We're Getting Married!!!

Hi jasmine!

Best wishes to you and you fiance!

I merely kept my maiden name as my middle name. No hyphen...Just simply michele _____ ______.

I am divorced...and still go by that name as my eldest son has MY maiden name as his first name...would seem funny to me to switch back...

As a side note, my gentleman friends LAST name is michel (pronounced michele) and we have joked that we can never get married because I would feel a compelling need to become a stripper!! lol "Introducing Michele michel"...

Best luck!
michele/michel

OOPS...I meant cat!

I took my husband's name, but I kept my maiden as my legal middle name. My grandma and mom both did that, so it seemed like a happy medium and a tradition kept all at the same time.

Congrats! I use my maiden and married name with no hyphen. They are both short names and I like them both. :)

I don't get the idea that it is a feminist thing to keep a name. What the heck does it matter, it is a name. Talk about an old fashioned idea, your name defines you? That went out with the dark ages.

Well my name does not define me so I had no problem taking his.

Congrats!

I changed my name when I got married. I didn't have any reason not to.

CONGRATS, I changed my last name. quick too...

Congratulations!

Yes, I changed my name. I didn't even think twice about it.

Interesting. You posted in Feb for wedding locations and also how to tell your daughter her daddy is being deported back to Africa. So now you are engaged? After you have already planned the wedding? Congrats, I guess? Good luck.

I was 40 something when I got married (my first marriage). It was the only thing he wouldn't budge on was the name change. For him the changing of my name was part of what makes us a united team. It was really hard emotionally for me to change my name. I had somewhat of a melt down trying to figure out who I was going to be with this new name. He wouldn't even budge on a hyphenated name. He said to him it felt like division.

We have been married for almost 3 years and I do have his last name. My son and nephew have my maiden name and his son has his last name. It isn't confusing when you go to school for the kids or the doctor's offices or any other thing we do involving the children. It is so common now it really isn't a big deal.

When we were engaged my husband said yes to everything I wanted and this was the only thing he asked specifically for, so it wasn't a bad trade. We have a wonderful marriage and we are an incredible unified team.

I don't believe in not changing your name. Feminist or not- it's about being united and becoming a family.

Congratulations on your engagement - he sounds like a wonderful man!

I did not change my last name when I married mostly because 2 of my grandchildren have my last name and it just didn't feel right to change my name. I'm glad I didn't because as they get older, they like knowing that they have the same last name as SOMEONE else in the family.

I would consider that with your daughter as well. She will feel like odd man out if you and hubby have one name and she has another. If she doesn't have a relationship with her bio dad, you could consider just changing her last name - you don't have to do the whole adoption thing, just a name change.

Congratulations!!! I changed my name after being married for 3 years. The wedding brought on a lot of stress and I didn't want the hassle of changing my name. When I was pregnant and it was my husband's b-day and we didn't have much $, I changed it. He was happy. It didn't cost $, I thought it would. No rush, I wouldn't put pressure on anyone to do it. I'm glad I did though.

Updated

Congratulations!!! I changed my name after being married for 3 years. The wedding brought on a lot of stress and I didn't want the hassle of changing my name. When I was pregnant and it was my husband's b-day and we didn't have much $, I changed it. He was happy. It didn't cost $, I thought it would. No rush, I wouldn't put pressure on anyone to do it. I'm glad I did though.

This of it this way, you're entering a new life with him so you're becoming a new person so you get a new name. This name doesn't mean you "belong" to him as property, but you're becoming a family, so now you will share a last name to signify that. Change it with your daughter make it out like he's choosing to love you both, to make you both his family.

I changed my name, it really was pretty simple actually. New me, new name.

Something silly: Think of a tomato, it's always been a tomato, it always will be. If you call it an Heirloom Tomato or a Cherry Tomato? Just different kind of tomatoes, just like you. Still you, but now a different kind of you.

Jasmine:

Congratulations!! is this the same guy that was going to be deported a few months ago? Or is this a different man? I will assume that because your child is calling him daddy!! that's a good thing!!

I took on his last name and made my maiden name my middle name.

If you are a feminist - why change anything? Keep the status quo. I personally like having my husband's last name. There's a lot of history with it just like my maiden name. And it made it much easier when having kids...parents having the last name? pain in the rear...my opinion.

Well, I was a Women's Studies minor in college and have pretty set ideas regarding the topic... but still changed my last name. Several reasons...
1. It wasn't a big deal to me either way.
2. It wasn't a big deal to my husband either way.
3. We knew we wanted to have children and for simplicity/clarity sake we all have the same last name.

I think if my husband had made an "issue" out of it I probably would have bristled a bit. When we went to get our marriage license the clerk asked what name "we" would be taking after our wedding and explained our options. Truthfully? Neither of us had thought about it, but my husband literally looked at me and said "whatever she wants is fine with me"- that settled it. He was the right one, so we went with his last name.

I will say though... the clerk told us that the "fourth option" was to create an entirely different last name by combining our two last names. Didn't know we could do that, but it seemed really strange to both of us, so we went with his.

I can relate to Kimberly. I was in my 30's and didn't really want to change it but it was O. thing on which my husband would not budge! So I did.
Sometimes I wish I hadn't. It has nothing to do with love.
You can always keep your name and just use his socially. If I had a "do over" that's what I'd do.
Congrats!

