Im Scared I Wont Love My Baby :(

My oldest sister was not planned...actually, none of us were, but back to the beginning. My mom got pregnant by my dad when they barely knew each other despite being on birth control. They didn't have a good relationship from the beginning and my dad was int he navy. My mom didn't show much and kept in from him until she went into labor. (that caused problems of it's own.) She felt the way you did the whole pregnancy and made several visits to the abortion clinic, but couldn't go through with it. They got married, because of the pregnancy. Their marriage was not good, but they were bound to each other. She had all of us within 3 years, all being on birth control (birth control not working happens to all of us in my family, it's so weird.) My mom was terrified she would hate her baby, seriously. She resented my sister the whole time she was pregnant and wanted to be done with it. It took about half a second for her to love my sister when she was born. Yes, their marriage wasn't great...but you know what...we ALWAYS felt loved. ALWAYS. They were good parents to us, even with problems. They loved and provided for us and I never questioned their incredible love for me. I know have a toddler of my own and I am SO SO SO happy to be here. I am SO happy my mother had all of us despite her circumstances. A mother's capacity for love is one of the biggest mysteries in life and something science will never be able to define. It just...happens. When that little once comes out you will take one look at her and never be the same. You will instantly fiercely protect her. I wouldn't worry about your love. Let me tell you, it takes very little courage or strength to love your child when she's here. The raising part, that takes courage and strength...and you will be amazed that you have it...but you will.

the answer is simple - we do what we have to. you will get through this as impossible as it seems. give yourself some time to process the pain you have been through. yes, the father is a dirtbag - guess what? you're not! and you are going to be the primary influence on this child's life. YOU are in control here, not him. don't let him control your emotions and keep making you miserable. you will be okay, and so will this baby. if the bond isnt there yet, don't be too hard on yourself. i was married, as "ready" as i could get, but with my first baby (and only so far), i was so freaked out at being a first time mom and knowing NOTHING, i didn't feel bonded to my son for a few WEEKS after he was born. i was that stressed out and scared. but it happened, and now he is the absolute love of my life. it will happen for you too i promise. just don't put so much pressure on yourself. just focus on getting by for now. the rest will come naturally.

It is something that is indescribable. Words are simply not enough. The amazing love a mother has for her child. You feel like your heart will just burst you will be so filled up. Wait till you are holding her in your arms you'll see.

Just the fact that you are worried about this, that you can ask these questions, shows how much you are going to love her.

It sounds like you might not be feeling great overall, which is hopefully temporary. Not enough sleep, being stressed out, hormones, crappy circumstances, diet, exercise and brain chemistry contribute to how you're feeling and these things too can shift - hopefully in a good way :) That being said, I think I really started to get a lot more joy out of my baby as she got a little older and her personality started to come out more. Then the love came out of wonder and enjoyment of who she is rather than some elusive mom-daughter bond. Hang in there :)

Just step back from your situation enough to see that she is going to be her own person! We all have things that happen to us, truths about our family, hurts that happened long before we were born that shape who we are. Her reality and how she perceives things is going to be shaped by how you react to them. Just take it one day at a time and let her know you love her and support her. Keep your comments about her father neutral or matter of fact if you can't say something nice- even if he is the biggest jerk in the world (I don't know what he's like based on what you said) she will learn that on her own and doesn't need to hear it from her Mommy. Lots of wonderful moms are single. It is up to you to let go of the resentment and accept the little one for her own self.

I really encourage you to look into a mom's club in your area. When my kids were born the local mom's groups brought us free homemade meals, and there were play dates in the park (even for the little ones in strollers sleeping through the whole thing). It's so important to get out in the world so you don't succumb to depression in the early days of sleep deprivation!

A last tidbit- I believe your desire to "always be a mom" will trump all your doubts about loving her when you hold your baby. However, if you are super-seriously not into being a parent right now, there are people wanting to adopt. There is no shame in that option.

A couple of things...
1. I HATED being pregnant. So you're feeling that way in not isolted to your circumstances. My kids were planned and I hated EVERY SECOND of carrying them. Don't feel bad about that. You don't have to love it. It's OK!

2. Many people will tell you that you'll fall in love with your baby the second you see them. YOU MIGHT NOT. It took 6 weeks, and my son almost being mauled to death by our family dog to have it "click" for me. My daughter, it was right away. It's different for everyone. Understand that you WILL eventually feel that crushing love for her. It might take a little longer. But it will come. It's natural. I promise. You will love her more than your own life.

3. You'll always resent the guy. But the love and sense of reponsibility for your child will set in. Please don't worry about that.

Hang in there hon. A year from now, you'll wonder how you ever have felt this way.

Sorry you feel this way. :-( I was in a bad marriage when i fell pregnant but i didn't feel sad about it, sometimes it was the only thing that got me through. This little person is relying on you even now to take care of her. Remember your hormones will be all over the place and hopefully you will start feeling better soon. I would have loved my dd to have 2 parents but I believe It is always better to have 1 fabulous parent than 2 who can have a destructive impact on your life. my daughter doesn't see her father but she is the happiest child ever. (i know we would have problems if he was in her life) I can't imagine my life without her and I believe you will feel the same way. If not, I agree with the other responses about adoption. There are so many people out there who would LOVE to have a child.

