Ill-mannered Children and Their Mothers

I agree that the mom is crazy. It does take a village and it's good for kids to know they can't misbehave around any adults, not just their mom. (although it sounds like they can misbehave in front of this mom!)

I don't think anyone I know would object to having another parent talk to their child in that situation - you aren't the weird one in the story, the other mom is!

It's getting nice outside and pretty soon we will all be going to the park where it will be REALLY bad with these kids.

My big beef is with the kids who climb up the slide. I say "hey, I don't think your Mom would like you to do that." Since I say it kind of loud, everyone looks up and then you'll hear "Evan, don't climb up the ladder."

That woman was probably mad just because of the way you said it. You had every right to say something.

I used to go to all those places with my younger kids - Chuck E. Cheese's and lots of McDonald Playplaces. Now I have to really be in the mood because those places are packed with the kids who do whatever they want and the parent who is not watching!

I would keep at it, but be mindful of your wording because people get kind of defensive if they think you are questioning their judgment.

M.

I just wanted to add: Bravo to you! I co-own a family restaurant where we have TVs, video games, pool tables and dart boards. I cannot even begin to tell you how many times I have to take kids back to their parents (who are often just sitting right near them) and ask them to supervise them because they are doing things like climbing on pool tables, hitting each other with pool sticks, climbing dart boards, trying to climb inside a claw-prize game, pounding on video games, throwing spit balls at TVs and doing just about anything you can imagine to our restrooms. (We've only been open a year-and-a-half.) The kids who do these things are clearly too young to be unsupervised, yet I see it ALL THE TIME. It is one of the most difficult things to deal with as a manager, because I have had parents grab their kids and walk out screaming that they were treated unfairly -- even though I am very diplomatic and not judgmental when I do it, and I have every right to say something because it is my restaurant, and my butt if something happens to a kid. Anyhow bravo to you for speaking up. I'm sure the mom was embarrassed that she wasn't paying attention.

HI M.. I feel the same way you do. When you see a child do something that endangers them or another child, you say something. I have gotten plenty of dirty looks or comments form doing the samething. I love when other people point out when my child is doing something wrong so I can talk to them about it and build on it. Don't worry about it, just brush it off!!!

If you would have known who the mom was (and in a place like that it's not always easy to determine) then, you probably WOULD HAVE deferred it to the parent. However.... .safety issues or discipline issues where a child is doing something against the rules, and you have NO CLUE who the parent is because they are involved in something other than their child, you handled it great! Geez... it's not like you called him "stupid" or "idiot" or something! (for the record - I don't name call either.) Unbelievable!!! Guess in her eyes it would have been better for "Little Johnny" to have gotten hurt!!!

Her response WAS crazy! Why didn't she stop it if he saw it???! I hate when stuff like this happens.

WOW! Am I glad I read all these responses! I am like you where I will say something to a child if they are misbehaving badly. My husband was starting to make me believe that I was nuts for doing so and that I'm too on top of my son. He probably could use a "longer leash", but I do get uncomfortable at the thought of someone else correcting my son. Not that I mind the extra eyes or help, I welcome it, I think I'm just a little self-conscious. Which I don't think was this mother's problem at all. She sounds like one of those mother's that has the attitude, "You don't tell MY kids what to do". Keep up the good work! We really need more "villagers" like you!

Good for you! We often take our kids to playgrounds and are the only parents playing with their kids while the others sit around and talk. We often end up with several kids following us around and saying "watch this" to us and talking to us. Very sad that their own parents do not pay attention.

I get very irritated when other kids and their parents do not play by the rules. I often take the passive-agressive route and tell my children loudly that other kids are not behaving well. Sometimes if the parents are realy ignoring them I will correct the child.

I do wish we had a more community mindset in terms of taking care of children. We try to impress on our kids how their actions affect others and why we do certain things to benefit the community. When I was a kid I would have been mortified if I was misbehaving and another parent had to correct me.

It's nothing new though- I was a lifeguard in high school and college. Frequently I could pull a drowning YOUNG baby like 1 or 2 years old out of the water and return them to their parents with the parent never noticing. Often the parents would say "what?" when I brought them the child and I would tell them the child almost drowned and they would argue with me "that's not true I was watching the whole time!" Still makes me mad to this day.

