"Just Pee in the Pool" and "We Are Going to Eat off Your Plate"

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Way to go for speaking up. She doesn't seem like someone that would be much fun to hang out with anymore.

It's not about the money. It's about public etiquette. She doesn't care about others and is teaching her kids the same. Sad.

You're my hero! You reacted the way I would have wanted to react in situations like that. I'm usually so taken aback that I clam up and stew about it later.

One null issue: Even though her husband makes good money, if they are living beyond their means, they are probably broke and heavily in debt. Maybe that's way she was acting like such a cheapskate.

RUN AWAY!!! And never look back! ;)

I only have one thing to say to you that I hope you keep in your head....

......"money cant buy you taste or class"....

Yes, this relationship has run it's course. Let it go. It doesn't matter how much the husband makes...his wife is an ill mannered pig!!

OMFG!! And I don't use <---- that often. Ok never!! That is the most disgusting mom EVER!!!! My mom is often like her when it comes to fudge so that I"m used to. But to just let her kids eat of of your plate?? PEE IN THE POOL???? UGH!!!!!!!!! If you could hear what is going on in my head, you would know for sure that you are not over reacting. Shew threw $5 at you?? What a child!!! I strongly believe that we all need to be mentally evaluated before we have kids, and those that don't pass should be sterilized. That is awful! She is teaching those poor kids to be disgusting and awful members of society!!!!!!!!!!!!! No, no, no you are not over reacting!!!

Oh my gosh! How awful is this woman???? I would have such a hissy if I was you. It irritates the hell out of me just reading this. I probably would have told her, how gross, and inappropriate her and her children were, and that I would like to never see them again.

You are sooo not overreacting here! You have every right to be mad and disgusted. It was terrible what she did and is teaching her children to be. I would cut all ties with them.

GOOD FOR YOU, for speaking up.
You have a backbone!

I would be, just as repulsed.

I would not hang out with her anymore.

What a bad influence on her kids, her kids are turning out JUST like her.
That is no surprise.

Again, I say, GOOD for you!

Your Husband, should be GLAD he does NOT have a Wife like that, nor kids like that.

Ughhhhh! No, I would NEVER EVER EVER spend time with her again. I would have a hard time even having a cordial relationship via Facebook with her after that! Wow. She behaved incredibly rudely. It does not sound like she considered your feelings or the feelings of anyone else. Do not feel bad about ending this friendship. It sounds like she has changed too much.

She's obviously got some issues of which you're unaware. Minimize contact.

I agree with you 100% not the kind of family i would hang out with. J.

Wow! What a horror!

I think it might be time to start limiting your involvement with this woman and her children. You can't change her, no matter how blunt or polite you are. If she asks why you're spending less time together, I would politely ask her if she'd like the list numerically, alphabetically or in oder of grossness. The last will likely be a big heads up to her as to your points of concern, but if she persists, tell her what you've said here. You don't want to associate with parents who allow their children to share food at a restaurant, lick tables, pee in pools and bully sales clerks. For the sake of your physical and mental well-being, all future visit should be kid free events. If her poor behavior continues on the kid-free (such as bully sales clerks or wait staff), call it quits entirely.

People change. It's a fact of life. Don't waste time on someone who is so unpleasant to be with.

Good luck.

I don't mean to mimize your heinous experience, but it makes me feel very lucky that my friends aren't this way.

I do agree with you that this woman does not sound like an attractive person to be around anymore. If you don't mind sharing more info, where your children around for any of this??? because i would be livid if my kids picked up on this behavior.

Seriously? It sounds like this mom is lazy. I have a three year old son and would never just let him pee in the pool or do those other things. It really sucks having to get up sometimes to do things so often for your kids, but this is how they'll learn how to be a responsible person! Her kids are going to grow up just expecting the world to bow down to them. Definitely speak up and put her in her place! Friends don't treat eachother like that and let their kids walk all over others!

Sometimes the only option is to be blunt. Your friend is doing a major disservice to her children.
She is raising them to be brats and have zero manners. I would cut my ties with her if I was you.

I think everything you did was appropriate. Good for you for sticking to your values and your guns. Not many people would do that b/c they don't want to be confrontational but sometimes that is what it takes.

