Preschool Question for Mamas Who Didn't Have Their Kiddos in Day Care

I'm totally with Amy G.!!!! Parents freak out WAY more than kids do. kids are fine. Especially at this age! I have a 3 year old who used to go to preschool. She was fine. I've also run an in-home childcare and am about to re-start it. Kids love to be social and have friends at this age. I wouldn't worry about one bit.

My son was always with us or my parents til he was 3. He had a bit of a rocky start, but made LOTS of friends and really loved his pre-school at 3.
It's harder on the moms than on the kids I think. Hang tough, Mama!

I think your situation is very common, and very normal! You are NOT overreacting!! As an early childhood teacher, I always like to reassure parents that most of the time, the separation is harder on the parents than it is on the child!!

Even for children who have experience leaving their parents, there is always the potential for separation anxiety. This is a very normal and appropriate stage of development for 3 year olds and you have to remember a few very important things-
1. He will sense your anxiety, and he may cry the first couple times you drop him off. You will probably cry, too. But it only gets better as he becomes more comfortable and develops trusting relationships with the teachers. You have to trust that he will adjust and be fine. (He will!)
2. If he does have separation anxiety, the best way to overcome it is to make it fast and consistent. I always tell my families that I want them to come, help their child get settled, etc. But when it is time to say goodbye, just say goodbye and leave. If you prolong the goodbye, it prolongs the tears.
3. Talk to the teacher and see if she will call or if it is okay for you to call and check on him the first few times. Chances are he will be fine, and the teacher will hopefully be more than happy to have you call. (If you hang around, there is a chance he will see you and it will be all over from there, so I suggest leaving and calling after about 15 minutes.)
4. DO NOT "sneak" out when he isn't looking. You should ALWAYS say goodbye, even if it causes a meltdown. If you think the goodbye meltdown is bad, what do you think he feels like when he REALIZES you are gone and has no idea when you are coming back??? Just a tip from an experienced preschool teacher. :)

My daughter was 14 months old when I had to take her to child care 2 days a week. It was seriously the worst form of parental torture (for me), and I am an early childhood teacher!!! She cried for the first 2 days until it was time to take a nap, but each day got better and better. I'd say at 14 months, it took her about 2 months to fully adjust, but then she'd walk right in and go do her thing. Now she is almost 3, still goes twice a week, and can't stop talking about her friends and teachers.

So it IS true that they overcome the separation and sometimes forget to even say goodbye to you, but I don't want you to think that it will be this way from the first day, especially because it might not be.

Best of luck to you and your son- he will do great and you will too. And you will LOVE all the things he learns and does by being away from you a couple times a week, making friends, and learning to love school!

My DD was stuck to me like glue. She had only been in a home daycare 2 days a week until she was 9 months old, then I became a SAHM. Well, when I tried to bring her to any place that had childcare (nursery at church, women's groups, gym) it was disasterous! I was SO nervous when she turned 3 in June and preschool was starting in September. I got her involved at the end of the summer in a "gymnastics class" where they kids go in with just the instructor and parents watch from a big window in a waiting room...and to my amazement, she trotted off after the other kids like a little duckling, never looking back! A couple weeks later, she started preschool and there has not been a single tear (on her part! LOL) She loves it! I have to remind her give me a hug or kiss goodbye now! Usually, I just get a "see ya mom!" as she runs into her classroom.
What it comes down to...she was ready! When I tried to pry her away from me before, she was a complete mess (and she didn't just cry for 10 min, she sobbed the whole time...I gave up at anything where I had to leave her). I hope this helps. She went from a clingy, shy, mama's girl, to a strong, confident, independent preschooler, I like to think because she knew I'd always be there for her in the past when she needed me...just like you. That said, we have a little song now, if she's ever feeling nervous about staying at a new place (like a new church preschooler room, etc.) and it's the one from the Wonder Pets where the babyblowfish goes to his first day of preschool. Mama blowfish (and I) sing, "Wherever you are, whatever you do, I'll always always come back for you"! Works for us!
Good luck!

