Marriage - Austin,TX

My husband and I did it for the tax reasons. He's a tax auditor. :) So, the real question for you is "Why not?"

The only real reason to get married is that if anything happened to either one of you and you are NOT married, they will not tell you anything, may not even let you visit, have no legal rights to decision making, etc.
Also, this is true if you have kids.

In TX, if you live together for longer than 6 months, you are common law married, but I do not know what that means.

To us marriage is mostly spiritual. We hold the belief that a married couple are soul bonded and are together beyond this life. But In the simplest of terms, being married proclaims to everyone, not just each other, how committed you are.

Well, people in favor of same-ex marriage have cited roughly 1400 legal (nothing to sneeze at) and financial rights/benefits that are bestowed upon a newly married couple, simply from the fact that they are legally married.
They include:
*joint parenting;
*joint adoption;
*joint foster care, custody, and visitation (including non-biological parents);
*status as next-of-kin for hospital visits and medical decisions where O. partner is too ill to be competent;
*joint insurance policies for home, auto and health;
*dissolution and divorce protections such as community property and child support;
*immigration and residency for partners from other countries;
*inheritance automatically in the absence of a will;
*joint leases with automatic renewal rights in the event O. partner dies or leaves the house or apartment;
*inheritance of jointly-owned real and personal property through the right of survivorship (which avoids the time and expense and taxes in probate);
*benefits such as annuities, pension plans, Social Security, and Medicare;
*spousal exemptions to property tax increases upon the death of O. partner who is a co-owner of the home;
*veterans' discounts on medical care, education, and home loans; joint filing of tax returns;
*joint filing of customs claims when traveling;
*wrongful death benefits for a surviving partner and children;
*bereavement or sick leave to care for a partner or child;
*decision-making power with respect to whether a deceased partner will be cremated or not and where to bury him or her;
*crime victims' recovery benefits;
*loss of consortium tort benefits;
*domestic violence protection orders;
*judicial protections and evidentiary immunity;

If you're interested in what rights you would gain, you can review them here:
http://www.religioustolerance.org/mar_bene.htm

Besides legal, religious, tradition, etc....

This morning my breakfast consisted of eggs and bacon. The chicken that produced the eggs was "involved" in my breakfast. The pig was committed.

Being married gives me much more of a sense of commitment. Primarily, it reminds me that I'm all in - and that really helps me keep in mind to let things go, that she's her own person and not to get too hung up on anything - because 50 years is a long time. :)

BTW - until I got married, I didn't believe this concept. I've also been married once before - so it certainly may be a state of mind given Mrs. On Purpose's wonderfulness....or it may be tied to the act of getting married (to the right person).

I think it's pretty nice to be able to say "I'm married". It's better than defending, 3 kids later, the reasons for why you arent.

Financially, tax wise, I think being married is in your favor, and then there's always the part at the end of the road if you need to be able to collect SS benefits or, God forbid, widow benefits.

You are not considered "next of kin" in emergency situations if you are not married.

Look how hard Gay people have been pushing to be "married", they know there are benefits in it, and it ices the deal on the commitment aspect to many.

I dont believe it's something to RUSH into EVER, but you guys have 6 yrs behind your belts, so you are ripe for it ;)

My biggest thing about marriage vs. living together is that you don't get the legal benefits in the case of death or accident... Which is a sad reason for getting married, but if (heaven forbid) your SO were to die, then his parents or his children get all the 'rights' of burials, etc. Not a problem if your families view your relationship the way you do... but it can cause problems.

I have a family friend who lost his SO after 25 years of being together. Her parents HATED him, and when she died he had no rights. They just took her body, buried her where they wanted (in a family plot, so now there is no way they could ever be buried together), and took over everything that was in her name. They refused to allow him to even attend the funeral. It was heartbreaking to watch.

Economies of scale is the biggest, logical, reason to get married.

i think you and your SO are right on target. i'm always a little taken aback by folks who think that you have do rings and vows so that the other one won't feel free to stroll away.
but there are significant legal bennies that make it all worthwhile. that's the only selling point for me.
i'd gladly do a religious ceremony but my dh and i don't share a religion so that's out. but i'm fine with being married to him because it's cheaper tax-wise, i'm on his insurance, and there are no issues with access if one or the other of us gets sick or injured.
khairete
S.

If you are legally married - should something happen to him - you have legal recourse - such as a medical problem that incapacitates him - you can legally make the decisions as next of kin. As a "long time girl friend" - you have no authority in which to operate.

