Strange Family Member

She is nuts. Lacks all social graces. Assuming she is a nice woman, I woudl keep inviting her, but I would not hesitate for a second to say NO when whe comes anywhere near me, my hubby, my kids, or my friends plates and cups. Just say NO, and if she looks offended, say, "Sorry, I dont' like other people's hands on my stuff."

Gross.

uuugh. ew!?

i would be trying to sit as far away as possible!! and find out something she won't eat and order THAT!! if there is such a thing?? lol!

yikes. good luck! that would drive me batty!

Man! She missed out on the home training huh??? That's so rude and juvenile and I think if she tried that with me she would get a fork in the hand! She would no by no uncertain terms she is not to eat off of my plate nor my family's. That's just weird!

Ahahaha sounds like my ex, lack of boundaries and all that.

You do know that is what your fork is for, stabbing?

Protect your own turf and let other's fend for themselves. If she wants to eat others' leftovers, let her. It's a bit off-kilter, but perhaps she doesn't like to see food go to waste? Perhaps she'd got a bit of a mental health thing going on? Who knows. Just make your plate and cup off limits and ignore it.

Keep telling her about the strange disease your family has been passing back and forth, the one that causes severe, sever diarrhea and vomiting.
Tell her she's brave to share with Auntie who keeps getting cold sores, could that be herpes? It sure looks like herpes and now her hubby has been getting them.

I think that it's funny that this bothers you so. I mean, I think that it's zany, but you should probably just mind your own business like she said. If other people are fine with it.... If she asks or reaches for YOUR plate, then tell her no. You don't need an excuse--just no. I don't see what the big deal is.

Lol, one day a couple of years ago we were having a luncheon at work. We ordered Chinese food to the office. One of the older ladies was sitting next to me. She looked over at my plate and said, "Oh, what's that?" and reached over toward my plate. I instinctively blocked with my arm. And them again. I'm glad that I didn't stop to think about it because I wouldn't have been quick enough. At least the person in your case asks, giving you an opportunity to say, "No".

To tell you the truth, the next gathering you have with 18 people I would sit on the same side of the table at the far other end so I can't see it. You will never change her. Just thank God you don't live with her and that you aren't subjected to this on a daily basis.

You'll never change her. When you eat with her in future, ask the waiter to bring you an extra, clean plate when he brings your orders. Then, just give her a small portion of whatever you ordered, have your kids do the same, and tell her that is it, no poaching off of your plates from that point on. No backwash, no germs, and maybe she will be shamed by your upfront approach. Or maybe not. Either way, it'll save you the nastiness of having her get in your food. That's just disgusting.

She needs to mind her own plate! Try to sit away from her as others have said, but if you can't and this is in your comfort zone.... watch and when she makes a move to do something like running her finger through your food, say (very loudly sharply to startle and stop her) "NO!". Sounds like dog training, eh? Exactly what I do if a dog I have goes for something it shouldn't. Frankly this sounds like the type of behaviour modification she needs. If she says "Mind your own Business", tell her You are, your plate is your business not hers!

If this relative wants to take from plates, then make sure it's not yours. You can't keep her from mooching off everybody else, but you can tell her to keep HER fingers off YOUR plate, your child's plate and not drink your drinks, etc. I would sit as FAR from her at the table as I could. On the one hand, she might be trying to save costs, but on another, that's rude. When you are done what you will eat, ask for a takeout container. If she asks for your plate, say, "No, I'm taking this home."

Tell your children not to share food, either. It's one thing to offer a bite. It's another to have someone just take it.

YUCK!! I don't care if we are related or not - that's just yuck! I don't want her germs or her backwash.

I would NOT sit next to her in the future.
If you are not a person that likes confrontation - then sit elsewhere. if you are a person that can deal with confrontation?

Do what my husband did to his sister when she grabbed at food on his plate - stabbed her hand with a fork. Yes, it was extreme - but she NEVER took another bite off his plate.

Sometimes you got to do extreme things. Sounds like she needs extreme. How utterly rude and disgusting.

We all have the "strange" family member.....I heard a great saying...."if you don't know who it is....it's YOU"...that always cracks me up.

As for your "pass me your plate relative".....you ALL will have to start saying NO, if you want to order more, I'll call the waiter.

