Losing a Child

Hi C.! I'd like to say first off I'm very sorry for your loss. I lost a child but not in the same kind of circumstances as you. She was 17 months old. Just like the other women are saying,it does get better. I lost her in 2001 & it feels like yesterday. The pain & what if's will always be there,but at least you know that you will one day meet again. I know personally that what everyone says to you doesn't matter at one point,but most people don't know how to react to it. You should definately do councelling though. I stopped going about 6 months ago. It helped me alot & I'm sure it will help you too. God bless!

Hi C.~ My best friends name is Shawndra...I thonk you say it the same....Anyways, I personally have never gone through loosing a child, but however my one friend did. I saw how destroyes she was, and it never gets easier. Everyone deals with the mourning process differently, but I can assure you that your entire family is going through the same process, but just in different ways...You are going to take it the hardest of them all, but you will become the strongest because of it...I have a 13 month old, and I could never imagine loosing her. You have 7 beautiful children to watch over, and they need you just as much as you need them right now....Your husband is suffering as well...You need to go to counseling together,"I agree with no meds"...You need time together...you need eachother and you need love...Work together, and both of you will be okay....You are in my prayers....

I just want to say sorry for your lose.I know how that feels.It has been almost 8 years since i lost my child.I felt her move and kick and getting ready but i got in a car accident and lost her.To this day i miss her and wonder what she would look like now and how she would be.My exhusband is the one who was drinking and driving and would not let me drive so the end result was her life and our marriage after a couple of years.It is gonna be hard but it gets better but you never forget.You need to seek some perfessional help hunny,for the sake of you and your husband.I hope this help you and i keep you in my prayers.

I am sorry for your loss. I havent had this happen to me, but it did happen to my friend less than a year ago. She was about 5 months along. The baby also had all its organs on the outside of his body. The way she got (and still is) getting through it is by her friends/family (or if you cant talk to them a phsyciatrist may not be a bad idea). She also has 2 older children and I think they have helped her the most. Instead of focusing on your son (who is in a better place now, and will be with you again one day when the time is right) make sure you kiss and love your other children that much more every day. Plus now you have an extra gaurdian angel to watch over you. I will leave it at that because being that it was so soon there probably arent any words that will make it any easier right now. But I will say a prayer for you and hope that you will soon get some peace in your heart. =)

C.,

I am so sorry for your loss. I lost a child 9 years ago and it is a fact that is there in my daily life, although it takes a back burner these days, it is always there.

I would agree with what another mother wrote - that the first 2 years are the hardest you'll go through. Seek professional counseling and focus on your living children. When you need to let the emotions out, let them out. Don't give the time of day to people who tell you that you should be moving on with your life by now.

I initially felt very alienated from my husband and resented the fact that the rest of my family didn't hurt the way I did. I was very bitter until I went through the couseling.

As far as the so-called "abortion", I can share that this is my personal hell. I went into premature labor at 6 months. The placenta separated from the uterine wall and I kept bleeding - my body was trying to fill that gap between the placenta and uterine wall. I would have bled to death if they had not induced labor when they did. I did not, and still do not, consider that to have been an abortion, but there it is on my medical records - "loss of pregnancy due to spontaneous abortion." Makes it sound like I woke up that morning and said "Oh, I think I'll have an abortion today". It makes me very angry to have that label follow me every time I visit a new doctor etc. It's very important to know with conviction that you did what was necessary, not that you chose to recklessly abort this baby.

If you need to vent, please email me. Seek a counselor - the sooner the better, for your sake and your family. You will eventually feel less angry, desperate, guilty, and helpless, lonely, etc, but it takes time and an effort.

K. E.

C.,
I am so sorry to hear of your loss. My thoughts and prayers will be with you. There is a support group that may help you. It is called "Compassionate Friends." It is for the loss of a child. I think it is listed in the beginning of the phone book or call the FIRST number in the phone book. They may even have a website. It may help you to be supported by others who understand. Let us know how you are doing. Also, it is never too late to say goodbye.
Love, J.

I am soooooooooooooooo sorry to hear about your child. I can't imagine what you are going through. Counseling is what you and your husband need right now. I don't think you can get through such a terrible ordeal without it. My prayers are with you. D.