Other than that - chose to live how you want to live.

I would check with a lawyer to see what can be set up legally - power of attorney, living will, executor of the estate, etc. so you would not have to get married but still be covered in case of an emergency.

Who are the "other people" that have expectations?

If you and your man are both open to marriage, keep in mind that it doesn't have to be a big blow out party, the two of you and a couple of witnesses can keep it quiet and simple.

All moral and religious reasons aside, it's a matter of protecting your legal rights.
My aunt recently passed away and even though she had been with her partner in a committed relationship for many years he had no say in her health care decisions, distribution of property, etc. He was at the mercy of her daughter (luckily she is taking care of him, but that doesn't always happen.)
Yes, you can set up a living trust and/or will to make sure your partner is covered if something tragic happens, but it could still be contested by other family members. Why not just get married? You don't need to have a wedding, just go down to the courthouse.
This is one of the main reasons why there is such a push for gay marriage. It's not just about the social validation, it's about ensuring legal, medical and financial rights.

Beside the legal, religious, traditional - Marriage builds a better foundation for society, families and our own sense of security. All the other alternatives will come back and bite you one way or the other, especially if you have kids. The only reason you should NOT consider marriage is if it is going to make your life miserable, and then it is not worth it.

Why not?
You've been together for 6 years, you love each other, you are considering getting married, and again your already committed, so why not?

Getting married isn't about everyone else, it's about the two of you and what you mean to each other. You live like a married couple, so why not just legalize it, and be married?
It's "expected" because that's usually what happens after you find the "person you want to spend the rest of your life with" you get married.

You have rights when you get married. If something should happen to either of you have legal rights and a say in what happens. You wont if you aren't married. There's just so much more you can have when you are married.
Everyone else has already given you great reasons to that.

My husband and I have been together for over 6 years. We didn't get married for everyone else, or because it was "expected" We got married for US, because we knew there was no one else we ever wanted to be with.

So why NOT get married?

I can't tell you what to think; I'll just share what I think with you.

Having some sort of commitment is important. In '04, my then-partner (now husband) and I did two things to help our relationship along. We started couples counseling, because we'd both been previously married and after nearly 3 years together, felt it was a good investment. We also had a handfast ceremony, making vows of commitment in front of our community of friends. (Most of my family was not supportive of this as they are very traditional, to them, marriage is very much the "ultimate" institution.)

Fast forward to 2009. At this point we had a son who was nearly two. We paid out of pocket for the birth because A. I was uninsured and B. because we weren't a same sex couple, his insurance wouldn't cover me. It's an assumption that all heterosexual couples will marry as a demonstration of commitment. (I'm not down with this thinking, by the way.) We ended up getting legally married primarily because I had some health issues arise and we decided to bite the bullet and get me on my now-husband's insurance. We realized that in the long run, carrying that debt from the possible procedures I might have needed would have burdened us for long time.

Before we got married, I was cringing at the idea of being a 'wife' again. I really disliked the word. Now that we are three-plus years past that, I'm so over it. Our last names now match, which is nice for my son (I'd actually been in the process of changing it legally from my exhusband's last name to my new one, even before we decided to marry, so that doesn't signify...)

I guess all this is to say-- you are going to have to do what feels right for you, but don't let your aversion for the conventions of others PREVENT you from taking that new step on your journey as a couple. I know couples who have been together 25 years or longer who haven't married and who are fine together. I also know quite a few couples like us who decided after being together for a significant amount of time that "why not? We're going to be together anyway." and have found that it simplified some things. And I'm certainly 'over' the bad hangover of my previous marriage. Different people make different lives together. (And it's a hell of a lot better than having my stepmom introduce my son's father as my "beau", as if our relationship wasn't already established and cemented, but something we were still 'trying at'. ugh.) Marriage is what YOU make it and will only contain the values which you and your beloved bring to it. Not to be rude, but screw everyone else's expectations. Do what's right for you without their opinions influencing you 'toward' or 'against' .... Good luck.

Well first of all, I would say what other people think of you and your family unit shouldn't matter to you.

And you listed all of the other reasons it's a good idea to get married. Only if you want to though.

There's something to be said for taking the "I love you" and "I'm with you forever" that you say in private and saying it in public and putting it on paper as a sign of your commitment. It may be silly to some, but believing it so deeply that you're willing to put it in writing and demonstrate it publicly says something to me. It's easy to walk away when things get rocky. Knowing that you promised to be in it for the long haul makes it more important not to.