You did an awesome job! I hope your around when my 2 boys are playing- I welcome any help redirecting my kids. Shame on that mom. But, I do see it all the time. I am like you and say things to the kids. There are these wild boys in my sons tae kwon do class and the mom just drops them off and never stays with them- even though class hasnt started. they are so unruley (mine are to thats why I watch and help direct them) one boy was climbing the kicking thing and another mom told him he needed to get down from there- he just looked at her. she then said I know I am not your mom but I am a mom and you need to get down from there. Again- still looking at her- I just chimmed in get down from there or I will get master Lee. lol. what are we teaching our children? when need to teach them to respect all adults.

I would have done the same thing. It truly does take a village to raise our children and we need to stick together. The mom was threatened because she knew she was wrong. She over-reacted because you called her on the carpet in front of her friend. Keep up the good work - I'd be glad to have you look out for me and mine!

You were absolutely right to remind the boys about safety. Those boys could have seriosly injured another child. Their mother does sound very insecure. Good job to take a stand for safety!! [I happen to be a teacher also.] Children of parents like that will grow up to think they can get away with anything.

Hi M.,

It sounds like your parenting style is the same as mine. I say things to kids and tattle on the parents as well. Some moms think that taking their child to an event like this is a way to socialize with their friends and have a form of babysitting in the mean time. I am like you, I interact with my child and look out for him all the time. I don't feel bad about making a comment or tatteling, it needs to be done. Don't feel bad, they should feel bad. Your a good mom :) Your involved in your childrens lives!!! :)

Jennifer

I have been in your shoes before and I am also a teacher. Right now I teach preschool so I am on the front lines. Too many parents want to be there child's friend or just keep them happy. They do not realize the damage they are doing by not giving their children frustrating experiences so they are equipped to cope later in life.

I once had a women verbally badger my son when he was 4 because her younger son wanted the toy my son was playing with. She felt her child should get it because he was crying. Nice lesson lost their. Too many people have lost sight of what parenting, healthy parenting should be on both extremes.

I have scanned through the responses and have seen your response, but as you asked for the other side, I want to point out some things.

There are times when I unintentionally get immersed in a conversation with friends while at a playground-if it never happens to you, that's miraculous. I don't mind others correcting my children for safety purposes (although my children often cry if corrected by others). But it sounds like this situation escalated quickly.

I don't agree with her response to you, but if you came back accusing her of being immersed in conversation and not paying attention to her children, that is an attack on her as a parent and I would expect a crazy response. It sounds like took an offensive stance and put her on the defensive. Even if she felt she was wrong- why would she admit it to a complete stranger who just "caught" her and disciplined her kids?

As a mother of four I have been on both sides where I want my younger children to be watched for and when I see my older children being more rambunctious and careless than they have been taught to be.

In places like Pump It Up, anyone can come in, so she doesn't know if you're a teacher, mom, nanny, babysitter or someone who shouldn't be anywhere near kids.

I do think you did the right thing by correcting the children and later going to the manager when she disagreed, the thing I would change is attacking her parenting when she didn't agree with you.

I hope this perspective is helpful.

Sometimes when other mothers/people tell my kid what to do, I feel sorta like they've stepped on my toes. I'm not 100% comfortable with it.

However, if it's an issue of safety, a gentle warning would be OK with me. It's all in the tone--authoritarian or suggestive.

And, really, what are you going to do if they don't listen to you? You have very little authority over other people's children.

When my 2nd child was 14 months old we were at a busy park, she toddled away and was kicked over by someone on a swing. The situation wasn't helped by a mother scolding ME about attending to my child. You were in the right. You do not correct parents, you correct the child. Most parents are busy with other children and not intentionally neglecting their kids and this woman was embarrassed. Please keep doing what you are doing because I know I need all the help I can get from other observant mommies. It takes a village to raise a child and we need to not attack each other, but rather build up our kids. Good for you, keep it up!

M.,

I too am more like you. I believe it "takes a village" to keep kids safe. That said, the last time we were at Pump It Up, my husband specifically said to me, "Don't say anything to 'those' kids." Referring to some particularly rambunctious boys who weren't behaving (similar to what you described). I too try to limit my comments to other children to when it's a safety issue...I don't believe it's my job to "parent" other kids, especially when I don't know them.

I think some people think that play areas, are a fairhaven to let their kids run around wild and "just be kids".