She sounds like a lazy mother and an icky person. Her poor kids will grow up to be rude slobs with no manners and she will quickly lose friends if she keeps this up. But her and her kids' well-being are not your problem - cut ties and be done with it. You're right, she's just gross.

I sort of hallucinated after the wee wee in the pool scenario-but-I would not be around this gal again-and however much you think her husband earns-it is clearly not enough.

Since your friends, do you know much about her childhood? Was she raised like this? And it all just came out now with the kids? Or has she just abandoned all hope and given up trying to raise respectful, decent kids?

You are completely sane and might I add, I'm uber impressed with your appropriate responses to her!!! Most would be quiet and just never call someone on that behavior in public. Good for you.

And regarding the money, one of the grosses homes I looked at recently while we were looking as a rental asking $5500/month. Disgusting, filthy, cat feces and urine everywhere, rotting trash on the countertop.....and the agent wanted us to remove our shoes. Two steps in I said Hell No.

Yep, time to move on and forge new friendships elsewhere. I would avoid all get togethers, even phone calls and txts from her. It's sort of being passive aggressive, but maybe she'll get the hint. She did ask you at the pool whether you thought she was gross. And you were honest.

Alrighty. . . . I would be offended too. I wouldn't be dining, swimming, or shopping with them in the near future.

You certainly didn't over react. She did some tasteless things. I'm glad you spoke up. Maybe she'll change her ways, knowing others think some of the things she did were tacky and gross. I would cut your ties but be nice about it if she ever confronts you.

As someone who has a pool in their backyard I do not allow ANYONE to pee in my pool! Yuck! That is nasty! Good for you for taking a stand.

Never in a million years would I let anyone eat off my plate - I swear I would put some on a separate plate for my own daughter - yuck! She just decided that her kids would share YOUR dessert without asking you? Seriously - she's got one big set of you-know-whats! Don't even get me started on the pool thing. I do understand that a very small child might pee by accident (isn't that what chlorine is for?) but to instruct your kids to pee in a pool??? So if everyone who goes in a hotel pool pees, you want to swim in that?
I think your words/reactions were appropriate. I also think if I were you, I'd lose her number and forget to return her calls.

No, it is not over, you can't lose something you never had and I don't think this women was really your friend. Please tell me she didn't move to NJ!

I don't think she is a true friend.

To have your kids pee in a pool?! YUCK!!! I know they have chlorine and the like - but still!!

The fact that the kids didn't STOP when you said NO!! OH MY!! I think I would've gone PSYCHO!!!! No kidding. No exaggeration.

You don't need people like this in your life. Drop her like yesterday's paper.

Oh no hon...You are DEFINITLY not overreacting! I would be FURIOUS if someone did that to me. I've had 'friends' do me dirty but never would I ever allow my kids to do that to someone else nor would I do that to them & I expect the same from my friends, I'd definitly would not allow them to treat me that way. You're like me, I expect deportment & decorum & just plain manners from everyone & most of all, respect. She was definitly not being respectful of you at all. If she ever asks you out again, I would decline & tell her why. I'm not sure if you were looking for replies to help you know what to do in this situation or how to ask for some kind of reimbursement or just to ask opinions. There may not be much you can do about your lost dessert but you can definitly not allow this to happen again. If it were my dessert & someone's kids at the table did that to me...I'd shove it towards them, let them go at it then order me another one on a seperate check & make them pay for the first one. Hope this supportive reply helps, good luck!

Doesnt sound like someone you need in your life. Maybe 15 years from now, but not right now for sure.
When you start to clash with a friend, it's best to put some distance and time between visits in order to preserve the friendship.
You might bring up in a phone convo something like "I cant help but notice how much you've changed, I never would have thought you would raise pool pee'rs and it still freaks me out that you let your kids attack my dessert....Has this happened to you because of MOTHERHOOD?"
Maybe you'll get the answers you are looking for if you just ask.

Not overreacting. Totally gross on all levels.

Ever hear the saying that money can't buy class?

Something to think about: just because her husband makes a really good salary, and they live in a nice house (btw: $350,000 around here will buy you a 40 yr old rundown townhouse is some neighborhoods) doesn't mean she has money. Maybe they are maxed out and her assumptions at lunch were due to that. Or maybe having the second (+?) kid isn't what she thought it would be and her laziness is really depression.

