Two things strike me:
~ are you using the recommended amount of those products?
and
~ are you buying good-quality clothes for your kids?
If you read through your washer instructions, you may be surprised to find that their recommendation for product volume differs wildly from Tide's idea of how much of that you need to buy in a year.
Because I live where we have very soft water, I use 1/8th of a cup (not 1/8th of the cup they include with the box --that's usually a 1.5cup measure!!).
The Clorox is probably doing a lot of damage to the fabrics than is necessary, and you'll find it is much slower if you assess the clothes' need for bleaching before putting it in. Typically, I use it in less than one load a week (don't have kids playing ball in white uniforms)...
If you're buying Walmart-grade cheap clothes, the process of washing at all will pill, fade, distort and dissolve the material.
Probably (with no guarentees) the fabric softener is a non-issue, although it's probably worth mentioning that it is extremely flammable.