It was the last day of Kindergarten yesterday and a little boy in my daughter's class wrote her a disturbingly explicit love letter in class during quiet time. It said:"
I live(sic) you i wat to have sesx i wut to makout i wut to tuch your butt i wuthold your butt to have sesx" the n on the back it said" sesx( with a heart drawn) sesx ( heart) sesx( heart) sesx " to the bottom of the page then on theother side a big heart with " sesx" in the middle! Why would he write the word sex repeatedly instead of love?
This is the same little boy i wrote about earlier in the school year bragging to my daughter that he drank alcohol and got to stay up until midnight for a dodgers game...I had a feeling back then he came from dysfuntional background. The mom is single and dad is not around.She has another child a girl only 11 months older than the boy who is also"fast". We invited them to a birthday party because my daughter asked to and she started doing what I can only describe as the "booty dance' where you stick your rear out and grind and her mom came up and joined in and slaps her on the behind like 'giddyup!" also she gave my daughter a gift appropriate for a much older girl like a teenager- a locking diary that came with all these sassy attitude stickers like " text but don't tell", " i have no time for you- get a life", talk to the hand" etc. The mom is youngish and remind me of cayce anthony and seems stressed because she is working all the time as some type of health care aid. The kids get to school before 8 and stay until 6 in aftercare- dad is never around so i guess he is not in the picture.
anyway i asked my daughter who just turned 6 if she read the letter - she said just the i love you part and she didn't know what the rest meant. I think she might be fibbing a bit becuase she is a good reader but she does not know what sex is or the term make out etc. Because it was the last day of school I dont know what to do?Should i tell the teacher or principal since it was written during class time- but what can she do school is out for summer? should I email the mom just to let her know? Would she even care because obviously her kids are being exposed to these things somehow... what else should I say to my daughter or should i just ignore it and just hope he isnt in her class in the fall.
well nothing yet but i probably will go back to the school today and say something- But i have to address some of the outrageous and ignorant comments like Mommy B? I'm sorry you find this unbelievable especially in this day and age of hyped up everything,where children grow up way too fast,people are desensitized and jaded to things that were once unspeakable.Why would i make this up? i could scan the note for you if you like but you'd probably say i created that too?if your child came to you about someone being inappropriate with them you are the type to not believe them ...You probably think Jerry Sandusky at Penn State was set up and all the boys lying...
and for the Guy who said all my posts were sexual- no they are not- but i do definitely notice it if anyone is overly sexual or inappropriate with my child Why wouldn't I ? I was never molested but i know many people who were as kids and if parents were more aware maybe some child could be spared. if you think its okay for people to say and do whatever to your kid okay and your kid to do what ever to other kids you are part of the problem and btw why are you even on here?This is for Moms?
Tto the person that basically said "oh so what they probably have older siblings, what has that got to do with it? unless the older kids are messed up as well? if the kids were raised right it would not matter because the older kids would not be acting that way either. i have an much older sis and I was not acting out sexually because of her being around or her influence. Please! give me a break.
some of these comments just show how desensitized we are now to think that this behavior is cute or okay or just the way kids are now...you should all read a book called " the Hurried Child: growing up too fast too soon" by david elkind and Bringing up GEEKS how to Protect your child in a too fast world" by Marybeth Hicks
and thank you to all the moms who understand my concern and do not think I am some kind of overly protective nut for wondering about this.
REPORT REPORT REPORT especially to CPS...........I always vote to error on the side of caution than have something terrible to any child.
Absolutely report. There's a chance it could have been written by an older kid but if not, the chances that this kid is being sexually abused or at least innapropriately exposed to sexual subjects are pretty high. Developmentally speaking, kids at that age only have sexual vocabulary etc if they've been exposed to it by an older person. You can talk to any therapist about it... it's pretty much Signs-of-Molestation-101 and not to be ignored.
