.

If my husband lied to me about what he spends, I would not think very highly of him for it. He should be an adult and either spend within his means or be honest about over-spending. If you each have your own spending money built into your budget and you're splurging within your budget, then it's no concern of his how much you spent on something, but you have nothing to be ashamed of and shouldn't lie about an extravagance. If you're spending outside of your own discretionary budget, then you're being dishonest and you both deserve better.

Nope. I don't need to. I have my personal money, and he has his, and then we have family money. Family money (mortgage, food, remodels, school expenses, etc) is all above board. Personal money is sacrosanct. No questions asked, spent how we choose. We get equal amounts every 2 weeks. We can save it or spend it. BUT ABSOLUTELY NO family money goes toward personal things. No haircuts, lunches out, clothes, boys/girls nights, etc. All of that, each and every single personal expense comes out of our personal money.

We started this because HE is notorious for lying about how much things cost. Over 20k in "imaginary" money (that he couldn't possible have spent... but going back through everything he was telling me things were essentially 1/5th of what they were... so my budget I was working on was ridiculous... he was ALSO lying about his salary as well... no lie kiddo and I were eating ramen for a week when he was having steak and enchiladas and beer out with friends. Even just $10 lunches is $400 a month... when he was going out with friends he'd drop $100 a NIGHT, when kiddo and I only had a $100 food / pullups/ household budget for 2 weeks). In-fur-i-ating.

My mum has a secret creditcard, that at various times has had over 100k on it (several hundred K limit). When they went to refinance their house the bank offical broke banking laws and discussed this private card of my mother's with my father. It nearly ended their 38 year marriage. ((She always paid it on time, had paid it off several times, and the card had only increased their credit rating -and at the time only had something like 15k on it-, but none of that mattered... it was the secret/lying aspect of it that nearly broke my dad. He left for awhile, and didn't speak to her for months.)) Ditto... my husband blowing 20k in one year meant I had to quit school for a year to work, because there wasn't enough money to pay for school and the house (that's when I started grant writing).

A lie is a lie, no matter the color. I never have and I hope I never do.

I don't. I would not want my husband to do this to me, so I wouldn't do it to him. Besides, my husband can easily look at the funds and see how much $ I really spent, then I would look like the a$$ when I had to explain to him why I felt the need to lie to him. Maybe some women lie to their husbands because they know they have gone a little too far and spent too much money.

No, I don't do this. It's just not an option for me to lie to my husband.
Using your example of the shoes you purchased for your son, why wouldn't you just tell him the truth...because you know you've wasted money on something he didn't really need. If you don't tell him the truth, where is the accountability? How would you feel if you found out he was telling you a few "white lies." Lets put the shoe on the other foot...He come's home from work and says he had a good day and a good lunch. You ask, "Where did you go and what did you have for lunch" and he says "Oh I went to Applebee's and had burger and fries." What he doesn't tell you was that he he went with an attractive single female co-worker. Would that be an okay white lie, or would you feel he should have just told you the truth? When you find out later through the grapevine that he failed to tell you all the information, wouldn't that bother you? Likewise, it might bother him that you're not telling him the whole truth and nothing but the truth regarding the amount of money you're spending.
I would just never do that to my husband simply out of respect for him. Just because all your friends are doing it and other people you know are doing it doesn't make it right. If you think telling him a lie is okay then you wouldn't be asking all of us this question.

I don't lie to him about anything. I tell him everything that I need to tell him and more. I also don't spend money on myself. well, almost never- if I ever do, it is from him encouraging me to do so.

But really, it is so rare for me to lie at all. I have the biggest conscience in the world, I swear.

No. I either don't mention it, or if he asks, I'll tell him the truth. He's my best friend, and we are a TEAM when it comes to the household (including household finances). Why in the world would I lie to him?

I don't have a budget and I don't even white lie to my hubby. We are a team, we work together.. Lying damages relationships.

Lying does nothing but attribute to the non-trust issues down the road. The way I see it.... if he (or you) finds out there was a lie, then you will both question each other and have trust issues.

If you can't afford it... don't buy it. Stay out of debt and make a more financially stable life for your family.

Nope, never. We both tell the other what we spent on things. We do a large potion of our shopping together anyway but when we don't we always tell each other. Better to "fess up" then have them find out when they see the statement ;)

No, i dont lie about money. tThey need to know what things cost so that they can understand where it all goes.

not me, I do not want to loose trust, I also do not want to loose it over a purchase.

I can't say I have.

In my last marriage, I was in charge of the finances. I learned how difficult it is. We were broke all the time and I used to go shopping with a pen and paper, adding sums up as I took items from the shelf. A lot of times I was within just a few dollars, and learned quickly that money not well-accounted for can throw you off.

