Keeping 3 Year Old Loudmouth Quiet While I Nurse Her Brother?

You've received some good advice already. Could you try a star chart? Maybe one star for every 5 minutes that she is quiet, and when she reaches 8 or 10 stars, then a prize/treat is awarded? Then stretch it out a little longer. Good luck!

Any chance that she could snuggle up to you while you are nursing and have a baby doll that she could "nurse" too? That way both of you can sit quietly and nurse your babies and she won't feel left out.

If she is looking for attention, make a deal with her that if she can be quiet for awile, maybe put in a movie, then you will give her special time when you lay the baby down. This will start teaching her about sharing and respect. Make your special time fun for just the two of you.

You've received a lot of good advice about how to proactively deal with the situation, and I agree you should try their ideas. However, your daughter is not too young for discipline when she disobeys. Set her up with an activity, or read to her, or whatever you choose, but make it clear that she is not allowed to be noisy, and that if she disobeys you she will be punished. Whether you choose a swat or a timeout or whatever your discipline is, three is not too young to start learning that mom's in charge, and that her brother is just as important as she is.
My third daughter is 10 months and I still have to get after my 4 and 6 year olds for being noisy during nursing/nap time. Our policy has always been that the baby needs to learn to sleep through normal household noise, but that the rest of the house is not allowed to do anything that creates abnormal noise (i.e. running/shrieking down the hall, yelling, throwing closet doors open, etc.) At least they're old enough to keep themselves occupied without wreaking havoc on the house while I'm behind the baby's closed door! It is something your daughter will learn with your continued consistency and patience.

You may not agree with this, but it is an option. I've had to move into another room when I want to nurse my 11 month old. My 3 yr old will come into the room and it distracts her. so when he is headed into the room I tell him what I am doing and that he needs to be quite. He is great in going into the living room to read or play in his moon sand (Great stuff from Walmart). But we've had to do some training to get this to happen. If he doesn't obey, I'll put the little one down and give him a spanking/swat. since he does respond well to that, I can also tell him that when I am done he will get one, if he isn't quiet. Many folks don't believe in the spanking business, but it has worked for us. Whatever you do, consistancy is the key.

Hmmm.... it's a tough one. I think the idea of having her sit down with you while you nurse the baby is a good one... maybe watch cartoons quietly or you could read to her while nursing the baby, so that you can model very quiet voices and remind her to keep her little voice down. Then, as soon as the nursing is done, reward her for being quiet with something that she loves to do, or a treat only for big girls, etc. Let her do a really loud activity when the baby isn't sleeping or nursing, and remind her when she's doing it that it's fine for her to be loud at some times but that she had to be quiet at other times.

I think that trying to "hide" from her noise is increasing the likelihood that she will come find you while you're nursing the baby. You may want to explain to her that if she interrupts the feeding time, then it will take longer for you to finish with her brother, and that means you won't be able to help her with what she needs from you. Maybe set an egg timer in another room that she can see, so that she can see whether it's time to quit being quiet or not yet...

Good luck!

A lot of great ideas here. I know from my experience that when my son was little and I resumed caring for an older child I'd worked with previously, the relationship really did change. The little girl realized that she had to share my attention, and she had lots of feelings about it! It was hard sometimes, but certainly my work as the adult was to allow her to talk about those feelings, especially the negative ones. (and there were plenty!)

It really helped for us to engage in stories while I nursed. In fact, I began to get into the habit of deferring storytime until then. When she brought me a book, I'd tell her to put it in a pile, and I would read to her while I was nursing. When I wasn't nursing, it was time to do other things together, like painting or playing a game, etc.

Another thing we sometimes do, when we need quiet in the house, is to play a whisper game. See who can be the quietest. My work situation has changed and I now have two loud-mouthed 5 year olds-- so when things get noisy, I send them under a table covered with a blanket or something similarly cozy. I've noticed that when they have a smaller space, it seems to take less noise to fill it.

Turning off the lights and lighting candles is also a very pleasant way to bring the mood down a bit. Letting your daughter pick out a few scented "quiet time" candles is lots of fun, from the time you smell them at the store to the time you light them and set them up high to enjoy the light and fragrance.

One more thing I have to add-- your daughter isn't alone. There are plenty of loudmouthed people in this world, and a lot of kids run at full-volume. For many children, every idea seems of the utmost importance and worth their full enthusiasm. Give it time. She just wants to be heard. ;)

You've got 2 problems. 1st you want your baby boy to get down to business when you're nursing him. He's at the age where he's becoming more aware of what's happening around him. A great thing!!! Now think about this, do you ever sit down and eat a meal non-stop? without looking around or talking with someone? Not letting the mouth clear before you fill it again? Same stuff here. Talk with him, tickle him under the chin, burp him and then offer the breast again. It takes time, make the time.