Blessings......

man if someone other then my grandma husband or child tried to get something off my plate with out asking they will get a fork to the hand! they know better i could not tolerate that!

She is either clueless, doesn't care, has no boundaries, or has a very weird psychological issue. But it's not your problem, really. It just drives you crazy. Try to sit where you can't see it and don't let her weirdness ruin your time.

I would not want to go out to eat with this person...it would be embarrassing. Next time she tries this with you, tell her no and that she is rude. And when she tells you again to mind your own business, your reply should be "Excuse me, but my plate and my children's plates ARE my business...please leave them alone".

I have two of my kids who share a birthday, 8 years apart. =) I would bring it up with her while it's happening. If she dips in your plate, say right away, "Stop that, I mean it!" or something like that.

Oh, I thought you went out to eat with my sister...and realized you're in a different state...

A few years ago we found the best gag gift for her...it's an extendable fork!!!

So here's what we did....we played reverse psychology...I picked up a few of those extendable forks, passed on to my other sister at another Italian Restaurant....Bucca di Beppo....and proceeded to take all the food off of her plate....and then overly protect our own....and of course she doesn't take well to teasing....most people like that seldom do, as they are poor self-analyzers.....anyhow...it WORKED!!! Yeah!! She stopped from then on taking food from others plates at restaurants around us...who knows what she's like with others or at home?.

We still have to protect our own plates. And I would recommend you guard yours....otherwise, if she's not bothering your plate, not much you can do about it.

I come from a huge family that religiously practices the "Waste Not, Want Not" theme. So, this has always been her justification. And the MMOB doesn't hold, b/c it is your business if she's consuming you're plate. What if you wanted to take it in a doggie bag?

Eeeeewwww! Gross! I only take bites from my husband or children's plates and ONLY after asking. I do this with my own fork after they have moved a portion for me. How rude. All of the people in my immediate family would have forked her. We are a forking people. Reach into my plate without permission and the offending hand is stabbed with the fork. It is our unspoken rule. Outsiders learn quickly. I would make sure me and mine sat far, far from her at dinner.

Ok, I see you are getting responses on either side of the fence. Let me tell you what happens in my extended family.

Whenever we go out and someone tries a new dish, we will often share a bite with anyone who would like to try it. None of us are germaphobes, so we cut the bite with our fork/knife and pass it over to the other person's plate.

At the end of meals, my dad often gathers up leftovers from everyone's plates (if we are not taking them ourselves) and makes himself a little buffet to have later. I have no problems with it.

What I do have a problem with with your family member is if she is flat out asking to finish up people's plates, or do they offer them to her. I worry too about the amount of food she is consuming. Olive Garden is not known for their low-cal/low-fat dishes, along with most other restaurants.

As for the drinks, restaurants are committing highway robbery with the amount they charge for cokes and tea these days. So, I can't blame her for drinking her children's drinks. My hubby, son, and I sometimes share drinks at restaurants, sometimes because of the cost, sometimes because of the mere size of the drink. But, if I'm not in the mood to shell out the dough for a DP, I'll just get water.

Oh, sorry, I got mixed up. Thought you were talking about my family member who also is missing a few teeth (previous fork problem) and in addition leaves food with no plate under it, on top of the table (pet peeve of mine as I have seen other people put shoes and things on tables, ick, ick). Oh don't get me rambling.
Then I can start with my husband's relatives who just go drink out of other's glasses (not just one relative, but a number of them).
My mother only had to give me THE LOOK and I wouldn't do anything like that.

"I'm taking mine home!"

Actually, my family and friends often do DIY "tasting" menu type things where we all trade portions, bites, or just put the dishes in the center and eat family style.

So I hardly find the practice odd, unless you're the only one doing it. One needs to be in a group of people where true (many restaurants offer these) or DIY tasting menus are the norm.

When I'm out with non-sharers I always plan on bringing my leftovers home. Nope. Sorry, Mine.

That doesn't sound too bad or crazy at all. Don't say anything about her behavior unless she asks you for your plate or drink, then tell her you are planning on having the leftovers for lunch tomorrow and will be needing a doggie bag.
There is some magical thinking for weird eaters...calories off someone else's plate don't count!!

