I LOVE My Husband to Death... BUUUUUUT.....

First of all..be thankful he's coming home at night.

Second..I used to be a chef and you would think that being around food all day would not warrant the behavior you described. WRONG! We didn't get to eat and I remember numerous nights I was the Num Num Num monster too.

Thirdly...being married for 13 years should have cultivated tolerance, acceptance, and compromise on both parts.

I don't know what it is about men, that they can "KNOW" how we feel about something, but still not get it, or not care.

My ex would go all weekend without a shower and then wonder why I would get mad that he intended to crawl into bed on Sunday night with the clean sheets I just put on the bed...and I wasn't "in the mood" either?? Why in the world would that be?? Then I would, again, ask him to take a shower and he'd get mad...

How nice of you to write my own post for me. Except that we got rid of the TV and have been married for 17 years. Are we being too sensitive or they being too insensitive? Are they trying to piss us off? I have no idea. But you are not alone.

Frankly I think there is a passive-aggressive dynamic going on here, a kind of "if you really love me, you'll take me as I am" test we are being subjected to. So what do you do? Darned if I know.

The one pearl of wisdom I do have? The only behaviour you can change is your own. Right now you are dancing the same dance every night. So try different reactions and see if one bears fruit. Sometimes it works if I can turn it into a joke, get him to laugh about his own behaviour and see it in a different light. Sometimes a simple "Leave the kitchen on the doorstep please, don't bring it in here!" helps. And sometimes I go to bed mad. Either way, I love the guy to death and wouldn't trade him for anyone, so I figure I'm still getting a pretty good deal.

If they only got it! We'd be putty in their hands.

Well, at this point, I doubt you are going to change him. He's probably just too tired and too hungry to really care about table manners and not eating like a caveman. I've come home late at night after working an 18 hour emergency shift with hardly a break and all I want to do is shove that Big Mac and fries into my face as fast as possible. So you might just have to let this one go. But you can also offer him a choice - choose to use better manners while eating and you will be "more in the mood" or keep eating like a pig and you get turned off. But if you are just withholding sex in the hopes that it will teach him a lesson (as opposed to truly being turned off) , that's really not cool.

It could be worse. My husband always seems to want "companionship" after he's spent a few hours smoking cigars with his buddies, and then has had another cigar at home (outside, of course). He REEKS. He needs to take a shower, brush his teeth, use mouthwash and throw his clothes into the washer before I will even let him come near me!

I don't think you are being too sensitive. I'd be doing the same thing as you. Let's face it, it's gross and a turn off. You aren't alone though. I think most men have some gross, disgusting habit that puts his woman off. My husband for instance, sits on the toilet with the shower running hot water until the whole water tank runs out! This helps him "poop." This majorly pisses me off because it's stupid and not necessary. It ruins the drywall in the bathroom not to mention costs extra energy.

Mine tends to hum when he eats on occasion, like if its a really good meal and he's extra hungry. Weirds me out. I have not been successful at getting him to stop doing it either. He doesnt do it with guests tho, so I know he can control it. I guess in the comfort of home he just lets it all hang out to redeem every bit of pleasure from the meal. At least that's the way I've resigned myself to understand it. I make fun of him sometimes, he doesnt even know he's doing it. His mom told me he's done it since he was a kid and his dad would thump his head at the dinner table almost every night. Poor boy.

Oh god I know how you feel! My husband and I eat in our living room and he sits next to me on the couch. When he is really hungry all manners go right out the window. He chews with his mouth open, drops food all over himself and the floor, and lord help me if he has something that can be slurped because it will be. I always politely ask him to chew with his mouth closed or be more careful...some times it helps other times it's like talking to a wild animal attacking a zebra. I have only been dealing with it for 3 years and I don't see it changing lol. I tease him some times and lovingly ask him if he would like a bib or a shovel. Girls are conditioned to eat as quietly and as cleanly as possible...men skip that class lol.

I understand your vent.

My hubby is very well educated, successful and "put together" but I hate being in the same area when he eats.

