I Need Help Making Sure My Kids Homework Gets Done!

Your addendum is very defensive! I, too, don't react well to people telling me what do to. But please take it in the spirit in which it is intended -- to help you because you're asking. Sometimes we don't like to hear the truth.

My husband and I also work full time and have three children, ages 14, 10 and 2. I have been so stressed out at times trying to keep up with everything. And like you, I was always so much more organized at work and was too exhausted to put more effort into it at home. But I realized in the end that it was my habits that had to change, in order to give my kids the help they needed. In the past year I have truly put forth the effort (not the failed attempts of the past, as you have experienced) and it is paying off.

I believe you are expecting too much independence of 6 and 8 year olds . . . they need your guidance to learn to add structure and routine, they don't just automatically know how to do it.

Trust me, I know about this one. My 14 year old is not organized at all but she is so intelligent! But her grades have suffered recently because she wasn't keeping track of assignments and then was lying to me about it. When she was younger it wasn't as much of an issue because there wasn't much homework and she was coasting off of her intellect -- and in hindsight I let her because it was easier on me. But it gets so much harder as they get older because there is so much more independent work expected to be done. So in recent months I have put a lot of energy (while working full time!) helping her put the necessary structure in place to keep on top of her assignments and be successful. It has paid off enormously. And she made a comment the other night that made me realize that she truly appreciates it, even if I was being a hard-nose about it all!

Yet my 10 year old is very organized and independent. Each week she is required to independently do 100 minutes of reading and 75 minutes of math, in addition to other homework assignments. She has learned to break her assignments down into small pieces each day, so that it is not overwhelming and by the end of the week everything is done. It is a skill a truly admire in her, and wish I was better at! She usually does her required reading before bed, although she prefers to do it independently vs. reading to me. But what is 20-40 minutes of your time before bed to sit with your daughters while they read aloud to you? It really doesn't require much effort on your part (except to help them when needed), and I have learned even that small amount of involvment pays dividends. Divide and conquer - you sit with one daughter and your husband with the other, then switch every other night.

I do not begrudge you looking for help because we all need it. But maybe your looking for help with the wrong things. Make the time to work with your children -- parental involvement is shown to have such a long term positive effect on a child's self-esteem and success. Your girls just aren't going to get that reading out loud to a stranger. One hour of your time each day to be a positive influence and role model in your childrens' lives -- does that really seem like too much?

Alright, Girl...I know you're a little on the defensive about all the comments you perceive as negative. But the fact that people take time out to answer should show you, they actually care. As a hospice nurse, I know for a fact that the last thoughts of many people are ones that include feelings of regret that they didn't spend enough time with their families. Think about that and make changes in your life where you can.

That being said...What works for us is as soon as I walk in the door, we start on either reading or homework. I have the boys get their books and sit at the table. My six year old reads aloud while I start dinner, my four year old "reads" at the same time. I sit down with them once I get everything started. We do homework the same way. Multi-task, Girl! It can be done! Once you get them in the habit, they will be more self-sufficient. Good luck - and chill out! :0)

I agree with Melanie 100%. Sorry if that isn't what you want to hear, but you and your husband are being lazy. I work all week and when I get home I don't do anything before I spend time with my kids. We don't even turn the TV on all evening, it's our rule and the kids know it. We eat dinner as a family and then spend time working on assignments and playing. I rest when they are in bed. You will look back one day and wish you had spent more time with them.

E.,
I don't want this to seem mean, but you are willing to pay someone to listen to your 6 and 8 year old girls read, and make sure they do their homework. This is "QUALITY" time you can spend with them. I do understand about being tired and wanting to sit down and relax when you get home from work, I'm 100% with you.
By spending that time with them builds up their confidence, that you are actually interested in your kids, you get to find out what they were doing in school. I'm sorry to say this but your children are so young right now, you are investing YOUR TIME in YOUR CHILD. Why do you want to pay someone else to invest their time in your child? You are talking about an hour of your time... Please just think about it... Make it a routine, before you eat dinner, or after you eat dinner...
I do understand being tired and having a hard day at work. Invest your time in your kids... it will be worth every second of it...
God Bless!

