Love from a Distance

I think it is difficult no matter the age. If they really love each other and want to spend their life together they will make it work.

Yes, without a doubt.

I had a long-distance boyfriend/fiance all through college and graduate school- we saw eachother on the weekends and for extended vacations. I loved him very much and came VERY close to marrying him. In retrospect... I was miserable most of the time. My friends were out and dating, flirting, hooking-up, etc and while I went out with them I often felt isolated b/c I was so young with such a big commitment already.

Age many times brings maturity and perspective, neither of which most early 20's possess. Maturity allows you to delay gratification, plan and enjoy eachother without having to be in eachother's presence. Perspective allows you to see many different sides to a situation.

It makes me sad to hear that he is already worried about her ability to stay faithful and makes me wonder if that is the driving force behind the engagement- a very visible reminder of their commitment.

Good luck to them both.

It's always hard. I just think it's more difficult to build on a relationship in the early stages than after being together for awhile. My husband is in the USAF and went to Officer Training School 3 weeks after we got married and we lived 4 states apart for the first 2 years of our marriage (I was fininshing school and he was in training). Then we finally moved in together and he was deployed for 220 days his first year out of training. You can make it work if it's worth it. In all honesty, now that we have kids I think it would be more difficult because it's harder to explain to a 3 year old why Daddy is gone. I should add, we've been happily married for 14 years now!

Good luck to both of them.

*I* wouldn't be able to handle it, but my BFF is my age and her husband is in the military, lot's of women handle it okay :) Maybe she should join a support group for military wives?

I actually disagree with the other posters. Being away from my husband when he was just my new boyfriend was harder on our relationship than it is now.
When we were newly dating he was gone for 6 months on a navy deployment. I guess I also have to weigh in that my dad died suddenly right after he left, and I was only 18. BUT, I just thought I couldn't go on another day without him for months! Our second 6 month cruise we were engaged, and again, I just had horrible days where I would cry and cry I missed him SO much.
Now he is in the Army and we have two kids, he will be home in two weeks after being gone for six months. The first two months dragged because we only got to talk 10 minutes once a week, but since then we've had daily contact and the kids keep me so busy that the days are flying by! Having to work my kids through the seperation anxiety and changes in plans that are constant (we are not sure if we are staying here or moving to Korea, this is a very stressful to us all) is very difficult. My mom moved in with us to "help" but has found it too overwhelming dealing with a 3yr old who is having seperation issues and so is just adding more stress to the situation.
What makes the separation easier for me is that my husband and myself have years (10 years today) of marriage under our belts. We are both totally secure in our committment to each other and have no trust issues. A separation is sad, and we miss each others company; but it's not like early in our relationship where we wonder what the other is doing; if the "port night life" or "what happens on the ship stays on the ship" is really happening.... are their foreign women luring my man away? Is she being faithful for all these months or does she find comfort in the arms of another man? These are real worries in your early 20s and early in a relationship.... in the navy many men get divorce papers on the ship, they are called "westpac widows" (westpac is the name of one of the deployments).
My husband and I were SO happy and in love when he left on his first deployment, but we almost didn't survive it...
Yes, love from a distance is WAY harder when you are young.

My wife and I survived a deployment. We wrote to each other. That was back in the day of letters and 6 cent postage. It was a deployment that caused lots of written communication and love letters. I think that's where I learned to write and communicate with the written word.

She and I would write 20 to 50 page letters. It was hard on both of us if a letter didn't arrive each day.

When I went to a school for my conpany for 6 weeks, I bought 36 prestamped post cards from the post office. When it got boring in class, I would write to her and decorate the post cards with smiling flowers and hearts and plants. When we moved a few years back I found she had kept those postcards.

Long distance love is not easy, but then neither is a good marriage.

Good luck to you and yours.

I like Rachel D's idea about a support group. I think if 2 people really love each other and want to make it work not even an ocean can tear them apart. It reminds me of the days such as WWII where many women said good bye to their lovers. In December of 1941 my Grandmother lied about her age to marry my Grandfather. 2 weeks later he left for the war and they lived a long happy life.

I wish them the best of luck...

