I Need Some SERIOUS Help!!!!!!!!!!!

Have you tried letting her help you with laundry or dinner? My son loves to help push the wet laundry into the dryer. Maybe have a play kitchen for her to help make dinner?? Even just the smallest thing they get to do is a big deal to them.
When there has been a big change ie beds or sleeping arrangement I try to make it as big and special as possible! Make it feel important!
Hope this helps and good luck!
Alley

First of all, I really doubt you will be able to totally resolve this by March. It's totally up to you what you do. You can move over and make room for both babies in your room. Or you can refuse to go into her room until she cries herself back to sleep.

This is a very normal age for them to become very clingy. Sometimes they will cling on mom. Other times they will cling on dad. Even when they do love the provider, it's normal for them to feel serious separation anxiety at various points a long the way.

The fact that you have a baby coming will not make this any easier. Your child can sense that she is about to have to share you. You have talked about the baby and been excited as well you should.

There are those that believe a husband and wifes room should be a sanctuary and no children should ever be allowed. Then there are those people that realize that these kids grow up too fast and you'll have a lot of years in the future to get your privacy back.

Whatever you decide, take some big deep breaths. There are things about having kids 2 years apart that are fantastic and in some ways it's hard. But they will be so close in a few years. It's a great spacing. Just remember that this is supposed to be an exciting time, not a frustrating one.

As for cooking, put her in a highchair and give her some fat crayons, home-made edible playdough, toys etc when you are cooking and cleaning.

Suzi

Hi M.,

I have a daughter about the same age. I think the only part I can help with is the cooking. My daughter just wants to be part of whatever we are doing, so got her a step stool that she keeps in the kitchen. We showed her how to scoot it right up next to the cabinets so it's sturdy & then she can move it around wherever she wants, climb up and watch what we're doing. Of course, we have to be careful to keep knives out of her reach & watch that she doesn't stick her fingers in the food, but mostly she just asks questions & watches. I often let her dump ingredients from a measuring cup into a bowl or pan. She also loves playing in the sink on her step stool. Good luck!

I think alot of us have been there.
Being firm and consistent until the habit (sleeping) is broken is key. She has to know who's in charge.
If she has to stand there and cry while you cook dinner , she'll learn after a few times that your the boss and thats the way it is. Sound harsh, I have 3 and we had to kick the oldest out of our bed when baby number 2 came.

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D.
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Wow M., I say you got a lot of great responses back to help you out. I noticed you wish you worked from home, I have helped moms and others work from home for 2 years now. You can check out our website at www.2abetterlife.com and if you would like to talk more in detail or have questions I would be glad to help! Have a great day!

I totally understand what you are going through! I also have a 2 year old daughter, and I had another baby girl in Novemeber. My 2 year old didn't start this until the baby was born, but we have had 2 months of hearing "Mommy do it" whenever anyone else tries to help get her dressed, change her diaper, put her shoes on, help her down the stairs, put her in her car seat, etc... I know that she thinks that she needs to fight for my attention. I make sure that once a day when the baby is sleeping I give her my undivided attention and I let her be involved with the baby (help me with changing the baby's diaper, getting the baby a blanket, etc.), but things haven't changed. I have been exhausted, but my husband has been good about trying to help in other areas, and there are times that he will just tell her "Mommy is busy" and will fight her through the task. I was told by several people that when they are this young and have a new baby in the house that they will revert back to being baby-like, but eventually they will want to show that they are big girls, unlike the baby, and will return to being independent and not soooooo clingy. For when your baby comes, the thing that I have found helps the most is telling her that she should teach the baby how to do it like a big girl - then she will do some things on her own. Sorry I don't have better advice, but I thought that you should know that you aren't alone, if you figure out a trick that works let me know!:)

By the way I love your name!!:)

M.,
Don't beat yourself up about it. This is actually normal at this age. They experience separation anxiety. Their brain hasn't developed enough to understand that even if they can't see you you still exist. So to them when you are gone they cant comprehend that you will be back. It is a tough stage, but just make sure to reassure her often. Also, for my girls, took a picture of me and daddy and laminated it for them to take with them anywhere they felt anxious. Even to bed. So when they missed us they could look at the picture and see us. I hope things get better.
T.

Hi M.

