Is My 6 Month Old Punishing Me?

I'm thinking he might have just missed the special mom time and is trying to get it back as much as he can.

Hi K.!

Ain't motherhood grand?!?

My daughter is 13 months old and we both co-sleep and nurse whenever she requests it.

When I returned to work I noticed that she became more clingy and needy and that our nighttime nursing and snuggling became more important.

I've really relied on Dr. Sears' "the Baby Book" for guidance on how to be an attached, sensitive, cosleeping, nursing mom. In his book he says that good parenting doesn't end at bedtime, and I took that to heart.

Also, I have always gotten more sleep than most new moms because we cosleep and nurse: katie wakes up (barely), says "eeee" or "mm-mm-mm", I start to nurse, we both fall back asleep. If I respond quickly enough she barely wakes. The exception to this easy routine happens when she is (A) teething, (b) sick, or (c) needing extra reassurance.

Waking up and loving your baby during the night when he needs it is the best thing you can possibly do. You sound like a great mom.

P.S. My mom & mother in law BOTH make me nuts, even though their only intention is to be loving and helpful. Only you kknow your baby best....say thank you and don't let em get ya riled up. Your baby is just trying to tell you he needs you and when you give him what he needs he will ultimately grow out of the needy phase.

I know it feels like he is punishing you, he loves Mommy! and the relationship you two have with the nursing.
Congratulations for nursing this far.
I think you have to ask your self what will work best for you.
Your six month old is aware of your low milk supply and you might of notice that up until that point you were probebly having major nursing sessions about every 3 weeks or so do to growing, and your little one trying to increase your milk. This is probebly what is happening. If you want to continue to nurse but feel your milk is low, you can increase it by pumping every couple of hours, drink water every time you go into the kitchen and I tried mothers milk tea, which helped increase my milk when my guy was an infant.(Stop using it when you really want to wean)
If you are wanting to transition to a bottle part of the time, ( My sister used this method, as my ds never took the bottle)maybe you could try Dad feeding him his bottle before your last bedtime nursing session with him each night at about the same time of the day and you go for a walk out side or shower.
From that point you could add an extra feeding from the bottle, and I believe you could go back and forth.
Sometimes when the baby gets the hang of the bottle, they like it more then the breast, so be prepared and choose how you would like to continue on. Good luck! In a couple of months he will be eating more and more baby food, and little cereal snacks!

Hi K., Sorry to hear about your restless nights. I remember when my son used to sleep with us and nurse a lot. He might be going through a growth spurt which if he is going through a growth spurt, he would nurse a lot for a few days until your milk supply increased, then stretch his feeding to what it was before. If he is teething, then you might want to try some Hylands teething tablets. They are homeopathic and I have heard lots of moms raving about this product. Anyway, good luck to you and hang in there. It is only temorary. Take care, J.
Certified Birth Doula,
Lactation and Childbirth Educator

I have a 24/7 nurser too - and he's teething! Only because I let him. Babies do not know how to punish or manipulate. Babies will do what we train them to do - granted this may take a while (as my husband says, "Rome wasn't built in a day"). But you just need to be patient. My son is 7 1/2 months old and we just got him out of our bed last Thursday. He was doing the exact same thing, nursing every hour, wake up and in the long run it was making me miserable, the baby miserable and my husband, not to mention our dog that sleeps with us too! I felt like I couldn't give him my all as a mom - I work from home too. Last Thursday I finally had it, I had to let him cry it out in his crib. I laid him down and he cried for 5 mins. I went in and didn't pick him up, just patted him on the back and told him it was nite nite time and I loved him, let him cry for 10 more mins and did the same thing, then let him cry for 15 more mins and did the same thing, and I think 10 mins went by and the crying stopped. I went in and he was out! We have been doing this every night since and he sleeps for about 8-9 hours straight! I know this doesn't work for everyone and I was told this method long ago and wasn't ready to use it till last week (oh and I agree, if he goes about 45 minutes of non-stop crying pick him up, nurse him and try again when you think he has calmed down. So you are not alone, this happens to a lot of people and I know it is hard to hear your baby cry, but if he is fed and has a clean diaper, you know he is ok and crying will not hurt him.
Good luck, oh and btw, I used the More Milk Plus drops too from the natural food store and they work wonderfully, you can actually feel the let down! And it makes your milk taste great to the baby! LaLecheLeague says it makes it taste like maple syrup to babies!?!?