When he eats... It's like he's never seen food before! Scarfs it down before I've eaten 1/2 mine. I typically wrap mine up and finish at home because I cannot even if I try eat that fast and hold it down. I like to enjoy what I eat ... Meaning ... I am the one who eats very little but savors each bite. Sometimes I think hubby is like our dogs and just inhales.

I know after 23 yrs, I'm not going to change his habits BUT he knows I am grossed out if you talk with your mouth full of food and inhale your food vs eat.

Afterwards...... I get the lovely snoring where I wear earplugs to bed and he actually asks me why? I've since recorded his snoring that vibrates the house!

My husband has a handicap and eats so messily that people stare and point.
One couple called for the check because "that man is disgusting" and we heard it across the room. It grosses me out and others too. I don't think that is unusual.

Boy can I relate. No, you can't change this. lol.

hilarious! You could just sit by him to fold laundry but wear earplugs/earmuffs until he gets the point :)

My husband loooves his xbox and on Saturday nights you can usually find him with his huge headphones on (including a mouthpiece), a graveyard of empty beer cans around him, chips and blazing hot salsa dripping from his mouth, and he's totally dorking out playing video games with his buddies. Then he crawls into bed expecting to get lucky! WITHOUT brushing all the nasty beer/salsa taste out of his mouth and with his hair all frazzled and crazy sweaty. I've started to joke with him when he's in the middle of an epic battle by coming out and looking at him and saying "Oooh baby you are making me SO HOT right now!"

I've read all the posts. I'm sorry that all of your husbands eat in a manner that turns you ladies off.

My parents didn't allow that kind of table manners and I eat like a gentleman like I was taught. Occassionally when I'm at a New Orleans po' boy kind of shop and they have a sloppy double meat sandwhich, I may forget myself, but that's the only time.

I don't slurp my soup or my drinks. But I do get messy hands when I have wet BBQ ribs at a really good BBQ place, but I don't root with the hogs or imitate their manners.

Suggestion: Set up a hidden video camera with sound and record your husbands eating. Then, play it back to them. Not immediately, but when he is resting and relaxing.

I can't imaging my self not taking a shower or brushing my teeth if my wife asked me (Hopefully nicely.) And I've never turned my wife down, even on the rare occasion when I'm not feeling up to it. (No pun ladies.)

Good luck to you and yours.

try to be with him when he comes home sit but dont look at him eat also must spend time together dont build imaginary brick wall

My husband eats like that too. Lots of slurping and HUGE bites into his mouth like he's starving. He's not. Plus, and this one pukes me out a bit, he will slurp and lick a chicken bone...I think he even eats the marrow. It's disgusting. :(
I usually just look at him and say, "The kids and I are not going to steal your food, you can slow down a bit"
If your husband knows how you feel about his nom nom nom eating (which cracked me up, by the way) and he doesn't want to change that then he doesn't really want to sit with you or chat with you. He would stop eating like that if he did.
I have to say, we have been married 9 years and my husband still eats like that...so I don't know if you can teach them to eat differently.

"You now I would looove to sit and chat with you, I miss you all day long... but you know how the slurping and food coming out of your mouth when you eat makes me gag, honey."

Then, you need to be a little patient with him, for example, ignore the silverware scraping, but not the open mouth slopping. So basically, meet him in the middle.

My dad had some medical problems which made his eating very gross, food would actually drain out of his eyes, nose, he could barely move his mouth and had to slurp almost all food... he had cancer that destroyed his face, not only did it disgust us, but it disgusted him and he was so embarrassed and he tried really hard. So, there are some things you can choose to ignore, but he can also try hard to be a little less disgusting.

You have to let this one go. My husband used to be a chef, and I've worked as a waitress and bartender many times. It's physically demanding, HARD work. When you're done you're either too tired to eat or so ravenous you would eat from a trough! I've also been a SAHM, and it is exhausting, but not like coming in at midnight after being on your feet hustling food for hours exhausting.