I Am Pulling My Hair Out!!!!!!

Man, I am soooooo you! I have found that I am spoiling my kids. My oldest is almost 8 and I have a 2 yr old and both of them are all over me ALL the time. My husband doesn't like it and sends them to other parts of the house, but I do feel guilty about that. I know that he's right, but being a mom is so hard!

Many people on this site read my postings and I always start by explaining that I am a licensed counselor specializing in very young children and parenting ... and I'm a mom too! Let me give you a perspective so you can have some help with what you are feeling. First, your daughter IS a baby. You said you don't want her acting like a big baby but she is still in the sage of development in which attachment is very important and she does not see herself as separate from you. As she gets closer to age 2 she will indeed begin to realize she is a separate entity and will begin asserting her need for independence and a sense of power which is often referred to as "the terrible two's" when it's actually a very important and glorious time of development for a child. If parents can put themselves in the shoes of the children and understand what is going on for them in their developing mind it will be a lot easier on the parents. She is also at the stage of "separation anxiety" which hits between 16 to 20 months of age. This is normal part of her development. As she enters the next stage at around 2 years of age and begins to realize she is separate from you and WANTS independence from you she will begin to realize her developing sense of who she is in relationship to others. A whole other set of exciting challenges you will grow through with her. For now, she needs to be reassured that you are there for her and that you won't disappear when you go around the corner. But she is going to experience anxiety which is shown by crying and screaming. She is not doing this to bug you or to be difficult. She is having her experience. So try to understand it from her point of view first. On a more practical side, encourage more time in care of loving other caregivers so you can get a break and keep your sanity intact. It would be good for her to have a mother's morning out experience a couple days a week. She needs to experience the anxiety of separation and then the relief of reunion with you as this is part of her learning. And when you are trying to get dinner cooked and she is clinging to your leg, there is nothing wrong for a few minutes of containing her in a safe place like a play pen or her crib with special fun toys so you can safely get dinner ready. Just don't leave her alone for very long during this stage - go in and reassure her and don't use the play pen or crib as a babysitter. She needs your arms around her. Trust me, one day you will long for this as she will want nothing to do with hugs and cuddles eventually! : ) I miss those days of rocking my boys in the rocking chair and snuggling.... : ) I am in practice in both Marietta and Kennesaw and I lead all sorts of parent support groups and seminars. Feel free to email me directly if you need further support! Take care!

Hi Lacy,
I stayed home with my daughter and she would do the exact same thing as though she hadn't seen me in days. I remember trying to prepare dinner and her pulling at my leg then falling out and crying until she vomited.

What worked for me was giving her a few pots, lids and spoons. She'd pretend she was cooking. She loved it because they were real, the same thing mommy had, not toys. This worked for a while, when she went back to crying I would tell her to help mommy and try to include her.

Take small breaks in between and tell her that she's a big girl and how well she's doing and give her hugs and kisses.
It is time consuming but it is the difference between losing your mind and maintaining sanity. Talk to your husband and let him know what's going on and that something’s may not get done and dinner may be late. You are working fulltime and some things will and should fall behind. Don't beat yourself up over it. If you have to choose between vacuuming and giving her the attention she needs, choose her. The vacuum will be there tomorrow.

She may seem big to you right now because you've watched how much she's grown from birth, but she is still a little baby and you are the center of her world. Enjoy her.

Well at this age kids tend to be attached at the hip and it sounds like she is wanting all of ur attention for the small time that you are home so she does w/e it is she knows gets ur attention. It really doesn't sound like she's being bad but needy. And at her age your not going to be able to explain to her why mommy needs her time too.Just try to spend as much time with her as you can and show her that you miss her as much as she misses you. Try letting her sit in the kitchen with you in a highchair or something while you cook and give her something to snack on to keep her occupied, she will get to be with you but not up your butt.Just try to include her and do special little things with her like reading a book. At her age is not likely for her to be doing this just to be annoying, she truly is just wanting your affection.There's really no way to get her to stop, not this early in age anyway.

My son used to do that for a while when he was about her age. I too am a full time working mom, and what I did was simply pick him up from day care and give him a good hour of nothing but mommy and me time. I would then put him down and tell him gently that I had work to do and that I would get back to him as quickly as possilbe. Yeah better said than done with a child screaming in your ear, but consistancy is the word. Do it daily and she'll quickly get used to the new program. Good luck and pray for her when she sleeps. Really! Touch her and pray that He gives her patience. IT WORKS!!!