Hi K. - My daughter is currently breastfeeding and I feel like her own personal La Leche League (which, by the way, is an excellent source of advice...www.lalecheleague.org). I also breastfed both of my children to the 1 year mark and have given some effective advice over the years. I also work in the healthcare industry and have a friend in the lactation business.

So here's what I would tell my daughter...no, he's not punishing you, just needs reassurance. You probably aren't producing as much milk as you were before, which is why he is feeding so often...to build up the supply. Plus, he needs to know you are there. After having you gone for what probably seemed like an eternity to a 4 month old, he is pretty darn happy to have you there and wants to spend all the time he can with you. Once he forgets his feelings of "abandonment" (NO - you didn't abandon him!) he will be more secure about things, your milk supply will normalize to his needs and all will be right with the world again. Just relax, know it's a price for a breastfeeding mom to pay, and remember all the reasons why it was important for you to nurse. This will pass quickly...just relax and enjoy your extra time with your precious little one. :)

I had to comment...My son names is Aiden as well. I didnt realize how popularly it is! Next time, you need to go away for a period of time, make sure Aiden has a photo album to look at with lots of pictures of his mommy!

He may have just missed you and needs you around him. I know that babies really need mom around. In regards to breastfeeding, your body will make enough milk for him again, don't give up. He might not even be hungry most of the time, he just wants to feel you.

Hi K.,

I think the other posters have it pretty right. He's just building your supply. I struggled with supply the entire time I breastfed (made it to 13 months!!) and the supplement that actually helped me was More Milk Plus - you can get it at the natural food store. It doesn't taste great, but it is pretty darned effective. Just follow the dosing instructions and go off it once you feel really full to avoid engorgement.

good luck!

Hi K.. My son is 18 months and still does this. For some reason, he thinks I want to be woken every couple of hours. lol. Anyway, I think your baby is just trying to re-adjust. Don't stop co-sleeping right now. You can't change to many things at once you know. Try to focus on getting him traded over to bottles. You have to be patient and just let him cry. I know you don't want to hear him cry. I always jump up the minute my baby cries. But you just have to stop breast feeding. He will take the bottle when he gets hungry enough. Have you tried a new nipple on the bottle? My son will only take one kind. They have they bumps all over it. I believe they are called Parent's Choice. The sleeping longer will come in time. Most babies don't start sleeping all through the night until their like 6 months or so. Maybe he justs needs a little more time. Boy, I hope this helps. Good luck and Best wishes, T.

He is most likely trying to reconnect with you, and may feel a little insecure about the previous seperation. My son wont take a bottle anymore after we went on a vacation and he was given a bottle every night when he would wake up because my inlaws would watch him while my husband and I got to go out. If you just wait it out I'm sure he will settle back in. Let him nurse as much as possible and your milk flow will come back. Good luck ~V

No, Sweetie! Your 6-month old is not punishing you! He has separation anxiety from your leaving for a week! Also, he's reacting to your lack of milk that he was used to before you left.

Also, now is not the time to try to get him to sleep in his own crib if you haven't already been doing that. PLEASE do not misunderstand me for what I'm about to say because my intention is for you to understand the reality of the situation, not to make you feel guilty for going away for a week. But the reality is that he is simply responding to his environment. He is going to react to you differently than how he will react to Dad or some other caretaker. You're "Mommy" and he's not about to let you forget it! When you returned he realized that you had been gone. And now he's a little anxious. This will pass but you have work to do now. You have to hold him, feed him, keep him in your bed, and deal with lack of sleep until he feels secure again. We've all had to pay this price at one time or another. I had to do it with my son after being in the hospital for over a week when he was two. You have to give him extra attention right now until he feels secure again. If you don't do this you could cause him to be anxious for an indefinite amount of time. However, if you take my advice, he'll feel safe and secure and ready to explore the world in no time. This is a fact.

what is his daytime nap schedule like??? he might have his days and nights mixed up... if he naps alot you can try keeping him awake as much as possible during the day so that he is tired when its bedtime or have him take his nap as early as possible so that he has to wait a long time until he can go to sleep... he will be fussy for a couple of days until he gets onto a schedule but that will be a temporary thing... just keep him occupied by playing with him especially when he looks like he wants to fall asleep... all three of my kids slept in my bed when they were babies so if that is easiest for you then keep him in your bed...

