Is There a Way to Not Have to Coax My Child to Do Everything?

Yes keep it up! This is the time for you to ALWAYS follow through when asking him to do something. Otherwise if you give in, he wonders if you'll do it next time, and this stage will last a lot longer. Some people just give in and allow their child to rule the roost, it makes for grumpy whiney children and they aren't happy with this control, and not one around them is either. You're the queen of the house and it sounds like you're balanced, considering his interests as much as possible. But he needs to learn that Mommy is the boss and you eat, sleep, and play according to her schedule. He'll get it. Best wishes!

Try talking back to him in the same voice he talks to you, my kids laughed and laughed, when he asks you something, whine, and say you want to play. It's different when you here someone else say what you say. If it does'nt work, at least you'll both get a good laugh. Good Luck

You honestly believe that your son should do what you want because he is only three. But your son honestly believes that he is a "big boy" of three and should be able to do what he wants. You will get a battle of wills if you want to turn everything into a struggle. You got excellent advice about allowing him choices, any of which are OK with you. I would add that it doesn't hurt at all to include him in the planning for the next stretch of time (evening, afternoon, whatever). Tell him what needs to be done, and let him choose the order. Present it as "I need your help, we need to plan the afternoon." Appeal to his sense of "I am a big boy now".
Good luck, L.

At this age kids like to assert their independence. Try giving him choices instead of telling him what to do. He'll be happier because he'll feel like he's getting his way and it'll work for you because you won't have to coax him into doing every lttle thing. For example: If you want him to eat his veggies at dinner, ask if he would prefer carrots or peas. If you want him to take a bath, let him pick which washcloth, soap and tub toys he wants to use each time. If you want him to come inside at 4pm and you know that he's going to protest, ask him at 3:45pm if he wants to come in then or play for 15 more minutes. Even if he picks 15 more minutes then he'll still be in by 4pm. You'll both be getting want you want. You have to choose your battles wisely when dealing with kids or everything is going to be a struggle. If there is a safety issue involved then you absolutely need to put your foot down, but otherwise try to include him in making daily choices that are going to affect him. It'll also help him learn how to make smart choices on his own when he's older. Good luck!

I really am with you! I have a 3 YO as well. Here is what works for us. For example it is story time. Give him choices of which book he wants to read tonight, either pick out the choices, or tell him to go get the book he wants to read. If he says he wants to watch TV, then say, I'm sorry, that wasn't one of your choices, and repeat the choices, if he still is persistant, we skip story time tonight, and move on to the next task ( teeth, or bed)

Just keep being persistant, believe me, doing it now, will make it a WHOLE lot easier later. I know it is very hard having a younger sibling who also needs you, but take the time to be firm.

I also have done things like say if my daughter is ready for bee by 8 she gets 2 books, 8:15 one book, and 8:30, no books at all. This works really well if you are out late, and gets them motivated, since they like the books, but they also like the cuddle time it gets them.

With playing, give him a 10 minute warning, then a 5, and then times up. If he gives you trouble, you can just pick him up, and not say anything. eventually they learn.

Three is a hard age! Hang in there mom!

I am with you, I call my kiddo's my 4 treasures from God! I am really trying to enjoy them.

Consequences. There needs to be consequences for poor choices. If there are no consequences there will always be a fight.

Time out, taking away a favorite toy, taking away a favorite show or video, not being able to participate in an event... whatever it is that will get his attention ... do it.

Give him a warning, tell him if he doesn't comply then the "x" will happen. If he doesn't comply FOLLOW THROUGH WITH WHAT YOU TOLD HIM IMMEDIATELY. It may take a week or so, but he will get the picture.

It is a matter of we, as parents, need to teach the difference between good choices and bad choices and that there ARE consequences for bad choices. Just yelling or telling them to do something isn't enough. There has to be something unpleasant that follows a bad choice.

Consistency and consequences. It will work.

I'd nip this in the bud real quick.
If he wants to play when it's time to eat, then he's out of luck until the next meal. He'll be hungry. And while it might sound mean, he'll learn real fast.

Or you can exert authority and tell him "No, it's time to eat, your toys will be there when you're done". Consistency is a key factor.