My son will be 3 in April. I've been a SAHM since the day he was born. When we go to church, he doesn't even turn to tell me goodbye - he just runs into the nursery area and starts to play with the other kids. My son sees other boys and girls at the grocery store and the playground and says "Mom, kids! Kids!" and runs to them.

So - my point is - all kids are different, but if your son is around other kids every now and again, he should be fine. I agree with your friend. If it's in your son's personality to be social, he'll love preschool. Have you tried dropping him off in a child-care type setting like at church?

My son did great when he started preschool. He had never been in daycare and had mostly only been with family, though we did used to occasionally leave him with my friends for a couple of hours (but hadn't for a full year before he started school). He turned 3 in late May and started school in September, two half days per week, so very similar to your son. He adjusted right away and didn't cry.

The thing that helped most, I think, was that we had done a mommy & me class for a couple of months at the school the previous spring, so he was familiar with the facility. He had new teachers though, so that was a big change.

I definitely recommend visiting the school with your son before he starts. Let him see it, meet the teachers, and try to find at least one thing there that he really likes - a cool toy, art, etc so you can help direct him to an activity when you leave him there for the first time.

Also, get some books about starting school and read them to him. My son's teacher read "Llama Llama Misses Mama" to the class and it's a great book.

One other important thing to keep in mind is that he will pick up on your anxiety, so you need to be as calm as you can. Don't give him a reason to think he should be scared. I hope he loves it!

K.
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My daughter will be 3 next month and she has been in preschool since she was 2.5. She was SO ready! We live in Switzerland and we wanted her to start learning french, so we started looking at french speaking preschools. When we were going to look at schools (before we had decided on one) she asked me if I would be coming with her to the school. So I of course said yes daddy and I would both be coming (thinking she was worried about going by herself). Boy was I wrong! She started to cry and said she didn't want us to come with her, she wanted to go all by herself! I mean talk about independent! :) When we found a school that we loved she was not nervous at all. Even though she didn't speak the language, she barely stopped playing long enough to say goodbye on the first day! She loved it so much and now if we would let her she would ride the city bus to school all alone :)

I do know that it is different for each child. I was a kindergarten and 1st grade teacher for 10 yrs before becoming a mom. The best thing you can do is try not to be visibly nervous or upset about your son starting school. Visit the school together and then talk up all the exciting and fun things that will happen there. You can also read books on starting school. Good luck and I hope it goes well for you guys! School is a fun and exciting trasition! :)

I was in the exact same position with my son! He had never been in any sort of daycare at all and he turned 3 the day before preschool started so he was VERY young for the class. I won't lie - drop off was very hard the first three times and on the morning of the 4th class, I had decided that I just couldn't do this to him and he must not be ready.

We got dressed and ready to go to a garage sale that started at the same time as school and when I put him and his little sister into the car he said, "Need school bag! Need to go to school!" I was shocked, but got his bag figuring he wouldn't follow through with it. He thanked me for the bag and rode peacefully to the church where he attends preschool. Normally he would start screaming at the sight of the building - this day he unbuckled his car seat straps! He walked himself into the building and down the hall, sat down on the alphabet rug with his new friends, and has loved it ever since!

I'm glad I listened to him that morning because it has truly helped his social skills and speech. I would say try it and be open to either scenario, but as much as possible, leave it up to him!

Hi there,

I know exactly how you feel! My daughter was with me everyday of her life from the moment she was born and I was so nervous about her starting preschool. I prepared her the weeks leading to her first day by saying, "you're going to meet new friends" and "you're going to go to school like a big girl" and surprised her with a "Dora the Explorer" backpack, and the night before her first day she was so excited, she fell asleep with her backpack on! I gave her a pep talk on the way to school, "I'm going to bring you to school and I'll be back in a little while to pick you up, okay?" Once we got there, she ran through the door, gave her teacher a big hug and said her name. She didn't even notice when I left! I think we parents are more nervous than the kiddies. I'm sure he'll be just fine. All the best.

