We just had a new baby a month old. I also have a 6 year old turning 7 this month. She heard that I had more pregnancy and asked Dad about it. I want to explain her in a way that she gets it. What other moms have done to get through this one.
I dont want to hurt her feeling or overwhelm her with details. She is very sensitive and mature, tend to get lot in than I will expect.
By the time my daughter was 6 or 7 I told her the medical truth about what miscarriage is. I had two before she was born. I showed her the ultrasound (of the one) and explained that something went wrong in the development of the fetus and so there wasn't a baby.
I certainly wouldn't tell her that babies only come when moms & dads are "ready" or I'd have to backtrack that idea big time before she started dating...
We talk about a baby starting out as a little seed in mommy's belly. Sometimes seeds grow and become full babies, sometimes they don't. Just like in a garden, not every seed turns into a big plant. That's really the truth, right?
We went through this when our daughters were 5 and 7. We used the seed analogy that Lizard suggested. It was easy for them to understand and very accurate. It's also a lot less harsh to say the baby stopped growing. I made sure they knew I'd answer any questions, and we hugged and cried. They still talk about it sometimes. We had a baby last year, and our daughters were nervous that this one would stop growing, too. Honestly, so was I. Good luck, and I am very, very sorry for your loss.
Just tell her that you were pregnant but the baby died before it was big enough to be born. If she asks why it died, tell her that you don't know (unless you do know, in which case tell her).
My religious beliefs came in handy with this for us. In the past I've told my daughter that God has control over making babies. That mommies and daddies do their part by being loving and together and when they are ready they ask God for a baby, she's only 6. I told her early last November that we were expecting "Pindot". I wasn't more then 2 or 3 weeks along when the OTC test was negative and my period started. I explained to her that God saw that we weren't really quite ready for "Pindot" to join our family so he took it back for a little while. I explained that God was right, Daddy and I hadn't asked for a #2 baby, "Pindot" was a surprise and we weren't quite ready, God was just showing us that He had someone for us waiting. We talked to her to see if she was comfortable with the idea of a new baby and being a big sister. When we decided to actively TTC, I was pregnant by January.
If yours asks again, keep it simple, keep it honest. Good luck.
When my daughter was about 3, I had a miscarriage.
We just told her that the baby was not developing well and was not healthy.
We said the baby didn't make it and died.
My daughter was fine with that.
She understood in that simple way.
Be honest and have open honest communication with your child.
It's never wrong to be honest and communicate I terms your children understand. As time passes and your children grow, you'll be thankful you are one of the parents who have open communication. The children need that as they get older.
Best wishes
I am sorry for your loss. If your youngest is only a month old, you could not have been very along with another. I would just tell the oldest that you were wrong about having another baby. You thought you were going to have another sibling for her but it did not work out the way you thought and you are not having another baby right now. It is not a lie. It is the truth without the details she does not understand yet.
I agree with Michelle C. If you have a one month old baby, then if you were pregnant at all it's early enough that you can tell your daughter that you thought you were pregnant but you're not and it's just your first period after the new baby. Which is very well could be.
That would be so hard! I haven't had to deal with this with my daughter, so this may be a pointless answer, but I just wanted to say I'm sorry for your loss(es?). Try not to go into too much detail and scare your daughter. If you are christian, you could tell her about them going to live with God. My mom told us that we had "angel" brothers or sisters (she lost a set of twins before they could find out the sex) who lived in heaven with God and were watching over us.
Good luck, I'm sorry you have to deal with this! Kids pick up on so much even when you don't realize they're listening.
just tell her that God decided that he wanted the baby to live in heaven with him and not of earth....
We had a family friend lose a baby when my daughter was just 2.5. I simply told my daughter that the baby wasn't growing right and wasn't going to grow enough to be able to be born, so it had to go with God. We don't talk about Heaven, but that God is everywhere and in everything and when you die your spirit goes with God. She understood, asked a few questions about why the baby wasn't growing and if they were sad about the baby and if they were going to make another baby, so I answered her questions and that was that.
I would simply explain to your daughter in terms of the baby not growing the right way, not developing fully and not able to be born. Include your own religious beliefs, but please don't say that it was because you and your husband just weren't ready for a baby then. That makes a child believe the miscarriage was the fault of the parents and I would hate for her to repeat that to another grieving mother who just lost a baby.