S. you have a lot of good advice. One person recommended love and logic I Highly recommended that. Love and logic tells us to let our children make choices when it does not effect anyone. Give them choices that you can live with. In some of the examples you used choices can be as simple as do want to eat lunch now or in 5 minutes. Do you want books before bed or to go straight to bed. Of course they say books. Than you say should we go to bed now or in 5 minutes when we give our child choices they feel inpowered. That way when we can't give them choices we can say you have made plenty of choices today it's mom turn to make a choice. Just remember giving choices is not going to end the battles at first. when they start throwing tantrums just say that is so sad that you are acting this way. time for a little quite time and until you can act sweet. There are 2 important rules with love and logic and making choices. #1 Only 10 seconds to decided and than you will decided. Once a decision has been made that is it. No tantrum saying that they changed there mind. It has helped with my son a lot who is three. When he is doing something wrong all I have to say is uh Oh and he stops dead in his tracks. Hope this helps. check out there web site. www.loveandlogic.com

all these given are good advice but i have to agree with the choices one. less arguments on both sides.

Giving warnings is the only way that I found to get my son to do what I tell him.

Give a five minute warning to what is coming up next. Five minutes before dinner, Three minutes till dinner time to start picking up your toys, One minute before dinner, time to wash up and get ready to eat. At first they will refuse. With in a short time, I found that it is effective. Don't stop. It does work. You will be tested at first. To see if this new behavior will continue.

And so the battle for independance begins! Try giving him two choices that you like. We can eat now or in 5 minutes. Do you want to read a book now or after your bath.
This way they get to make a choice and you still get what you need done.

Good luck!

S.

I will tell my 3 year old "I am not asking you to ____ I am telling you that you need to ____." It usually works!

Giving a 5 and 3 min warning also helps.

He is doing his best to assert his independence. It will pass, just be patient. :)

Hello S., I always found 3's to be much more head strong than the terrible 2's. Your son is finding his independence which is a good sign of his advancing development. What worked for me were 2 things. #1 Give him a choice between 2 different things at sceduled times of the day so he feels like he has some control over his life. This will prevent him from having the power struggle with you. Example: Would you like to eat lunch now, or play for another 5 minutes? If he choses to play then give him reminders every minute how many minutes he has left. When the 5 minutes are up, done! it's time to eat lunch. Lay out 2 outfits in the morning and let him chose one of them. Don't allow him to add other choices. If he throws a fit, then let him stay in his underwear in his room until he decides what to wear. #2 During fits, totally ignor him, don't talk, touch, or even look at him, simply walk away. Once he realizes that he isn't going to be able to push you around the power struggles will simmer down. Good luck.

S., have you ever heard of the Love and Logic parenting strategy? It's really fantastic. My favorite is the Love and Logic for Early Childhood book.

A big part of the technique is giving your child responsibility by offering them choices. For example, if you have a battle over wearing socks, you would say "Are you going to wear the red socks or the blue socks today?" Implicit in that question is the assumption that he will wear the socks.

It takes a while at first, but by using the question strategy you will eventually get a lot more cooperation. Children want to feel like they're in control of things, especially when they're 3. Love and Logic lets you give that control, help them practice independence and decision-making, and still leaves you in charge as the leader.

If I were you I'd get my hands on the book asap. It really helps!

Hi S.,
Have you read "Love and Logic" this book gives you tools to parenting so you are in control of your child's life with out lording over him so he feels like he has choices in what he wants to do. Such as you call him in for lunch and he says "NO I want to play more" then you say to him "it is X o clock now and it is time for lunch if you don't eat now thats fine but the next time you can eat is snack time at Y o clock (lunch is at 12 and snack is at 3) when he comes in at 1 p.m.. and says I am ready for lunch now you calmly tell him " lunch is now over and now you will have to wait until snack time perhaps next time you will come in and eat when I call you in" At three he is trying to take control and show you that he can do for himself and you want him to so you give him choices that give him ownership but you are still in control of his life for now. The key to parenting is let our kids make tons and tons of bad choices on small decisions so when it comes to big life choices they have learned how to make a good choice. ---M.