The biggest factor in his transition is you. He will love it - but you need to hide your anxiety.

I felt the same way! My son had been in day care since September, he loves it. They will be times he will get upset but that is all natural especially when they didn't get a good nites rest. When I leave him is not so happy. I sometimes stand by the door so he doesn't see me to see if anything is wrong. Nope! He starts running around a playing with the kids. It is good for them. :)

I was the only one crying on my son's first day of preschool. Until pickup that is, he didn't want to come home.

Your little one will be fine. You, on the other hand might need a few weeks to adjust, like I did.

Good luck,
R.

It was suggested to me to go with him and comfort him the first few times by a friend but the teacher told me that she has seen that breed more issues than resolve them. You may want to start at home by taking him to a friend's house that you trust and getting coffee by your self then comming back and increasing the time away. When I did it I did it "cold turkey" it worked out well. You will find out what works best but some schools/teachers do not let parents hang around so I would find out from them first what they prefer.

He'll take his cues from you. If you are an anxious mess, he'll pick up on that immediately and respond that way. If you give him a Kissing Hand goodbye (get this book, please-- it will help YOU feel better! :) ) and let him know he's going to have a great time, it will likely be that he's going to take a while to get used to it, and then enjoy it.

Remember, too, that who he is *now* is not who he will be in September. Three year olds progress a lot, and you might find that you'll be ready for a break from all the 'why's! Every mom has some apprehension/sadness/nerves about this. It just means we love our little ones and care a lot. If you still have some apprehension around this time, talk to your prospective preschool teacher about helping with drop-offs. We are very good at this!

and really, pick up The Kissing Hand. It's a sweet children's book and will lovingly foster a new routine for you both!

H.
oh, and to answer your specific question, my little guy didn't go to daycare either, but he did just great!

Up until 3 1/2 my daughter spent pretty much every minute of the day with me. She nursed until just past 3. Lol. I did not know how she would be at preschool either but it turned out she loved it. I initially enrolled her 2 days per week but by the second week I switched her to the 3 day program. (It was only 2 1/2 hrs per Day). She however wanted to go 7 days per week:)
Your son will be fine.

Your friend is right. I was in the same situation; I work full-time from home and until recently my son was with a baby-sitter. He started school this past fall at age 2 and a half. He only goes two half-days a week and loves it. Naturally there is a transition period, but after two weeks, he was fine.

You will be surprised how well he does. Little kids love to be around other kids. Its probably only for a couple hours. It will be ok!

I've always worked part time, I used to work 2 days a week, now I work 3 days per week. We have never sent our kids to daycare (my girls are now 4 1/2 and 3 1/2). We have a nanny come to the house. They have both been in preschool, each started at 3, going 3 days per week, 2 1/2 hours per day. They LOVE it!! It is very very important, it gets them ready for school, and they absolutely love school. Meet your child's teachers, make sure it'sa great environment, and that your son is loving school. Preschool should be learning through play and most importantly fostering a love for learning and school. He'll do great! Also, our preschool is only half a mile from our house, so I am comforted that if there's ever a problem, I can be there really quickly.

Hi. What you're feeling is totally normal. You were me last year, only my son has never gone to daycare. He has, at times, gone into a children's Sunday school class. I felt weird about sending him to school, because all his classmates had already done a 2 year old preschool class. But he has had ZERO problems transitioning. No sadness, no separation anxiety, nothing. He loves school and hates to miss it, yet he also comes up and gives me a big hug when I come to pick him up. And he's been like that from day one--the first day of school, I watched to see if he'd be okay--I said goodbye, so did he. I watched as he walked right over to the play area and got busy right away. Your son will love school--what's not to love?! I always joke and ask my son if we can trade places, lol. Good luck to you!

