Looking for Advice on Kids Sharing Toys

For birthday party gifts I generally let the birthday boy have his gifts all to himself for the first week or so. When the newness has worn off a bit then it's time to share. Hope this helps a bit - good luck - S.

Joy,

My husband and I had to think long and hard about how to deal with this same situation. Although we only have one child at the moment, our son does have friends that come over. We looked at the whole "sharing thing" from different angles. Yes, it is important to teach our children to share. We took Judah to the store and bought a "special sharing bin" he was allowed to choose a few items from the store and then a few from his personal toys that he wanted to put in the share bin. In order to keep some sort of personal identity to "his" things we told him that when his friends come over to play they get to play with toys from the "Special Sharing Bin" it is very exciting for him to share those toys because he had a part in choosing what went into the bin.

As far as birthday gifts go I have to admit I have an opinion that it is the special gift given to the birthday boy/girl. Just like I would just hand over the keys to my new car that I recieved from my parents to one of my friends after I admired it for a few minutes. Sure some may think that there is a HUGE difference between a car and a silly little toy but a toy to a child is a HUGE deal. You have to get on their level and think from a childs perspective.

As far as the children sharing a room and liking the same toys. My newphews are the same way and my sister had a custom cubby made with 8 openings...Hunter had a cubby with his name, Hayden one with his name and the other 6 were labeled with different types of toys, cars & trucks, trains & tracks, blocks, balls....etc.

Just a few ideas for you. Blessings from one stay home mom to another.

Hi!
I started a family tradition of "birthday breakfasts" Everyone got up(the child got to pick what he wanted-anything, because we didn't usually allow sugared cereals or doughnuts)(He usually picked doughnuts) I'd wrap two gifts for him that he could open up BEFORE school( birthday dinners and cake would be at Grandma's because although I liked to bake she liked to bake the cakes and that gave her a special "in") and have a little small gift for the other two guys at their places(like a hot wheels, and then when they were older, a christian cd or 5.00 gift certificate to Christian book store)-whatever...it's not the amount, it's the thought that the whole day is a celebration of that particular childs birth. We'd light a candle , have the other guys sitting at the table, and then have the child come down and we'd sing Happy Birthday. We'd then say a blessing, encouraging the other guys to, also. (Why their brother is so special, etc.) They knew they would get the same treatment when it was their birthday. As for the toys received that day...they didn't have to share them right away. Wow. these requests bring back so many wonderful memories! Enjoy! MS

Yes ! Yes we should all have the permission to have and to savour a special thing, and then how much more sweet it is when we decide to share it .

Now is the time to not only learn to share , but also to respect another's possessions and privacy. I does not hurt for young children to learn to ask permission to play with a siblings toys, and to respect another's belongings.
The time to explain some of these things would be best BEFORE the Birthday gifts arrive .

" This will be Sisters special day -just like your special day in (the birth date)" And to the Birthday Girl, " Everyone will be excited to see your gifts. You do not have to give them up, but it would be very special of you to let everyone see and hold the gift a little after you have seen them and held them a little while " Then 'practice ' opening a 'gift' and pass it around for everyone else to see and to hold for a little while. It is still yours, Perhaps Daddy can gift Mommy with something pretty and after she has admired the 'gift' she could pass it around to everyone else to see and touch . Children hear with their eyes and learn by example .

If it is possible , separate bins with names or different colors for each child, could be provided. If it is in the bin it is 'safe' if it is left out then it must be assumed that the child is 'sharing' it .

It must be understood that Mommy will not allow destruction or transfer of ownership, but that Mommy will not interfere when her reminders( to put things away ) have gone unheeded.
This may be a good time for learning responsibility for ones own belongings and respect for someone else's .
All age appropriate, naturally .
Good Luck, and God Bless .

A birthday is their very own special day, not to be shared with another sibling who was not born on the same date. Make your other girls wait for their special day and teach them they cannot share everything. You will regret it in the years to come. The same applies to their toys, once in awhile make them share if they won't other wise give the toy to all...but keep their birthday their very own day.