I don't agree with this and wish that parents would respect that public areas (even the ones they pay to get into) are not THEIR SPACE to let their kids do whatever/behave however they want to...especially when they are not following the rules or put other children in jeopardy.

I feel like the minority on this too and often decide to leave places when kids act that way (without saying anything to those kids), just in an attempt to keep my own kids safe. SOMETIMES I say something to the manager, so they know why we're leaving (and may not come back).

I am waiting to see what others say and how they perceive this "issue". Thanks for your question

I honestly have no problem with another adult correcting my children. If they are doing something they should not be, then I see no problem.

Good for you M.-I had an in home daycare for 8 years and I would not even think twice about doing the same. I am in total agreement and honestly, shame on that mom. I have had similar situations happen and the fact is that many mothers these days do not step up and tell their children to behave. You did the right thing!!

T.

I agree with you. I am usually right there, but sometimes things happen and you get preoccupied. I would hope that some adult would say something if my child were about to hurt or be hurt. The right response from that lady should have been thank you and sorry. I have had to say things many times and the parents are usually no where to be found. I appreciate parents like you, so, I will say what she should have, Thank You!!!

I have no problem with anyone correcting my child if she was acting up in public!

I think that some parents take someone else correcting their child as a personal attack on their parenting skills. Which, I guess it could be because if they were doing their job no one would have to correct their child!

The only perspective I received from another mom on this board is that you don't quite know the family's situation. For example, maybe the kids are acting up because their father just died and they are just blowing off steam. So if I do know which mom goes with which child I will go up to the mom and politely say "did you know your son is climbing on the wall? I just thought you should know that it's not safe and I don't want anyone to get hurt or him to get kicked out."

But, sometimes there isn't time to do that (in an unsafe situation like you were in) so I would definitely say something to the child. And if the mom yelled at me I would say "I would have come and said something to you first but I was afraid he was putting himself and others in danger and there wasn't time. I would hate for anyone to get hurt."

I just wanted to say that people like me who are often not brave enough for confrontation are cheering you on!

Just one more Mom's support. I have to live with myself if I were to have said nothing and the child got hurt. Hopefully the Mom will have been taught a lesson too, I doubt it though. It is the same Mother who will tell you that your doing it wrong(troop leader, volunteer at a school event) but never ever volunteer to step up to the plate themselves. They will always be the parent who says they did everything for their child, when in reality the parenting was handed off to others to accomplish(they'll complain about that too)

Good for you! Parents should be watching their own children. I believe that this woman knows she was wrong and was embarassed that you called her out. Keep up the good work.

M., you are right on about the situation. I wouldn't mind if you alerted my children to their unsafe actions and also told me (once you knew who I was). Kids can be told over and over to be careful and yet they still need to be reminded. I'm one of those moms that laughs when another mom apologizes for their kid's behavior. Their kids and they fall over eachother! that mom is the exception I think.

K., mom of 3; 6,5,3 yrs old.

I am not quite as black and white on this issue as some of the other Mothers and here's why. While I totally agree that one should supervise their children at all times and I totally agree I would intervene if there is a safety issue, I also think you have to have some respect for other parents styles of parenting. I am not familiar with the kind of play area you are talking about but if it was unsafe I would have said something but not in such a "scolding" way. Why? Because it is not cool to scold somebody's child when you are a complete stranger. You could say, "Please be careful, I wouldn't want you or any of these kids to get hurt. This isn't a safe place to climb". Loud enough so parents can hear and hopefully the appropriate parent will step in. I have left many a play place because children were too over the top rowdy for the littler ones. Alot of these places the children aren't even supposed to be in unless they are over 3 years old, yet there they are.
I agree many children are not properly supervised and taught right from wrong in this day and age, but I really don't think it's my job to tell other parents what they are doing wrong unless it is severe. In my experience it usually gets a very negative reaction. But I have said things to parents who were physically abusing their kids in public and even yelling at them really inappropriately. It makes me physically ill and I can't NOT say something. But your attitude in all honesty seems a wee bit self righteous.

Hi M.,
Keep up the Great work! I hope others would do the same if it were my child about to get hurt or hurt someone else! Too bad if she got mad, she should realize you probably kept her from being screamed at when her kid hurt someone else.
Have a great day!

