I am not good with decisions, and this is a pretty big one, I think just writing it down here will help me with the perspective of it - but I would also love all of you guys' input.
I have been accepted into a school that is 1 hour drive away from where I live. My husband works 1 hour in the opposite direction. I have 2 children, both in different schools. We live in a woefully too small house right now, my girl and boy (9 and 4) have to share a room, but we don't pay ANY rent at all. My son has epilepsy, and regularly we have to come rushing to his school when he has seizures. I have not been at all happy with his school this year - it is private, and expensive, we can't really afford it - so he will be changing schools anyway for 4th grade. I will be in school 8-4 M-F, hubby works until 6pm.
Here are the options we are looking at.
Option 1 - Stay living where we are, son goes to local public school, on the bus (scary for me, due to epilepsy) gets met off bus by granma who lives next door. Daughter goes to a school on the way to my school. Problems with this - grandma is 75 and very overweight and unfit, mentally she is fine. It would take me an hour to get home if anything happened. It will cost us approx $1000 in gas
Option 2 - My husband looks for a job near to my school, we all move, nobody has to commute, we are all local to schools and jobs. Problems with this - Finding work for my husband. He doesn't generally have problems finding jobs, but the market is not great right now. My husband DOES not EVER want to move. We live next to his parents, who I adore BTW, on family property, and he hates the thought of moving.
Option 3 - I commute, we stay living here, my son goes to the local public school, and my husband finds a job closer to where we live. Problems with this - We live in a very small town, with not many available jobs. I still have to commute an hour $400 at least in gas. (It says Kingwood on my area, but we actually live about an hour north in the "sticks")
Argh, I hate decisions like this - any ideas? I have to decide in the next couple of weeks, so I can enroll my kids in schools etc
No - I can't take anything online anymore - that's what I have been doing the last 2 years, but I am going to dental hygiene school, and it is all on campus, with no online component.
There are not many dental hygiene schools here, just a couple in houston, and the one in Blinn where I am going. Job market like anything else is tough - even tough for nursing at the moment. There are not many jobs in my small town to choose from - so eventually it may come about that we move.
Thank you all SOOO much for taking time to reply - keep em coming!
I vote for option 3.
OR, if MIL (or another close relative) is fit enough to get to the school in a timely manner IF needed, and you feel comfortable having HER be the emergency contact, then Option 1.
My mother always told me to think about the options and pick the O. you'd pick if you had to decide in 10 seconds!
You forgot option 4 - you find a school near his job and everyone move closer to his job.
If it were me, I'd live rent free, find a school close to dads work and commute together. Put both kids in public school near home and hire someone to be "oncall" if there is a resaon someone needs to run to the school. Maybe a sahm that has kids inthe same school to drop off and pick the kids up. You will be able to pay this person with the savings from 1) no rent 2) no private school tutiton 3) commuting together to cut your gas inhalf.
I vote for Option #3....because....
A move will be stressful for everyone...your husband and more importantly your son right now. Don't aggravate his medical condition. Especially embarking upon the teen years. The hormone changes will cause ups and downs with his medications.
And you do have somewhat reliable back up for you son with Grandma being next door. That's an awesome set up. And who knows, with you an hour away, and hubs an hour away, and if she's your emergency contact, the walk next door to help would be good for her as well. She'd get out of the house and it might just inspire her to lose a few pounds.
And the cost of gas if offset by the no-cost of attending a public school.
The cost of moving closer to school is huge for your family. Living rent free is a major financial savings for you all. Have you looked at rental prices near your school. It will be more than $1k a month I imagine. So, another reason to commute.
One option to cut down on your time and stress is to make friends with another student, and perhaps spend a night or two in town once in awhile.
You could also check out 'couch surfing.' My daughter has used it safely with her travels. Or perhaps and look into overnight care where you are actually paid to sleep over at the home of someone needing nighttime assistance.
I think you'll need your family a ton during the school year, even if you lived closer to school.
GL!
BTW, are there dental hygiene jobs in your 'sticks' of an area?
I vote Option 1. It is the least disruptive, and doesn't close doors on any other options. Rather - you still have Option 2 and 3 on the back burner while Option 1 plays out.