I too had a very difficult daughter. When she was younger and she really pushed for independence and doing her own thing. I one day realized how lucky she was to have been blessed and part of our family because as hard as it was we could manage her and help her be the best person she could be. She is 9 now. I use if / then statements if you don't come in the house and eat lunch now you won't be able to help me get the cookies out.....if you don't eat your dinner then you won't have dessert (and look at what I just invented).....and now we use if you don't do your reading homework now you won't have time for snuggling before bed. I always looked for things that appealed to her and were immediate consequences. I would also manage it to be something that was not really life or death but she felt it was, plus doing that "then" thing would always be fun. My husband used to laugh cuz he could not believe what would motivate her it might be you can help me empty the dishwasher or set the table :) I see now she is just not as stubborn or difficult like she used to be and she is truely making choices some bad some really good....but we learn from them all!

Good luck!

YES! But it takes serious discipline and consistency on your part...in addition to time. I started with "time outs" when my daughter turned 1. I started with one (annoying behavior) at a time...such as screaming. I followed pretty much the same steps as "The Nanny" on TV...except the length of time-out was much shorter due to age. After a week of this "teaching exercise" in regards to what's acceptable... I moved onto other behaviors such as the failure to come when Mommy calls for you, resistance to getting coat/ shoes on...and so on. My daughter will be 2 in May. If I get any whining/resistance from her... all I have to do is start "counting"...and she's cooperating by the time I say "2"...because when I say "3" she's going in time out (which she's never chosen to do over what I ask her to do). You HAVE to be very CLEAR with instructions, with what you're asking of your child, etc. You HAVE to be loving, always speak calmly/ respectfully to them too. It does work! And just BTW... my daughter actually goes into "time-out" less than once a week...this is oppose to when I first started with her... she would be in time-out say about 5-6 times a day for about 1 minute each time until she understood "the consequences"...which was sitting in the corner by herself.

Hi S.
Have you tried giving him warnings? With my boys (ages 3 and 6) I have had the same problem but I find life is easier if I give them a warning, such as "dinner will be in five minutes", then "two minutes until dinnertime". I use this at the park especially because they have a really hard time with leaving so I give them a five minute, two minute and one minute warning every time. It does make it easier for me because I am managing their expectations. Also, a good visual tool I have is an egg timer (an hourglass one with sand in). So I can say to them "when all the sand is gone it will be time to do.....", I also use it for timeouts so they don't keep asking "can I get up now" every 10 seconds lol. I found mine online and you can get ones that are three minutes or five minutes, different times.
Also, kids do need choice. So when you are able to give him the choice by saying "would you like to read books first or watch a movie first" or "would you like cheese or meat in your sandwich". Kids do well when they feel they're feelings are being taken into account, they are little people who are still learning the rules.
My youngest will now say to me "can I have two more minutes please?" and if we have time then I will allow it because I also got tired of the constant pushing and pulling with them. Sometimes you just have to tell them straight I need this done now.
I used to strees a lot over the argueing but my way of warning them has cut down dramatically on the battles.
Good luck, this will pass. :)

You should check out the Books on Love & Logic. Sounds like your child is strong-willed & wants to be in charge of the decision making. This form of parenting really works for those types of children (mine is now 4)!! It shows you how to give the child 'choices' that you offer. I.E. "Do you want to eat dinner now or in 2 minutes??" That is something that you can live with & he thinks he is powerful enough to have made the decision. Thing is: you have to hold true to what you've offered. FOLLOW THROUGH.
I took a parenting class (in our local Church)on Love & Logic, but Jim Fay & his son, Charles Fay, are the founders and authors of many great reads. A friend (who took the class with me) lent me her book: Love & Logic Magic for Early Childhood-Practical Parenting from Birth to Six Years. Fay & Fay are the authors. I'd check that stuff out-you'd be amazed what you can get your kid to do based on their 'power'!!!!
Also, if they are having a hard time making the decision you end up telling them "if you can't decide I'll make the choice for you & you might not like what I choose.' It works magic!!
Good Luck.
P.S. This is pretty much the same as what Sheri S. says below!! It's the way to go. I also found a timer helps in the times of coutndown. A small child has NO concept of mintues, so when you say "2 min's until bed" it could be hours before they were ready. I have a timer I set & it's VERY effective. When they hear it ding they know I mean business!!!!