If my children were in danger of gettting hurt because of this childs behavior, then, yes I would say something without a doubt. I have learned from past experinces that disciplining is a very touchy subject that you have to be careful with what you say about how others do it. I also am a teacher and I know it is our nature to be correctors. :0) I do believe that it takes a villiage to raise a child. So, part of me feels that you did the right thing, initially, however, tattling on the other child/parent, not so much.

You are definitely in the RIGHT on this M.! The others parents weren't paying attention and their kids were in danger of hurting others. I would have totally said something directly to the kids. If their parents objected, I would have said, "Your child could have hurt mine. I have every right to stop that from happening."

If you said it to my kids, I would have totally backed you up and yelled up at my kids to listen to you and get down.

Shame on those snippy parents and hurrah to you for telling the manager, too. It is their job to make sure that kids are safe and parents feel comfortable returning to their establishment.

Good work!

I am shocked that every response on here was from a mom who supported your decision. I find that most moms are sensitive about someone stepping in to comment on her child's misbehavior. Some moms will react defensively and outwardly to you, some moms will quietly go home and question every parenting practice they have. Of course, how it's delivered always makes a difference, but the bottom line is that some parents cannot separate the concern for safety/manners from a judgment about their parenting.

I can tell you what you said that made the other mom react the way she did: you gave "you need to" commands about what the children should/shouldn't do. Saying, "that's not safe, someone could get hurt" is generally accepted by other parents. You could even go so far as saying, "I'm sure the rules say that we should go up over there, not these sides." I imagine that these kids were old enough to know better about following rules... especially after a polite reminder about safety.

That said, don't stop saying stuff to kids if you really think there's an issue. I'm still trying to fine-tune how to say stuff, and it changes as my son grows. If you are confident that you are doing it for the right reasons and as nicely/effectively as you can, who cares what the other parents think/say? Just as you have to explain to your child why so-and-so can hit/yell/push but s/he can't, those parents have to explain why the "mean lady" had to ruin their fun.

While I think it is fine to calmly "correct" any child that is endangering others, I think it is also a touchy area. We were at a dollar store (where mind you almost ALL the lotion was all nasty and opened etc.) My hubby and I were smelling some body wash-who doesn't want a sniff before they buy it and my daughter was right in front of me pretending with a hand soap. (she was 2 1/2) A worker yelled across the isle to "don't open that, hun, Don't do that!" She made my daughter cry!!! Also, I think everyone parents differently so unless their child is doing something dangerous then I think you should be careful not to intrude. I used to work at a bakery and had to limit the kids free cookie and sometimes I would have to tell the kids that they had had enough-but that was where I worked. Not just out and about would I tell a kid what to do. However, if it is something that will hurt themselves or others then I think it is fine! I don't think I would have gone as far as to "tattle" to the manager though. Good Luck!

Oh, so that is what undisciplined children grow up to be like! LOL

Good job! for saving your children as well as hers!
I agree that their are a lot of parents who use these places to not enforce good manners. Sadly I also notice that the older the children are, the less the parents watch them. An older child may not need the physical help from the parents, but needs the emotional supervision "to play nice".

Last year my niece had her party at one of these places. One of the other guests was not watching their child and started to 'follow and take over' the games my younger child was playing. To not upset my SIL I supervised the other child b/c I felt so bad that his parents didn't care. At one point I did have to step in to discipline and welcomed the parents to confront me and ya know what? They looked away! How sad! Good job, and keep doing a good job!!!

The mom was probally embarrased that someone else was watching her kids and she wasn't, but who cares! If the kids were endangering themselves or others around, you have the every right to say something! Shame on those mothers that react like that when someone is just trying to keep their children and other children safe! Keep up the good work and don't let it bother you, you are the one who is right!

Bravo to you. I feel the same way you do and have gotten the same responses from these types of mothers. Their kids grow up to think they can do anything they want to others and it is alright. I was not well liked in school by the other mothers because I would correct others. I tried to make my 4 children respect others but had a hard time when all these other kids could do anything they wanted and their parents justified their actions. It got to the point I told my kids to give it back to them. I cant understand their thinking either. We have a medical office and have had several patients refuse to come back because I corrected their children when they pulled potted plants out of the dirt, had 15 cups of water all over the waiting room and spilled it all over the chairs also, broke the waiting room tv by standing on the chairs and poking things in it, breaking all the brand new crayons, tearing the paper off and throwing it all over the rug - I could go on and on. This is an example of why there is so much trouble in the world today - no respect and consideration for others.

