Law School: Should I Go Now or Wait?

She will adjust. We moved when my daughter was in 4th grade. It was hard on her at first -- the school sent her to the counselor and she cried a lot for the first three months in school.

But she lived the second half of her life in the same town, and became a stronger person by having to adjust to change once in her lifetime. I don't think moving continuously (as I did) is great for a kid, but moving once or twice teaches them how to adjust. A little adversity is a good thing.

My daughter, now 18, agrees that moving was good for her, in many ways.

Don't wait -- this is a good time for you to go back to school.

Also, to disagree with an earlier post -- 6th grade is a good time to move. I moved to Mexico when I was in 6th, and living in Mexico was the best time of my young life.

The younger she is the better. She will miss her old friends, but she will adjust. I moved every 2 years growing up. And I have always, even to this day, have fewer friends than most, but my few friends are my BEST FRIENDS. They would do anything for me and me for them. I would be sympathetic to her, but take the opportunity you have. It will provide a better life for her in the end.

First, I wouldn't move to go to law school without some very serious thought. In many states, law school has to be completed in a short time period. It's not always like working on a masters where you can take a class or two. It's more typically 3 years full time days and 4 years full time nights. If there are options available to you locally to try first, without uprooting your daughter, I would look into that and I would look into whether or not you could transfer during the program if you started locally, liked it, could handle the tough regimen, and still wanted to move. Secondly, it is a terrible age to move a child. I know because I was a single mom with one daughter and I moved her for a job at that age. Yes, people get transferred and their kids survive. But my daughter, who is an adult now, has told me that she has never emotionally forgiven me for this move even though she logically knows in her adult head that stuff like this happens. This is a huge decision on many levels. You need to consider the commitment involved with law school, which would be magnified by moving out of state for it as well as your daughter's personality and her individual ability to adapt in a situation like this. Some kids adjust better than others, you know your daughter best so consider what she is like and how hard this might be on her.

Having moved around a ton when I was a kid, I would say that the older a child is, the more difficult it becomes for them. The hardest move I had was between 8th and 9th grades - we moved overseas and I had to leave my very close-knit group of friends from grammar school (long before the days of FB and Skype, which of course made it much harder to keep in touch). That being said, I don't think you should put your life on hold for this reason alone. You are trying to better your life and your daughter's life by going to grad school, which is a good thing, and a fine example to set. It will be a new start for both of you. Trust me, if you handle it correctly, and are sensitive to her feelings and concerns, it will turn out just fine. Children are adaptable and resilient - sometimes I think we forget that! It could turn out to be a wonderful and positive adventure for both of you. Best of luck!

It's kind of like a band-aid, it's going to hurt when you do it either way so why let it "stick" longer!

Seriously, though, there is an extensive process you will need to go through before starting law school. Have you registered for the LSAT yet? If not, do so quickly b/c you will need those scores to apply. The applications are very long and require a lot of references and in some cases interviews (I dated a law student in grad school).

I would suggest telling your daughter that you are going to apply to law school and that if you are accepted you will be moving to another state. Don't get into too many details b/c you simply don't know them yet! You will likely apply to several schools, so don't lock yourself into anything until you have an acceptance letter and have scheduled a trip with your daughter to look at apartments.

Which school are you considering? I only ask b/c I went to college and grad school in VA and am curious! Good luck!

While I am all for empowerment and improving yourself, I will warn you that law school is an intense commitment. In this economy you have to graduate in the top of your class to be considered for a good job - not all lawyers make a good salary - in fact most do not. So not only would you be uprooting your daughter but you would also be managing a completely different lifestyle than she is used to. During law school I treated it as a full time job - went to school for most of the day and then studied from afternoon until late evening - very little free time. Yes, the hard work paid off and I graduated in the top of my class but out of my class of 300 only a handful received "big firm" jobs. I had to get the big firm job to pay back my $125k student loan debt. And the big firm job is no cakewalk either - very late nights, weekends and unpredictable travel schedule, but yes the salary is extrememly rewarding. Only now, 10+ years out of law school am I able to slow down a bit and have a family. So my recommendation is to either do law school while you are young and before children or wait and do it after your children are grown. Yes, lawyers make can make a lot of money but those who do definitely make extreme sacrificies to earn it.