ETA: Also, committing to something you know is going to be legally complicated to get out of is also a good sign that you're going to stick around when things inevitably get tough (which is why I have a problem with pre-nups -- they may be smart, but they take away that reason).

Well, at the time that I was engaged I was a Catholic, working for the Catholic Church as the Director of Religious Education, so not getting married in the Catholic Church wasn't really an option for me, especially if I wanted to keep my job. I'm still Catholic, just not working for the Church. (decided to be a SAHM for a few years).

For many people (not everyone), taking a formal step of some kind changes the relationship in a very good way. One of the potential pitfalls of living together without being married is the level of commitment. Sometimes one of the partners sees the situation as temporary while the other partner sees it as forever. This can effect behavior and how willing people are to really deal with an issue. If you're thinking temporary, you might be more inclined to gloss over things and not really address them. Obviously this is not always true, but many people do need to do something more official so that they are both clear as to the expectations of the relationship.

The biggest practical reasons really are legal: health insurance, health decisions, inheritance and property rights, etc. It seems that one of the biggest (non-emotional) issues of the gay marriage debate has been that there are really no legal documents one can sign that will ensure the same rights as a marriage.

Romantically speaking, it is amazing to stand up in front of your friends and family and recite your vows to each other. I would highly recommend having some type of "commitment ceremony" so you always have that to look back on, especially days when your relationship isn't so easy.

ETA: Cheryl mentioned "power of attorney, living will, executor of the estate," but it is my understanding from listening to the gay marriage debates that none of those options hold the same legal weight as a marriage certificate and that those can still be challenged by other family members (a parent or sibling) and that they are not always recognized.

My hubby and I lived together for 15 years before we got married. I, like you, didn't really see the need to get married since we were committed to each other, but my mom would not acknowledge my then SO as my "lifetime partner" because we weren't married.

My hubby wanted to get married; I was on the fence but decided why not. I was really surprised that there was a difference. It's hard to explain, but it just felt like it was more permanent. Again, it is hard to put into words, but there is a difference.

Not really, it's mostly just legal. Here's a kicker, though, since you want a romantic twist. For some people, there is something about being "bound" legally that is either very smothering or very comforting and even a turn-on.

I think being married legally, is just that one step further, proving that you will do whatever it takes to promise to be faithful with each other. You are saying the words in front of people that care for you, to person that has authority to witness it and it will have an actual document.

It lets the state know you are going to be responsible for each other.

It cements the deal.

I loved that Brad and Angelina had said they did not need to get married. They are committed.. Blah, blah, blah... But it was their children that have now asked that they get married, so they can all be a real family. Very touching.

I did a wedding for a cousin that already had 2 children. It was very non traditional more like a very beautiful garden party at sunset... In Mayfield Park.. The one with all of the peacocks....

Later they told me it was not official....but they wanted it to feel that way to those in attendance. Still not sure why they did not get the paperwork, but to all of us,it was very moving and a lot of fun.

I'm not married, but I love the idea of marriage. I love my happily married friends, and I love hearing about people who are happily married. I think it's a fabulous thing for people who have met the right person.

From my perspective as a totally single person...the reason you get married is that you have found the person you want to spend the rest of your life with, and you stand before God, your family and friends and publicly proclaim that you love this person so much that you want to be with them for all time. The marriage legally makes this person part of your family, as well as from a spiritual perspective makes you a family, which also gives you certain benefits legally as well as in a family. I think it also gives you a commitment that pushes you forward in staying together during some of the rough, crappy times that will come along when you might sort of question whether you really want to be with this person for all time as you stated in front of God and everybody or could just pack it up and walk away. I think until you're actually married that it probably isn't something that can be fully understood. However, anyone who is engaged has also decided that they love and are committed to each other for the rest of their lives...something pushes them to want to publicly proclaim that love and commitment and to seal it legally and spiritually.

The most basic reason to get married is the most practical - legality. That little piece of paper makes life easier in that respect (i.e. medical decisions). Secondly, I will tell you from experience that the actual saying of vows and signing that paper will keep you together more than any 'I Love You' ever will. I've only ever been in two ultimately serious relationships. In the first I did not see a reason to get married. It was "just" a piece of paper. Now I know that was my EXCUSE because I did not want to marry the guy. Why? Because I knew it wouldn't work out, and I wanted an easy out. Marriage is NOT an easy out by any means. If you're simply "committed" and get into an argument, there is nothing stopping that person from just walking away. However, if you're married and hit bumps in the road.. You then start to think about divorce and those complications. And then you remember your wedding day, the vows, the rings, the kiss. And suddenly you know exactly WHY you need to stick it through. Being legally married DOES make it different. Don't do it for society, friends, or family. Do it because it will make your relationship stronger.

