Infant Nightmares

I agree w/ the 2 before, Let him sleep with you, I have co-slept with all of my children at one time or another and have even managed to get them in their own beds painlessly by the age of 2. I think it would be good for both of you, life is so short and precious enjoy him while he is still little!

A.,

First let me say that I am so sorry to hear about the loss of your husband and your son's father in Iraq. My husband is in the USAF (20+ years now) and I cannot imagine what it has been like for you. I think it is entirely normal for your son to be acting this way. While he is young, children are exremely smart and he surely knows something is not right. People talk and don't think about him being near or in the room; and he can most likely "feel" your moods, feelings, tension, sadness, and other emotions that go with your loss.

If I were you (I am a very well educated, M.Ed. HS English teacher who is currently a SAHM w/ a 4 year old little girl) I would take him to bed with me every night that I possibly could. I know the trend is for kids to sleep in their own bed but your situation isn't normal and if he needs you for reassurance, so be it. My daughter sleeps with us most nights. My parents were huge advocates of the family bed and all three of us sisters would sleep with our parents when we were younger. All of us are well adjusted women with children of our own in healthy relationships.

I love waking up with my daughter and seeing her first thing in the morning. Two years ago she almost died while we were living in England. So, I cling to the fact that she is still alive and is now healthy. Take him to bed with you, hold him, cuddle him, spoil him...and in return you are comforted, held, and secure feeling.

If you ever need anything please email: ____@____.com. I think you are extremely courageous and wish you the best of luck with your endeavors and with raising your little boy.

Again, my condolences to you and your son, and the rest of your family.

I am so so so sorry for your loss and that all the people had to talk around your son, that is uncalled for... My son was molested at 2 and a half by an eight year old boy... and a couple of years later started showing signs of not being able to deal with his emotions, we started him in play therapy and it was the best thing for him here is a link to expaline
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Play_therapy

I would encourage you to check it out and see if there is anyone around you that practices... someone that has been in it a while and with a two way window that you can watch... I am paranoid... sorry... but Iknow it worked well for my son!!

A.,

My daughter did the same thing at about the same age. She did not have the traumatic experience that your son has had. I was at my wit's end and really worried about her. It had been going on for months. My pediatrician suggested that I try 'dream spray'. It worked! I told my daughter that I bought it at the store and that it was very special. (I bought a spray bottle, filled it with water and scented it with some essential oil) Every night before bed she helped me spray it around her room. It really seemed to help her most nights. We did this for about 2 years every night. We even brought it on vacation. It seemed to give her the feeling that she could do something about it and feel a little in control.

I hope this helps!

-M.

i agree too maybe you both need eachother right now. he may not understand but he may sense your hurt. your a family cuddle and be close during this time...you will need eachother so much as the years go by and co-sleeping is a great way to bond. in time when things are better you can try putting him in his own bed again. it may help you heal too.

A.,
First of all, my prayers are with you and your son. I am truly sorry for your loss.

I believe that your son is feeling your pain and sadness. His world, as well as yours, has lost an important part. There is a hole in that world that he knows you can't fill. You can try but you will never be able to take his dad's place. Even though he is only about a year old, he senses things are different. But, if you keep giving him all of your love, and let him help you as well, you both will get through your loss.

Ask your pediatrician about melatonin. It is a vitamin that your body naturally produces but some people, including children, have a smaller amount in their system and need to take it at night. It is considered a sleep aid. It helps the brain slow down at night so he can have a more restful sleep. My daughter had night terrors after her father and I separated. She is 9 and she takes 3mg. every night before bed and she hasn't had any nightmares for quite a while. Ask his pediatrician about it. It might help him and you get a better nights sleep.

I hope that this helps. May God be you and him, always!

Take care and if you ever want to chat just drop me a line.

C. T.

A.,
I am so sorry for you and your son. My husband and I spent two years in Iraq and I have PTSD. I sometimes wonder if I passed some of that onto my daughter, she screams out in her sleep too. I take into bed with us. Its amkes all of us feel better. She knows she's safe and secure and we know that too. We are the only culture that says its "bad" to have kids sleep with us. Let him sleep with you, let him hopld on to you. Once he knows you're not leaving he'll slowly start working his way back to his own bed.
I am sorry for how ignorant people can be. In terms of brain growth babies are way smarter than grown ups. I wish you all of the best. If there is anything that I can do please let mek now. ____@____.com

Just trust your instincts. God be with you

I agree with the other mom, let him sleep with you if it works for you. My other thought, is does he have a lovey of some sort, or might he be ready for one. I hate security blankets, but we have a son (18 months) who spends every waking, and sleeping, moment with one. Ours is not a normal life, although not as difficult as your situation, and that security blanket has been a life saver for us. He sleeps very soundly with it.

I wanted to first say I am so sorry for your loss A., that must be so difficult and I am sure your little boy feels a lot of what you feel- he can pick up on your emotions, children are so sensitive.

Have you spoken with your pediatrician about night terrors? Or about your son's difficulty sleeping? If you are not interested in the co-sleeping, the dr. may be able to give you some suggestions and help. YOu have a unique situation but there are lots of sleep resources out there- great books that you might find helpful. Maybe even moving his crib into your room so you are there but not sleeping in the same bed... it really is up to you what you feel comfortable with. I wish you all the best.

Well what's wrong with bringing him to bed with you? If it comforts him and let's you get some rest, chillin out in the bed is just fine. My little one gets nightmares when i've had a bad day or seem stressed too. remember they (as in babies) rely on their Moms; mine cues in on my moods. Has he got his teeth yet? Maybe teething to. Remember you the Mom, you know what's best for your little one. If it starts to seem like it's detering from your or his health in any way seek out a trusted DR. Also if you need a break have a loved one (like grandma - grandpa)take him for a night so you can get some rest. I wish you the best of luck! :)

My heart goes out to you and your son. I'm sure you are correct, our little ones understand much more than most people give them credit for. Don't feel guilty for letting him sleep with you during this time. If it really worries you that he wouldn't be willing to sleep alone later, you could try something like a bear to keep company at night (with some sort of explanation) or a light projector with soothing music he can simply push a button to start it. Or music. There are very calming nursery cd's available. Or if you pray, yourself, maybe include him. For us, when our son was having nightmares, it was a combination of prayers, soothing music, and the projector that worked.

A.,
I'm so sorry to hear about your loss! I don't think anyone can tell you how an infant might react to that.

I don't have the same traumatic experience but my 8 month old went through a phase where he would scream out every night. Sometimes over & over. People told me it was night terrors but I also was told he was too young for that. I never let him sleep with me (or I wouldnt sleep!) but I ended up just waiting for the phase to pass. He'll be a year on the 28th & is finally back to sleeping normally most of the time. I wonder if he's just in the habit of being with you, like a baby who cries out & is fed at night out of habit, not hunger.

I hope you can find a solution quickly! Good luck!
T.