C.,

I am so sorry for your loss. I too have lost children. 5 to spontaneous miscarriage ranging from 9 to 25 weeks. All I can tell you is that is does get better, but it does bet easier. You need to find some one to talk to. whether it be a family member, friend, pastor or a professional. I have actually talked to my children about it. It is amazing the perception that they have. When Logan was born, Graham became very over protective and was almost obsessed with making sure that Logan was okay. I asked him why and his answer was that he was scared that God would take this baby too. I explained to him that Logan was fine and that he didn't need to be so worried, that is what mommy and daddy were for. I then told him that God will never give us more than we can handle and that he has 5 brothers and sisters waiting in heaven for him. This seemed to help both of us in dealing with the pain and void created by the lose.

I will keep you in my prayers and wish you the best of luck in dealing with your pain.

First God Bless you.
I to lost a child she was my dream come true a beautiful healthy littlt girl when she was born. 9mos later everything went down hill and she passed at 18 mos old.
igot to know her very well, you should really seak help from a psycologist, no meds required. this hopefully will help for you as it has for me and my family.
It will be 4yrs at the end of the month and no it doesn't ever get any easier...... If you ned to chat I'm here
____@____.com

Hi C.,
I am so sorry for you. I have never been through anything like this with a child but my father did pass away when I was 7 years old. I know it is not anywhere near the same thing that you are going through but maybe this will help. Growing up I always felt cheated that I didn't have my father around. I didn't get to go to the hospital to say goodbye or to tell him that I loved him one last time. I can't remember what the last things we said to each other. Once I had children of my own I started talking to my dad (just little conversation). To some people that may should silly but it made me feel better. Just little things here and there, like "did you just see what your grandson/granddaughter did?", "can you believe how big they are getting?" I imagine that my dad is watching over my children and enjoying them from above and that gives me comfort. I do agree with everyone that counseling would help for you and your husband. Sometimes it just helps to have someone sit and listen to you. It can't be good to keep everything bottled up inside. I will be praying for you and your family.

First, let me say how terribly sorry I am for your loss. I have never been through this, so I don't know what you're going through, and I can't imagine. Please talk to your doctor about your feelings, he/she can recommend a good therapist for you to sort out your feelings. Please keep in touch, ____@____.com. I will be thinking of you and praying for you. T..

Hi C.,

My prayers are with you. I unfortunately lost my first daughter at 31 weeks. The placenta ruptured from her and she died in utero. Although different circumstances, I understand what you are going through.

I wish I could tell you it gets easier. It does not, but it is different. The best advice I can give you is to let yourself grieve. If you want to cry, cry, if you want to scream, scream. Everyone will tell you not to cry blah, blah, blah, but holding those feelings in, is NOT the answer. I still cry when I feel like it and it does make things better.

Again my thoughts and prayers are with you. If I can help in any other way, please e-mail me through here.

First off there is hope and there is peace that will follow. I lost a son 15yrs ago. I was told he would never live through the birth..my son had trisomy 18..He died shortly after birth.It was a very hard time for me. You definately should seek counseling along with your husband. I didnt think I was going to get through that. But I leaned on God and as much as I was hurting and questioning my sons I knew I had to trust God. I found the first 5 years were hard but they got easier as time past..10mths after keith died i delivered another baby..he is lovely..but i missed out on some grieving..make sure you grieve its important for healing..i now have 8 children including keith..i can look back now and still fill the pain..but i also look back and see the blessing keith was to me, my family, adn my friends..when i walked through those dark days i made choices..on the days i felt i couldnt go on ..i made myself..keep fighting and know that God is there for you and with you..He loves you and will carry you through this..please email me if u ever need to talk..I will keep you and your family in my prayers

C.,

Your email sparked a cord with me. While the circumstances are different, I lost my oldest son seven years ago.

Two weeks after my son died, I asked another mom who lost a child if this ever gets easier. She said, "no, but it gets different." She was absolutely right. It took me about five years to really get a grip on this. I am still a mess, but I have learned how to handle it a little better, although I absolutely still have my horrible moments. You are still in those first two years - they were the worst for me. But, I still miss him every single minute of every day.

C., I'm so sorry you are going through this. About two years after his death, I went through a time when I could not imagine any other person ever went through this pain. I still feel this way.

If you ever need to chat, just let me know.

D.