Looking for Information And/or Advice About Separation Anxiety - 1 Year Old

K., Both of my sons had strong separation anxiety. I am not sure you need to read anymore because you know the basics. I am a child development specialist and separation anxiety is a normal step in a child's emotional development. It means he is attached to you and that is a good thing. Please do not let people convince you that it is worse because you stay at home. NOT TRUE. Children experience it in different degrees and in my experience boys usually (not always) have it worse. I think that is partly because they are usually developmentally less mature. Also they do not tend to have the level of social skills that girls have.

Could you trade time with a mom who has a child and is at home? If it is someone he knows and there are not a lot of other kids to be with it may be less threatening and he can get the emotional attention he needs to cope. It would be great if you had a friend who would bring their child to your home and you leave. That way he is in a familiar surrounding. Then you take a turn with the other mom.

You need to get out. I remember that but if you picture your child crying the entire time it isn't relaxing. Just try small amounts at first. Maybe only do one day if you use the day care center. He will come around. Slow and steady wins the race.

I'd love to hear how it goes if you want to write. I really struggled with this with my sons. A.

I don't have advice about the gym but the inlaws situation.

We had a wedding to attend and had to leave our son at the inlaws from Friday evening through Sunday afternoon. He cried a river when we left. It was heartbreaking. Of course we called 5 minutes after we left, only to find that he was playing and have a ball with grandma and grandpa. The rest of the weekend was completely uneventful.

I think we were more worried about it than he was. Yes, he'll be sad that you're leaving but just think about the wonderful gift of time that you are giving him with his grandparents (not to mention the alone time you and your husband will have!).

If you are confident that you are leaving him in a safe place that will cater to his needs, then don't feel bad! Try leaving him for a short time several days in a row. Be upbeat (put on a smile, tell him to have a GREAT time and you can't wait to hear all about it - even if you want to cry), smile, say you will be back in one hour and then leave. Don't peek. Make sure whoever is with him has mastered the art of distraction, showing him toys or engaging him in some kind of play. It will be HARD for the first two or three times but then he will realize that you come back and that he can have fun without you. Make a big deal about how he was able to have fun while you were gone and then don't dwell on the subject with him. You will do great!

He'll be fine. They all get separation anxiety and it's completely normal. You sticking around the gym daycare and poking your head in is a waste of your time and energy (and money!) Most likely, he will stop crying within a few minutes of you leaving, as my son did. He cried every time I left him for a few months, and then he stopped. He's not harmed at all. :)

Give him a kiss and a hug, tell him you love him, and know that he will be very happy to see you when you're done with your workout! And he will also be fine during your overnight trip. Just don't make a big deal out of it yourself or he'll pick up on your anxiety. (Easier said than done, right?)

I went to this great parenting class called Endzone at Musikgarten in Oak Park and the teacher very kindly told us all to remember that "this too will pass." My little one gets seperation anxiety too. she is 18 months old. She started it around 14 months and it is getting better but she is not there yet. I think the kindest thing for him is to not leave him alone there until he can do it well. I have an eliptical trainer in my basement and my little one will play while i do that and yes I don't get so much exercise at present but it is a temporary thing. Could you go to the gym in the evening after he is asleep?My little one is okay with a few people whom she has known for a long time, so I have 2 babysitters who she is happy to stay with and her nanny. But other than that at the moment it is just us 2 (I am a single mom). But I sense that the anxiety is beginning to wane and so I think by the time she is 2, I will be able to leave her in a group setting. Enjoy him while he really wants you. It won't be long before he will be off playing with his friends and you will be chopped liver.