Husband Has Different Discipline Techniques

I don't beleive that at that young of an age he should have to sit and cry until he calms down. He has only been in this world for 5 months. I can see a 5 year old crying to manipulate situations but not a 5 month old. They are usually crying for a reason. Fathers don't realize that majority of the time a baby that young cries the bond between the mother and the baby allows the mother to almost feel what is wrong with the child. I don't think that, that way of discipline is the best way to solve the problem of his cries, not yet anyway. If he is crying a can't tell you why then be the BIGGER ADULT and find out for him.

Discipline and 5 month olds don't belong together. They have no way to communicate except to cry. By now you should be able to identify some of his cries and if you can tell that he is crying because he's just tired, then it's ok to give him a little extra time to see if he can work it out and fall asleep himself. But even in that situation, you don't completely ignore it - pay attention and if he doesn't stop after a short time or seems to become more distressed, you need to step in. Telling a 5 month old to settle himself down and leaving him to figure it out when he's hungry or in some other way uncomfortable is completley inappropriate. YOU CAN'T SPOIL A BABY! And at all ages, taking away parental affection should NEVER be a discipline method. Discipline should be done in a loving way at all ages...once it's appropriate that is!!

I think your pediatrician was using pretty strong words to describe 4 month old behavior and that you and your husband should clarify that with him and if he doesn't seem to give a reasonable answer, then find another pediatrician and soon. Perhaps address the issue with your current Dr alone since your husband seems completely sold on the idea.

first off your pedi is a QUACK! Change pedi's NOW! He is a BABY! He is only 5 months old! He is crying because he NEEDS something. He might be dry and full but how about teeth, gas, ect. Things you can not see? He is not sitting there thinking...hmmm I am bored let me cry to see what happens. The only thing you are teaching him is that when he cries you will not try and meet his needs! I think you need to tell hubby there when he calms down he can have his dinner!

OMG, I'd change ped! At 5 moonths old he needs to know he is going to be taken care of. He can't understand what you guys are saying to him. Babies can't talk so they cry. I totally disagree with yuor hubby and I am a bit concerned about your baby with him.

Wow, if my hubby did that I would kick his butt! I am not kidding, my hubby can tell you. I wouldn't allow anyone to treat my baby like that. I think your baby is to young for this behaviour. Plus all kids will test their parents, if your hubby thinks this is hard wait until he gets older. I don't think your hubby is helping your baby by depriving him love and attention I just hope it doesn't leave lasting damage. I am just so upset after reading your posting and I hope you change your hubby's mind about this.

You can not discipline a five-month old. It was "old-school" to let them cry. They actually have found that in a young child it is harmful to let them cry for long periods of time. Does your husband think the child will be tougher this way? Why not show love and affection and your child will be satisfied. If my peditrician ever told me this, I would change docs in a heartbeat. What your husband will create is bigger problems when your child is older. Instead of crying, your child will act out in other ways, and the older they get the worse those ways will become. Show your child love and affection and they will show you the same. Show your child respect and they will return your respect.

I would change ped...I cant believe they would say that. That is not true. I cant imagine someone saying that about aby baby at 5 months. Please explain to your hubby that this is not manipuliative as a 5 month old. TRY. I cant believe that he "HUBBY" is acting like this. He is crying because he needs you, not because he wants you. This is not acceptable behavior. I just started diciplining my daughter by words of NO, and dont touch, and you dont act like that, No screaming....And she is over one year of age.....I just read this to my hubby...and he is horrified. I hope you figure out something. I am at a loss for words

I can not believe a doctor told you that. That is totally wrong. Also I am amazed at the amount of moms that think that they need to start disaplining their children as infants. Your son is crying becuase he needs you not becauase he just wants something. You are actully harming your child by letting him cry like that. He is learning not to trust you at a young age. Picking him up when he cries isnt going to make him think when he cries he can have whatever he wants its letting him know that you are there for him. You and your husband both need to do some reading on the subject.

hi, K.!

i'm also a 32 year old first time stay/work at home mother to a 4 month old girl and i was concerned about the same issues. i'm one for letting her cry if she's just crying to be fussy. i can usually tell her fake cries from her real ones. i think you're correct to soothe your son when he's really crying (hunger, pain, diaper change, etc.)

i'm sorry i don't really have any good advice for you because my husband most of the time goes with whatever i want to do, but if i were to leave it up to him, he'd let her cry it out also. in the beginning, he would get very frustrated when she would cry for no reason and he would say, "i'm not going to have a spoiled child!" and let her cry it out. i just explained to him that it was too early for that method of disciplining and after a while, he agreed. still today, he sometimes will let her cry it out while i want to go in and soothe her. i don't know what kind of a person your husband is, but if he's anything like mine, he'll come around to your way of doing things....just give it some time and persistence.

good luck and let us know how things go.

p.s. i just want to add that i've never had a pediatrician tell me that babies will manipulate the parents at any age. i think that's kind of a weird thing for a pediatrician to say.

You cannot spoil a child that young. Perhaps your pediatrician meant that comment jokingly. We joke that our 5-month-old daughter "manipulates" us by crying and then stopping as soon as we pick her up, but I also know that babies need to be held and physically comforted. I may let her cry for a few minutes if I know she is safe, fed, dry, etc. while I'm doing something for my 2-year-old, but I calm her as soon as I get a chance. Babies do not understand delayed gratification. At this age, the most important thing you can teach them is that you are there for them when they need you, and the only way they can convey their needs is through crying. Good luck to you!

