Maiden Name Vs. Married Name

When I got married, I legally changed my name from "<first> <middle> <last/maiden>" to "<first> <maiden> <married>" I wanted to keep part of my heritage but connect with my new family.

half the reason I married my husband was because his last name is so awesome. But I like using my maiden name on facebook :)

I changed my name legally by doing what another poster said .... moving my maiden name to my official middle name. But I used my maiden name for business b/c I had an established career... fast forward one year and man I was so tired of having to look things up under one name, then look it up under the other name.. dry cleaning, hotel reservations, etc. it doesn't sound like a hassle but it sure was. I started using his last name after a year.

Funny thing is he told one of his buddies that I wanted to keep my last name and his buddy told him, "I'm not sure what it is w/ these Irish ladies but they all want to do that. Give it a year and she'll change it to your name" My husband told me this AFTER I had changed it! So my advice to you is if you do decide to use your maiden name (I totally get that) then use it exclusively, don't switch back and forth b/c it will drive you crazy.

I kept my maiden name, added my Husband's name. WITHOUT the Hyphen. That way, I can use EITHER name. Legally.

With a hyphen, that name combination is taken as "one" name, not 2 separate names.
So you always have to use the entire, hyphenated name.

I got info on this, per my Accountant and a lawyer friend.

My kids, have my Husband's last name.
They have no problem with that, nor I, nor my Husband.
They KNOW who they are... both being of my family and his.
They are proud of their last name and "my" maiden last name.

I feel the same as you. My career was long established with my maiden name before I met and married my husband. Here's what I did: when I got married, my maiden name became my middle name. But I use it everywhere... on my checks, business cards, formal signatures, etc. That way I don't have a hyphenated name (too long to write or say all the time) but I can use both names as I please because they're both legal. But also, my kids and I don't have different last names, because that was important to me too. In fact, on Facebook, I use my maiden name because that's how all of my friends/associates know me. So my maiden name lives on! Woo hoo! Good luck! You should do what's in your heart.

When I agreed to marry my husband, I told him that I would not take his name, because I had a daughter with my "maiden" name, and I felt that it was more important for her to have my name than for me to have his, and he agreed 100% with my logic.
After we had been married several years and she was grown, I hyphenated his name onto mine, and it makes it long and hard for other people to pronounce and spell, but I felt that I was adding his identity to mine, not changing my identity to his, so I didn't want to give up my own name.
Some people call me by my "maiden" name, some by my husband's last name, and some make the effort to pronounce the hyphenated name.

I wanted to change my name to my husband's literally i went from "McGill" to "M." haha so it was literally like nothing changed it's sort of an ordeal so I ended up not even getting around to it for like 2 years HAHA! Now-a-days it's really not like it used to be and it's SO common for women to keep their names, I'd recommend either hyphenating or even taking your maiden name as your new middle name ie: M. McGill M. thats a pretty good thing too.. Also I've seen moms give their kids their maiden name as their middle name (and some giving 4 names to do so). There's SO many options and you don't have to decide right away the truth is changing your name effects a lot of things and takes time so sit on it for a while! You technically don't have to pick until you get your new SS card!

I took my husband's name when I got married 17 years ago. I thought it would be easier. I regret it a little bit that I didn't keep my name. On the other hand I'm glad that I have the same last name as my kids. It's a tough decision.

I was really torn on giving up my last name as well. My husband had no opinion on it, he was ok if I kept my name and was ok if I took his. I eventually decided to take his name only so that when we had a family we all had the same name. I didn't want to have the awkwardness at school with my child because my name was different. I changed my name but kept my maiden name as my middle name as many women do. There is no right answer to your question what ever you decide feels best is what you should do. I agree with the no hyphenation. Having worked in the medical field for many years, that becomes a nightmare. No two people ever file you name the same so you end up with a constant aggravation of where "your chart is".

My ex had a very common name too and i didnt want to change it when we married. I waited 2 yrs before i did and now 2 years later i'm changing it back bc we are divorcing. I say keep your name. Your husband can get over it.

I couldn't wait to take my husbands last name.
It suited much better than my maiden name.
Some people will drop their middle name and use the maiden name as the middle once they are married. ex: Hillary Rodham Clinton

I changed my middle name to my last name. It's the best of both worlds!

I think it is completely up to you. I have my last name and haven't changed it yet. I think it is tradition to take a last name, just like having your dad walk you down the isle or to get married before having kids. It in NO way has to do with possession anymore. It used to, just like walking down the isle was a possession thing, but that has nothing to do with it nowadays. It is not silly to think about it- I do! I am thinking of changing my last name on our anniversary as a surprise, but am still not sure. Think about it really hard. Worst case scenario, you change it back. I think it means a lot to a guy to take a last name because it shows a sort of pride in your marriage you know?