Ultimately your daughter will deal with whatever you decide (but there is almost always room for compromise if you are able). There are a few things I would be thinking about if I were in your situation and I am going to state them hoping it helps you but they aren't a direct response to your question so fair warning.

What is it you hope to gain from going to law school? Do you want to become the next attorney general, or a Judge or a corporate attorney or a public defender, etc.? You might not need to go to the most prestigious law school to get to where you want to be (but as someone else pointed out you do need to be at the top of your class to get a top notch job).

In my experience, it costs a lot of money and takes a lot of effort to move from state to state. Add law school tuition on top of that and the fact that most law students find it very difficult to work and keep up with the demands of school and it could make for trying financial times. If there is a law school in your area it might be more beneficial to both you and your daughter to strongly consider attending that one unless there is specific financial aid that is going to help you at your top school choice.

Be prepared to put in a lot of hours to achieve a decent salary (I know a lot of attorneys and they all put in crazy hours). The average attorney makes under $100K a year. I know an attorney who has his own general practice firm and he makes around $88K a year. His hours are from 7AM to 10PM. That is a long day, especially when you have children.

Good luck in whatever you decide.

I guess I'm going to give you the unpopular answer here, considering what others have written. I have two daughters. The pre-high school years are extremely difficult for young girls even if they have a stable home and friends. I personally think this would be a very difficult time for her to move and make new friends. It seems like the girls who came into a new school at this age never quite fit in. Always the outsider. Of course it could go the other way. But if not, she'll be miserable for 6 years. And you'll be so busy with school you won't have time to notice. Law school isn't an easy road and she'll be alone a lot. In her pre-teen and teen years. Not good.

Six years isn't really all that long considering how long you've waited already. I have a good friend who wanted to go to vet school but waited until her youngest was in college before she made the move (three hours away from her home) and did it. She's in her 50s now and an excellent vet and her kids know they always came first in her life. Your daughter would know that if you stayed. My vote is to stay put and go to law school when she goes to college.

Do it now!
My SIL went back to school at the age of 40 and became an attorney. She is so glad she did it!
Children move all the time. She will survive. There are kids that move every 2 - 3 years because their parents are military. It is what it is.
She needs to learn to adjust.
LBC

IMO- She will eventually adjust. You are not getting any younger to attend law school and the market is tight enough to get a job without having little experience and age working against you. It would be worse if you waited 3 years and tried to move during high school. My parents moved when I was 10...after the adjustment period it was great. There are so many transition periods during the JR high/middle school period that though your daughter doesn't know it, her friends now likely would not be her BFFs 3 years from now. Do what you need to do! (FTWM of 2 and 1 on the way -- attorney, married to an attorney who graduated from law school in his 30s).

Have you taken the LSAT and been accepted to the school in Virginia? Unless and until you've gone through all the motions and been accepted to a school there, I wouldn't worry your daughter with it anymore. She's at the age to obsess and be quite upset over something like this. IF you wind up doing this, then she and you will have to work through it. Also -understand that law school, if you go full-time straight through, is a 3 year commitment. I'm thinking you would probably have to go part-time and work, so you're looking at a long haul. Good for you for finishing your BA and looking into it, but know what you're getting into and get accepted before hauling off and moving several states away.

Understand that you're going to be either in class, at work or studying 24/7. When are you going to have time for your daughter? When you finish law school, you have to study for and pass the state bar exam where you want to practice, which is another long and arduous process. When you first start out as an attorney, you work VERY long hours, and depending on the type of attorney you become, you may not make a huge salary. However, you WILL have huge student loans to repay! I know that all sounds very discouraging, but at age 34 with an 11 year old daughter, it's really something to think about. It's definitely not something to jump into quickly! On the plus side, by the time you finish law school, you'll be at least 40 and she'll almost be out of high school, so the long hours as a new attorney won't affect her so much. I would worry about not being around for her much during her teen years though.

One thing you should consider since you live in this state -stay here and attend either GA State or John Marshall. Some scoff at John Marshall, but I know several attorneys who went to their night school program, hung out their own shingle to represent DUI cases and divorces and the like -and they're doing very well. It depends on what you want to do, but something like that could make a lot more sense for you. As a resident here, you also may qualify for certain loans and you WILL qualify for in-state resident tuition that will probably take you a year to gain in a different state.