My thoughts go in a totally different direction.
Is dentistry something you are passionate about and what is the demand market for that skillset in your area? The reason I ask is because there are tons of schools offering thosee skills in this area but very few jobs in that field. So you get your certificate or degree and then you still don't get a job in your field.
I would try to find a school offering a demand job training program near where I live right now and I would try to set my schedule to best suit our family's current situation. No rent a wonderful and I wouldn't want that to change if it didn't have to.
Just my take on things but if gun to the head I could only pick one of your perceived options I would pick Option 1. I don't mess with hubby's job or that money it is a decision he needs to make for the family if he can.
Can you get both of your kids in school somewhere closer or at least on the way to your new school? You and the kids could commute together back and forth and you would be closer to there schools if needed. AND while you are doing this, hubs could continue to look for a job in that area too..????
Thats tough. If he gets a new job he may not be able to leave and attend to your sons medical issues as easily.
OPtion one seems good if you find a relative or friend who can attend to your son in an emergency
OPtion 2- only good if your husband is happy with moving.
I'd go with the last option. You husband does not want to move. So if hes that adamant and you are currently enjoying living on family property (I don't know how you do that=) ) and dont have rent it seems like a bad choice to move. However if there are issues with living with family on your side and you're not happy then I would speak to your husband and see his thoughts on moving. Since even though you would pay rent you'd save tons on gas and private school for your son. Although like a said he may not be able to get out easily in a new job anyway,
How long is your school
do you want to move for other reasons than school?
school is temporary so i wouldny move id that was your only reason
I would vote to stay as you are now, you commute, he commutes and son goes to public school and keep gram next door to help. By the way, being overweight doesn't mean she isn't capable of doing anything she needs to do. So if there is an emergency, she will be able to handle it since you and hubby are far away. Why don't you stay on the family compound and just add a room onto the house? Thats what I would consider. Then after you are finished with school, revisit these thoughts again depending on what your job opportunities are. Good luck.
Okay, I had a friend from college who did this.
IF the school you are excepted into has dorms, married student housing, etc...you need to take an apartment there. Stay during the week and try your best to arrange your schedule where you can take classes M-W and T-TH. Then you go to the college on Monday after kids are in school and then come home as soon as classes are out on Thursday. Even if you can't get out of a Friday class it's just a few more hours there. If all else fails....take at least one of the kids with you and leave the other for hubby to deal with. In this instance you would want to take the child that may need the most attention. If he has a seizure you want to be there and if he's in the same town, maybe even within walking distance, you can be there in minutes.
She found that the time they spent together as a family on the weekends was more focused and special due to not being in each others faces all week. The tedium of parenting, the "Pick up your clothes out of the living room", "Take out the trash", etc...all stopped and the whole family was much more at ease.
She paid, in the 80's, about $400 per month for a fully furnished apartment with all bills paid including land line and cable. I lived on campus too and had a wonderful time. In a college town the schools have the best teachers due to the professors and other college employees having more money...they can put the kids in private school easily so the public schools try harder to attract them with exceptional scores into staying with public education.
I got financial aid while I was in college and before I ever got a single penny every single bill I had, from books, tuition, football tickets, yearbook, etc...was taken out of my money. Every penny of my check I got each semester was "Play Money". It had not purpose other than to allow me to treat myself to things like a new sewing machine, a different car, a few long weekend trips with someone fun.
I wasn't married and didn't want to take the kiddo so my friend from above and I went to a few places to just get away. She's like a lizard and always wanted to go somewhere sunny to lay on the rocks and burn to a crisp. I like the mountains and snow.
In other words I am saying you should check into the married student housing. It is for non traditional students who don't really want a dorm life existence. I would say this in what I would do if I had older kids and wanted to start a new chapter in my life.
I am excited for you. Good luck!!!
Can you take online classes at least in part? So you are only commuting a couple of days a week? You have to weigh everything, pros and cons of each option and do what is the most constructive for all of you.
Making decisions is hard but sometimes a must to adjust to family needs. Change is scary!!! Anyway - sounds like maybe #3 would be the best from what I've read, however make sure all parties involved are agreeable to the decision before making it - don't just rely on us!! best of luck to all of you
