My ex and I have joint custody. So on Wednesday they go to school from here and dad picks them up. I send the kids to school with clothes that fit them and match. They come back on Friday or Monday in clothes that are mismatched, and too small.
I just sorted laundry and Andy has 10 pair of underwear that I couldn't possibly put on him. I am not sure how he made it through the school day without going mad. So now they all go in the goodwill bag and I have to go shopping.
I swear I think he does this on purpose so that he doesn't have to buy them clothes but my daughter swears he is just that stupid and doesn't do laundry until there is just nothing to wear. Who knows where the truth lies.....
So anyone else want to admit their ex swaps out clothes in this manner?
Oh thank god cause it is really bizarre!
Marda I talk to him, he denies he does such a thing. That all the clothes fit and match. Then he starts crying and saying you don't know how hard this is blah blah blah, sweet mother what a pain. I would love for him to send them back in what I sent them in. Oh and yes, his clothes are all nice, clean and match.
I even gave him my older perfectly functioning washer and dryer when my dad bought me new ones so he could do his laundry in house. Didn't solve the problem. Maybe I should wire a TV in his laundry room and perhaps an easy chair with some device that allows him to move the clothes without getting up. :p
Dawn, wedgy boy is the one with Autism. I really don't know how he made it through school but it does go a long way to explaining his habit of stripping the minute he gets home. :) My older daughter does the sorting thing when she is home for summer and school breaks, her words, I don't know what the hell he does with the clothes, they are just gone!
I worry because they won't even wear good shoes over there anymore because they couldn't find them to wear them home. I don't even want to know how messy his place is. According to said daughter it is a s...hole. He has a cleaning lady, what the heck!
Cheryl, I do that! That is how Christine matches them. I really have just grown to laugh about it. He is pathetic.
Pack them larger bags with all the clothes they need for their visit. Teach them to put the dirty ones back in the bags and get them to bring their dirty clothes back home to you.
It might help.
That used to happen to us! So no, you are not alone. My husband's ex used to "lose" all of our nice clothes. Then she'd "find" them when they were too small and give them back in a big plastic bag. She was not vindictive, just lazy.
My stepdaughter also got picked up from school and returned later, and we never saw our nice outfits again. It got to a point where she had 2 pairs of pants left that fit and three shirts!
So we did 2 things.
We went out and bought lots of cheap tee shirts or secondhand clothing in good condition. She went to school in a cheap, but clean outfit.
She had a "laundry bag" in her school bag. We drilled her that her dirty clothes from dad's house went in the laundry bag IN HER SCHOOL BAG as soon as she took them off. She got a treat if she came home from mom's with the laundry in the bag (she was only 6 at the time). We told her mom that our clothes went in the laundry bag, but of course her mom never made her do it. With a cheap outfit, it mattered less if the clothes didn't make it back.
Later when she got older and mom sent her in an outfit, we'd send her back to her mom's in the same outfit. Our clothes never go to her mom's house. She only goes there every other weekend now, but that has worked for us! No more lost clothing items.
As for underwear and socks--she's 10 and they still disappear and we're left with tiny, non-fitting underwear. We just suck it up. It's not worth arguing about! I'm constantly buying underwear and socks. I buy cheap and when she complains, I tell her that when she's responsible enough to make sure all her nice underwear doesn't end up at mommy's then I'll buy her whatever she wants. I'm not mean about that, just matter-of-fact. When she's a teen she'll either figure it out, buy her own underwear, or wear the cheap stuff I buy her!
It sucks for the kids, having this extra responsibility so if you can REWARD the behavior of bringing back your clothes in the laundry bag in their school bag, but let it go if they forget (hence the cheap clothes) it works out better for everyone. I used to reward her with a surprise from the dollar store (usually pens, pencils, hair bows, etc.) She loved it! I had to give her 1 reward a week so it came out to be $4 a month. Cheaper than buying clothes all the time!
Good luck!
OOOH J.!!! THIS SUCKS!!!!
How about doing this? Label Andy's clothes before he leaves for Dad's house...you know - like AW1, etc. in the waist band and take pics of the outfits then ask Tom where the heck the clothes are that you sent with your son?!?!?!?!
Or better yet - start charging him for the new clothes you need to buy for Andy!!!! That might stop him from doing it!!!
No, my ex NEVER did this. Thank God - I think I would've gone PSYCHO on him!!!
Mine does exactly that! You are not alone ;)
All of my divorced friends hae this issue.
Most men are lame in this way anyway (ha ha not nice but true) and he probably doesn't shop. This is much easier.
He may not be doing it consciously.
With my friends what happens is just what your daughter said, the dad doesn't do laundry. Lame, I know but what usually happens.
Sorry. I would just buy more and avoid the fight choosing my real important battles to fight. Good luck and hang in there.
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Hi J., this is so funny! Both my ex AND my husbands ex did this with our kids! So you know how we fixed it? We send them home in the EXACT same clothes they wear to our house. That way they only have *their* clothes and are not stealing our clothes. So that very first time we wised up to their sneaky tricks, whatever clothes the kids came home in that Sunday night, we put them back into the next time they went to the other parent. So yes, tight undies, mismatched socks, stained shirts, shoes, hats, coats, whatever. So now they NEVER have access to *our* clothes and shoes. It has forced them to provide for their own houses and not steal our stuff instead. We have been doing this for over 3 years and its worked GREAT! Didn't read your prior posts to see if anyone else does this but I hope it helps you, if not, to just know you are not alone! =)
Is your ex a good dresser for himself? If not, I doubt that he even realizes what he's doing and most likely doesn't think the clothes are out of line.
Have you tried talking to him about it?
My grandson's ex sends him back with the same clothes he wore when he picked him up even if they're dirty. That way each parent has their own set of clothes.
Since he takes them to school, perhaps you could send a second clean set with them and the father sends the dirty set back in the back pack.
After SWH: Sounds like he's the "it's someone else's fault" person. That type nearly always does not participate in finding a solution. I see what he's and ex.
Oh, yes! My husband's ex did this to us all the time. I was constantly shopping for the two kids even though she was supposedly responsible for providing their clothing (with my husband's generous child support check). She would send them to us for a four week summer vist with NO shorts that fit and two pair of underwear.... It was enough to make me bite nails.
They also NEVER had a haircut until they came to visit us. The only good thing I could think about this was - I got the fun of shopping with them, picking out the clothes they got to wear, and being the "good mom" at these times. She ended up looking like the stingy, self-centered woman she was to her own children.
I was never a shortage of money, even though that was the story she and her husband constantly told them. Their mother had a closet full of clothes bought for her by her mother (Grandma) from expensive stores/boutiques in Chicago.
My MIL resorted to one 'transfer' outfit, period. This is the outfit that the girls wear to their moms, and the outfit their mom has to bring them home in. Anything outside of that transfer outfit stays at the respective houses.
My husbands ex only sent them back when they were stained!!! Otherwise she kept them so I started sending her with only what she had on - and it was something cheap - clean and matched - but cheap!
yeah - this little one went on a visit to see father and that group ... she was sent w/pjs and change of clothes -- guess what has yet to make it back to me ... and it's been 2 yrs!