Take care of yourself and your little bundle. :-)

My 4th child was very much not planned. I had 3 in 3 years and was VERY excited to gain freedom and go back to work. When I got pregnant, I was not happy. At all. I was sad and depressed throughout the pregnancy. After she was born, my mommy instincts kicked in and I took care of her and loved on her, etc. But, to be honest, I still felt resentment. In fact, I would often wonder, if given the opportunity to go back and never have gotten pregnant, I would have taken it. I know, very harsh. I felt guilty, but at the same time, it was so devastating to the plan I had made for myself. I kept hearing about how there was a reason for this. I drove myself crazy trying to figure out what in the name of pete, that reason was!!!!! She is 21 months old, now. If given that opportunity, now, I wouldn't take it. She is wonderful, funny, smart and a joy. So, no, I wouldn't say I bonded right away.

Having said that, with my first three, there was such an overwhelming love. You really can't explain it. I was excited to have them, but once they are there, it's just indescribable. That feeling doesn't always kick in right away OR, you may be completely blown away by the feelings you never knew existed. Hormones and your body can really mess with your mind. You will be fine. The fact that you are even worrying about this means you have it in you already. When it decides to show itself, you may not know until the baby's born or after. I wish you the best of luck!!!

maybe it would help if you remember this baby is YOURS. and maybe not cuz of him but dispite of him, you know? sounds like hormones.

.

First, please dont get an abortion. You will regret it for the rest of your life. There are so many countless people out there wanting children with all their hearts but cant, to make a decison like that. So please, if you dont want the baby, think about adoption first.

Have you told your doctor about feeling this way? They may know of ways to help.
Look into a single mommys group, there are so many out there with women exactly like you and in your position, that would probably love to have a friend, to go through the rest of their pregnancy together, and can talk about things.
You need to UN-Isolate yourself, keeping to yourself, where you can think of how bad things are is only going to make it worse, you are pushing yourself further and further down and only doubting yourself as a person, a woman and as a upcoming mommy. You have the strength inside yourself to do this. You CAN. You just have to believe it yourself. If what you truly want is this baby, and to love it, then you have to tell yourself that. Make yourself do something to better your situation, think positive thoughts and do it if not for yourself but for this baby, because even though it wasnt a planned baby, It doesnt mean that it wont be the most loved baby in the world.
Things happen and sometimes we cant control them, but this baby deserves a chance. A chance at love, happiness, and life.

Whatever you choose, do it for the better good of both of you. You both deserve love and happiness.

Go out and find some new friends who can relate. You can find groups online, I hear alot about meetup.com try there. Just do something positive.

Best of luck to you and your baby, I hope things work out for you, and that in the end you turn out happy.

OK believe it or not, you're already being a great mom by even wondering about this and asking this question. You already love her which is why you feel sorry for her and why you feel so guilty for feeling the way you do. There are a lot of moms out there who can't say the same and are selfish to their deaths always putting themselves first. So you're already in the process of becoming a GREAT mom. Don't let your circumstances dictate how you parent and how you feel about this child. Reality is that there WILL most likely be times when you resent her and times when you wonder if it was the right decision to have her but there will come a day when you can't imagine life without her and you'll be blown away by how she really and trully will become your world. My pregnancy was unplanned. I was getting my MBA when it happened and my husband and I were not married at the time. The pregnancy was hard b/c even though my husband and I had planned on getting married even before we found out about the pregnancy, it just made me crazy insecure b/c my husband was so obviously not thrilled with this unexpected baby. So I spent a lot of my pregnancy crying and feeling insecure. Then we had the baby. I waited for the outpouring of love from my heart that I was told would happen when I saw that little face. I cared for him, yes. But for at least hte first couple of months, I still found myself wondering how different things would be if he weren't around. The new addition of a baby put a crazy strain on my new marriage and on me because a new baby is HARD work and we didn't really have any support from friends or family. Well I'm not sure when the change happened but today at 20 months my son is my everything. I love him so much that even as I write this, tears fill my eyes. He's the best thing that ever happened to me and he ended up being a joyful surprise rather than an accident. My husband has also found himself forever changed and I can say that truly for the both of us, it took a few months for us to fall in love with our son. So please don't stress if you don't feel that love right away. It isn't always instantaneous like in the movies but it is truly incredible and something that you won't understand until one day, you do. And of course if you're feeling like you really can't handle it and you want to hurt the baby or yourself or something like that, seek help. Best of luck to you~

I'm sorry that you are in this situation. I can imagine how difficult it is to go through pregnancy alone. I'm currently 32 weeks pregnant with my first child as well as youself so I sympathize with you as a woman going through pregnancy. I'm sure as soon as you lay eyes on that baby you will love her with all your heart. You are doing the right thing by allowing this child to live. Children are gifts from God. Ask him to fill you with wisdom, strength, courage and above all, love. He can take away that resentment that you feel now.He will not give you more than what you can handle! This too shall pass. That child will love you unconditionally no matter what. I suggest that you seek further advice from a priest, or pastor who can guide you spiritually through this difficult time. You will be in my prayers. God bless you and your little one.