2nd, your little girl is veying for your attention. Baby brother has you all to himself. So, you need to either spend some time before or after, one on one with her. Or get her an electronic book, the kind with sound effects, for her to read. Get a doll that she can feed and care for, that she can follow your lead of taking care of her baby like you take care of her brother. But the one on one time is needed and necessary. The noise, it's life. Screaming, interrupting... not a good thing, but normal conversation while you're sitting there nursing her brother can be a great thing. You can't get up and walk away from her, she got you where she needs you. You could sit on the couch and nurse the baby and read her a book at the same time. Or just snuggle her next to you. This time doesn't have to be exclusively his time. She's 3, she's has this interloper in her life who has hijacked her mom. Take, make the time to share yourself with both of them, either together or individually. Share the baby with her, let her watch, help. This is the best of times, because they want you, they need you. Enjoy this companionship, this relationship.

Sounds like to me,, she might be a little jealous of you and the new baby having a quiet time together,,,, try making her have a private time with mommy with out baby brother there,, while he is sleeping,, tell her this is her quiet time with mommy and when baby brother wakes up,, it is his turn,, it will take time,, but with all things,, it takes time,, and patients!!!don't forget mama,, Lololol,, just trying to help you,, D.

Have you tried giving her "special times" that equal about the same as what you need to nurse your son? I found that if the other child gets their "time" ..., can also teach them to take turns. Did you try explaining to her that because she is a big girl that can feed herself now and brother can't use his arms and hands yet to do this....

Have your 3 year old sit by you while you are nursing your 4wk old boy. If she has a "Baby-Doll"...Ask her to go and get that and sit by you while you nurse. Let her know she needs to have her "baby-doll" rest while you tend to her brother. this is just a suggestion.I delt with two boys. 10 yrs apart,so, all was quiet. Not sure how much help I can be.
Good-Luck and Take care.

I can think of a couple of things.
One would be to turn it into a story time, where she can sit on your lap or at your feet while you read a story to her and the baby.
You have to teach children about quiet time. But don't just do it at nursing time. What you do is give her a key word, for my kids it was "quiet time" You practice this with her, and give her praise when she accomplishes it. You can also and a hand motion to it. for my kids I put the finger up to the mouth, or I put my hand out flat, and lower it a little. Which tells the kids it is getting to loud.
The baby will learn not to respond. But my number 4 would not sleep unless it was total quiet and darkness. He did eventually learn to deal with his siblings.
The other ideas are to put in a movie. Have a quiet book that she can only play with when it is nursing time. The problem with this is that if you forget to give her the toy or you are out and cannot give it to her, she may not like that.
Ohh, I almost forgot, Play music in the background. This helps ad noise to the house, so her noise may not be so much. I myself love to listen to praise and worship music. So maybe a kids praise and worship CD.
I hope some of these help.
B.
www.SouthSoundDoula.com

One thing I gathered is that you keep her away while you are nursing which 3 years olds are not too fond of when it isn't thier choice. That just inspires them to bug you to death to get your attention because you have said they couldn't have it essentially. My son had an issue with my daughter getting attention for nursing sometimes and I would have him sit next to me on the couch until I was done and I would put his sister down (she was usually ready for a nap anyway) and hold him for a bit or read to him. I was usually done feeding within 15 minutes so it wasn't like he had to wait forever. She will adjust and realize that babies have to be helped with everything but she is a big girl and can help you by doing things herself. Also tell her stories of how you did these same things to her when she was small, kids love to hear about when they were babies. You could have a special phote albulm or pictures of you doing things with her that she can look at and you can talk about while you nurse and she will know that she had one on one time as well. The first borns are the only ones that have to learn to share and that can be a hard thing to do especially when it is time to share mommy.

Read quietly to her.

Attention Getting Mechanism.

She wants your attention, if you give it, she'll change what she's doing to keep it. If you ignore it, eventually, eventually.... she'll change, but it will be a battle of wills. Unfortunately your son is caught in the middle of it.

I would call her on it, say.

"You are making noise, etc, because you want my attention now when I am feeding xyz. I can't do that now. This is his time. I will give you your special time at ..... we will ....." and then follow through with that promise.

I also suggest making it a special time for her too. Story time is definitely a good idea. Perhaps you can pull out some favorite books or get some new ones that she will sit quiet for. She needs to see that you love her as much as that new baby. Can you comfortably have her on your lap too, or perhaps nurse on the couch or sitting on your bed so that she can snuggle up next to you?

Good luck.