How to Explain Step vs Biological Dad to a 3 Year Old

My daughter tried to explain the exact same situation to my GD when she was 3. Don't really know how much, if any, my GD understood. what she did understand and what she understands today is that daddy is her daddy and she really could care less about the other guy.

Just do the best you can; she definitely won't really understand now but as she gets older it will fall into place for her. But she probably will never really care much about her bio father.

I wouldn't right off the bat, honestly. Tell her he's a friend, and let her talk to him. Make sure he knows that he is a friend and that she has a daddy already. If he goes through with it and develops a relationship with her then you can figure out how to explain it to her.

I would tell her that sometimes children may have more than one mother or father. Tell her that you and her father had her before you married her daddy so she now has two fathers. Your hubby is still her daddy but her other father wants to be able to see/talk to her too because he misses her.

It would be a good idea to first just introduce them but without the "father" title. As they get to know each other, you can tell her the "two dads" explanation. As she grows, you may need to expand.

I also agree with PrincessMomma. She has a daddy that has been there for her every day. Her biological father has not, and HE needs to understand that. I would introduce him to her slowly. I would tell her you want her to meet your friend, and let her talk to him that way. If he hasn't been around for three years, you can't be sure he'll stick around this time either. No use getting her heart involved in something that may not last. Go slow and see how it goes.

Get a book on different types of families with different people who love the kids. Ask the children's librarian for help - you can borrow books from different libraries for free. If you really like one, you can buy it if you want.

Figure out what he plans to say to her via Skype. I can't believe she's going to understand anything on the phone. The Skype should start out with her showing this person the picture she drew today or talking about what she did at the playground. Neither of you should call him Daddy right now, no matter what he says. Later on you can consider having her call them Daddy Bob and Daddy Joe but I would be very careful about her not calling her stepdad Daddy at this point, until you know if her bio father is going to stay in the picture and be reliable and nurturing. This should all be about HER and not about the adults and their needs.

Check with your lawyer, if you have one, on your legal obligations and rights.

Hi S.,

As a person who was adopted as a kid, and did have a few meetings with my bio dad when I was about this age, let me suggest talking to someone like a counselor before you even start with Skyping and phone calls.

This is very, very hard to explain to a child. I personally think that you and your husband need to sit down with someone and talk about this before starting with this communication. Your husband is her Daddy, and maybe it would be helpful to refer to her father as 'her father', when the time is right.

At her age, however, this is confusing, because of a lack of understanding about human biology. I want to add that I have concern and empathy for your husband-- so do take care of him. This must be difficult to have this other person from your past becoming more present and wanting contact with the child he is raising. Is her bio father paying child support? This should also be considered.

Please tread cautiously in going forward with this. If her bio dad has had this change of heart, that's great, but what if he doesn't want to stick around? What then? It's just so abstract, which is why I suggest talking to a family counselor who can help support everyone through this time. I truly hope this all works out well for all of your family.

And I agree with Diane B-- checking out where this all sits, legally, would be good if you have any concerns at all about starting contact.

Its hard for a 3 year old to grasp family relationships. We have tried to explain several times to mine that my FIL is daddy's daddy, and her grandpa. She doesnt get it at all, lol. I say keep it simple. Just say you have another daddy, even though he lives far away and cant see you, he would like to talk to you. She might not need any further explanation for now. My daughter is also 3, she is happy to talk to anyone that will give her the time of day.

If he's been MIA, then it's only natural that she knows her SF as "daddy". I would discuss that with her biofather so he is aware and doesn't get territorial. You could call him Daddy Joe or whatever to distinguish the two, but to tell a 3 yr old she can no longer call the man who has tucked her in at night "Daddy" is just messed up. He needs to understand that someone else has stepped in here.

I would get a book on adoption or families and discuss how you can have a daddy that raises you and a daddy that gave you life...or something. I'm trying to think of a way to put it to a 3 yr old.

I'd say he is the man who helped her start growing in mommy's belly(uterus) that daddy wasnt around yet so this guy helped get baby started. tell her she might have eyes/ nose/ hair like his. Because he helped her start growing, now he wants to meet her! Dont make him the bad guy who should have shown up sooner, dont make him Daddy either. If you're not Catholic you could call him father Bob or your first father, but keep your husband as Daddy.

I would go to the library to find some kid type of books to help explain it to your daughter. PrincessMomma does make a good point to tell her that he's a friend and to explain to her biological father that for now he's a friend. At that age it will be hard for her to understand the difference when she is already calling your husband (her stepfather) daddy.

Hello, im sorry u are having to deal with this after 3years and he hasnt been in her life whats his reason now? she has a daddy that has been there for her..i would talk this over with that man and let him know your husband is her daddy and dont think he is going to change that..please consider your husband feelings about all this as well..does bio pay child support?? if not then i would feel he has no rights, good luck:)