Due to unexpected circumstances I had to enroll my 18 month old son in a Montessori pre-school for 3 days a week. We started him last week on Wed (3hrs) Thu (3hrs) and Fri (5hrs). All 3 days when my husband or I want to pick him up we were told he cried all day on and off and kept looking around for us.
Since he started he has not been eating well. He is hardly eating Anything!!! We used to be able to put him in his crib for naps and bedtime and he would just play a bit and fall asleep. Since he started school when we take him to his room he starts crying and screaming and clinging to us. If we put him in his crib he usually cries and screams for a while before falling asleep. He used to sleep through the night, now he wakes up several times, and cries for a minute or 2 before falling back asleep.
When he wakes up in the morning or from naps we go get him immediately, yet he screams and cries for the next 30-45 minutes before he calms down.
Also in the last several days, he cries in the car too every time we go somewhere. I wonder if he thinks we are driving to the daycare to leave him there and that’s why he cries?! He didn’t used to do this.
For the last 3-4 days, he does not want to have anything to do with me, he wont let me hold him, or do anything for him, he wont even look at me, all he wants is to be in daddy’s arms. Even then he still cries A LOT!!!!
This has been extremely frustrating for all of us. My husband is going back to work tomorrow after having 3 weeks off, and I don’t know how I’m going to handle him and his tantrums and our 3 .5 year old special needs son on my own.
As for my question, has anyone else experienced this with their child? How long did it last? I don’t know if this is considered Separation Anxiety, or if he is just feeling anxious all the time now and that’s why he is glued to his dad the whole time. Any suggestions as to how I can deal with his anxiety as well as my own now will be appreciated.
I’m also wondering if I should continue with taking him to preschool or maybe he is just too young and not ready for this. The plan was to have him in this school Tuesdays (7am to 3pm as I have to take my other son to a new program/therapy an hour away each direction ) Wednesdays (8am-2pm) and Thursdays (8am-2pm).
Please tell me what you think.
Many thanks,
S.
18 months is when separation anxiety really seems to peak. It will just take
time for him to adjust. He will adjust. They all do. Just tell him you will be
back and that he will be OK. Make sure your good byes are short and sweet. The longer you hang around the worse it will be. Just hang in. I know it is not easy, but you will do what you have to do to get your other son
to his therapies. Good luck.
Take a big deep breath and hang on. This is going to take some time. Your son will get used to things. But by the time he does, all the old routines will be forgotten and he'll be going through new stages. So don't mourn what was. Just move forward. The only other alternative is that you bring both your children to all appointments. That sounds like a whole new set of problems with so much time for such young children to be in a car and away from home a couple days per week.
This will pass and will seem like a distant memory, EVENTUALLY.
How are you leaving him? Be SURE he SEES you leave, so he knows you're gone and doesn't search for you. Sneaking is out is tempting because then YOU don't have to hear him cry, but it makes things worse in the long run.
Drop offs should be FAST and matter of fact-- if you have something to pass on to his teachers write a note or call them before or after wards-- no talking at the door. Just a quick hand thee kids over give him a kiss, tell him goodbye and LEAVE. Consiously work on projecting the idea "Of COURSE you'll be fine and OF COURSE you'll have fun and OF COURSE I'll be back" I swear when my sons in a bad phase I almost throw him through the door-- but the shorter the goodbye the shorter the fit!
And in my experience it comes and goes in waves! It starts around this age then gets better for a while and then worse for a while, then better for a while. I REALLY enjoy the phases where he runs in with a smile and runs out with a smile. Unfortunately those phases are balanced by the ones where he cries on the way in AND on the way out!
Does he have an ear infectiom or anything else wrong?
Beyond that, our son started a new daycare at age 2. He cried pulling into the driveway. He started biting other kids. He was the youngest and we found out some of the kids were the children of the helpers, which may have equaled favoritism. 4 months of this and we switched him to a relaxed, small home based daycare where he was the oldest. Crying and biting stopped immediately. This may not be the best spot for him.
Give it time. You seem to have your hands full with what's needed for your other son right now. Your 18 month old will adjust if he understands that this is the way things are.
Talk to the director about how they usually go about helping a child with separation anxiety. If they act like it is not normal, then I would consider that to be a warning bell for this particular preschool. It IS something that happens with children who have never been separated from their parents. They should know how to deal with this.
Good luck, and perservere on both fronts, with preschool and with your other son's therapy.
Dawn
Seems like he is having a natural response to being separated from his known caregivers/family.
Traditionally, kids are not considered developmentally ready for preschool separation until 2.9 years. 18 months is extremely early -- children can adjust to anything but the question is at what cost.
If the issue is to cover the time you are away with your other son for his classes -- can you consider (as someone else suggested) having someone in the house with this son while you are away? There is an immense difference between the attention he will get from an individual caretaker, and the attention he will get in a school environment where there is one adult for 12 children.
Obviously, there are tradeoffs, and you need to do what is necessary for your entire family. But if there is another option, I would consider it until he is older. In any event, his response seems entirely in keeping with a dramatic change in his caretaking. He is not old enough to understand the circumstances, and consequently is feeling the loss of mom and dad's presence in ways that are real (not just anxious or neurotic).
There's also the possibility that the preschool is not giving him the attention he needs, or that there are children there that are hitting or being problematic for him. You might consider sitting in and watching the group dynamics. But I think it may just be the fact that he is not with you that is the problem
Overall, I'm sorry I can't give you more help in managing the stress levels for you both in this current circumstance. I just think it may be too dramatic a change for his age and if possible, other options should be explored.
Good luck with this. You are clearly trying to do what's best for your family, and I wish you all the best.
If you don't have to put him in preschool for some reason, then take him out for now. Yes, it's likely separation anxiety. If you have to keep him in the preschool, then he will hopefully adjust.
Maybe another alternative is to have an in-home babysitter while you take your other son to the therapy?