It sounds like your daughter wants to know if she is going to be "replaced" as the baby of the family when the new little one arrives. She will then become the "middle Child" and have to travel that weird place of not being big enough or being too big to do either things that her siblings get to do. On some level she is becoming aware of this although not able to verbalize it (most kids talk through their behaviors).

Perhaps if she had some 'responsibilities' or 'special tasks' that ONLY she can perform and some Mom/daughter time that ONLY she can have and (keep it up even when the baby is born) so she knows that she is not being replaced but her family is getting bigger and better.

What are her hobbies? Her likes, collections? If you all started a Saturday hobby hunt for a special item then you could go garage sale hunting for this item etc.

Will she be sharing a room with her new sibling? If so maybe a redecoration is in order where she can help plan the decor and divide the room up into reasonable spaces so she knows her space, feelings, belongings will be accounted for and mattered.

I know the 14 year old is probably ready to start ignoring the family and going with her peers so maybe you could find a couple of 'tea party' girls that would match your 2 y/o liking or a mother and daughter excercise group (you would be able to get back into shape after the baby) and both of you could go while Dad holds down the fort.

Dad could get involved too by helping the two year old "build really neat" items for the yard, bedroom (table and chairs, bookshelves"

Good luck

JW

This is tough and draining for you at the end of the day. My husband wasn't around our first child as much and I understand your frustration. My best advice is to bear down and stand your ground. She thinks that if she cries enough you'll let her sleep with you again. Let her cry herself back to sleep, make sure she has some item for security like a stuffed animal or blanket. She needs something to calm herself so she can go back to sleep if she wakes up. You want to ge the sleeping pattern established soon so you don't have to deal with that when the baby comes. I also had to put my foot down with my husband when the second child came and made him step up his assistance. He wasn't very involved with our first so I laid out some ground rules for him. I also work outside the home and he likes the benefits of having both our salaries so I told him how it needed to be or it wasn't going to work. I've found that seems to get his attention as he's not very good at taking hints from my frustration.

M., I have 6 kids and I'm not sure really, but it sounds like something my second to oldest would pull. She is now 21, and very bright and uncontiously manipulative at times. She once stayed with the baby sitter across the street from the school where I taught. She through a fit until the baby sitter brought her to me. She was only 5 when she did that. Then there was the time she was in 8th grade and she decided that my husband and other children would live in our regular home thousands of miles away from New York, and she and I would get an apartment in Brooklyn or Queens so she could attend the Julliard High School. She had decided that if she went there for high school it would give her an edge to get into Julliard University. She has great potential and did get to sing at Carnegie Hall once but does not attend Julliard because I had to explain to her that we were a family UNIT. Our lives do not revolve around her. She still comes up with these scenarios today.
So my first course of action if I were you would obviously be to make sure she is still safe in all her environments and if you are sure nothing has changed and that she is in fact safe then I would take charge of that little girl and tell her how it's going to be before she has you moving to Manhattan in eighth grade. haha
Now mine never did this because I was strict but I've heard of kids that stole the family car before having a drivers license when old enough to reach the peddles.
It sounds to me like you have a very bright child that is concerned about the fact that you are about to have another baby. Make her feel loved and apart of the new situation but don't let her control your life. Smart kids are the most challenging. Stay in control! :)

Oh M., I feel your pain. We had a similar sleep issue with our 1st child at about the same age. Although our kids have never slept in our bed except for illness or thunderstorms - we did start having issues with her getting out of her bed and wanting to sleep with us at about the age of 2-1/2 just before our 2nd daughter was born. What we did was the hardest thing I had to do as a parent (at that point), but it worked. First, we'd talked with her about the fact that she needed to sleep in her own room. When she got out of her bed, we went into our room and locked the door. It was painful, she banged on the door and cried. My husband had to hold me down b/c I was so upset, but after about 5 minutes the crying and banging stopped. We waited a few minutes and then opened the door. She had gone back into her bed and covered up. We went in and gave her another round of goodnight kisses and told her she needed to stay in her bed and we would sleep in ours. The next night she started up the same routine - she started down the hall after us, but when she saw us go into our room and close the door, she turned around and went to her bed. She's 8 now and we don't have any sleep issues with her. We learned of this "hard" technique from Dr. Tim Jordan - a local behavioural pediatrician who sometimes gives lectures in the area and has published a few books. He has many kids of his own and although we were skeptical and thought this might not work - it did. It's rough that first night, but if you can get thru it and not give in - it will be worth it. Good luck.

