In Desperate Need of Some Help & Advice... a Newly Single Mom...

Maybe just go to a counceler and discuss whats been happing and why. And also ask her or him if they have any ideas.

Gosh being a single mom is hard. I have been one for 5 years and I can understand how it can feel bad at times. I would say just remember that your family is what you make it and all families are different. I try to embrace that and we do family things b/c my son and I are a family. We have had family pictures with the two of us. At Mother's Day I buy flowers. I don't care that someone else didn't buy them. It's Mother's Day and I'm a mommy and I want to have some pretty flowers. At Christmas we exchange a gift, even though I bought them. I know it sounds silly, but I am one who tries not to feel like a victim. I am going to have the aspects of what I feel are family even if our family is different. My son and I go out to eat together even though it's the two of us. He's 5 and we went out the other day and like a little man he says, "I am having a good time". It was so sweet. Embrace that you are both probably better off and that families are different. Celebrate that you and your daughter will be happy and a beautiful family!

One of the hardest things to realize is that we have no control over other people. We can't make their decisions and we can't always protect our children from their fathers making selfish ones.

When I was a single parent I realized that I had to get healthy for my child. Every single day was a day in her childhood and I wanted her childhood to be an amazing experience for her. I didn't want her looking up at me and seeing someone that was just going through the motions. I put myself on project status and did a lot of work on myself. I ended up being single for 11 years but when I met my current husband I really evaluated our relationship and discussed everything up front. I let him know that I wanted a strong happy marriage for my daughter to see how it should be and how a woman should be treated...and oh yeah, I deserved it. I was doing just fine on my own and if a man came into our lives he had to bring something really great to the table. It worked out great all the way around. I now have a wonderful husband & marriage and my daughter had an awesome childhood.

I know it's difficult right now but try to see the new opportunities that are opening up for you at the same time. You can create the type of home environment that you want your baby to grow up in. You can make each day special and memorable for both of you. Men are a mixed blessing. They can take up all of our time and energy and drain us dry. The right man can make us reach higher and farther than we ever dreamed of. If the baby's father doesn't realize your value and the value of being a dad, you will be better off on your own until the right man comes along and sweeps you both off of your feet.

You're not a failure, and you're not the one who's failing your daughter. It takes two people to keep a relationship together. They just don't work if they're one sided.

What you need to do from now on is document all communication with him regarding your daughter. Document if he sets up a visit with her and then doesn't show up. Document if he gives you child support or not. But most importantly you need to get a lawyer ASAP and start the process of filing for child support and establishing custody and visitation. That way no matter where he is and where he's working you'll get child support from him even if he's not visiting her.

You are not a failure.
You are not a failure.
You are not a failure.
When my niece was 2 months old, my exSIL told my brother she didn't want to be a wife or mother anymore and left. That was six and a half years ago. She is now around more and actually is a great part time parent (she has her daughter every other weekend and talks to her every day after school), she is just not cut out to be a full time mom. It was VERY very difficult for a long time, but my brother really stepped up to a level none of us knew he was capable of. He is a great father, and has done an amazing job of taking care of his little girl. He did what he had to do. It wasn't ideal for him, but he did it. And his daughter is amazing.
Your little girl will be OK. YOU will be OK. Keep that chin up.

If you can afford it ask around and find a good counselor. A couple of one on one sessions could really give you a boost. As your doctor for a name if you don't have any friends int he field.

DixieGirl ~ Google "Divorce and Feeling Like a Failure."

You will see that you are not alone. It's okay, and your resolve is going to make things better. Be patient and persevere.

You Go Girl!

You're not a failure!
Who wants someone who doesn't *want* to be there?

I just wanted to suggest MOPS. (Mothers Of Preschoolers)
You can find a local meeting at www.mops.org
Hopefully you will find some equally yolked moms you can relate to, support and receive some support from.
Good luck!

well hopefully you see by now that - YOU'RE NOT A FAILURE! i'm a single mom to a 2.5 yr old and have been single since he was 7 ms old, so i KNOW how you feel. it's taken awhile to get back on my feet (emotionally, mentally speaking). but i am on my feet. right now, i'm throwing my nets as far out as they will go to gain support - there's a nearby church that has single parenting classes, there's lots of groups i've seen on meetup.com for single moms & friends. you have to be ready to do that though. that took me about 1-2 years to get that far though. it's a DAILY struggle, as you already know. but you can & will do it. my friend tells me that right now it's okay to be a "need ball"...this was in reference to me always feeling like i needed something, such as a shoulder to cry on, etc...b/c as a single mom - it's ALL ON YOU. there's no husband to help out. but our situations will change one day & we'll be able to help out others. for now, if any help's offered, take it. shift all of your focus on your sweet girl. i just plunged head first into my single parent family & just embraced that this is just how life is...right now. you'll never realize how much you can do or how strong you are until you're faced w/this. but you are mom...and you will roar! :)
not sure if you're christian or not, but i LOVE THIS VERSE, makes me cry when i read it...jeremiah 29:11 - "For I know the plans I have for you", says the Lord. "They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope". I have felt so defeated, exhausted, guilty, scared, lonely, SO many times, but i keep praying & i keep making it. and you will too. :)
sorry for the REALLY long post, but obviously, i feel like i can really relate & just wanna help. i know i can ramble sometimes though, so sorry!

Actually, you don't sound desperate to me at all. You sound healthy, resolved, and ready to embrace the life you and your daughter have together, with or without him. I think you've got what it takes!

But just one thing, please get a legal arrangement regarding custody and support, ok? Then you won't have to worry about THAT either.

AND you can keep comin HERE for the 'help' you need! We'll build you up, we think you're gonna be JUST FINE! His loss (and it's the MOTHER of all losses to dis your own kid).

:)

You are not a failure. A relationship takes 2 committed people, and it is not your responsibility to make him commit. Women take so much weight on their shoulders and it's not fair. Your rational side is telling you that you are better off without him and that you are strong. These attitudes will help you through. Your emotional side is telling you that it's hard to be alone and to be the primary role model for your daughter, and that scares you.

You could consider some counseling to help you through. You could also find out if there is a Newcomers Group in your area (ours always sponsored play groups), or check your town's Children & Family Services office to find out about support groups. Check with the local Y or community center. Join a story group at the children's department in the library where you will meet other moms. Put up a flyer on their bulletin board and other community boards (supermarkets, gyms) saying you are looking for support groups or play groups. Sometimes Parents Without Partners has a chapter with activities that don't involve dating.

Also work through whether your ex intends to still have a role in her life as her father if not in your life per se. Get set up for child support, if you haven't already. Get some legal advice.

See if you can find a place to volunteer - maybe you could babysit at the gym in exchange for free workout time. You'd meet other parents that way. It will also give you a purpose and a direction.

Good luck! You can do this!

on meetup.com there are great single parent meetup groups...their full of great support, fun people and kids to hang with that are going through the same thing....i hope you find one near you! BTW you're not a failure...shes going to grow up to be a strong healthy independent woman who knows what real love is and how she should be treated b/c you sound like you will accept no less for her or you!!!!

you are not a failure at all. you can't control how the father feels or acts and if he doesn't want to be with his daughter (which I gather he doesn't if this is the 3rd time he has decided to leave), he doesn't deserve to be with her. Even if he comes around for the 4th time, please tell him no b/c honestly, this litte girl of yours is going to grow up and be heartbroken again and again when he inevitably decides to leave. Again. you sound incredibly strong for weathering this with a 1 year old and few friends. i can only imagine how hard that must be. try meetup.com, your local church, and maybe a therapist if you have the time/can afford it right now. you can make it through this. *hug*