I'm not sure where you are seeing idiots. I think it was great that you were asking for advice. However, paying someone to do a parents job isn't reality. Believe me I wish it was that simple! My oldest has to read 20 minutes a night 4 nights a week. So we include Sunday which gives him one night during the week other than Friday off. My other one has a reader that he has to read to me for hw and then we read together at night for another 15 minutes. You just have to find a system that works for you. I know that by the end of the week it is hard, but you are not the only ones going through it. Maybe have them read to you while you are cooking dinner or cleaning up from dinner. This is all part of parenting and there is no magic wand, but oh how I wish there were!

We have had the same problem as you guys. One thing that helped is we have day care make her do her homework. They don't check it, but they make sure she does it. The only problem we had left was checking her folder. We would remember on the way home to tell her "Bring your homework to us when we get home so we can check it". Sure enough after she gets home, she never brings it. So I did two things. One is I made a list of everything she is supposed to do after school and put it in her room. I told her that she has to check everything off before she goes to bed everytnight. It's a short list so, I can easily look over it. The other thing is I quit signing her homework folders if she brought them to me in the morning. I didn't have time to check it in the morning and it wasn't fair for me to sign it saying I had. This upset her quite a bit since she does not get recess if her folders are not signed. You might send her teacher an e-Mail to see if she can assign some consiquences. That left us to with just having to check homework which my husband does the math assignments and I do the reading. I have a teenage son that is really very good with younger children that needs a job. I will mention this to him to see if he is interested. Not sure if any of these suggestions will work for you guys and they dont always for us (I forgot to print a new check list for her) but, it did help our daughter to remember a little better.

E.,
Although I do not have any names of teens to give you and I am not interested in your offer, you might check with your school to see if they have a homework club. It sounds like you are in the PISD as my family is. Our elementary school offers a homework club for kids who are having trouble getting their homework done at home. I believe they meet Mondays through Thursdays right after school. If your kids are in Pasar, they can still be in the homework club. At our school either the counselor or the literacy specialist supervises the kids while they do their homework. The counselor at your school should be able to give you more information. However, I don't think they will listen to your kids do their required weekly reading and they still expect the parents to check over the homework so they can know what is going on with their child. Sorry for the unsolicited opinion, but I think you are making a mistake by hiring someone to do what is essentially a major responsibility of being a parent, whether you work full time or not. Best wishes to you and your kids in whatever you decide to do.

E.,
You didn't mention TV or Video game after school. I believe if we allow these things during the week, nothing gets done. Our rules, somehow stricts, I recognize, are no TV, Video game or computer game during week days. We actually don't have cable TV at all. The kids might have the permission to watch some DVD as reward if they finish their homework/dinner/clear the table/ready in pyjama, whatever the goal is.
It's easier if it's ritual. First thing they need to do when they get back from school (may be after a quick snack)is doing their homework. At 6 and 8, I assume it shouldn't take long. My son (9) sometimes complains about doing homework but it's like buckling your seatbell when you get in the car, you like or you don't.
The idea of having someone supervise them is excellent but the kids themselves need to learn their responsibility as well.
Hope this help!
QA

Dear E.,
I say this in love and not in judgement, so please consider the following. My stepson was high school dropout. He has low self esteem. Through counseling it has come out that he grew up feeling his parents didn't care about him and he can sight example after example of times they were working instead of being with him not only for the simple day to day stuff but also for sporting & other events. Housekeepers and the occasional grandparents filled those responsiblities. Both my husband and his exwife are successful and now admit they sacrificed their son for their career. Not saying that's what you are doing. The words you used in your request indicate more of a need to prioritize what's important rather than a need to be more organized.