I think this happens to everybody. Both of my sons did this to me and they are almost 14 months apart. My hands were and sometimes still constantly full with being so clingy. Atleast they play alot with each other now. There were alot of times where I had to let them cry it out because I had to do other things. While your cooking or cleaning see if she will sit at the table and color. As for her not sleeping in her room I am sorry I don't have an answer to that. I guess I lucked out with that one with both my boys. They love their beds and love sleeping in them.
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Congrats on your new addition in March. Take Care and Good Luck.

as i'm sure you've guessed all this may have to do with the new baby on the way. she's starting feel the pressure of losing your attention to someone else. just keep reassuring her and doing what you've been doing it may take time but it sounds like your taking the proper steps.

My 2-1/2 year can be a like this too. We put a night light in her room, because all of a sudden she was a fraid of the dark. I turn it off around 10 after she goes to sleep. She too was getting out of her big girl bed and sneaking down the hall way. We had to but kids proof door lock covers so she couldn't open the door in the night and get out. After a few rough nights, she seems to be doing ok now. It has been 3 weeks and we are still all alive.

As for the cooking, that one is a little tough because they so want to be big girls. My mom boght her a very real looking cooking set, and I give her a little food ie. cheerios, crackers, rice cakes etc.. to play with in her bowls will I cook, it has really helped out.

Good luck, all I know is I thik it is part of the age.

My daughter will be 5 in June and I am due in April and am having a similar problem!! my daughter will either sneak into our room and sleep at the end of our bed or just not sleep!! Her father works long hours and has to get up early, so we TRY to go to bed early but she is up till 2 and 3 in the morning, which means so am I. When she went through this stage when she was about 2 or 3, we wiened her off by letting her sleep with us all night for a couple of nights then taking her to her room when he went to work, then after we knew she was good and asleep, then after she had been asleep for maybe 15 min, and then before she fell asleep but was very tired and I stayed in there till she fell asleep, then finally put her to bed read her a story, stroked her hair, and told her I would be back to check on her later. By that time she was sound asleep!!

Hi M., I feel for you. Last October while visiting our daughter in Germany, I met her neighbor who has 2 girls. The youngest is 4yrs. old and clings to her Mother just like yours does. She couldn't even walk without having the little girl wrapped around her legs. She's just now starting to look at my daughter and say hi, so it's a big trust issue. When our two youngest were going to a day care(which was a relative of my husband)they would cry terribly when I would drop them off. I found out that they were being abused(physically) by an older boy. As soon as I switched sitters they were okay. Is it possible another child or adult is bothering her? If this is something she has recently started you may want to check into it. Hope this helps. M.

I could have written this myself!!! My 2 1/2 year old does the exact same thing. We even bought her Dora stuff for her toddler bed and she still wakes up every single night, at least once, and moves to the couch where I have to lay on the other couch til she falls asleep. I also am due in early March with a boy. I don't have much advice for you except that I have found that if I let her play in the sink with a large bowl and a few bubbles she will stay out of my hair while I cook. I can also appreciate the lack of sleep, as my daughter hasn't slept through the night except for about 10 nights total in her life. Just keep trying and from what I hear, they outgrow the need to keep us up all night!! I'm praying for that time as I will breastfeed my son and I already don't sleep much with my daughter getting up every night! Keep us posted on how things go and good luck!!

S.

Two year olds are sharp! Maybe all the baby talk has given her a little anxiety. She has been the center of your world for so long and now there is talk of the baby! In her head she is the baby!! I would check out some kids books about being the big sister, welcoming the new baby, etc...and make that her night time stories for awhile! Have a heart to heart with her, kids understand more than we give them credit for. Good luck!

I totally understand what you are going through! I have a 4 year old that did the same thing. I am glad to say that they do grow out of it, eventually. (Although by the time they are around age 10 you will be wishing she wanted your attention! ha ha) About the making dinner, the thing that worked for me was to give my son a bowl, a large spoon, some measuring cups and some food (dry macaroni, cereal?) to stir and mix and play with on the counter standing on a chair beside me. It made him feel like he was really helping and I also let him add a few ingredients to mine.
At folding laundry I always gave him some towels, bibs, socks to roll up and "fold". I think she will be excited to do what you are doing.