I would suggest keeping the same last name as your daughter. This is particularly important if you and your new husband plan to have more children. You don't want her to feel like you're a family and she is somehow separate. If you share her name then she will always be connectedto you by name and that's important. If you can change her name, then that's great, but that depends on her relationship with her dad.
Congratulations on your engagement!!

I kept mine because I like it. It's really up to you!

Dawn

I made my maiden name my middle name. So it's not said with my name but still part of who I am. And having it as my middle name on my drivers license has been helpful, when it comes to banking, it's accounts, etc..and I imagine it would also be nice to have it somewhere while it's still your daughter's name.

I kept my last name. It just felt too much a part of my identity and as a feminist, I didn't like the idea that society tells us that we have to change our name to our husband's. If it ever comes up, my husband is the one who responds that the reason we have different last names is that he didn't want to change his last name.

When my daughter was born, she took my last name as her middle name which has worked well.

Good luck deciding!

Congrats Jasmine!!

I didn't change my name. The tradition creeps me out - even though I know things are very different now. I also am one of the last people in my family with my father's last name, who died when I was really young so I was really reluctant to let it go for lots of reasons.

I've had no feelings one way or another when people assume I have my husband's name. It's logical, easier etc. Even our friends that know I didn't change my name address our mail with my husband's name and I'm fine with it. I also have had no odd reactions etc when I have to tell anyone (doctors, insurance etc) that my last name is different.

On the flip side, my husband's name is awesome and I love it. I could easily see having it, especially now that our three year old - who has my husband's last name - is asking what my "long name" is and I notice I feel awkward that mine isn't the same as his. Even though I shouldn't because he has no reason to find it strange because he's 3!! :) It's funny how stigmas affect us even when we think they won't. I think the notion of sharing a name as a symbol of family is really ingrained into us so it catches me off guard.

I have had thoughts of changing my name so that I have two last names - and still probably only really "use" my maiden name - so that I can officially share the name with my kid(s)... I guess I'm having trouble choosing between tradition/sentimentality and independence. But I guess we don't have to choose - we can have both! :)

So happy for you mama!

Congratulations on your engagement!

I hyphenated my name with marriage #1 and I really found it oddly disturbing. When I changed it back after my divorce I felt to much better. It was weird; I did not anticipate that at all.

So... that was one of the reasons I did not change my last name when I remarried. Other reasons: I have a very common first name, but a cool and uncommon last name. My whole professional identity is tied to this name. I wanted to retain a last name connection to my kids from my first marriage (they have the hyphenated name). And... my DH's first wife and I have the same first name, and SHE changed her name when they got married. That was just a little too weird for me! Even so, lots of people didn't even realize he'd gotten divorced, since we have the same name, so it's a bit bizarre.

I think DH was initially disappointed, but he understood all of my reasons (especially the ex wife one). His family doesn't entirely understand my reasons, they are pretty traditional. Well, they understand the ex wife one pretty well. The rest they don't get. They often call or refer to me as Mrs. ____ and that's not a problem. It's not like I'm not going to answer to it.

As for context, among my friends and acquaintances, some have changed their names and some have not. Most who have changed made their maiden name their middle name. Many of my kids' friends have parents with different last names; it's never been a problem in any of our schools. On the other hand, among my husband's friends, I am one of the only wives who has not changed her name.

I don't know if you and your child have the same last name now, but another factor to consider is how you will feel having a different last name than your child - or children, if you and your fiance want to have some of your own. For some people that's not an issue; for others, it's really important.

Whatever your decision, good luck!

ETA: Another option, which was sort of mentioned below, is to choose an entirely new last name that you will both/all share (assuming that your DD's father will allow her name to be changed? you alluded to changing your names together) - you, new husband, your daughter, and future children. I've had a couple of friends do that. It wasn't a combination of their names in any of those cases. One couple picked a name that they thought represented them well; they have since divorced but they kept their "married names". Another looked back through their family trees until they found a last name that appeared in both of their family histories, and they chose that one. I thought that was cool. It works better if you are from similar heritages, though!

And I guess ANOTHER option is for HIM to change HIS name to YOURS. I have also known couples who did that. Who says the woman has to take the man's last name?!

You are in a slightly different situation. You actually have 4 choices. Change your name only, change your name and your daughters name so the whole family has the same last name, hyphenate your name, don't change your name. I've read that the trend is to stop hyphenating names because it's just getting too complicated and names are getting too long. Most of my friends as well as myself changed our names. The few that kept or that hyphenated, now regret it. They have found that what they thought was such a liberating idea really doesn't mean much to them now. And they find it a little time consuming/irritating to always have to explain the different last names to multiple parties in person or on forms when they are indeed married. They hyphenaters also find that they have a harder time fitting their names on forms etc. They have also had to explain to their children as they get older why they don't have the same last name as them or daddy. It's really just a personal choice. If it means that much to you, keep your name. Personally I don't really care what tradition it came from, I am comfortable with it the way it is in modern society. I don't feel it's demeaning or possessory in any way. I like that my family all has the same name. But that's just my feeling. Make your choice for you.

I've never changed my name. I hyphenate it usually, but I didn't want to give up my real last name. It's part of who I am, so I wanted to keep it.

i hyphenated and love it most of the time! if there's not enough room on a space for both last names i just leave one off.