When my first daughter was little I had to put her in preschool because my mom couldn't help me any more. The night before I made a speech, and I kind of learned and I thought in many answers that she may ask, etc.
We walk to the school and I was ready to bend on my knees and talk to her and I told my self that no matter what the teacher tell me if my kid din't wanted to stay I wouldn't let her, etc.
We were waiting outside with other parents and kids for the doors to open, when they open them, all the kids went inside and from the outside you could see a big slide and a big toy in the yard (we didn't have a yard, much less a slide) and she just run in.
I WAS DEVASTATED, and worry that she would later notice I was gone, and sad that she didn't hold on to my knees and all of that, I stay a little there to see of she came back but she was in lala land, I actually cry.
When I pick her up she was happy, then second day wasn't as easy, at that point she knew I was going to leave but the teacher was nice and invite her to play in the slide so she went but kind of sad, I thought it would make me feel better that she did want me there but it didn't, at that point I rather her being happy and don't even notice me like the day before.
The next week was like the second day, some days better then others but she was still some days kind of apprehensive.
But I think in less then a moth she was very happy and with friends which made me feel better.
Of course there where always those days she didn't want to go because she wanted stay on bed or she was grumpy but the fact that she had friends there kind of help.
So, yes, he may take a little to adapt but is not to long and the good side are many for both of you.
Be ready for both things to happen, that he either wants to stay with you or that he run inside and get comfy right away.

My DD was always home with at least one of us before she started preschool last September (she had just turned 3 the month before) and she did great! Do you ever leave your son with a sitter or in any other childcare setting, like at a gym? How does he do interacting with kids now? Because before starting preschool, we took DD out a lot to playgrounds, indoor play areas, with or without other friends' kids along and she never had an issue playing with other kids, jumping right in and separating from us to do so. I did a Mommy and Me class the year before too and lucked out that she ended up in preschool with the same teacher in the same classroom so it was already familiar.

Keep in mind, that if you are upset and stressed out about this, your son will pick up on that and naturally get worried too, since he sees how worried you are. He'll be fine! Even some of the kids in DD's class that were upset at the beginning got over it...they would cry for 5 minutes and then get interested in reading a story or playing with toys or painting or whatever and that was it. After a few times, they stopped crying altogether. Be upbeat and cheerful, and let him know how much fun it's going to be, and reassure him that you will be there to pick him up when it's done. He will be just fine and so will you! :)

My little brother started preschool this year, and has never been in day care. Only close friends and family have babysat him. He absolutely LOVES preschool, and has made quite a few friends. He is a very charismatic, friendly kid so I'm sure that helps. It was a little bumpy at first, but once it became routine it was fine. Now it's more of a fight some days to get him to go home, because he doesn't want to leave.

hi , both of my kids didnt go to anything until pre k at 4, twice a week for an hour and a half. they both did great. really. i was miserable, but they had a great experience. i would be very surprised if my little guy isnt great also, he cant wait to go. i have another year, im clinging on with all ive got! most of the kids did fine, really. and the few that didnt, all did fine right away. i had so much anxiety too.... if you can, get involved in school, bring him and pick him up so you stand there and talk to the other parents and see the teacher every day. at least for now. be a class mom, join pta and do things in the school. you will feel so much better if you know the people and they know you. it will be ok. i have never been a big joiner, but i am as involved as i can be and i wouldnt have it any other way. i really had to scale back this year, actually, dont do anything youre gonna regret or resent. just do what you honestly can. but show your face, you know? he will be ok. it was a perfect transition for us.

I think it's a great idea to have your child attend preschool. It is good for him AND it is good for you.

One thing that reminds me of myself is when you say that you are a worrier by nature. It's important for us worriers to be careful not to put our worrying on to our children. There are certain things in life that children need to experience and one of the things is to learn to cope with separation anxiety, stranger anxiety, etc. This is how they learn to function and cope in the world!

I would suggest doing a good amount of research on preschools and make sure that you feel good about the envt. Maybe talk to other moms in your area? And, most importantly, realize that this is going to help your child, not hurt him.