How to Deter 2 Yr Old Daughter from 'Self-gratification'.

The other thing I would add is that her behavior is normal, albeit uncomfortable for us.

I told my daughter that it was something to be done in private and by herself. And since I was on the subject, I also told her that it was important to not let any one else touch it and to let me know if they did. It also allowed for a discussion when the doc did a mini exam down there as well. Although it seems to early to start, it probably isn't and now that she is 3, she seemed to really get it.

My 2 year old son does this as well. I don't want to teach him that it's wrong, or to make him uncomfortable with his body. We've discussed that this is something that is private, and it's better if he does it when he's alone. He understands it, but sometimes needs reminding - much like how you often have to remind a 2-year old to use his "inside voice" on a regular basis. Patience, as always, seems to be the key.

My daughter is 2 and doing the same thing, would love to hear some suggestions. Don't worry you're not alone!

I'd check to make sure she doesn't have a yeast infection which can cause this type of behavior.

Making a big deal out of it won't help. Distracting while she is in the car seat like others suggested is good. When she is in her high chair, just tell her that mommy and daddy do not want to see her doing that and tell her to finish eating.

I understand you want her to eat but what worked for us was telling her we didn't want to see her doing that and if she didn't stop we would ask her to go to her room until she was done. We were not promoting it, but trying to teach her that she couldn't do that in front of us. She never went to her room and usually stopped when we said that.

I do agree that you should make sure she does not have any irriation to.

Tell her that it's rude and that she shouldn't be doing that in public. Let her do it in her room, in private. If she does it in the house, make her go to her room to do it. If she's out, tell her to stop. She's 2, so don't expect her to always obey, but make sure she understands that's the rule. If she's doing it at the dinner table and won't stop, send her to her room. One missed meal won't hurt her and will help teach her that you mean what you say. We never had this problem, but taking our daughter away from the table when she would throw food on the floor did cure her of that bad habit. It might work for your daughter's bad habit too.

Your position should be that it's not wrong, but it's private.

At that age, you can probably stop buckling her into the high chair, so that would eliminate one situation. She's can probably sit in a booster seat at the table instead. Avoid strapping her into things unless you have to (like the carseat).

Maybe stock the car with some toys she can play with in the carseat instead. They may distract her from this behavior.

My daughter is 18 months old and I am dealing with the same problem... well I talked to my mom bout and she works at a mental behavior clinic... she talked to one of the doctors there and she told me that the doctor said that it was normal behavior because of the age the child is discovering her self in all aspects... They gave my mom a booklet to give to me and i read it... it said that as long as this behavior is natural and healthy behavior the best way to stop it is not to ignore it but rather tell her that what she is doing is inappropriate behavior and that she needs to stop... I started doing it with mine and she is slowly stopping... she doesn't do it as much as she use too... I hope this helps

This is a completely normal part of childhood. My daughter did the same thing and does to this day. I reinforced from the beginning that she can only do that in her bedroom, by herself, where no one else can see. I had taken her to her doctor and talked with a therapist, who both said some children find out how to self pleasure at a very young age. I know what you mean about it being an uncomfortable situation and a bit embarrassing, but it's normal and a lot more common that most people realize. At 2 y/o, she's at the age where she either does or will shortly begin to understand when and where it is appropriate to do that.

I haven't read all 21 of your reponses so far, so sorry if I'm repeating this. My daughter also does this. I've found she does it more when she has to go potty or when she is tired. She also does it becuase it feels good. I agree with you, my husband and I are also uncomfortable when she does this in ours or anyone elses presence! However, we've explained to her (together) that this is ok to do, that it's normal, but it's something she must do in private. We tell her if she wants to "rub" she needs to go into her bedroom. But a lot of the time, after she's gone potty she'll stop. Good luck and it looks like you're trying not to make her feel bad about it which is good! It's normal and healthy, but, yes, awkward.

I'm pretty sure this is happening because it feels good, not because of a rash, since I'm pretty sure you would notice a rash or yeast infection. Many many children have discovered at early ages self stimulation, long before they are aware of anything of a sexual nature. It feels good, and relaxing, and I worry that if too big of an issue is made, it could manifest into some damaging feelings and memories for something that is done in private. Although 2 is a young age to understand privacy, you can start laying the groundwork now, and in several months, she will be able to recognize when it's time to have some alone time.

totally normal and a lot of children do it. i would NOT try to stop it but tell her its not something we do at that table. the car well that is going to be hard since she is sort of in her own private area so i would let that one go. or just get rid of booster seat all together. either way she just needs to learn that there are certain times for certain behaviors and as long as you approach it like that then no harm! ( we run and scream outside, we sit in a bath, we dont jump on the bed, we masturbate in private)

Good for you! Good for you for seeing help and good for you for continuing the dialogue until you have gotten some good suggestions that will help you. Don't feel bad about this. You need some answers and this is a fairly difficult topic to discuss. As a side note, I am sorry that you are going through this. I can imagine how embarassing and frustrating this must be for you.

I haven't read all of the responses but I am wondering if the person that suggested the booster seat meant the booster seat for the kitchen table? Taking her out of the high chair and putting her in a plastic seat with no buckle?

Also, does your daughter seem to require extra stimulation with anything else? Some kids just need extra stimulation. Does she walk on her tip toes, bang her head or any other behavior that stands out as needing extra stimulation? If so, maybe this is a bigger issue to investigate?