I read a great book called Transforming the Difficult Child, the Nurtured Heart Approach. It compares parents to video games and other things they are confronted with in our society. Basically with their games and toys, they get praise/bells and whistles from playing the game right. While in comparison they get the "bells and whistles" from us for negative behavior. So try to praise and be excited when she isn't hanging on you ie: thank you for not bothering me while I was making dinner, that was very helpful for Mommy. I suggest reading this book, the title turned me off at first but the concept is amazing and has made a huge difference in my household--I recommend it to any one with children.
Best of luck

You are not a bad Mommy for trying to get things done while not having your little girl attached to your hip! I think most parents go through this at some point. Sometimes you just have to be tough and use the proverbial earplugs while you do your work and your daughter throws her fits. Is there something she enjoys playing with or doing on her own that she could be distracted by while you work? I'm not a huge fan of the tv babysitter, but you could try a video like one of the Little Einsteins ones that might engage her for a while. She'll learn some good things and be comforted by the music. Give it a try - it might help.

My 15-month-old son is the same way, and my mom gave me some advice that has really helped me. Clear a space on the counter where she can sit so she can be up at your level and watch you make dinner. You can even give her a spoon or measuring cup so she can "help."

Lacy,
I am a mother of a 15 month old daughter and currently pregnant with another child due November 15. My daughter is the same way. You just got to be patient with her. I know how hard it is when she is attatched to your hip. I am also 23 years old and married. My daughter Paige is now stuck on her daddy most of the time. When we go to any of her great aunts and uncles house she is attatched to me and wont let me do a whole lot. It does get aggravating at times. Your daughter will come around and things will be much easier.

My little boy acted exactly like this at that age. I was working full-time and as soon as I got home he wanted to be held. I would have to cook and everything else while holding him. I could only put him on the floor if I were going to play with him. All I can say is that this is a stage of their development apparently because I clearly remember him acting this way when he was that age. She will grow out of it. I would keep trying to put her down as much as you can and ignore the tantrums, they are just ways of getting attention and if they don't work then she will stop, eventually. It will get better, I promise.

I have a 2 1/2 year old who went through a really long phase of that and sometimes still does. What Colleen said, does work though, i found that if i put him in the kitchen with me in a chair and gave him a bowl or spoon to play with he was just happy to be near me, sometimes i even let him add stuff to the food like water or spices and he was happy. Other times, i would sit him in the living room and i would sing songs to him from the kitchen and as long as he heard me he was ok.
It is really exhausting, i work full time to and i feel beat when i get home and would love nothing more that to sometimes have a minute to do something basic like get a glass or water or use the bathroom without him trailing and whining, But truth be told, my life was never better without it and ill take it anyday over the alternative!
The mommy and me time for a certain amount of time is good too, if you have the luxury of the time, Hang in there it gets better! Good Luck!

yup sounds like terrible twos to me, awww Im sorry.
All I do when my girl (whos the same age) gets like that is I just leave her alone and say "mommy cant hold you all the time, sweety!" and sometimes when it gets really bad I have to be more firm and say "Jordan no!" and walk away from her.
You daughter sounds worse than mine but if you keep it up and don't make eye contact and sympathise for her maybe she'll start getting it =)
Good Luck!
-N.

L.,

I am a grandmother of a 17 month old and I am having to raise her all alone. When I get home from work everyday I spend about an hour playing with her too and we watch some musical Videos and she will stand and dance to them while I am getting supper ready (but not all the time). She had her experience with the hot stove and oven and she knows it is HOT when I am cooking so she stays away from them :). Not saying I still have trouble some times when she does not feel well she wants me to hold her all the time but I have found other things to do to keep her occupied with time. Placing her in her high chair and letting her color while I cook or give her a plastic bowl and spoon and let her sit there and play like she is cooking too :). Children today know when the parents are tense and that is when they try to push your buttons. Try all this and see if you can find something that works best for you. Good Luck.

K.

I also know how ya feel. I am a single mom to a 2 year who has given a new meaning to the phrase terrible two's he behaves for my dad, my sis and everyone else but as soon as its just me and him he has tantrum after tantrum,, the other day he threw a tantrum because i turned on the tv for him at the doctors office, he went crazy kicking and screaming, threw his self on the floor, and he also wants to be held all the time, he is attached to me 24/7.. sometimes i let him go in the living room with my dad and watch tv while i relax in the other room watching tv or exercising or something. but needless to say he comes in there with me anyway.. i am having the same problem with my two year old, if you dont resolve this problem it will only get worse trust me on this... my two year old is horrible,, i am having multiple problems with him.. its frustrating.. sorry this didnt help but just wanted to say you are not alone! good luck with it..