K.,

The term co-sleep is new to me but I can tell you that having a 6 month old in bed with you is sure to lead to someone not sleeping the night through.

Your best bet is probably to have him sleep in his crib at night, if you want to be even slightly functional for the people who need you during the day.

My son went through something similar at 6 months (though he slept in his crib by this age) He was not hungry, he was social. Your little guy is probably going through the same thing.

I would recommend getting him into the habit of sleeping in his crib, the night through. As long as he has been fed, burped, changed, and tucked in, he shouldn't need a midnight visit.

You may need to be persistent with him and the first night will no doubt be the most difficult but do not give in. The habits you instill in him now will be the same ones you are dealing with when he is 8, if you're not careful.

Look at this way, you are setting precedence with him now for the behavior that you will have to deal with in the future. Bad habits are easier to avoid than to try and break.

Good luck! You can do it.

D.

HI. My name is K.. I am a nursing mother too. I have 3 boys and nursed them all. It sounds like your milk production maybe decreased since pumping is not as effective as the baby nursing. He could be feeding like this to increase your milk supply again. Breastmilk is digested easier than formula, so they empty their stomachs faster when they nurse.
I have a close friend who is a certified lactation consultant, she has been a blessing for me while nursing. If you have more questions let me know, I can run them by her or get you her info so you can ask her questions if you would like.

I don't think he is punishing you, it might just br theething, try Humphy's #3, as a pharmasist, they usually have it behind the counter. It worked for our daughter when she was theething, it helps put them to sleep, aparntly chamomile does that, it is one of the main ingrediants. The nipple on the bottle propably doesn't hurt him,infact my daughter would clamp on to the bottles nipple and pull on it to relive the pain and swelling on her gums.He might be frustrated when you breast feed him because you said you don't produce as much as you used to, try bteastfeeding to calm him,then offer the bottle.Good luck.

No i dont think he is punishing you. Children at this age can act differently to sudden changes. My son who is 2 now has always been really close to his dad and when he went out town for work and return 2 weeks later. He was 8 months at the time this happened. He would cry for him to hold him pretty much all night and we spent close to another week getting him back to routine. Just some of my thoughts. Hope it helps.

It sounds to me like he just might have missed you and can't get enough of you! If you feel like your milk is diminishing I think it's great that he is not taking the bottle because a pump does not stimulate milk production like the real thing (your baby) There is a supplement called FENUGREEK! they sell it in capsuls and liquid form! You want LIQUID. You take it between meals and you will be AMAZED how much milk you will make! Make sure you are resting (hard to do with a baby that wont sleep) Just take it easy!!DEEP BREATHING baby is also at an age where he is so exited about the world it may be getting harder for him to eat durring the day so he makes up for the calories durring the night! If your milk goes up and he still wont sleep let me know I've helped MANY MANY MANY mommies through sleep training.
GOOD LUCK
M.

Stop listening to your inlaws. A baby can't punish you - he is letting you know how he feels. He is old enough to drink with a cup. He might prefer that during the day.

One thing you might try at night is to put a "baby gate" at the side of the bed your husband sleeps on. Have Aiden sleep next to his daddy and just his daddy - that way he won't smell you or feel you and get the cue to nurse as much.

When he is given a bottle, is there a person at each end? he may be missing the closeness, and he's undoubtedly trying to build up your milk supply again. And teething could be an issue.

And seriously - would you want to drink your dinner through plastic? Ick!

I know its hard, but good for you for still nursing! Try to keep doing it for up to a year. There is so much good in breastmilk!

Also, read the Ferber book - DO NOT have it cry it out for long periods - if you do want him in a seperate bed, do it gradually.

Best wishes, C.

Your little guy can be nursing for the comfort it gives him and/or he is building up your milk supply to fit his growing needs. My kids all went through these spurts and they don't last long. Congratulations on continuing nursing and co-sleeping. While grandparents can have the best of intentions they are not always the best judge of our little ones. If he is wanting to nurse and you are able to, then nurse. He may have some insecurity from your absence, it will pass. He is certainly not gonna nurse for ever! Good luck!