ETA: If marriage really was 'only a piece of paper' then same-sex couples wouldn't be fighting so hard to obtain their right to be married.

It seems to be an intangible so I'm not sure there is a way to answer this. But look at Brad and Angelina... I guess their kids want them to be married. Or maybe look at it like adoption - let's say you could keep a child and be his/her parent forever without legal verification. I bet that child would still want to be legally adopted... And it's kind of like how people send out a birth announcement - you're announcing to everyone that you now have a child. Marriage seems like the same thing - you're announcing to everyone to everyone that "this is it".

So many great answers...... and Dad on purpose, I Laughed out loud at your awesome comparison there! That's a good one! (such a great way of putting it) My question for you really is this. ...........
If you are truly happy together, in love, and everything is working out just fine, then why wouldn't you want to get married and legally, and religiously, tie yourself to this person for life? I really don't see the problem. I get the hesitation when people are not quite there yet....... or when there have been horrible divorces and losses in the past, but if all is working out really well, and you simply can't forsee any issues, (not that most of us CAN forsee issues prior to a wedding, but you know what I mean), I don't understand the hesitance. I am not really sure what you are missing. A wedding is symbolic of a union of 2 people, 2 sould, becoming ONE. You are taking the last step to comingle your lives together in every way. The whole two becoming one thing. It IS romantic. It is also very beneficial in a lot of legal ways. Now, if you are the sort to want to take advantage of the system, meaning the govt and all of the programs out there for parents and kids who are single parents, (which I am IN NO WAY SAYING THAT YOU ARE BY THE WAY)................ then getting married would not really benefit you at all. You actually lose many benefits because you choose to get married and have a 2 parent household, and possibly a 2 income household. I don't believe that was the question though.
Let me just say this. I have never met anyone who is still HAPPY with their significant other, who ever regretted getting married. They all were happy that they joined themselves to that person, for better or worse, and for always. I guess it is really a matter of you and your SO. You ultimatly will have to decide how important this is to you. You can always have a will drawn up to name someone as the beneficiary, a living will for health issues, name someone as health proxy, etc. There ARE ways around it if you chose not to get married. I just don't really understand it if you are with the person and truly happy. I would want the whole thing. I like to have it all, and to me, that includes the marrige. :) Good luck to you, and whatever you choose, I wish you a long and happy relationship! <3

It's actually a public and social proclamation of your commitment to each other. The willingness to take that solid step of commitment, the one that says your bond is so solid that you're willing to legally, spiritually, socially, bind yourself to someone else is one of the strongest bonds and commitments you can make. That commitment grants you many more rights as a couple and affords you more social respect to boot. Without that tight bond of marriage, there's more ease in leaving the relationship when there's trouble. That can be beneficial of course if the relationship becomes abusive or you fall out of love with each other after the honeymoon phase. Or you discover your partner isn't who you thought he was.

But marriage and the certificate and the ceremony... those make a strong statement to each other as well that no matter what comes your way, there's not going to be an easy out. The relationship is presumed to be more important than any other and a lifetime bond. Of course, this isn't considering those who treat marriage as if it's disposable.

However, if you go to France there's a huge trend for couples to not marry. The majority of couples living together and having families are not married. Some mention of that was made on the Today Show a week or so ago.

You may feel committed but a wedding tells the world that you are committed. Not being married is still like having an "out" even if you think it doesn't.

It also sets the example for your kids to find someone who is willing to make it legal, not keep the door open to leave. You are in the minority of really being committed.

Your daughter(s) are growing up in a time when males don't value women like they used to. They don't even respect the parents and meet them any more to even date your daughter. They don't commit to marriage before they have sex with them. Women have multiple partners (and multiple scars) before they find one who will commit. More and more have multiple children as well because men don't have to commit. You are one of the rare ones whose guy doesn't have one foot out the door in case it gets tough. And it will get tougher in a few years.

So, for the sake of your children, I would show them what a committed marriage looks like and when the time comes, tell them what it was like before you got married and how much better it is afterward. There is a reason why the statistics show that married people are happier, healthier and their kids are more emotionally stable. Yes, of course there are exceptions to the rule, but I wouldn't risk it for my kids' sake.