As a retired police officer who investigated this sort of thing, I urge you to call and report it to the police. Give them the letter. Or if you'd rather call CPS. Child Protective Services. You have written an authentic description of an abusive home. There is a possibility that this boy has been sexually abused.
School probably has staff still. I'd call and see and if someone is still there I'd show the letter to them. This boy needs help. So does his sister.
Do not talk with the mother. She's shown that she isn't aware of appropriate behavior.
Oh good gracious. High tail it to the school tomorrow morning and take this thing to the principal! She needs to know what this child wrote so she can have the guidance counselor work with him next year. Tell her the rest of it, too.
Please, please, please don't ignore this. The sooner they start working with him, the better chance that he won't end up in juvie as a teen.
Don't call the mom - the school needs to work with her.
I sincerely hope your daughter isn't in his class again next year...
Dawn
The school is probably still open for a few weeks - most are. I would attempt to discuss this with someone there. I do not think that a call to CPS would be overreacting based on your post. The alcohol, staying up, gift, dancing etc?? All questionable and then even if nothing actually happens she at least knows someone is watching.
I would take it to the principal and if possible the school counselor. I think I would also request that your daughter not be in the same class with this boy next year. If you really get the sense that something is not right in their home (not just different than yours), mention that to the principal and counselor. They probably know more about their home life but are obligated to report if something is wrong.
i agree with those those who say tell someone. either take it to the school tomorrow (yes, they will still be there) or seriously, the police or cps. depending on your vibe of the situation. do SOMETHING.
there is a little boy around our neighborhood who has made similar comments about alcohol, etc. yes, it's a bad home life. in this case i would say something though, since it is so explicitly sexual.
It is the normal time for kids to be in child care from before 8am until around 6pm. That is the normal day for almost every child I ever watched in over 13 years of child care. Parents often work an 8-5 job. With a half hour before work then an hour for lunch, then off around 5 the kids are usually in child care for over 10 hours per day every day. That doesn't bother me. What does bother me is that these kids would pick more up at child care than at home for a few hours with the mom in the evenings.
I can definitely say I would follow up to this is some official way, I would make sure the school knew since it happened there, then I would be calling child welfare to report that this child may be being sexually abused.
Report it and if you have the letter turn it in to the principal AND school social worker. Let them handle it. They are mandated reporters and it's possible that this child is on their radar already for other issues. You should NOT be the one to contact the child's mother.
Yes, you need to tell the teacher. Teachers will likely be closing their classrooms over the next days or so, but do it tomorrow and have the letter in hand. Some people would disagree with me, but do not contact the parent. The reason I say this is that there needs to be more eyes on this child, and if you don't notify the teacher, it will be too easy for this parent to sweep it under the rug, if you know what I mean.
This child seriously needs help from some appropriate parties. It doesn't matter that it was written during classtime or if the child brought it from home.
I've worked with mothers who have had, let's say, 'rough' lives. Many of them mean well but don't have any understanding of what's appropriate parental behavior or what not to expose their children to because the parenting these adults received was pretty far out there. It may be that the child overheard something while mom had the boyfriend over. It doesn't sounds as if it was meant to be creepy, especially if it had hearts all over it. but it is still a pretty big red flag that someone isn't being discreet. (I cannot imagine doing a booty dance with my child.... good grief.) As I said before, talk to the teacher. This child needs some extra adults looking out for him.
Why on earth would you consider not reporting this to someone?
WOW.....I'm beyond surprised at some of the responses here.
I would go straight to the teacher. Give him/her the opportunity to address the situation. I would request an immediate meeting with the teacher and the principal to address your concerns. I would demand my child NOT be in the same class as that child next year. Tell them everything you've told us and then ask "Is this something that the administration here will follow up on or should I contact CPS directly because I'm very concerned for this child?"
I too am extremely aware of age inappropriate behavior in the presence of my children...especially if directed to my children. Case in point: A few months ago my 5 y/o started acting out more than usual. Raising her voice, talking to us through gritted teeth, being very disrespectful and seemed angry all the time. Most definitely not her normal behavior.