I was a teacher also, and I completely agree with you. I am also a nanny and discovered that some parents have a real hard time hearing that thier child is not perfect. Parents today also seem to take any criticism about their children as a slap in the face to their parenting styles. Parents seem to be more sensitive and feel quite threatened by criticism. I think it may be the lack of time with their kids because of the long work weeks. I see this all the time at many of these play areas. I even saw it at school quite often. Parents did not want to hear when their children were misbehaving in the classroom. They would actually talk back to the teachers and defend their children. I am not sure how to fix the problem. I think your only choice was to go to management at the place. I recently had the same situation occur at a birthday party. Some words were exchanged and the mother was not pleased. It will always be inevitable when your children are in an environment of many kids and many different parenting styles.

Just wanted to let you know that I absolutely think you did the right thing.

Hi!
I am with you on this!! Maybe it is b/c I was a teacher also, but if it were me I would have done as you did and said something. If the mom didn't want her child corrected she should have been watching him to be sure he was following the rules and not hurting anyone. When another child at the park or someplace is not being watched and not being safe around other children I have nicely told them to please follow the rules. I would expect another parent to do this to my child as well. I may be embarrassed that I wasn't watching my child, but I would not react as she did! People today are WAY too sensitive about correcting children!!

L.

I’m a mother of a 4-month old baby boy. After reading your story, I wish that more mothers would be like you! Too many parents in this world expect there kids to just learn everything on their own (society). What happened to parenting? A parent should be there to give there child guidance in good times and in bad. My husband and I are only human and we don’t have a million eyes and hands, so I hope that if and when my child does something wrong and I’m not there to respond, another adult will be there to guide them in the right direction.

Hi M.,
What you said was very appropriate and on time for the safety of that child and any other child that he may fall on. If that mom is affended, then it's because she was caught off guard. No mom likes to be in that position. It takes more than one mom to keep a child safe, it takes a village. Keep up the good work.

M. B

Hi M. you have an incredible amount of responses. The one thing that I realized is that not many of the women weren't supportive of your decision. I completely understand where your coming from. One thing I found interesting is what Beverly said about how we approach the situation. The reason why I said "we" is because I also have had similar situations. Recently, we were at the library visiting with curious George. I had my 22 month with me and we had intentionally waited till the end to visit with him. While my daughter and I were waiting a boy a little bit older than her maybe 3 or 4 was nearby with his mom. Well, I was nealing with her and I had my camera in one hand and her leaning up against my other arm. Well the boy comes up next to me and goes to press the buttons on my camera (this is the same camera I do photography with so it's not something easily replaced) I explained nicely to the boy not to touch it and that it wasn't a toy. So the boy responds with "why not". I explain its a camera for adults and it's not something for kids to touch or play with. The young boy made a smart comment and went over to his mom. At this point the mom hasn't said anything to him about not touching it or anything. So then the boy comes over to me and kicks my very expensive lens of my camera. I couldn't believe it! I was in shock! I first removed my daughter from his target area and stepped back. I looked at him with an upset face, because I was shocked and upset. Before I could even say anything the mom got upset with me about looking at her son the way that I did. She said "How dare you stare and look at my son that way!" I was so shocked that I looked at her and said I wouldn't have to if the first time your son came over and tried to play with my camera and I nicely explained to him that it wasn't a toy, you would have taken the lead or commented." Then the little boy said to his mom "she made me mad". So the mom responded to her son as if I was the bad person. All I can say is that, the mom with a child at 3 or 4 saying "she made me mad" is the exact mom that will be taking her son and herself to my parents for clinical help when he's 12-15 years old if not sooner. To this day I'm still shocked by what happened. I could never imagine my daughter or my son walking up and kicking someones camera. My husband said I should have gotten her number to give her the bill to replace the lens if it had needed to be replaced. Luckily I had moved back so quickly that he just nicked it with his foot. If he would have struck my daughter I can't imagine what I might have said.