She'll adjust and this opportunity may never present itself again.

Think of what you'll teach her if you don't go. Life is hard and sometimes mom's need to put themselves first to make a better life for the family for the long haul.

Think of what you'll teach her if you do go. Hard work and sacrifice will pay off in the end. What a role model you will be for your daughter.

Your daughter will adjust. I would not put off law school if that is what you really want to do. I am a lawyer and law school (especially the first year) is a lot of work. In addition, law school doesn't really teach you how to be a lawyer -- the best advice I received from a professor was to consider the first 5 years after law school an apprenticeship where you really learn how to be a lawyer. That held true for me. Considering 3 years of law school and the early practice of learning how to be a lawyer, I wouldn't put it off. Also, if you are going to have to take out loans to pay for it, you will need plenty of years of working to pay off those loans. My last thought is why not find a school in the Atlanta area? Good luck.

If you are certain that you are moving then there isn't any real reason to wait. What for? She isn't going to be happy no matter when you go. So unless you are reconsidering the move entirely, then don't wait for her to "adjust".. unless by that you mean a few weeks or perhaps the end of this school year.

It is probably unfortunate that you didn't make this decision sooner, because 6th grade is typically the first year of Middle School and lots of kids are thrown together into new schools where they may or may not have their previous friends in their classes. It might have been a slightly easier adjustment for her to have started 6th with an entirely new bunch of kids in VA when EVERYONE was "new" at the same time.

But, since that wasn't the case, then putting it off further (until 8th grade? 9th grade?)... just doesn't make any sense to me.

If you are sure you ARE moving, then the question seems to me, whether or not to move NOW (as in in 2 weeks) or at the end of the school year. In which case there are 2 ways to look at it:
a) Your daughter could start "fresh" at a new school in August.
b) Your daughter could meet some kids (and spend some of her summer months getting to know a few of them) NOW, so that she knows some kids going into 7th grade in August.

Your daughter will likely want to put it off as long as is possible... b/c she will be hoping that the inevitable won't happen at all. Burying her head in the sand so to speak. Take your daughter's personality into consideration, and think about the real potential for her to meet new friends between now and May, and actually spend time getting to know them during the summer, and the possibility that she may not meet that many new kids and spend her summer alone. I'm thinking that she will meet at least ONE girl that she could be friendly with and hang with over the summer...

Good luck with your decision and helping your daughter adjust. My parents moved me in February of my 10th grade year. It was awful. But I survived.
:) I met a girl like me who had recently been transplanted and only knew a few other kids. We spend a lot of time together that summer. :)

Your daughter is only 11. This is a better time to move than later. If she was in high school, I would say wait. At her age the move will be hard, but she will adjust. Talk to her about the reasons why you need to move. Talk to her about how she feels about moving, how scary it is to start in a new school. Have her involved in the process. Then she is part of the process and it's not something done to her. If you don't make this move now. I think you need to wait until she graduates from high school. Good luck!

She will cope with it. Go for it if it is what you want to do.

Go to school now. Your daughter and her friends can chat online and you can plan to go back to Atlanta during your school breaks. I know 4 years seems like a long time but it isn't. Hopefully you can finish law school and get a job in or closer to Atlanta and hopefully your daughter can go to HS with her friends, or she will form new friendships in VA and you can stay there.
You are a wonderful shining example for your daughter. You are showing her that anyone can overcome odds and be successful.

well if you wait, she'll be older (say; 13-16?) and friends, clubs, activities will mean even MORE to her then! believe me! We moved around a lot when I was younger and 11 was a lot less painful than 15!!!!

ps. Virginia is amazing!

Her seeing her mother do an empowering thing as going to law school will have a far more profound effect on her than losing a few friends. GO FOR IT!

To make the transition easier on her, make sure she feels involved with the planning. Also reach out to your law school to find out about parents groups at the school, so she can quickly meeting the kids of other law students.

Other thoughts- Atlanta has two well known law schools- Ga State and Emory. Consider both options!

DO IT! Good luck to you.