I tried getting her to talk about her feelings. I'd ask questions about how her day at school went. We normally talk about our day over dinner and take turns telling about our high and low points of the day, etc. She gave no indication that anything abnormal was happening at school.
About 2 weeks later I noticed my child had developed a nervous tic. I contacted our dr who said that many children develop tics at this age when under stress. Most tics will go away on their own but we'd work together to figure out what was causing the stress. But we all thought it may have been the testing going on at the time to determine 1st grade placement skill levels.
The next day my daughter comes home crying and yelling "Mommy You LIED to me!" She was hysterical at this point. Of course I responded that Mommy and Daddy NEVER lie to her so what was this all about. Our conversation went as follows:
Her: "You said that it took You, Daddy and God to make Me and Sissy."
Me: "Yes, we believe it takes a Mommy, a Daddy and God to create a baby."
Her: " You LIED!!! Shannon said you can have 2 Moms or 2 Dads."
Me: "No my dear that is not the same thing. You asked me how you and sissy got into my tummy and I told you what we believe. It is our belief that it takes a Mommy, a Daddy and God to create babies. That is what we believe in our religion. Everyone has their own beliefs and follows their own faith. We are not all the same and we do not all believe the same things. Some people may have 2 Moms or Dads but to create the baby it takes a man and a women."
Her: "I thought Shannon was lieing to me so I asked her Mom after school and her Mom said Shannon is right and that you lied to me."
Me: Well honey it's like I said not everyone shares the same belief system that we do. That doesn't make them liars it just makes them different. Just like God made us all different colors, Daddy is tall, Mommy is short, Leonel speaks several different languages. We're all different and it's ok, I think that's what God intended, for us all to be different. How boring the world would be if we were all the same." (At this point I'm getting pretty ticked off that I am having to have this conversation with my 5 year old but am still playing it calm and cool. And frankly, I don't care if I don't agree with someone's parental choices in beliefs, I would NEVER tell a child that their parents lied to them. And yes I did confirm the Mom did in fact say this. And having now met the Mom am all to aware of why her daughter is an obnoxious bully.)
Her: "Well Shannon says that she likes me and I have to like her and be her girlfriend. I told her that Brody is my boyfriend since pre-k and that she can be my friend but not my girlfriend. So Shannon said I had to have a crush on her cause she has a crush on me and if I don't then she would be mean to me." (Again not a conversation I wanted to have with my 5 y/o. Don't get me wrong I have plenty of gay friends and relatives and love them all dearly. But I have no desire to explain all of this to a 5 y/o. Nor should I have to.)
Me: Well M, what did you tell Shannon when she said she would be mean?
Her: That was weeks ago and she has been picking on me everyday since then. She keeps giving me the thumbs down sign and wouldn't tell me what it meant. She told all the other kids but wouldn't tell me. So Brody and Brian told her she wasn't very nice and to stop being mean to me. Brian said that Shannon told him that the thumbs down means I'm going to hell."
Me: Have you talked with your teacher or Mrs M(the aide) about any of this?
Her: Yes but I don't think Mrs M believes me and I keep getting in trouble instead.
Me: What kind of trouble?
Her: Today at recess she just wouldn't leave me alone Mrs M wouldn't listen to me and so I went back to playing and she came over and started picking on me again and so I just screamed leave me alone as loud as I could. And Mrs M punished me and sent me inside to sit at my desk while everyone else had recess.
Me: "How about if I pick you up from school tomorrow instead of Daddy? You and I will get this all straightened out."