This whole idea of trying to figure out how to say something or what to say is hard when your in the moment. It's something I talk to my lifeguards about every summer. So I definitely think Beverly has a point. Most of the moms definitely support your decision. But, I have worked as a pool manager, coach, etc and I can tell you a million times over that no parent likes it when a lifeguard reprimands there kids. Plus, some of the moms when my lifeguards do say something are talking with friends instead of watching there kids in the water. We all need to help each other in general at parks etc. with watching kids etc. But, we also need to remember the lifeguards and pool people that every summer sit in the sun for hours and deal with heat and sun exposure to make sure that everyone is safe in the pool. Yes, it can be a fun job in the summer but I can also tell you that my guards are serious about what they do. One of the problems I think I have is that being a lifeguard is engrained in me so whenever I see someone running where they shouldn't I say "walk" and my husband gets so emberassed!:) So, I understand where your shocked by like you I would really like to see comments from moms that are on the other side to maybe understand the age old question"why"?

M.
I would have done the same thing, however I would not have been so nice. I have had a similiar experience and simly told the Mother, I can't stand by and watch a child get hurt that may be ok with you it's not with me.
It's very unfortunate that some Mothers do not teach right from wrong, a child has to get hurt before they step in, she would be the first to cause a big problem had her child gotten hurt, be glad for those boys that you stepped in. She clearly needed the rules pointed out to her and her children, they were putting other children at risk also! Good for you for telling someone. Her and her children could have ruined it for alot of others, some people have no consideration/respect for others. What a bad example she set for the other children watching and wondering why they could not do that!
Good for you!!!!
V.

I've learned to not say anything to other peoples children because some people can be very sensitive, unneccessarily. I think you did the right thing by getting the manager. Good luck next time!

The other mom is an idiot.

This isn't going to be a popular response, but I just wanted to add a few things here..
I was all for what were you saying until halfway through the post.
I have found myself "correcting" unsafe behavior before, and have never had any mom run up to me confrontationally.
I have also found other moms "correcting" my children's unsafe behavior in the past, and I have thanked them, and have never been confrontational about it.
But in the middle of your post you quoted yourself and the words you used to "correct" the behavior and your response back to the mom was, in my opinion, asking for some confrontation.
Using Pump it Up as an example, I would say to a child, nicely, "hey honey, can you get down from there, that's against the rules" when I see someone climbing up the wrong way... or a general statement "hey guys, can we go one at a time down the slide so we don't hurt anyone?"
whereas with my kids my tone would be different "get down NOW" and "WAIT YOUR TURN". If someone other than myself used MY tone on MY kids, I would be offended. It's not your place. Using that tone or even demanding words "you need to..." to me is automatically saying "I'm a better parent than you, you aren't paying attention". While that may be the case for that second that you noticed something, or may have been the case for the entire time they were there, again, it isn't your place. For myself, I have 4 kids and 2 eyes. Not enough to keep an eye on everyone and see everything all the time. I would be appreciative if the "correction" was done nicely, and offended if it was done the way I am reading your quote.
Think of it this way...if you were following your 14 month old around to protect her... your eyes weren't completely on your 3 year old. If someone said something to her in the way you said it to those older boys, and then proceeded to tell you that you weren't doing a good enough job watching her, would you really be ok with it?

My final thought on the post that struck a chord is when you mentioned having to protect your 14 month old at Pump it Up. Here's my philosophy on the place --- Pump it Up is for children aged 2 and older for a reason. I have never brought my younger ones there unless they were stationary in a stroller and have even kept my petite 2 year old from playing in a certain jumpy thing if I see a bunch of older kids jumping and will steer her into something that is empty, or I will ask the manager to separate the kids into 2 separate rooms by age group if there are a lot of kids there. Pump it Up for us is a "safe" place to do a little age appropriate rough-housing. I bring the kids there to run around, jump around, have fun and get some energy out. That's not to say I would be ok with them intentionally jumping on top of someone or climbing up a slide or a net backwards, however, while you are getting upset about older boys' horseplay, here I am on the other side of the spectrum getting pretty angry myself when I see parents who let their babies crawl/toddle around and expect the older kids to tiptoe around them. The older kids are there to have fun too and anyone under 2 shouldn't be there. Pump it Up is not for tiptoeing, it is what it is. Just the last time we were there my 3 year old comes running over to me and comes extremely close to knocking over a baby who was barely walking. My 3 year old is famous for walking into walls and she just doesn't look where she is going. Well needless to say the (around) 10 month old's parent got mad, I told my daughter to be more careful, but inside I was thinking to myself "what in the h--- do you expect to happen in a place like this and why are you letting her walk around??" Or the extremely overprotective parents who are following behind their 3 year old telling everyone else to be careful every 2 seconds (I'm talking about other kids the same size) so their precious child doesn't get bumped. The kids will get banged up there a bit - mine have, and others have, older kids and younger kids - just from regular playing and not even from not following the rules. My kids do not behave in the same way at Pump it Up as they would in a library nor would I expect them to. If a parent isn't ok with the fact that their child may get a little banged up, Pump it Up isn't the place for them. (You had your soapbox time, now I've had mine!!)