My son almost went to work there as a waiter! He's at Shogun. He has some wild stories, but this takes the cake.
I agree to sit as far from her as possible and get a "to go" box for your family.
Is it possible she has an eating disorder?

That is interesting. In my family, we will offer a sample each other's plates but sounds like this lady is taking it to a whole new level!! It might irritate the living daylights out of you but unless she is doing this to your meals/drinks, I wouldn't say anything. The other adults need to speak up.

I agree with the others that have said try to not sit by this family member in the future - and I agree her nasty habits are her own business BUT when she's trying to eat off your plate / drink your drink then it is your business especially since it bothers you!

My husband is sitting her looking over my shoulder and he made a good point - could this family member have an eating disorder? My sister loves to pick at her food and others food - she will never eat much of anything but will pick, pick, pick at everything and it's rather annoying. She also will order water when out but then drink our drinks. She's my sister and has done this as long as I can remember (she's very conscious of her weight and so worried about gaining a pound of two) so it doesn't really bother me much - my husband thinks her behavior is totally gross! Whenever she's at our house she just picks at everything in our cabinets / fridge - I have to remind her that if she takes a cookie she has to eat the entire cookie and not leave a half eaten cookie for us to find later, same goes with ganola bars, bananas, cans of pop, snack size bags of chips, prezels, etc and with ice cream she'll just take a spoon full and then another one but has to be reminded to use a clean spoon each with each bite!

That's just plain uncooth and gross LOL! It's one thing if she's in her own home at her dinner table...Out in Public like that...eww...I hope you weren't sitting close to her ;)

This is downright gross! I would simply tell her that you're taking your leftovers home. If everyone else wants to share with her, that's their issue. Let's hope she's only drinking her own kids' drinks. I wouldn't do it because kids backwash in their drinks all the time, and I find it appalling that she would drink out of anybody's else's drink. Nasty!

I do the finish the plate thing with my kids or hubby, but NEVER another family memeber. I do have an inlaw that will sample everyone's meal, some drinks, and everyone's dessert. Its just who she is. We make snide little comments like offering her stuff first before we even eat...

Ewww....Don't pass your plate!!! blech! BUT, if no one else is saying anything to her than it's up to you how you want to handle it. You either don't invite her or you put up with it. I am forward enough that I would say something to her in front of everyone..."Sarah! That's nasty." but that's just me. And to share people's drinks...blech. ESPECIALLY kids! They backwash so bad. It's making me a bit sick to even think about.
L.

Really, just say "no" for you and your children. No, No, No...uh Mo, No that won't work out, No, I don't want that!

This is your child?? How old is this person? If they were still below the age of 18 I would punish them for this behavior and not allow it. It is your job to teach manners. If they are grown I think I would still say something. It sounds like an eating disorder to me. Eating and sucking on everyone's plates and food and drinks... Really? Plus if they were my children they would not tell me to mind my own business no matter what age they were.

that is so gross! i would sit far away from her. i would also tell her to stop being hellen keller and back up off my food. she has bigger problems most likely though.

She would not touch my plate. Shame on the others for allowing this.

We used to go out to eat on Fridays with friends. What ever we did not eat my friends husband would eat. It was better than the food being wasted. He would have everyone's plate by him at the end of the meal. So do I think this is nuts, not really.

Ok, actually asking people to pass their plates to her is a little wierd but in our family, we share everything everyone has ordered. I think it's wierd when people DON'T offer a taste of what is on their plate. I would not drink other people's drinks but we are a family share drinks, what is the big deal about drinking some of your kid's juice if you know he or she will not finish. Ok, the using your fingers on something drippy is a little messy but I guess your story is not as "shocking" to me as it is to others.

WOW! is my initial reaction. Sharing food with your kids fine, drinks not so much....eating OTHER peoples food is just rude! Now if I had a stirfry and she ran her finger through the juice in my full skillet of food....that would be beyond the line of sanitation for me. I firmly believe in having a family dinner at the table....no one is supposed to "snack" on the food before it is served or even touch it for that matter. I would have to say that unless she is your MIL I would give it to her straight. Tell her that she needs to stop and act like a lady. I know that with it being family you have to watch the lines of where you step. So I wish you the best of luck! Merry Christmas :)

Hope your not having stirfry. lol