My son has always been more attached to me than his older sister, but he recently started screaming and clinging to me when I leave him at preschool (3 days a week) and when I leave to go out to dinner or some function with my husband. I don't think there was any particular event that started this behavior. He had been fine for most of the past two years going to school. It is unbearable for me, and certainly a pain for his teachers. I think it has become habit forming for him now rather than a genuine fear of loss.
I do all the right things from what I have read. I don't drag out the good-bye, I don't try to hide it from him or leave when he isn't looking, and I give him a quick hug. I have recently resorted to marbles in a jar as a reward type of system -- it seems to work for other things but still has not made his separation from me any easier. Has this happened at this late age for anyone else and do you have any good suggestions to end it?
Hi there -- I know what you are going through. Something that worked for me was letting my son hold some pictures of me and of both of us together. Also, letting him pick out something of mine that he'd like to wear so he can feel close to me. He usually decided to just cuddle with one of my sweatshirts. I know it sounds cooky but it worked.
H.- I am right there with you on this one. My daughter clinged and cried for the first 2 years of preschool, then when she turned 4, it seemed to resolve, for about 6 months, then all of a sudden it was 10 times worse and I couldn't even leave home without her clinging and throwing a tantrum. What I finally found was that a girl in her class that she had been close to moved away and her favorite teacher went to a different classroom. The summer was horrible. This fall I started her in a new school, and she separated fine, a different child, then all of a sudden, last month she started clinging and screaming again. We haven't been able to find the cause, anxiety about kindergarten next year? a boy in her class did leave? One boy does tease her a lot? The teacher told us that she now will cry at the drop of a hat over everything and is very moody, which she is at home too. What works for us is someone different dropping her off. It is a special treat to have Daddy drop her and she doesn't cry for him, he dropped her off for 2 weeks, my mom sometimes takes her, and when i do take her, we talk in the morning about how we want to go in like a big girl and how I will always come back for her. I would keep doing what you are doing and if you can find someone else to drop him off, try it. and look at the environment to see if you can find a cause. It comes and goes. When we go out at night the sitter said she settles down in a few minutes and he probably does too. Maybe set out a reward for him if he can get through a week without any crying.
Could you try keeping him home another year? He can preschool with you. Wait til he is ready to separate. They are only young once. AF
You might try the book "the kissing hand" about a raccoon who goes to school and takes his mother's kiss with him. Also, my dad used to teach parenting classes and would tell parents that if what you are doing isn't working, don't change a little bit, do a 180. This might mean being totally silly when you leave, or overdramatic, something off the wall. Good luck! D.
