I Need to Spark up My Relationship Before Its Gone.

You two need a counselor. You're both very young. It's okay to be young, but when you are fighting and sleeping separately, then you need HELP.

If you end up separating, then you WILL have to go to work, MG. You will not get spousal support, and the judge will decide how much child support you will get. Some states will actually entertain giving custody of a child to the WORKING spouse (ie, the father) if the other spouse doesn't have a job. The reason is that the non-working spouse cannot support the child.

You may not have a say in separating. Your child's dad may decide he has had enough.

So you need to get your ducks in a row. What are you two spending your money on? Money troubles are big reasons why relationships split. Having a neutral 3rd party to talk to about your budget would be very helpful.

Don't delay getting help.

Dawn

If you both deeply care about the relationship, which it sounds like you do, then find a good marriage counselor (one recommended by someone you trust). There isn't a quick fix to any marriage relationship. It takes time, and learning, and a lot of doing things wrong and getting back up and trying again. If your husband is a good man and a good father then you have every reason to try everything you can to make things better. Keep your chin up! When things get hard and you feel like you don't like each other just remember that your goal is to love each other again, and to be "in-love." THE TRICK IS TO LOOK INWARD AND FIND THE THINGS THAT YOU CAN DO TO HELP YOUR HUSBAND FEEL LOVED! When you do that, not only will your heart change, but your husbands will too. Love begets love! Think of things you can do for him that you know he would really like, even something as simple as rubbing his shoulders or making his favorite dessert. Remember it takes time to improve a marriage, and you will have good and bad times. But the important thing is to keep trying and to get through the good and the bad together while both of you make efforts to be patient with the other person and show them you love them. Also, make sure you initiate sex with your husband. You may not feel like you want to, but just do it anyway and try to enjoy it. Men feel loved from sex. Women are opposite, we want to feel loved first and that makes us want sex. So it's really hard when we are not feeling loved. But you will help your husbands heart to be softened when you show him you love him. He will really appreciate you for it. And like I said, find a good counselor, because it takes time to fix a difficult marriage, and many of us need someone who can cheer us on and help us see things from a different perspective sometimes. Good luck!

p.s. I have been married for 8 years and we have 4 children, and 7 of the 8 years have been very difficult. But because of loving family and friends, and church leaders, and a fantastic counselor we are still together, and we do love each other. Marriage is hard! Some marriages are harder than others, but I'm starting to believe that the harder the marriage relationship the greater the love can be if you figure things out together and don't give up on each other!

as a mom of 3 and not on the happy end of a up and down relationship with my husband i will say this- having a relationship for your son is not worth it. My mom and step dad did this for nearly 17 years because of my sister. They were unhappy, hated each other and pretty much did anything and everything they could be make the other person as unhappy as possibly before my mom finally decided my sister was grown up enough to deal with it and moved out. I lived in that house for about 5 years of misery and could not wait until i could move out. I moved out a week after hs graduation. If i had stayed at home i could have gone to college but i couldnt stand being in that house anymore so decided to move out and take care of myself. Although i regret not going to college i do not regret that decision. If there is no love left from either side it is time to walk away.
Now if you are like me and my husband who both have always loved each other just didnt like each other for a time then that is different. Even at our worst moments and the most heartbroken i have ever felt- i still loved him and he me. We did some damage to eachother in the first 9 years of marriage but realized that we are worth more to each other than all these things that come between us so we did alot of talking soul searching and yeah there was fighting and tears but figured it out. We are stronger now than ever and more in love than ever and almost to 12 years of marriage.

I suggest reading Non-violent Communication and learning how to talk with each other so that you both feel heard and understood. Here is web site, new to me, that outlines specifically how to do this.

http://www.wikihow.com/Practice-Nonviolent-Communication

Google nonviolent communication and you'll find numerous web site with information.

I also agree that books by Gay and Kathleen Hendricks will be very helpful.

And the Care and Feeding of Husbands will help you learn a different way of treating your partner so that he will be able to respond in a different way.

The Five Love Languages can also help both of you better understand the way that each of you feels love and thus help you better meet each others needs.

I also seriously urge you to get started in couples counseling. You go even if he won't. When one person learns and make changes the other person can see that a different behavior is helpful and may be able to respond differently to you. He may also see that counseling is helpful and then agree to go.

Counseling. You are both young and have been through alot. Are there people in your life you can trust? Are your parents supportive? Seek out connection to others to help you.

You need to learn some new communication skills. You and your son deserve the effort it will take.

Good luck.

Counseling is not for every one... Try to reconnect with your husband go on vacation. With no baby, Go out just you in him. Kids, Work, Money, can add a lot of stress.. Reconnect and remember you you love each other.. Try to be happy with what you have try not to focus on what you do not... .. . . Good luck..

I agree with Dawn. Go to counseling right away. The stresses of money and parenting cause problems in most relationships, and you two are quite young.

Marriage, kids, etc. are really hard. But your son does deserve for the two of you to work really hard on your relationship. It is very difficult to do once resentments and barriers have set in, especially with things like sleeping on the couch.

It wouldn't hurt to read The Care and Feeding, but that's kind of one-sided, since he has things he has to work on too. Please get a good counselor as soon as possible, to help the two of you communicate.

First, don't give up. Love is hard and it requires patience and sacrifice on both ends. Stop sleeping on the couch. Your time together is few and far between with a two year old. Don't be afraid to be the one to make the first move. He probably feels the same way. As for money, check out Dave Ramsey!! Amazing financial planning!! You are working as a stay at home mom, but maybe talk to him and try to understand what he would like you to do and see if there is a compromise you can come to. Maybe it's all just a lack of communication. I would recommend the book "Love and Respect" because maybe you just need to understand each others needs. Or "His needs her needs". Good for you for wanting to stay together for your son, but do it for you!!! Love is a choice. Choose to love him and you may be surprised :). Lastly, I would recommend seeking out Gods will for your lives. He designed relationships after all. At least that's what I believe :). My marriage isn't perfect, but it is pretty great. Just takes a lot of work. I hope this helps in any way. Even if just to encourage you to stay at it and for someone to tell you, good for you!!

Read The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands by Dr
Laura Schlessinger. It will completely change your life as your boyfriend will respond positively to you having a different focus. Your child deserves it.

I'm so sorry you are going through this- having a baby is always an adjustment for a relationship. If you can afford it, go to counseling, always nice to have a third party mediate for you.

If money is tight, books are a nice way to receive some instruction on how to work problems out. I really hate the Care and Feeding book- puts all of the responsibility on you, and not written by someone interested in your relationship, written by someone pushing her own agenda. I do like the Gay Hendricks idea, and the others mentioned. Not usually a Dr. Phil fan, but I will say he wrote some Relationship Rescue books that are straightforward and give you clear cut directions and activities to help, worth a shot.

You both have different ideas of what your relationship should look like and what your role is in raising your family. You need to be able to hear each other and understand each other. Defending your sides will get you nowhere, coming together in the middle will help. Please do something before, as you say, it's gone.