You and your husband need to have a talk. My son is 9 months and we just started telling him no. We just noticed when we take things away he will cry if he wanted them. He is just learning "cause and effect". He can point, rub his eyes for tired, and "tell" me when he is hungry or needs something in ways other than crying, so now we are careful not to let crying be a manipulation. At 5 months, all they know is that they are hungry, tired, frusterated, in pain, and the only way to show you that is by crying. They do not understand manipulation. He is crying because something is wrong. It is his way of communicating now and you need to be attentive to that. If he is hungry, he will not stop crying and wait for the bottle, his cognitive development is not capable of that yet! Your son needs to know that you love him and are there for him always, when he is assured all his needs will be taken care of, he will grow up to be a very independent child. But until about 9 months, he will be very dependent and you need to foster that relationship, not deny him the very things he needs.

I'm sorry but I think you should change your pediatrician right away. What an awful thing to tell parents.

As with any expert advice, there is always another expert out there who says the opposite. Attachment parenting by Dr. Sears basically says that if you let an infant cry it out, he or she will develop trust issues. He doesn't believe that infants have the ability to manipulate. So maybe you can have your husband read literature that differs on what your pediatrician says and you guys can decide as a couple a good balance between the two.

Y.

I wholeheartedly agree with the other responses. First, change pediatricians because the one you go to is irresponsible and uninformed. Second, go to the library and take out a bunch of "Parents" magazines to show to your husband. Every month they have a section split up by ages so take a look at the one entitled "the first year" and make your husband read them. Maybe hearing an independent opinion will convince him. A 5 month old does not have the logic to understand discipline like that! All he knows is that his needs, whatever they may be at that time, are not being met. That can cause serious behavioral issues and psychological damage that will be hell to deal with later. As a former foster mother, I've seen the results of that first-hand.

Best of luck,
K.

No way! If a young child is hungry, he or she will never calm down until getting some food in that little belly! What torture to leave him hungry and screaming. it will continue until the poor thing cries himself to sleep with an empty stomach and that is not healthy at his age. I don't believe you can spoil a baby to seeing to his needs (it is our job as parents!!!). You also make life much easier on yourself by feeding right away because you don't have to hear the baby cry for so long. Ask your husband if he had an empty stomach, how easy it would be to fall asleep or calm down? It is downright impossible. When blood sugar is low from not eating, it messes with temperment and ability to function normally and it is just not healthy to do that to your son (does he get shaky when crying for food? that is a sign of low blood sugar and can be dangerous)! Babies can only cry to communicate. What will happen is that your husband will alienate his child by not listening to him or respecting him in any way and it could really affect their relationship negatively as the child gets older. Not to mention setting him up early for diabetes or eating disorders from refusing to feed him right away. I would put the kiebash on that behavior immediately. Talk to your pediatrician about this issue and I am sure he will agree that waiting to feed a hungry baby is not a good idea. Make sure your husband hears it too and understands. You sound like a good mom and that you have good instincts when it comes to your baby. Stick to your guns!

Hi K.,
I tend to agree with you in your situation but also feel that if his mind is made up you will be hard pressed to change it. If I could make one suggestion, it would be to invest in a series of videos called signing time. I started teaching my first grandaughter to sign with this program when she was a little over a year old. THANK GOODNESS I did. She picked up quickly on basics like milk,eat,food,cheese,crackers,bed,blanket and such and was able to let us know what she needed. It was truly a godsend as she was speech delayed and would have been more frustrated otherwise. Some babies as young as six months will start to sign back to you if they are signed with on a fairly consistent basis. It really cuts down on the crying and tantrums becuase they are understood and can get their needs met. If this interests you at all, check out their website www.signingtime.com. It is a fantstic and enjoyable way for the whole family to learn and I have already started signing with my 8 week old grandaughter so I'm sure she will be signing long before my first one did. Check the website and research it. There is alot of really good info there and there is a forum you can join that covers ALL kinds of things and has great activities and such. Good luck to you and feel free to contact me if you need anything. You may also want to check the public library for these videos and put them on order or inter-library loan if you are hesitant to buy right away. Look for Baby Signing Time also. These are all put out by Two Little Hands productions and worth every penny I have paid for them. GOOD LUCK R.

I DONT AGREE WITH YOUR HUBBY AT ALL. 5 MONTHS OLD IS TOO YOUNG TO BE TELLING HIM THAT WHEN HE SETTLES DOWN HE WILL GET HIS BOTTLE.. IF THE CHILD IS CRYING CAUSE HE IS HUNGARY HE NEEDS TO BE FEED. ALSO AROUND 5 MONTHS HE MIGHT BE TEETHING IF HIS GUMS ARE RED AND SWOLLEN YOU MIGHT WANT TO GIVE HIM SOME BABY ORALGEL . IF THE BABY IS TIRED PUT HIM TO BED. I CANT BELIEVE A DOCTOR SAID THAT . THATS CRAZY. I STARTED TELLING MY SON NO DONT TOUCH WHEN HE WAS AROUND 9 MONTHS. BUT DEF. NOT AT 5 MONTHS. NOW I DO AGREE THAT IF YOU HAVE TRIED EVERY THING TO LET HIM CRY FOR A LITTLE BIT LIKE 5 OR 10 MINS AND THEN PICK HIM UP . ALSO TRY GIVING HIM SOMETHING TO PLAY WITH MAYBE HE JUST WANTS TO HAVE SOMETHING TO INTERACT WITH.