I have consistently gone to church all of my life. I enjoy it tremendously and love to volunteer in choir and various other activities. Lately, I have felt a calling to work with the ESL program, but my husband is ademantly opposed to my participation because he feels it takes up too much of my time. He thinks that I should stay home with him and the children every evening and watch TV. I am very bored with this, but am too tired to do otherwise. I have been trying to get out of a depression that has lasted several weeks now. I have decreased my workload at MDO, and I have continued teaching piano at my house. I feel like I am doing what I am called to do at this point. However, I had already told my friends that I would help with the ESL program last semester. I had to go back on what I told my friends that I would do, and I feel terrible. I wish I could just be at peace with this decision or just be free to go help without feeling judgement from my husband for going against our agreement for me to reduce the number of hours that I spend at my church each week. We added them up...I think last semester I was going to church at least 10-12 hours a week and working almost 30 hours a week.
We are still working things out at this point. My husband and I evidently have very different views of what church is supposed to be. At this point, I am sticking with the reduction of hours at church, only going on Sunday and one night during the week for Bible Study. After March, I will no longer be doing the weekly night Bible study due to conflicts in getting children to bed. I have decided to put my husband and children first at this point so that their needs are being met.
My personal opinion is that you are taking on a bit too much. When I was depressed, I overscheduled, and later realized that was just a form of me running from my depression. I was super perky on the go, but when i got home i was a witch!
First of all, you are no good to anyone if you are not good to yourself. Go to the doctor and talk with him about your depression and get a grip on it before it gets out of control. Then sort out things with your church activiies and your husband. Talk to him about things. Maybe instead of participating in the choir you can do the ESL - compromise. Your friends at church should understand that things occur in everyone's life that causes change and they should understand that at this time it is not the best thing for you to do. They will be alright with it. Don't beat yourself up over it. When you get older you will realize just how easy the word NO becomes and you won't feel bad about it.
If your husband wants you to stay at home every night at watch TV, find a hobby or craft you can do while you sit there and enjoy that with him. Just because the TV is on does not mean you really have to watch it - use it as background noise to comfort you while you work on your projects. Find a way to get out of the house without the kids for a few hours once a week and enjoy being a woman without someone demanding something of you even if it means sitting in the park on the bench and watching the world go by. Time away is a great way to refresh and renew ones self. Good luck.
Your husband should let you do what you want to do. The fact that he says he wants you home watching tv with him and the children....well, maybe you don't like to watch tv. Is he controlling?
Anyway, just pray about it, but do remember, your children will be little for just a while and you don't want to overcommit yourself, even if it is a good cause. Good luck!
L.,
I recommend that you pray for God to change your heart, or your husband's heart, about this. Let God show you what to do.
Maybe you all can find a compromise that will make everyone happy. It would be great for the kids to have one night of DADDY time, and it would be great for you to be doing something you love/want to do.
GOOD LUCK
Ask your husband to come and help you one night, he could teach the men about things pertant to men, like shaving, tools, man things that they would need to discuss with doctors, etc. When I taught adult ESL, we would go on alot of go see it activities, how to use public transportation, etc. Good luck.
Remember what it says in Corinthians, there is a time to every season. Your children are very young and you will be amazed how quickly they will be in school and you can do more outside the home. Perhaps find things you'd rather do in the evening than watch tv til then. There is so much time left to do everything you desire.
it is so great that you feel called to help with the ESL program. your husband is right, it is a big commitment. i definitely encourage you to pray...pray a lot! God wants to answer your prayer. He also wants to deepen your faith and see how much you really want something, so pray without ceasing as paul says in thessalonians. also pray for you and your husband. that you will be on the same page and what you do will honor him. i know you hated to go back on what you told your friends, but it sounds like it wasn't discussed with your husband first. also, your girls are young and i agree with the other post that there is going to be time VERY soon when they will be in school and you will have much more time to work/volunteer/whatever God is putting on your heart to do. an idea for tv time (first pray about it) but maybe at least one night a week your husband would be up for turning off the tv and you guys talking, praying, doing a bible study together. let him know how much these things mean to you and ask for your husband to pray for you (if he's willing) for direction and time or whatever you need. if he sees how much it means to you and he feels you are engaged in the family and in their well being he might be more willing to have a daddy/daughter night as someone else suggested. pray pray pray :) good luck and i will pray for you and your family. as far as the depression goes, have you tried to balance/manage it with diet? i would get on a cod liver oil supplement asap. if you want other ideas, let me know!
blessings,
A.
It may not seem like a blessing but it is really special that your husband wants you to be home with him. I understand you want to get out of the house and also fulfill your calling but not if your husband is against it. If God really has this for you to do just ask Him in prayer and ask God to have your husband be supportive. When my husband and I disagree on things I pray that God will change him because I know I sure can't. Hope this helps even though it sounds old fashioned. Biblically it does say that the husband will be head over his wife (Eph. 5:22-27) but it also says that the husband should love his wife as he loves himself so he should be willing to sacrafice some time with you to allow you to do what God has called you to.
i am amazed at what other people are saying. i understand that your kids are little and your husband may not understand, but girl i just have one thing to say...
IF THE HOLY SPIRIT IS TELLING YOU TO DO SOMETHING, YOU BETTER DO IT!!!!
i learned the hard way, you better listen to the Lord when he speaks. you don't put God on hold for any situation.
