Husband Struggling, Can You Relate?

That sounds like very suspicious behavior to me. You say this has been going on a year? Hmmm...doesn't sound good.

It would seem normal to me if it lasted only a month or two or something, but a year? Honestly, I would be investigating his faithfulness to you.

My dad and my step dad (almost ex) both followed a similar pattern, and both were unfaithful in the end. I hope that is not the case for you, but this type of behavior, ESPECIALLY that it's lasting so long, is not normal or healthy and seem to be a sign of something else.

If it's not something else, he certainly doesn't sound fully committed. I wonder if counseling would help him?

Regardless of the reason, I'm sorry he is doing this. (((hugs)))

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I think you should try to get him to go to marriage counseling with you.
Hopefully that will help. In the meantime plan some Enjoyable family fun and tell him how much it will mean to the kids if he comes on the picnic/ lake trip whatever.(what does he like to do?) Dont nag or beg show him the fun part of spending time with you sweet babies. Dont ask him to babysit right now plan some fun family time He sounds really young so it may not help but remind him they will grow up and quickly and he will have missed out on a special time in their lives and a chance to be in a great relationship with his kids (like he had with Dad or like he wished he had with Dad)

Sometimes it can get like that... missing the days when you didn't have to take care of anyone but yourself. I'd agree with the other mom and say he may need help.. it could be depression.
These are the two options that came to my mind, 1. depression, 2. cheating

It's very iffy because he could very well be depressed, it's just when he's being very demanding and always wanting to be out I always get suspicious lol.

You kno, I missed the year part for some reason. If it's been going on for a year babe, you need to investigate. That sounds like straight up cheating. Everything you said are red flags for cheating. If he missed "our" kid free life he'd be demanding alone time with you, not him going out without you.

I agree with AngieO. It sounds like he's cheating. You need to talk to him and tell him he is married with kids and he's either in 100% or he isn't. Good luck.

i felt like that at one point. the more i went out the less i wanted to stay home.
it could be a result from depression.
he should get some professional help. thats what helped me!
good luck!

Wow! Before you were married, did you talk about having children? If so,
something has changed for him. You don't get to have children and decide not to be a father...I'm sorry. He signed up for it and needs to follow through. Not to make you feel worse, but he's letting his family down and that includes you. And how nice of you to "let" him have time with his friends. What about you? Don't give him the opportunity to be away more.
He needs to figure out what he wants, a family or the single life. And guesss what? If he chooses single life, he is still going to be a father. That doesn't change unless he walks away from it all. You need to sit and talk today about your situation, don't let time pass. I'm interested to see what everyone has to say. Guarantee, he is not being fair! Good luck to you!

a few things come to mind for me.

1) you do not say how old he is. he may just be entering mid-life crisis time. he is missing his youth, feeling older, not seeing the light at the end of the tunnel or the joy of having a family.

2) yes, i have to admit, an affair came to mind. even if he is not physically having sex with someone, he could be having an emotional affair, or even just a different life fantasy/affair. there doesnt have to be an actual WOMAN. he could just enjoy the idea of a single life and likes indulging in it. if that is the case, then a separation may be a good idea. have him move out for a bit. not you, since the girls are already used to him being gone a lot. give it 3-6 months and he will start to miss it all.

3) he could just be clinically depressed. i know i went through a time with my husband where he was so depressed he literally could not get out of bed. it took him a good month of meeting with counselors and trying to get on different meds. that was the best thing he could have ever done for us. he has been wonderful ever since.

I think he is taking his anger and frustration out on you and the kids because he is miserable with his life and the noose around his neck (you and the kids) and he is probably having an affair. The guy signed on to being married and having a family, so the concept of having all this freedom and living the bachelor life should be a distant memory - since he is reverting back to this all of a sudden, it has to be because he met someone else and wants to get rid of the ball and chain. Why would you want to have this miserable guy around you and your kids ? You are better off without him. You go and file divorce papers before he gets the upper hand. He probably is wishing that were to happen.
Of course you are getting resentful, he feels the same way - he is not taking his responsibilities seriously, and you cannot beat him over the head, as he is an adult (supposedly) he is set in his stubborn ways and has made the decision he doesn't want to spend his free time with his family but with his buddies = new girlfriend. Once he is out of your life he will hopefully wake up and realize what he once had (once the bimbo dumps him) but it will be too late then. Do yourself the favor and go get a free consultation with a good lawyer.

Yes, I hate to say it, but that sounds exactly like what happened to a friend of mine. Her husband was doing the same things. Then one day he came home and said he was a terrible husband and a terrible father and they would be better off without him. She was in shock. After he moved out, she found out he'd been having an affair with a co-worker. :( I'm so sorry. I really hope that is not the case for you. I think you need to arrange for a date night and as calmly as possible confront him with your concerns. Tell him you need the truth. If he's not fooling around, he needs to man-up and take responsibility for his actions and be the husband and father he needs to be and find the joy in it.

I agree with a lot of the other mamas--it sounds to me like he's having an affair. I would definitely suspect there is another woman involved, but even if there's not--he's having an affair with another life! He has a wife and two kids and he's going out and living it up like he's a single man without a care in the world. He needs to grow up, suck it up, take responsibility and act like a mature adult. We don't always get what we want. I'm sure you'd like to go out and get away from your responsibilities from time to time as well, but you don't because you understand your role as mother and think like an unselfish adult. I suggest laying down the law with your husband and seeing a marriage counselor. If he is not receptive to any of this and continues on this selfish path--kick him to the curb. You and your girls deserve better. Good luck!

He doesn't want to be a Father anymore, doesn't want to be a decent man and husband... FINE - you don't really need him. Maybe he's found some 'fun' on the side - someone without children and is realizing his promises and legal vows don't mean the same to him. Men seem to think the sun rises and sets on them - but truthfully... many women wouldn't even bother with men if they had a more reproductive and financially friendly alternative.

Ask him point blank who he is cheating on you with, for how long and see how he reacts. If you believe him when he says he is not - tell him you both need to start going to marriage counseling because you are not liking how the marriage is going, how your life is being negatively affected as well as the children's well being with his adolescent behavior.

Sounds like an affair to me. I'm sorry. I would confront him with it - after a chat with an attorney so you know what can be done. When you confront him he will probably deny it, so ask him if there is any reason why you should not believe that he is having an affair. Then if there is any way you can remove yourself (or him) from the situation (one lady said she stayed with her parents) until he realizes what he's got and what it is going to take to get it back. I had a friend that did just that... she didn't file for divorce but let him know what the consiquences of it would be. It took about 3 months until the "allure" of the other woman was no match for her and the kids. That was 10 years ago and they are still together. If it doesn't work out then you are probably better off without him.