I had a customer like that. I photographed her 2 children's birthday party for an agreed upon price. After I did it, she said she wanted all the photos and asked for a price. When I gave her a price, which was at a discount, however, not discounted enough, she sent me a message that she was only trying to help me out.

She lives in a gated community, on the golf course, drives a Cadillac SUV, her husband is a doctor, and she has a catering business. Her home was far more than $350,000.00. I could have used the money, but what is business when you allow people to name their price.

Good for you! you need to stand up for your boundaries and what's right! Geez, it really makes me mad when kids have no respect for people or boundaries of others! People are just feeling so entitled to do whatever they want these days, it's sad and creating kids that will do the same! ugh! Get rid of this one and find someone with class!!!

nope totally not over reacting.
Something simular happened when I moved away from where my "bestfriend" was she did somethings I thought she would do and now she's "un-friended" me on facebook because of something someone I don't know did and she puts me in the same lot with him.
Anyway long story short, people change and you totally didn't overreact, I would have said the same thing and prob worse, it sounds like it's time to move on from this "friend"

Very uncooth!!! Sorry you experienced this..Unfortunately, there are so many people out there like this...Minimize contact...Very gross indeed. Glad you spoke up.

Hmm... I have a couple of reactions to this. No, I do not think you are over reacting. BUT, if this were me, I would have been offended that you called me out in public. It is one thing to disagree about behavior and another to get into it in a restaurant. A nice, quiet conversation once the kids had all gone to bed would have been more appropriate.

On the other hand, I would never have allowed my children to do any of that and would have been incredibly embarrassed if they had. We share food all the time in our family, but we also respect each other enough to ask permission first. We also teach our children to ask permission from someone else if they would like to share. It is not always assumed and in our house, it is not a requirement.

I do think your friendship may be over.

Why would you want to be friends with someone like that?

I'm just really glad I don't live anywhere near this woman because that means my kid won't have anything to do with her kids. She's raising a couple of ill-mannered hooligans and I don't think I could just stand by and continue to be friends with her. Time to bid this one good-bye.

Not Over reacting!! Just be glad he didn't poop in the pool!!! I would've flipped a lid either way!!! I agree with the poster that said people need to be screened before having kids! Ugh!! Just nasty!!

Wow. You had me at peeing in the pool. I would've been done right there.

she is crazy...good bye.

This woman sounds like a pig! I cannot believe she would tell her kid to pee in the pool. Her kid will grow up being a lazy pig too. Disgusting. I wouldn't be able to stand her for that alone, but the rudeness at the restaurant too. It's just too much. I would stop talking to her, and if she wants to know why, be perfectly honest with her. Clearly, she doesn't care about your feelings so why hold back?

Because she's moved away it probably won't be very awkward to disassociate with her. It sounds like she doesn't have a lot of manners and I'd be embarassed to have been around her! Perhaps a quiet conversation would have been a better way to communicate but honestly it doesn't sound as if that would have helped. I would just let things fall away naturally.

I do agree that some of the things were really gross, especially peeing in the pool. However, you reacted quite strongly to someone who is supposed to be your friend. It seemed like you attacked her without trying to talk to her or understand where she was coming from. How many kids does she have? Could it be that she takes care of her kids all day by herself without any help and was just so exhausted she was just drained? I'm not making excuses for her allowing her son to pee in the pool, because that is just disgusting, but did you ever try to understand the situation instead of just telling her it was gross?
When you got your dessert at the table, it's understandable for the kids to go for it and I do agree that she should have said something to her kids not to touch your food. I would never allow my kids to behave that way but then again, she may have a totally different situation. I'm not saying her kids should be allowed to behave like that but you came across as holier than thou and you seem to be judging her and all her actions. Sometimes friends don't act the way we do or the way we want them to, but sometimes you have to accept them the way they are. At least you don't see her regularly so way not let some things go when you see only rarely? I have a couple of friends whose parenting styles I don't care for but since we only see them once in a blue moon, I try not to focus on those things.
Again, I'm not saying you were wrong but maybe just be a little more open minded and supportive of your friend.

yup. friendship over.

Wow. Good riddance.