I kind of wanted to keep my maiden name too. Husband kind of *expected* that I'd change it, and I did. I kind of regret it but it makes it a bit easier for our son, school, etc....people kind of "get" that we are a married, together family. HOWEVER I know families that the mom has kept her maiden name and it all works out.
I guess you just need to decide what you want more!
You don;t have to do it right away...you can change it at anytime, I believe..so you could try keeping it & see how that goes.

I always tell him I married him so I could change my name to an easier name. My maiden name was difficult to pronounce and his is so easy sometimes people screw it up.

EVERY TIME I go to pick-up pictures at Walgreens they say "that's the LAST name?" Yes, my last name is a "first" name but it IS my LAST name!

i'm hyphenated and proud of it! it's a pain to put it on paper sometimes or to fight businesses/churches for the right to my whole legal name, but it is worth it to say that i am my father's daughter and my husband's wife. also we gave both of our boys my maiden name as a middle name. i think that is so cool!

You're not being silly. I'm getting married very soon also, and facing this same issue.

I am 38, and quite attached to my maiden name. My generation is all girls, so the family name will die with our generation. My son carries the name, but also his father's name (I am not marrying his father.) My son is First, Middle, My Maiden, Dad's Last name with no hyphen.

My biggest hang up with changing my name to soon to be hubby's is that I don't want my son to be the ONLY one in the household with a different name. At least with my maiden name, we do share that, even though it's not his 'last' last name. But he knows we share that name. If I were to take hubby's name, and drop my maiden name, and we'd have a child, we'd all have the same last name, but my son, and I'd hate that. I'm worried enough about raising him in a step family situation, and the name thing just takes it a step further.

I know my future hubby wants/expects me to take his name, and in some ways, I want to. So what I'll probably do, is keep my maiden name, and add his name to the end, no hyphen. That way, my son and I will still share that name, I can use it when I prefer to, or I can use my hubby's name when I want as well. It's not an ideal solution, but I just don't know what else to do.

I feel your pain.

You are not being silly. I was known by Officer's were I used to work by my name had what I considered an important job got married kept my name didn't want to explain my new name and so on. Sit down explain to your to be hubby how you feel, this is part of a relationship and let him know. Then do what makes your heart feel best you can't please everyone and pleasing yourself is hard enough. This sounds important to you, it was important to me and I too had been married before and felt like I lost my my my name. So my story is when i remarried I kept my name. Here's the hitch I have kids now with this hubby never did before and kids called me by my kids last name which is my hubby's last name, it's too confusing so I am called by my husband's last name but my id says my old name. At some point now after 12 years I figure I might as well change it plus I left that old job after having babies and I don't think I' going back.

I kept my birth name after marriage and all my children have my last name also. Husbands do not always last forever, but children and Mothers do. Even if you have found your soul mate - how does changing your name to his show anything other than possession? Changing your name doesn't mean you love him more, that you will be there till death do you part. Divorce is at 50% in this country... I do not see the point of changing the wife's name to the husband's name. Being a piece of property died out about 75 years ago.

My husband was disappointed at first, especially with the children having my name. But when we talked about it, he realized the children and myself having the same name but different than his was not a mark against his manhood, but a feasible and prudent choice in which it was completely within my rights to make and now he's definitely ok with it.

I also did the maiden name to my legal middle name thing which makes the transition easier. I honestly can't imagine not having the same last name as my husband's. It's just so much easier for me and for everyone else. We have friends where the mom didn't change the name and addressing stuff to them is a pain, explaining to my kids is a pain etc. An older mom told me once she didn't change her name partly for professional reasons and regretted it bc it's different than her children's so no one ever knew who she was when she called school etc. For hotel reservations, airplane etc it seems like more work. We have no boys in my family so I thought I'd feel bad that my maiden name "dies" with me but I don't. I don't feel ANY less like me and I like that our family has a family name.

I am planning on doing what I did last time, moving my last name to my middle name. If your kids have his last name their friends are going to call your Mrs. whatever no matter what as will other parents that know you through your children or through him.

This is just my personal opinion but correcting everyone comes off snotty because there are a lot of assumptions as to why women keep their maiden name. Yours is a good reason but it won't be what people will attribute to it without knowing you.

Would you feel better about changing your last name if he changed his middle name to your last name? For me, there's something less onerous about the woman changing her name if the guy changes his too. It seems more equal that way.

I never changed my name when I married. It was just such a hassle. I told my husband I would if he changed his middle name to my last name. He wasn't opposed, but at the time the law said he would have had to get a legal name change, which involved putting out an ad and paying something like $300. However, California law says that now men can change their names because of marriage (which is free) without going through the whole legal name change process (which is not free).

Although there are times that I do think it would be nice to have the same last name as my children, I'm happy I kept my own name.