Mentally Ill Neighbour

I think you have an obligation to try to help the kids. I was watching Oprah last week about the girl who was kept in the cage. The neighbors had seen all kinds of signs that things were amiss, but no one did anything for the kids until one day the 7 year old boy who had been put out of the house (barefoot, in winter) walked to the local police station to report it.

If this woman is really off-her-rocker, can you imagine what her kids are experiencing?

If someone is truly mentally ill there are very few things you can do to "deal" with them b/c their actions aren't based on rational thoughts and reasoning.

I would suggesting ignoring the behaviors unless your children are involved. If she yells at your children (or anyone else's) again, don't yell at her b/c you will feed into "the crazy", but say firmly- "It is not your responsibility to discipline my child. If you feel he has done something, come to me and I will deal with it." Ignore, ignore, ignore and don't confront. It will only make the whole situation worse.

As for the husband, if he's neglecting his property, call the town and file a complaint but you can't change who he is.

We live in a very tight neighborhood as well, so I know how readily "one bad apple" can really spoil the whole bunch! The woman who lives two streets over from us is a genuine "hoarder" and it is both disgusting and sad, but not much we can do about it (aside from having people take the "long way" to our house).

Good luck and remember that in many cases, great fences make great neighbors- think about it!

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Block party anyone? find ways to include them-it might help.

Report him to the Homeowners Association or police for the tires and cigarette littering. He keeps paying fines - he'll either clean up at least that portion of it or maybe move?

One of my college roommates was mentally ill ( paranoid). While I was sympathetic to her needs she was just dreadful to live with so I feel for you. My roommate had a breakdown midway through the semester and fortunately for me, left school. Sorry no tips but I really feel for not only the neighbors but especially the kids. Mental illness is such a terrible disease.

I"d personally, try to distance myself completely. You don't know how far these psychos will go and not to worry you, but this is the type of temperament that you need to worry about. Don't socialize with them, unfortunately even with the kids!

Why are you continuing to interact with these people? My guess is that the poor woman slipped over the edge from dealing with her husband ( Said half jokingly...but there is probably a lot of truth in the idea!!).
It sounds like some of the things they are doing may be something you could call the law in on...dragging a teenager out of their car?? Wow...have the local police on speed dial and don't be afraid to use the phone!! Tires/other trash stacked in the yard...same thing...call and report a nuisance. It can all be done anonymously.
Don't worry about the small things...why irritate a really irritating person to complain about cigarette butts...I would MUCH rather pick them up myself and dispose of them after he has gone on his way.
As for the children...if you don't want to deal with them...don't...you don't say how old they are...but if they are old enough to be outside in the neighborhood on their own...I would say just keep an eye on things...step in and intervene if things get out of control...just like you would with any other child. If the rest of the neighbor children don't want to play with these children...then so be it.
Good luck...I have had some really strange neighbors over the year...and I know they can make life VERY interesting!!

Bring them over some fresh baked cookies. Tell them you made too much and wanted to know if they wanted them. If they get snotty and said no, say "okay, thank you" and go to the next house and offer them the cookies. Go about your day as usual.

I know it sounds weird, but sometimes the only way to teach a person kindness is to show it to them first.

Yikes! I feel kind of bad for the kids...they didn't ask for crazy parents like that. My parents used to "unload" us off on people too...not a good feeling.

Anyway, I guess the only thing you can do is ignore them. Unless you feel comfortable enough to hold some kind of behavioral intervention??!

Good luck!
Lynsey

I have a friend who lives in front of someone like this. The family continue to upset, cajole, cause arguments, etc.etc. They installed a camera and security system, have continuous tapes of the man doing things, have gone to court over this several times and he just seems to keep doing more and more, but evidently knows his legal limits to walk out and start again despite papers warning him to stay away, the police visits, etc. My friend finally had enough and decided to move, sometimes that is all one can do. They had every shred of evidence documented on tape, and police papers, but still experience this pain. Unless you are able to ignore them (and I don't think I could) you can try taping this, documenting it, etc. but be aware that you in for a long haul unless THEY decide to move. I have a brother that sounds like the dad (the cigarette thing and all). He gets great pleasure out of disturbing people and thinks it's funny. Not laughable at all. Good luck!

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I am sorry it is so hard for so many of you! I had a neighbor with serious issues like that. Establishing clear boundaries for yourself so you know what you are willing to do and not willing to do helped me. (I decided I was willing to feed the kids fruits and vegetables since they were always hungry, but I didn't want to take over feeding the kids - and there was junk/starch at home, so they weren't really going hungry at meal time - but they never had fresh fruit and vegetable.)

It also helped me to continue to enjoy my more healthy neighbors - and not let the Vesuvius family be the focus of our interactions. Since the rest of you get on well as a neighborhood, I'd just focus on that - try to keep their bad behavior out of your interactions with the others. Otherwise, the Vesuvius family is poisoning all your interactions. Organize a block party or a progressive dinner or an impromptu drinks party to enjoy the people you do live near.

Mentally Ill people are not rational. I would be nice but mind my own business with them. As for the cigarette's I would speak up about that. You can only speak for yourself, so if she ask if you want to watch her kids, kindly say no.
I do feel your pain, there really is only so much you can do.
Good Luck!