Needless to say as I relayed all of this to my husband that night, he too wanted to be at the school for pick up. The very next morning I get a call from the teacher who would like to meet with us ASAP because she is very concerned about our daughter who no longer seems to be happy at school. I called my husband at work and we headed straight to the school. After listening to the teachers concerns, all of which were the same things we had noticed over the past 3 weeks. I asked her if she was aware of any issues with the new student and our M. She said she'd noticed that the 2 seem to be clashing and that Shannon was repeatedly giving M the thumbs down sign. She had reprimanded Shannon for it each time she saw it but had no clue what it was about. She had also moved Shannon to the opposite side of the classroom to separate the girls. I relayed the prior's day conversation to her and she literally broke down into tears. She was floored. 1st of all this is a private Catholic school with a zero tolerance for bullying. 2nd of all she's been teaching for decades and couldn't believe she'd missed the signs.
She immediately contacted the principal for a meeting. We all decided that Shannon would not be in M's class next year. A memo went out to the art, music, computer science, and religion teachers as well as the librarian stating that the girls were to be separated and they were not to work on any projects together without the teacher or Aide being present at all times. The principal contacted Shannon's Mom to address the situation with her directly.
Because of the nature of the harassment, the school's policy is that it must be addressed with all of the student's in the class. The teacher and principal addressed my daughter's class the next day restating their rules and policies for bullying and harassment.
As I understand it from the administration, the Mother was less than cooperative and was informed that should the administration receive any further bullying complaints Shannon would be expelled from the school. It's a one and done environment. You get one warning, after that you're gone.
Things have calmed down since the meeting but we're still struggling with the behavioral issues. We're working on better ways to express our emotions. The tic while still present is diminishing in frequency. We're hopeful it will have ceased entirely by the end of summer break.
I know that was long but I wanted you to know these types of things do happen in kindergarten and you are RIGHT to be concerned and follow up on it. You are NOT an overprotective Mama, you are an involved parent.
Peace and Blessings,
T. B
That is very inappropriate, but like you said, the mom probably wouldn't think it was a big deal so I don't think I would go there.
I would have a sit-down with the principal, show him the note and tell him that you don't want your daughter and this boy in the same class next year.
My GD was given a very large box of chocolates and a really cute Winnie the Pooh snow globe by a boy on Valentines Day along with a very nice card. Even though it was all appropriate, I was still a bit concerned that an 8 year old boy would have such feelings for my GD. I just asked the principal to keep an eye on it because it was just too much for their age.
Completely inappropriate and id be on the phone yesterday calling the teacher.
several of your past questions have a sexual theme - do you think it's possible that you are the common denominator? Maybe you just "see" it, when others would fluff it off?
I'm sorry some people on this site gave you a hard time - I don't understand why they would even respond! I agree that you should report it and request that this boy is not in your daughter's class next year. Also, I know it is hard but you might want to explain to your daughter that the note had some "grown up" parts in it and that it is not ok what the boy wrote to her. Also, you can let her know that if anyone makes comments to her or writes her a note that she does not understand the meaning of she should ask you so you can explain it to her. Good luck with this is the next school year.
Please don't be offended when I say that it is hard to believe that it is true what you say... Maybe because it sounds SO outrageous that it seems made-up? Also, the fact that you compared her to Casey Anthony and the butt slap thing...
IF it DID happen, then yes, tell the mom and teacher, even if the mom SEEMS to not care. As far as saying something to your daughter, there's no need to. If she has questions about it, then answer them... Other than that, no.
Also, my apologies if it is true, all you say.
lol..ignore it.... you have better self control then i do, i would of never left the school after reading the note or i would of returned to the school, some kids dont understand what sex means..my son is 11yrs old and still thinks its kissing laying down .. i would make a big deal out of this and follow through if the school doesnt handle it..like someone below said, he could be being abused and you might be the person who stops it...
Is this the same child that drinks alcohol? Come on, they are kids, probably this one has older sibs.
Sounds to me like older siblings are TEACHING their little brother ridiculous stuff.
Luckily your daughter doesnt understand the letter, I'd toss it but be aware of this little boy next year and keep an eye on him.
You definitely need to report this to the school as soon as possible. There definitely needs to be some type of investigation regarding this. Do not take this lightly.