With my husband, we have full transparency. We check with each other about purchases that go beyond groceries or a cafe trip. This helps us to best keep our heads above water, and keep from putting debt on the credit card.

I'm the opposite, by the way: "he *does* need to know how much it costs" because the next time, he might wonder why it cost so much when it cost so little last time! He needs to know how much so the bills get paid properly. And because marriage relies on honesty!

I used to, when I was a SAHM but now that I make more money than he does (he does more daily childcare than I do) I never even think about it. I am however VERY thrifty and like to brag at times at how little I spend, If I go out and buy myself new clothes he never asks what I spend and I never tell :)

I worked with someone who lied to her husband about how much money she spent.
She had to have shoes, bags, clothes, mostly for herself.
She was crying at work that her husband was going to find out and guess what? Money started missing from work.
She blamed it on a young girl and got her fired for stealing.
I'm sorry, but I feel I know where that money went.
Some lies become awful and gross and damaging when it comes time to cover them.
Me, the girl accused and another girl all found other jobs and left at the same time and left the woman holding the bag. No more blaming for money missing to cover the lies she told her husband.
It makes me sick someone would go that far.
Maybe you never have, but lying is lying. If you try to cover it to the point it harms other people, it's a problem.
There is no other way to put it.

I do! They are little white lies. He already thinks I'm too frivolous, so why push it! I don't want to hear yet another lecture. Lol :p

Yeah--that seems pretty common but I disagree with it. We carry pretty much zero debt and what I do with my disposable amount per month is pretty much my business. All bills are always paid every month. I am financially pretty responsible and so is my husband.

I find it pretty demeaning to say "oh, he doesn't need to know". I have to wonder, how many women who lie about money THEY spend would freak out if their *husbands* lied about how much they spent on something! I bet, quite a few. Why is this OK?

Personally I would think it VERY disrespectful to lie to my husband about how much money I spent on something. I'm a SAHM so I don't bring in any income. My husband works hard to provide for us and I usually ask him if he minds if I spend money on things other than necessities. And he does the same. He treats it as 'our' money, even though he's the one working. Actually, neither of us spends more than $20 on frivolous things without clearing it with the other. It works for us.

If I pay cash and he happens to ask me how much it cost (whatever item we're talking about at that moment) I will guive a ballpark (lower than what it actually is). Why? Because my husband hasn't been shopping in over 10 years, like really shopping. He still thinks a pair of shoes costs around 10 bucks? He's in for rude awakening one day. I will let him find out for himself.
Not lying, just protecting his innocence :)

not me. i figure if i want him 2 b 100% honest i need 2 b as well. bSides we usually shop together. :)

It's interesting to read the responses so far, as the majority are coming from honest women who in general do not lie to their partners about $$. Essentially, they are comfortable with their choices.

Where are the liars then? We hear sooooo much in the media about credit card debt and fraud and foreclosures and shopaholics. I would have enjoyed reading an excuse or two.

My husband and I have all joint financial accounts, so at the end of the month, we know what $$ went where. There is no reason to fib about what was spent.

Now I wish I could say that I have never lied. Never intentionallyat least. I am not a big mall or clothes shopper. I do buy too much food though. And my husband started asking years ago when I returned what I spent, So if the actual amount was $120, I might minimize and say just $100 and I might not....depends upon my mood. And if it goes over $200-300 then I am quick to point out that I picked up some wine or other large, long lasting stock items.

This was a great Q&A. I really enjoyed knowing that our financial relationship is so similar to many others here.

No I have never lied about things like that to mine, but I think he might stretch the truth about how much he spends. It sucks because I feel betrayed and that he can't trust me with the truth. I would jsut be honest with him, do you really think he doesn't know how much things cost?

No, I never lie...I think that is immature. My mom also has done this quite a lot with the men in her life.9999 I think it's a sign that you don't have the best relationship with your spouse. Or maybe some people do it bc they consistently spend too much (shopaholics!). My husband always checks our credit card statements to make sure there isn't any mistake and he would see the correct price if he wanted to. We are truthful with each other.

Updated

No, I never lie...I think that is immature. My mom also has done this quite a lot with the men in her life.9999 I think it's a sign that you don't have the best relationship with your spouse. Or maybe some people do it bc they consistently spend too much (shopaholics!). My husband always checks our credit card statements to make sure there isn't any mistake and he would see the correct price if he wanted to. We are truthful with each other.

Now that I don't do this and we set a budget to include $ for each of us to spend anyway we want, we stopped fighting about money.

My friend lies daily about money. Her husband is trying to get their finances under control and he knows if he makes $130,000 per year they should be able to pay the rent, have food, and afford shoes. She blows it on eating out and I don't know what else. The one thing they fight about is money.

If you take a piece of coal and put it up my hubby's backside he would poop diamonds the next day. I don't like to call it a lie, I call it adjusting the truth to benifit me.