Rachel has a good suggestion but I have to add joining a military wives support group might not be easy. As military wives we see a lot of engaged couples who don't last through deployments. Not trying to be mean or cruel. Sometimes it is a matter of too much stress,changes for the deployed partner, spotty communication,and lonelines. So military wives can be very guarded when it comes to accepting an engaged woman into the support group. Not saying all are that way.
She may get lucky and find a group that will accept and help her but it might be hard to do as well.
As for can it last. Yes it can and many couples make it through stuff like this. But besides a support group keeping herself busy is a huge must.

yes love from a distance is hard, but it makes reunions alot more memorable. tellher to pack a small parcel for the guy.. a menu from the restaurant that they ate at during their first date, etc. tell her NOTHING PORNoGRAPHIC, because, the muslims will confiscate anything even remotely pornographic
tell her that the book "love stories from world war 2" comes highly recommended for her looking at the guy's upcoming deployment.
gotta go.. baby .more later
K. h.

I think it depends on how secure you are in relationships. My husband and I started out (at age 20) being away from each other because we lived 3 hours apart (we met in college), but we were able to still see each other on occasion and it was really hard on me since I had never had a long distance relationship. We later spent 2 years and 3 states away from each other which was much easier on me the second time around because I was busy with grad school and I felt more secure. Obviously, it all worked out ;) I think it depends on 1. how secure they both feel in the relationship 2. if she's able to keep herself busy 3. keeping in touch with him even if through letters will help to keep them connected. I think anything is possible if you love someone enough. 14 years and 2 kids later, I love my husband more now than I did then and couldn't imagine my life without him. BTW I think it's great that you're doing a scrapbook for them. I love scrapbooking and pictures really tell a great story.

It is always hard. My husband's first military related trip was only for 2 weeks when we were 20 years old & early in our dating relationship. I thought I would die (LOL!), but clearly I didn't. The longest he's been gone is for 4 months at a time, but he was gone the same 4 months (Oct-Jan) for 3 years in a row when our kids were tiny babies. That was not even comparable in difficulty & showed me early on what a dope I had been at 20 years old. IMO, when you miss you SO plus have to help your kids through missing Daddy (or Mama, whatever the case may be) it's infinitely harder.

S.:

I think love from distance is possible...however, if he is scared that she will not be able to handle the distance - that speaks volumes to me already...he doesn't feel her commitment to him...and the fact that he "hopes" to her to keep it? She's not ready and deep in his heart he knows it...he is probably doing this more for himself than for her - it gives him hope and something to look forward to when he's out on his missions....this is my 2 cents.

About the scrapbook - I would tell you that it needs to be small - if he is going to Afghanistan, he will be walking around with a 50lb backpack...it all depends upon what he does too...my "nephew" is an EOD for the Marines - he can ONLY take the NECESSITIES with him and scavenges for his food...so while I think what you are doing is a great idea - I would ask him what he will be doing on his deployment so that you can make it the right size....

Updated

S.:

I think love from distance is possible...however, if he is scared that she will not be able to handle the distance - that speaks volumes to me already...he doesn't feel her commitment to him...and the fact that he "hopes" to her to keep it? She's not ready and deep in his heart he knows it...he is probably doing this more for himself than for her - it gives him hope and something to look forward to when he's out on his missions....this is my 2 cents.

About the scrapbook - I would tell you that it needs to be small - if he is going to Afghanistan, he will be walking around with a 50lb backpack...it all depends upon what he does too...my "nephew" is an EOD for the Marines - he can ONLY take the NECESSITIES with him and scavenges for his food...so while I think what you are doing is a great idea - I would ask him what he will be doing on his deployment so that you can make it the right size....

Updated

S.:

I think love from distance is possible...however, if he is scared that she will not be able to handle the distance - that speaks volumes to me already...he doesn't feel her commitment to him...and the fact that he "hopes" to her to keep it? She's not ready and deep in his heart he knows it...he is probably doing this more for himself than for her - it gives him hope and something to look forward to when he's out on his missions....this is my 2 cents.

About the scrapbook - I would tell you that it needs to be small - if he is going to Afghanistan, he will be walking around with a 50lb backpack...it all depends upon what he does too...my "nephew" is an EOD for the Marines - he can ONLY take the NECESSITIES with him and scavenges for his food...so while I think what you are doing is a great idea - I would ask him what he will be doing on his deployment so that you can make it the right size....