Son Is Clingy

K., I have to say I'm having kinda the same problem. I work part time and my 10 month old goes to my motherinlaws house. My husband take's him there and I pick him up. When I get home all I want to do is make dinner and he only wants mommy. As soon as I leave the room the break down happens. Sometimes it kills me to hear him like this and others I just want to run away. I have found that keeping him in his highchair very close to me works.I wheel him all over the kitchen while I cook and clean. I sing ,make funny faces, I will give him a wooden spoon and food. It doesn't always work but when it does I feel like I get so much done. I hope it's just a phase. Good luck I hope it helps. C. J

I find that my 10month old will fuss and cry & can be seriously clingy too.. however, I've found that if I completely stop what I'm doing and totally focus on just holding her close to me and humming in her ear and closing my eyes to be in the moment she will calm immediately and will "allow" me to do what I need to do after a few minutes - or once she's gotten her fill and feels as if she's been seen and loved on.
As opposed to what used to happen which is what it sounds like with you too.. trying to do stuff while holding them and both of you feeling frustrated and resentful.
Good luck and please try being in the moment.. it made a huge difference in how we both feel.. I hope you find the same. xo

I don't have a lot to say, but how about using a crock pot or something to cook while you're at work? Then when you come home, you'll have some time for the baby before he goes to bed. Try to do other stuff after he goes to sleep? Just a thought...

This is the typical age for this, I remember when my niece was that age my sister couldn't leave the room to take a shower without hysterics. It's a natural part of development, when they start to understand being a separate person from their most beloved and they don't quite get that the person is not ripped away forever. Some are more sensitive than others, but it will pass. You may be able to speed things along by playing lots of peek-a-boo type games -- hide a ball under a blanket and discover it's still there -- as the lesson to be learned here is object permanence. And definitely continue to put him down or hand him off to others in order to get stuff done, just reassure him lots that you are still there and coming back. Also make sure you don't disappear on him by leaving without saying good-bye. Even though he won't understand completely, let him know when you'll be back. He'll get it eventually.

I think that this is totally appropriate for your son. My daughter is a total mama's girl. She is 18 months old now so she is more independent but still needs her mama time. My husband and I both work full time and my daughter goes to a wonderful day care, but since I am not there all day I feel that she should get as much of my attention as she needs in the evenings and on the weekends.

Do you have a sling or carrier? Perhaps he would be calmer if you carried him around with you. I have to say, at this point I am getting really good at doing everythin one handed. Soon your son will be old enough to "help" you. My daughter now stands on a step stool while I am preparing food and "helps" by washing the fruits and vegetables with a washcloth : )

I say pick the poor boy up when you can and enlist help from your husband.

Good Luck,
D.

I have a 15 month old and it is the same way, I have to ask my husband to take our son out of the room for a few minutes so that I can wash dishes, otherwise, my son is right there by me. The only thing I have done is pay attention to him until he goes to sleep and then get stuff done (and yes, dinner at my house is also a hurry - I actually have gotten up early in the morning to cook dinner for that evening).....I guess I can't really give you a suggestion, but I know how you feel.

Married, mother of 15 months old son and 2 step-kids (12 & 11).

Sounds like the child is more than clingy...he does not want to be seperated from you. Is he getting the attention he needs during the day? Not just laying in a crib all day or plopped in a chair in front of a t.v.? Find out what hubby does with the child all day. He may not know what the child needs. Outdoor walks in a stroller while talking to baby (since baby cannot see daddy), playing face to face on a blanket on the bed or floor with a toy, holding baby and singing to him or reading a book, leg and arm stretching exercises (for baby), and lots of cuddeling is important.

I agree with having your husband get dinner ready if he's the house husband. If that isn't doable, I would spend time with the baby for a while before starting tasks and dinner. I always kept a basket with kitchen stuff like wooden spoons and pots and pans and while I cooked the baby would crawl around playing with the utensils and i would now and again croutch down and bang on a pan and make them laugh. Have your husband take the baby in a different room while you cook dinner so that you'll be out of sight out of mind. With my fourth I would put her in her crib and give her a bunch of toys. She enjoyed the alone time and I was again out of sight. It lasted only for a little while but I got a few things done. Good luck! Ella

I disagree with a previous poster. This is 100% developmentally appropriate! Babies cry because they need something. It is not a habit that needs to be "broke". Crying is his only way of communicating his needs. When we leave babies to cry we are telling them that there need can not be met. This is what leads to trust issues later. Sure there are times when we need to finish what we are doing before tending to baby (taking something out of the oven, tending to another child) but I don't think it's right to do to teach a baby a lesson.
Do you have a sling or carrier you could carry him in? How about your partner cooking for awhile? Your baby is telling you he NEEDS your closeness after a long day away. When you meet a need consisitlenly it goes away when the child is ready.