I hate to bring this up but I must also bring up the idea that maybe she was in a situation where this was or is introduced as appropriate behavior? Is she in childcare? Has she ever been around other kids that might have or be doing this? As a Mom, this is something that I would consider too. It's ugly but certainly something to think about.

Definitely check for yeast infections. Also UTI? Obviously itching and burning sensations would cause a child to explore relief, especially a child who can't communicate these issues.

If it's a "feels good" situation, do you think that she is old enough to have the conversation with her that it's not appropriate behavior in public but something she can do in her room? This too, obviously, is a controversial way of handling things but it's certainly how we handled our son when he would play with himself.

Anyway, I hope that you find your answers and that one of us "Moms" can help. :)

Good luck.
N.

With my daughter, we just repeated that it's private, please go to your room if you want to do that. It works. She knows not in public and only sometimes needs the reminder when we are home and alone.

Just a side note, our pediatrition said this is normal and expected. Also, that defining private is best rather than shaming (not that anyone's suggested that)

I find with my daughter (almost 2) that distraction seems to work. If I see her doing it in the car seat (when I can see her-she's still rear-facing) I'll just say something about the song on the radio or Elmo or such and it usually stops. I don't make a big deal of it just distract her at this age.

Those, meaning Nicole W below, were my first thoughts too...I would double check with her doc. She sounds more irritated now. Seems to have gone beyond curiosity.

Also, she does indeed know the word no by now, so try the good old fashioned that's not OK anymore and re directing her, as you don't mention this. I understand you did not want to make a 'big deal' of it, but she certainly is. So time to point it out. And it will take many attempts at redirecting her before she remembers to do it herself.

I do believe that this issue might exist because our little ones are in these tight harness strap car seats between there legs with lots of car and road vibration going on.Sometimes for long periods of driving time. My kids were babies in the 1980's. They have belts around the waist and a safety bar that came down in the front. I never saw this with my kids or my friends kids. I happen to run a daycare now and every little one I take care of seems to be touching there genitals. I talk to the parents and tell the littles we don't do that in public, and redirect there attention. Just saying I use to take care of lots of little ones back in the day, and this was not happening so early. Again. You have these tight straps and vibration, if really could trigger some feelings. Of course we need the car seats of today to protect our little ones, Just saying.....

Can you find another car seat that has a buckle in a different place? On the high chair, if you only use the side straps instead of the center straps will she slide out? If not, can you take the center strap off? There has to be a way to modify the straps where it won't be so easy to rub against. Right now, if these are the only places she does it, it is only a natural response for her to grind b/c the straps are rubbing in right spot, per se. If you feel it is appropriate, when she does it in the high chair, take that opportunity to discuss with her that she needs to do that in the privacy of her room or bathroom. Don't make a negative comment about, just reassure her that it is okay but it is a private matter.

I agree with the moms that suggested having her pedi check for irritation. Self gratification is normal, but it seems like there might be more going on - itching, etc. maybe. Don't move her out of the car seat. Her muscles aren't really developed enough, and the can unbuckle that MUCH easier. Good luck!

continue to ignore it. My neighbor's kid did this till she was around 3 and a half and then stopped. It is pretty normal. I doubt there is a good way to get her to stop without instilling some kind of anti-body message. good luck.

It is a form of self soothing. Introduce her to others that can work too.

I think the more stressed you are about it, the bigger deal this becomes. I've known many kids to spend their entire 2-3 year with their hand in their pants - my brother for example. We used to just joke that he was making sure it was still there.

It does feel good to her and the only problem with it (unless she has an infection) is that the rest of the world has an issue.

Look into biofeedback. I have a friend who is a counselor, and she says biofeedback almost always works!

After some frustration, we realized that my daughter did this mostly when she was bored - so distraction does work for us. Are there ways to distract her in the car or keep her focused while in the high chair?

Furthermore, we discussed this with her pretty openly (Why do you do this? Yes, it feels good. It's okay to do...) and let her know that this is something that it's really only okay to do when she's by herself. I know it's normal and I don't want to make her feel bad about it, yet I know how you feel- it's a little awkward. So now she does still do it, but when she's in her bed by herself, working to fall asleep for naps, etc.

get her a different kind of car seat - if she's two shouldn't she be okay for a booster now? depending on her size....

the high chair thing, does she really need to be strapped in like that? it should be a simple matter of getting her a booster seat, or a high chair that has just a lap belt kind of strap instead of the kind that goes between her legs.

and i don't think there's anything wrong with telling her that she needs to stop, mommy and daddy don't want to see her doing that, it's rude.

I would just tell her that it's not appropriate behavior and to please stop doing it. I would avoid saying "in public", because she may think it's okay to do it at home.

When she does it at home, you may need to get her out of her seat and give her a time out. It may just taek 3-4 time outs to get her to understand that it's not worth doing.

I think by not saying anything, it gives the wrong impression and in a sense, she may think it's okay since you didn't put a stop to it earlier.

My daughter used to grind on things when she had a bad diaper rash, her bum was itchy so she rubbed up on things which was embarassing because it certainly looked like the other thing. Does her skin seem irritated at all? Maybe it is and you just haven't realized it. Try switching diapers or soaps or anything else that touches her skin there. If it is self-gratification then I don't think you can do a whole lot to stop it except to tell her no, maybe remove her from the high chair and try a booster seat at the table. She does need to learn at some point that there is a time and a place for that.