I agree with you and think the other mother was nuts. Don't let it bother you.

Welcome to the way of the world. It sounds like you are a rule follower. Many people observe rules and many people do not. You can choose to confront people, ignore people, or, like you did, see the manager. It only gets worse as the children get older.

I have always observed rules and detest when others do not. It drove and still does drive me crazy, but I can't do much about what other people do. I've learned to direct my statements less about what other people are doing and more about my children.

As much as I've wanted to take my children to places like that, I hardly ever did because I couldn't stand the parents who let their children wander around, cut in line, pushed others, etc. Some of the parents go there for their social outlet and let their children run wild!

On the other hand, you will probably have a few instances where you overlook a time when your child misbehaves. It happens to everyone.

I don't think you did anything wrong. You were looking out for her kid as well as for others. I do the same thing. I used to be a teacher so its natural for me to step in as well. The mom needs to pay more attention to her kid. I can manage to have conversations with my friends and keep an eye on my kids as well.

Good for you!! I am tired of lazy parents not having to account for the actions of their children.

I have also gotten in a similar situation with a set of parents at the playground in the mall. (The mall has soft cars & boats to climb, and a house with a slide, surrounded by benches for the parents.) They had two boys with them, one around a year old (new walker) and one around 3. I had my son with me, who had just started walking himself. These parents just sat on the benches, talking and ignoring their kids, letting the 3-yr-old jump from the car to boat to the benches, without any concern for him or the other children he would land on, including their own toddler, who got knocked down several times. I was, as always, following my own son around, helping him climb and making sure he didn't get hurt (and make sure he behaves himself with other kids). This 3-yr-old had no respect or concern for others and several times I had to tell him to stop stepping on/knocking down my child, and not to jump on or off of things we were using. His parents were sitting close by and the dad muttered under his breath, "Maybe you shouldn't have him here if you don't want him to get hurt." I looked at him and replied, "My child has the same right as anyone else to play here without getting squished." Then they said, "Kids are going to be kids." (Meaning, we use that as an excuse to let our kid be a brat.) I responded, "Yes, and they CAN be taught to have respect for other kids and not jump on them." Then after a few minutes the dad muttered, "Maybe you shouldn't be so overprotective." I just said firmly, "I'm not." I wanted to add, if that's how the older son is all the time, then I feel very sorry for their little one. But, I didn't want it to become an even bigger thing than it already was!

Then, lo-and-behold! They started telling their kid not to jump off of things, and started following their own toddler around, watching out for and playing with him. They left soon after.

So I am a big advocate for telling other people's children what to do in the right situation. Not yell at or necessarily scold, but just say something or give direction. If those parents choose to ignore their kids, unfortunately it becomes everyone else's problem. My child always comes first, and I will never let any other child hurt him just because it's not PC to correct someone else's kid. If other kids are doing something that puts their own safety at risk, I will first mention to them they shouldn't do it, then if I can figure out who the parents are, I'll then tell them what the kids are doing. If they still don't care, it's no longer my problem, as long as other kids aren't at risk. If they are, I'll do the same thing you did!

You were totally right. I think that there are two issues. First, you don't want a child to get hurt when you saw what they were doing was dangerous and you said nothing. Second, I think it's right to say something to the other children four YOUR children's sake. They should see that it's okay to speak up when you are in a situation where someone of any age could get hurt. I think that good modeling for your kids is critical. What would your kids think if you just turned your back on an unsafe situation?

Good for you. If someone isn't paying attention to their child and they're going to get hurt or hurt someone else, speak up! I've done this with a thank you as a response. I've seen mothers completely ignore their children, too, and that floors me. I was at a McDonald's recently and there were two older boys playing on the equipment. They were extremely well behaved. They watched out for the younger ones and helped them out if need be. I complimented their grandfather because quite frankly, I'd never seen children that well behaved at one of those places! It is possible to have a conversation and watch your child at the same time. If that means talking to someone while scanning the room, do it! Just my two cents :-)

Ellen S., I agree with you completely!