I have a nine month old that is the same way. This is the age where they are clingy. This is the time when they begin to form bonds. I know that it can be a big pain, but soon you will miss this time. I know that it is hard, but try to enjoy this time. Have your husband make dinner so you can spend time with your baby. They grow so quick, and you won't get this time back!

When you say you leave your son with his father, does that mean your husband stays at home? Why doesn't he cook dinner so you can relax and have fun with your son when you get home from work?

Take this as a cue from your son that he just needs to be with you right now. To accomplish some tasks and fulfill his needs, I highly recommend using a sling. There are a million different makes and models out there. My favorite are the NOJO sling (available at Target and Babies 'R Us) and a mei tai (that's a style of sling made by many different companies. Mine is made by Baby Hawk at Babyhawk.com).

It is totally natural, normal, and healthy for him to want to be with you, in your arms, and feel reassured and loved. I used a sling with my first and loved it, but as she grew my body tired of the one-shoulder-or-the-other feeling. With my second I discovered the Ergo Baby Carrier. It is so far superior to Baby Bjorn or any other carrier I tried (I tried plenty and hiked and carried my girls everywhere, never owned a stroller). Check them out online. They have a wonderful product, very well made, and worth every penny. My older one could fit in it too if need be (newborn-45 lbs!). They both liked it a lot, and the little one would (and still does sometimes at the age of 2) fall asleep in it blissfully. It is easy to take them off while sleeping without waking them.

Hope it all smooths out! Just know that the natural, inborn, instinctual NEED of a human baby is for close, frequent, physical connection, especially and mostly with Mama.

Blessings

I have an 8month who does the same thing. Though I don't work every time i leave the room (even if he can still see me) he SCREAMS until I pick him up. He can be perfectly fine with daddy if I run to the store and the minute I walk in the door he starts screaming! I really don't know what to tell you other than you aren't the only one.

I wonder if you could hire a cleaning lady so that you can focus on your son at night. You could cook on your day off and make a lot so that you can just warm up leftovers the next few nights. Order pizza one night and have frozen chicken nuggets (Tyson is good) on another night. If your husband can't/won't cook, maybe he'll warm things up?
Best of Luck. Babies are only young once, my mother wishes she would have spent less time on the house and more time with us kids, others have told me the same thing because in the blink of an eye, their babies left for college.

Oh, what a blessing - hold him as much as you can! And put him in a bouncy seat or something as close to you as possible, talking to him while you work, or singing or something, so you don't have to hurry and finish. He'll soon figure out that you're there for him. It's very normal. Just integrate him into the things you do. I used to put mine in a bouncy seat right on the counter.

he's 8 months old and loves his mommy and wants love and affection in return which of course you want to give hime as well! i am a chronic "need-to0get-this-done-but-want-to-hold-my son" mom also. I used a sling while i did chores or waited til after he was in bed. for things i had to do--i let him cry. choose what needs to be done most and then give hime the attention you both need

I still hold my almost 14 month-old most of the time, including right at this moment. Babies need their moms, and that is normal. I understand wanting to get to get things done though! It is my daily challenge! They grow up fast, and yes, just try to keep meals simple. Easy to say, harder to do!
I am a mom of four and I still struggle with my time!

K., based on what you've said in the letter, I think the problem is on your end. He acts that way because he knows you'll give into him. As long as there is nothing wrong with him, let him cry! It is only going to get worse as he gets older and you'll have an even harder time with him. Either way, this isn't normal behavior for a kid his age and it needs to be corrected.

Good Luck!

K.,

I am a mom of 4 and have gone thru this with 3 of them - and expect to go thru it when #4 hits that age. during their 7th month of age, they haven't quite begun to understand 'object permanence', or that when they leave a toy somewhere, they can return later and it will still be there. he is experiencing separation anxiety. I hate to disagree with chuck, but perhaps because he has triplets, they always had eachother and didn't have such a dependence on either parent... this absolutely is normal for singletons anyway.

I really like most of what Dr. Sears has to say about these types of things. (www.askdrsears.com) I think he has a compassionate yet firm approach. don't let your baby cry if it's not necessary... he needs to know he can count on you.

in the meantime... try finding simple things to cook... sometimes i call 'cereal night' if the prospect of cooking is just too much and the kids need more of me that day. or sandwich night...or do some crock pot meals. 5-10 minutes to throw it all in (have your hubby do it - it's super easy) and it will be ready when you are.

good luck... this too shall pass :) eventually! :D

Everyone has the problem. Your pediatrician should have warned you around 7-8 mos babies get very clingly and often a touch of stranger anxiety.