We allow a month or so when toys are new, to be "selfish" and (kindly) keep the toy to themselves if they choose. I don't think its unfair at all. It teaches tolerance, respect, patience and the skill of delaying gratification. Skills difficult to teach children these days.

I have similar issues, as my girls are ages 5 and 3 1/2. The rules in our house are that most everything is shared. If they both want the same toy at the same time and begin a fight, I intervene and we set the timer. The person who's toy it is gets 5 or 10 minutes with the toy. Then, when the buzzer goes off, the other one gets it for the same amount of time, then it goes back to the original owner. You'd be surprised that they tend to be OK handing it over after the timer goes off. This technique has stopped a lot of fights in our house!

We instituted the rule that the first 24 hours is "new" time. We don't "force" them to share.. But we do emphasize that it would be nice... ask them how they felt when sister got a new thing and didn't want to share... Helps build empathy for others to try to identify how others feel in a situation. But also lets them "choose" which new thing they will share and which one they still want to play with. And I know it sounds harsh but, If sibling isn't happy with which one they want to share, then too bad. They obviously didn't want to play bad enough. And in the midst of hard playing, they usually end up switching around anyways. We always stress a respect for others things so if sibling says not yet... Thats it. No grab, run and hide it tactics.

I understand the dilema, I have three girls who share a room as well. You might want to concider that the birthday toys be "special" toys for a certain period of time, say a week. After that, they get added to the share pile and everyone can use them.

With birthdays, we make an exception, but it is limited: for the birthday and the day after, the toys are special and for that child only or at their discretion to share. After that, it's a free for all, although if a child would like something to be special for longer they may ask/confer with a parent.

My girls are 18 months apart and like yours share a room and storage areas. They have to share almost everything. We employ the same techniques as you do from the sounds of it. When we have times of gift receiving (Christmas included) we allow a week or two of special time - the other child can play with it, as long as they have asked the other sister and she agreed. Usually by two weeks we've found that it becomes "fair game" and then it's first have, first get. If the child wants to keep it as a special toy, then it needs to move to their room and stay own their bed (they have bookshelf headboards). However, it's been our experience that even that grows old.

That is tough, Do they have there own "cubby" in their room. Maybe a special spot to call there's. Maybe on top of the dresser, or under the bed?
The birthday thing, I'm not sure I guess it depends on the age of the girls if they can understand the meaning behind the present and that they too will get a turn.

Joy, I am the mother to 5 boys ages 12, 10, 7, 41/2, and 1 year. The way we do birthdays is this: The day before the birthday the birthday child gets to choose the kind of cake wanted (truck cake, tractor cake, etc.) and we make it together as a family. we let the kids help, the birthday kid gets to kinda be boss of the operation. Then on the actual birthday the birthday child gets to play with the present first (for a reasonable amount of time say 15-30 min) then he is strongly encouraged to pass the toy around for others to enjoy. we are a christian family too and we try to play down the presents (the gimmes and the its mine stuff) and remind them that others want a turn too. Sometimes it takes a reminder that the next birthday wont be theirs and they are gonna want a turn then. Birthdays at our house are relatively free from tempers (not always tho but usually it passes quickly) Hope this helps.

My thoughts...when it comes to birthday gifts, the receiver gets the toys to themselves for a while (since it was intended for just the one). When it isn't as new an item, like after a week, then the other child can play with it. Unless the birthday child wants to share, then it's up to the child.
I have a step sister that is close in age - and when we were kids, what we received for our birthday gifts were not fair game for the other to play with at first. The "shiny newness" had to wear off before the non-birthday kid could play with it and not totally hurt the others feelings.

o my gosh, u r not going to thank me, but here's my thoughts on the matter. what a struggle, and to have to force fairness, really isn't fair. I just gave everything to the oldest son. As a matter of fact, I would just buy 1 of something, and then give it to him, so that a sort of competition for the item began. If they were interested, then I would buy another the next day. The world isn't a fair place, and they way you are going about it, they are going to realize that fast.