I will also add that if you were so carefully engrossed in watching your own new walker, how can you possibly know what the mom of these boys was doing? How can you know that she wasn't paying attention? How can you be so sure that your 3yr old didn't push another child at some point?

Your words do sound confrontational to me as well.

You 'tattled' on the mom, seriously? Lots of people said "it takes a village" and I agree, but not a self righteous, judgemental village. A caring village, yes.

In my opinion, moms need to give each other a break. You ask "Are they so insecure about their own parenting that they cannot understand that there will be times when their child needs to be corrected?". That doesn't sound "laid back' at all to me, it sound extremely judgemental.

I would like to point out that kids, are kids and the strictest of parenting styles, can not stop that. They make mistakes and do things that are inapproriate and it is not a reflection of their mom every time.

When you have very small children, you think one way, and when your kids are the 'big kids' at an event you might think differently.

Most moms are doing their very best, can't we all start thinking in those terms?

I really agree with you. But I do have a slightly different slant on it. My son is very active, agile and coordinated. He will do some risky looking stuff but I have confidence in his abilities BUT you are so on about endangering other children. I have had to stop him when he is too close to others and when he is teaching another child to do something they are not ready for (some of his best buddies are not very physical). I may look like the slacker mom letting him swing and jump around like he does, but I really am watching him. With your Pump it up experience the kids were clearly breaking the safety rules. I would absolutely have no problem with someone correcting him in that situation.

At the risk of being wishy-washy, I have to say that I take these situations on a case-by-case basis. If kids are endangering someone else and/or their property, I will definitely speak up. If kids are endangering themselves, I stay out of it. Let them learn from the consequences of their actions. Of course, if they're putting another person at risk - ESPECIALLY my kid - the consequences include me bringing the hammer down on 'em, if they're old enough to understand.

Personally, my four year old doesn't talk or play like a lot of typical kids her age, doesn't have the greatest awareness of her body in space, and needs continual prompting to respect other people's boundaries and belongings. My experience is that most of the time, when a parent sees me correct/redirect her, they keep their comments to themselves.

Then...there are the parents who feel compelled to give me "advice", or would rather talk about Project Runway with the other moms while their kids do and say whatever they want. As as a result, I have had to develop a thick skin for criticism, as well as a bank of snappy comebacks. It is stunning how many parents lump their kids' appropriate questions or unkind remarks into the "oh, s/he is only teasing" category. If a parent doesn't like it, tough cheese. It's their job to teach their children how to live in the world, not mine.

I would greatly appreciate it if more mom's were on the lookout for possibly dangerous behavior. In no way did you punish or scream at these boys. I think what you said was correct and I've noticed other "defensive" moms at the playground when the moms were too engrossed in conversation to see that their kids were bullying or pushing smaller kids out of their way. If that were one of my boys, I would have said thanks, I should have been paying more attention. Now-a-days it seems like kids are getting away with more and more bad behavior and I blame the parents when these kids get older and their attitude stays the same and start treating others without respect. I feel sorry for these boys who obviously need more parental guidance. I could continue on about my gripes on other kids' parents but maybe I'll start a blog! Anyway, I feel for you in that situation and if it were me I wouldn't have said it differently.
Kudos for sicking the manager on her! :)

I agree that it's okay to correct someone else's child if what s/he is doing is potentially dangerous, and if it's done in a polite, non-threatening way (the point is to correct the child, not frighten or intimidate him/her). I think it's best to talk to the parent first if at all possible, but like you said, you usually don't know who a child's parents are in a crowded place. The only times I have a problem with people correcting children is if it's not a safety situation (i.e., it's not okay to correct another child's manners), or if the adult doing the correcting is upset and/or hostile. I think you did the right thing.

good Job, I think As Moms it is so important to look out for each other in a loving and supportive way. would that mother have given you a dirty look if one of her boys had gotten hurt of hurt another child and you just stood by and watched. So may times people just stand idly by and let thongs just happen. but if it was my child I would have been thankful to you. As a Sunday school teacher to 2/3 year olds I deal with other people ill behaved children all the time, and I usually have a set of rules for or classroom for behavior and safety of the other children and if a child isn't following the rules, I tell the parents sometimes I am met with support, most times I am met with indifference.