For me, I can't just put my kids down to cry through it, but you have to do what works for you. Have you tried using a sling or carrier to get things done while soothing your child? I've found them to be very helpful, I can get laundry done, dishes, etc while keeping my daughter happy.

I have a 9 month old who was with me until I put her in daycare at 7 mos and went back to work. She can definitely be clingy sometimes. Since I miss her too, I just scoop her up and put her in a sling while I do chores. She's getting heavy so I'm getting a good workout, but it's a nice snuggly way to get things done AND spend a little time together.

But I guess my question is, if dad is home, why can't he make dinner? Get it started at least while baby is napping. If the roles were reversed and you were home, he would not expect to come home from work AND make dinner too. Why is so much falling on you? Maybe you can come up with simple meals that he can make, or you can take turns cooking.

You might also check out books that show you how to make all of your meals for the month in one, long, vicious day of cooking. But then you're done and all you have to do is defrost each morning and reheat at night.

Hi K.,
First off it will get better! It has to right? My daughter will be 2 next month, but when she was younger she was just as you describe your son. I am fortunate enought to be able to stay home with my two girls and I think that helped. You will need your husband's support on this. I would have to take every day and work with my daughter. I couldn't even put her on the floor to play with her, she always had to be held. I started out one day with putting a toy in her crib that attaches to the railing of the crib. This way I new she had something to do. I heard her wake up that morning and I had to make myself leave her in the crib for 5 minutes. She did start crying and it was very hard. After the 5 minutes I went and got her and started the day. After breakfast, I put her on a blanket on the floor with some toys and I played with her, again a lot of crying because she wanted to be held. I watched the clock for 5 minutes from the time she started crying and then picked her up. I tried a Baby Einstein video next and sat with her again letting her cry for 5 minutes. This seemed to never end for the next 3 or 4 days, but then she enjoyed playing on the floor and when she started crying it wasn't as hard and I would let her go 10 minutes and so on. She started crawling soon after and was walking at 10 months. Once she started walking, I think her need for independence kicked in and she was a whole different child. She was ready to run and not look back at us. It is hard to listen to your baby cry when you know you can fix that with just picking them up and giving them your undivided attention. If you and your husband can hang in there, good luck!

I'm curious. If you leave your son home with your hubby while you work, then why doesn't he cook dinner. Wouldn't that be your responsibility if the roles were reversed. Reading a cookbook and whipping simple things up is not rocket science....

At any rate, don't know the situation but I can tell you with my second child I had the same problem in the evenings and I was home with her all day. Toward evening she would just get so clingy and cry if I didn't hold her. I've been told by two other moms that they have the same problem with their second child. One works all day (I watch her kids and her daughter isn't clingy or whiney with me at all) and the other stays home like me.

I think different kids act differently and this is not something out of the ordinary. You will just need to do what you are doing, put in some ear plugs for your sanity (or turn a radio up loud...I would sing real loud something like "keep on the sunnyside") and do what you have to do. When it got to much for me I would have my hubby take her upstairs to her room and hang out with her there while I finished dinner. He was immune to the crying so he didn't mind.

You NEED one of these:

www.ergobabycarrier.com

You can carry your son on the front, your back, or on your hip. You are gone all day and can have special time with him, eye to eye contact and smiles, while you get done your work too. He misses you and loves you and wants only to be close to you. You don't need to sacrifice this, soon he will be older and the moment will be gone. Hook him on to your body and both you and he will be happier for it!
N

homeopathy can help this. his personality as a clingy baby is something that you can't change, but it's extreme. homeopathy sees this as a minor imbalance in his system and it can be corrected w/ a carefully chosen remedy. we see a homeopathic dr. in naperville (www.dupagehomeopathic.com) for all of our illnesses and this holistic approach to health looks at a child's demeanor/personality to determine a proper remedy.

for example, my sister's daughter does the same thing. if her baby is in the same room w/ her, she wants mommy to hold her. she will cry til mommy picks her up. if she gives the baby her remedy, she is content and will play on the floor.

email me offlist if you want to ask more. dr. polich's website has a lot of info about homeopathy, which is natural (not herbal), and very safe w/ no side effects. there are other dr.s in chicagoland if you don't live near naperville. i can give you a link to a database listing other practioners if you email me offlist.