Even if I wanted to lie I couldn't I'm so horrible at it plus he sees the bills at the end of the month. We are working with a budget and its important we stay within our budget range. However, my mom on the other hand ... well she hides a lot of stuff because she's a total clothes horse and tells my dad about 20% of the real price. My dad is pretty money saavy so I know he knows but he doesn't say anything about it and he pays the bills! Oh well ce la vie as long as their happy!

I do it sometimes. For me, its more of a pride issue. I am a grown woman and I do not need to justify to my husband why I spent $40 on a pair of shoes for my son instead of $15. Since I don't have a tangible "income" to bring to the table, I feel kind of stripped of my ability to make financial decisions on my own. I've decided that if I tell him what he wants to hear something costs, then it saves the fight AND my pride. Its never excessive- not ever more than $50, but usually more like $10-$20 more than whatever I actually spent.

No, I don't lie to him, even when he never ask the cost actually ..he never ask me anything but as a sahm and no friends around I talk and tell everything on dinner time, on the other side when we where at our hometown and have my friends we use to shop a lot and I think is the feeling of guilty what's make you lie ..even then I didn't lie but. I had the feeling of returning everything..

When you look at receipts, it's hard to lie. We both have our areas where spending is a bit less controlled. For me it's books. For my husband it's tools.
When my son was a baby I went overboard on spending on him and I knew it - everyone knew it. But everyone also knew he's our only child and when else will I be able to enjoy shopping for my baby. Also we both work and it's not like I stole the money or the bills didn't get paid. We always pay of the credit cards every month. We don't buy anything that will put us into debt. As he got a bit older my control has returned. Money is one of those big things that most couples will fight about. Lying about spending habits just makes things more complicated than they have to be.

wow such passionate responses. first off, i make as much as he does and if i spend a little more than i should out of my paycheck, i may gloss it over. i may hope he doesn't ask. if he does ask i may downplay. but while i feel guilty because deceit is deceit- i did earn it. and i happen to know he spends "mad money" just like i do. so i don't stress over it. i think it depends on your situation, on who is actually earning that money, and other factors. sure in the perfect world "what's mine is his, what's his is mine". real family dynamics don't always work that way. and even if they "do" theoretically, i can see feeling guilty for spending too much money, especially if i didn't earn it myself. i am just guessing but it sounds like your social circle has some sahm's? in that case, this may be old fashioned of me, but i would feel obligated to tell him how much it was. assuming he gave me a reasonable allowance to spend on myself.

occasionally I'll try to sneak in a book or two and pretend that I already had them. I'm a book-a-holic and my husband thinks they're taking over the house. :-)

Nope. I tell him the truth if he asks or don't tell him. I'm no good at lieing at all, and I would feel guilty if I did. What you're talking about is not a big lie at all, but I'd still get caught :).

i really don't lie to my fiance about how much i spend, but usually he's the one doing the shopping. he is good about telling me how much things are if i ask. now i am a stay at home mom, so i spend his money when i go do things. but even when i had my own money, i would tell him how much i was spending. i don't see any reason to lie about money.

I have never lied about how much money I have spent on something but then again my husband doesn't ask (but I don't think I would lie about it if he did). As long as the bills are paid every month he doesn't care how much I spend on shopping.

I tell my husband almost every cent that I spend - he doesn't care and often tells me to just get what I need or want, but I have this internal need to justify even the smallest purchase.

Just last night my husband and I danced in our kitchen....it was Otis Redding....we've been married almost 6 years....we cryied for our love for one another....I actually feel BAD for people that dont have the love like we do....as for
$....I AM the dollar winner...not the dollar MAKER. When MY husband and married....he stated "ITS ALL FOR YOU".....its been like that ever since...He makes 'whateverK' a year....its all mine (minus his allowance)...

i think it is important to lie about certain things to keep the marriage in tact, especially if you need him to support the kids. there are things that i buy without letting him know and say it was used for something else.

look at it this way, youre being paid to raise his kids. and you are paid to keep the house clean. its your money, why report it to him?

i also do certain things to make money on the side, but he doesnt need to know that either. you are your own person. enjoy it while it lasts, because when the kids grow up and know what is going on, it is going to be less fun.

Absolutely not. I think it shows a lack of respect toward him not to mention deceptive. IMHO if I have to lie to my husband about how much money was spent, then the purchase was not a necessity. We discuss any and all purchases that are above $50 with the exception of grocery shopping. We both do this. It's not to ask for permission but to talk as husband and wife to decide if we are spending OUR money wisely.

I couldn't because we have the same accounts. I barely spend money on myself because I always find something else that I rather buy. But last week my husband gave me some cash to buy whatever I wanted so I got some clothes from Banana Republic. When he asked me how much it was I said "I don't want to tell you" and I didn't. Does that counts? lol.