I Can't Be the Only One!

Is he being treated for his ADHD? Are you sharing these things with his counselor?

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Please take to heart answers only from moms who actually HAVE kids with ADHD....I disagree with making him "earn back a nice place to sleep." Please talk to his pediatrician about possible treatments for ADHD.
Good luck!

Hi P., there ARE no children who have not repeatedly broken or missed placed SOMETHING at some point in time.

However, since your fella has been diagnosed with ADHD, his behavioral issues are unique to HIM alone. As are any possible solutions.

I'd suggest you discuss these concerns with his pediatrician, therapist, counselor, etc. Even Moms with their own child with ADHD will have different challenges than yours.

Good luck to you and your Grandson!

:)

Even if you didn't mentioned your grandson had ADHD I would say his behavior is very typical for that age group.
My son also takes things apart, loses stuff, forgets what he doesn't deem important to remember. He is 13 as well.
Solutions: It is almost another full time job for me and my husband to follow his every step and teach and guide him. He is getting better slowly, but better.
For a bike, I would have daddy or grandpa help him to put the bike together. Turn a misdeed into a great learning experience and teach him that it is more work to fix things than to break them.
For airbed: just buy him a regular mattress, I do not know what he did to the airbeds but teenagers are not aware of what they do and the consequences as much as you thing they should do, especially the ones with ADHD. Maybe he poked it, maybe he took a sharp object to bed... who knows...just a bad judgement, shows that he is not ready for an airbed, that's all.
Missing HW: We supervise everything related to HW. We know what is assigned, we check that our son has daily plan and completes assignments on time and that they are good quality, we check if he is prepared for class discussions, brainstorm for essays, check and help him practice his presentations, supervise that he always redo his missed or incomplete assignments (if there are any) or quizzes/exams and hands them to the teachers. We communicate with teachers, check the school website and his HW page, have a spyware on his laptop to track what he is doing at school and after school. My son is in the 8th grade now. It is a lot of work but I can see the light in the end of the tunnel. He is getting better, setting a higher standard, shows more care and follow through.
Doing all that we try not to forget that he is a teenager and somewhat a child only with a much bigger body :) Your grandson probably cares more about games and friends than his HW or that darn airbed that keeps breaking. That is normal. Your job is to get him off a high cloud as often as possible and show him how the real world works.
Good luck

One thing that helped my son was having books at home, per his IEP.

Have him put the bike back together.
Have grandpa or dad help him.
Get him on a schedule.
Try a karate type sport, not a team sport. Try swimming, tae kwondo, fencing, etc

Check his backpack every night,
Make sure his papers are in one folder, to turn in.
Email his teachers every Friday. Have them send a list of late or unfinished work for the weekend.
Have a folder of homework, only homework, that he hands in. Email the teachers and have them ask him for it, every day.
He cannot remember everything and the more they ask him for it right now the more likely he will remember it one day.
Get him a positive "carrot", my son's was chocolate milk at dinner.

And remember most of history's geniuses were ADHD. :o) That's what I tell mine, that he is destined for greatness.

Margie has some brilliant ideas!!

One thing we instituted was the universal binder. It was basically a binder that went to every class with him. All homework, notes home, assignments, were in that class. When he finished work it went in the binder and the teacher knew to make sure he had it in class. That way no matter how many times he changed classes or how many classes he had, the binder went to all of them, so there was no leaving work at home, in a book, in a locker.

As to the book thing, if your school won't let you buy books or have extra books for home, did you know you can get a lot of them for cheap on ebay? See how many books he has that you can find used on line for cheap.

Make the universal notebook bright and flashy, easily spotted by him in the mess of his room or locker, and easily spotted by his teachers if left in class. A neon color with bright stickers like reflectors for bicycles would be good for a boy.

.

I want to recommend the book learning outside the lines. It was written by two students with add/adhd anf dyslexia who were totally written off by teachers. Phenomenal book that gives a lot of insight and study skills recommendation.

is he on meds & when was he last evaluated? Maybe it's time for a different med.

Regardless, it's definitely time for behavior modification! We worked with our school counselor on this...& it truly helped. Check with the school & with his dr.

Oh, & hormones really do affect kids....whether ADHD or not! This may be part of the problem....

Is your grandson on medication? And has he been evaluated?
Do you have custody of him or is he living with you?

I'm sorry - I too would be frustrated that things are lost, broken or not cared for.

In regards to the air mattress - give him a sleeping bag. Then it can't be broken.

Assignment books? Have consequences for his actions. If he needs a check list to complete things - then sit with him and make a list and then put in order of the way he should do things...

At 13, he will be entering high school and lost assignments won't fly...he will be held accountable for those and may end up repeating a grade...talk with him - find out what he needs to "stay on track" and to respect things...instead of buying him new things and replacing what he breaks - STOP DOING IT...that is just enabling him and giving him the mentality - "if I break it - she will replace it."...so don't replace it...if he wants a bike, he can put his bike back together.

Wants something nice to sleep on? He can earn it back.

Talk with the school counselors and find out what they suggest to help him out.

GOOD LUCK!!

My daughter was diagnosed with ADHD also. As time went on, some other conditions began to surface. ADHD is often tied to other conditions, almost as if it were a sympton. The best thing I did was educate myself as much as I could about ADHD and the other conditions to which it is often a component. Ask your son's psychiatrist/counselor what reading material they recommend so you can support your grandson to the best of your ability. Knowledge is power and much more productive than ignorance and fear. I also started attending Al-Anon meetings which has helped me accept my powerlessness over other's behavior and change what I can about myself to become a better person.

Certainly things fuel ADHD kids....like toxic cleaning chemicals in the home, and SUGAR of all kinds.... even fruit. Many times it is an involuntary response to their "interior and exterior": environment.

I have quite a bit of info on it if you you'd be interested in learning more.

All the school issues should be addressed in the IEP. So he shouldn't be missing assignments or homework, there should be a system in place for that.

I have 3 spec ed kids. My step dtr is moderately retarded, my 11 yo dtr is ADD and my 8 yo son is ADHD. Yes, I have 3 entirely different kinds of kids!

The thing that has really worked in our home is a system we do the SAME every single day. Like the kids all come home from school, have a snack then we do homework. The they play, watch tv, whatever while I make dinner. then we all do something together after dinner such as swim, walk to the park with the dog, ride our bikes, etc. Then we all come home and the kids start their showers (always at the same time and in the same order) and then everyone goes to bed when the last one gets out of the shower. they are in their rooms at 8pm every single night. they don't have to sleep, but that is their "quiet time". And that's when hubby and my quiet time starts! This schedule has really worked for us. and there is a place for their jackets and backpacks so they all know where everything is so we never "lose" anything. Hope this helps, good luck!

Hi P. - just a thought regarding your post. Has he ever been seen by someone who specializes in post adoption issues as opposed to a regular therapist? Even though he is being treated for ADHD, some of his behavior may be adoption related as well. If your interested in some names, send me and email and I can share some sources with you. I'm not too far away in St. Charles.