I love my husband dearly but he ALWAYS calls me mom or mama or mommy and it drives me INSANE. I have asked him to stop but it has become a habit. I have a name. It is A.. It is not mama. For instance, he will say 'would you like some tea, mom?' Oh? Did your mother come to visit? No? You are offering ME tea? I know it is petty but it gets on my nerves. Anywhere and everywhere I go I am mom. I think my 3 year old calls me A. more often than my husband does. I am just curious if anyone else has this occur? Does it drive you mad? Sometimes I want to be A. and not mama.
Apparently he picked it up at work because of an old truck driving couple. These two do over the road trucking together and whenever the man calls into the office he always says something about "mother." Like, Mother told me to call in and see where we were going today. They have been married for just about ever and are still enjoying each others' company so I guess my husband figures if it works for them then it will work for us. Which is kind of sweet. That being said, my parents have been married for nearly 40 years and they call each other by their given names. He doesn't call me mom when we are in bed (I would be out of the bed and greatly disturbed) and he does occasionally use A. but about 90% of the time I am mama. I guess I will keep working on it with him. Or kill him. : )
A co-worker of mine had this problem and here's how she handled it...Get him below the belt...tell him if he keeps calling you that you won't give him any nookie..."mamas" don't do that with their kids.
Aw, I think that's kind of cute, but maybe not to the extreme that he's doing it. I agree, stop responding to him when he says it. You can even do it in a playful way, and exaggerate the fact that you are ignoring him, but really do not under any circumstance do what he's asking or cave and respond in any way until he says "Amy". Just like puppies, train him until you get the desired result! :o)
Good luck!
He should respect your wishes. That said, I never hear my name in my home. I am either mom, or sweetie, or some other pet name. My husband only calls me Jennifer when he is pissed off at me!
I would ignore his requests if he wont use your name. He knows it bothers you, so give him one more warning then stick to it.
My fiance used to call me Mama somewhat regularly... and I liked it. ??
He doesn't so much anymore, and the other day, I found myself wishing he'd do it more... Not sure why, but I just like it...
To me, it kinda feels like he's pulled out the singular most important thing in my life - being a mother - and used that to label me... and in my mind, that's a term of honor. It's like it was his way of respecting me for being a mom, even though it's not with him. It was very endearing to me and now I miss it a little since he doesn't do it as much.
Also (this is gonna sound a little weird), it kind of felt... sexy?
I know, we don't usually equate 'mom' with 'sexy', but the way he said it, "hey, Mama"... it almost always sounded like he was actually wanting to say "sexy mama" but left the sexy out to be discrete...
Ok, so I'm weird... I like him calling me Mama on every level.
At this point, though, I'm usually Babe or Beautiful, which are ok, but I miss Mama! He very rarely uses my name, but it doesn't really bother me.
Oh I hear you. I'm not married, but just reading your post I'd go insane if my husband would call me mom all the time. Sure if he is talking with the kids about you, but not to your face. What came to mind is when you are together, I would want that separation and feel like a hot woman, not a mom. No mini van, soccer practice, PTA. That should be for mom time, not Amy time.
And to Whizzy, I think I agreed with you on your post, I hate being called Ma'am. I'm not a Ma'am yet. To me it feels so old. I'm only 23. I shouldn't feel that way. I got it a lot when I worked retail and I about punched everyone who called me it. . . not a good thing to do to a customer.
my name is not easy to say, and my dear husband butchers it every time he attempts calling me by name. so him calling me mama is the best thing he can do for my nerves :)
WE call each other that when the kids are around and like another poster said... when we're looking to have one or the other do something.
Otherwise I think it's creepy.... he sometimes slips up when the kids aren't around and I always correct him (please don't call me that). I don't know - it's just creepy to me to have a grown man call me mom.... when I'm not his mom!! Not to mention - what a libido killer.... :)
My hubby and I sometimes call each other "Mommy" and "Daddy" if we're in front of the kids and asking something on their behalf, ie "Mommy, would you please pour M some milk to go with her supper?" But otherwise we call each other by our grown-up nicknames.
I know you've told him it bothers you, but does he really get WHY it bothers you so much? If you're a stay-at-home mom like me, it can be so hard to make husbands understand how difficult it is to completely lose your adult identity to being "Mom." They get to go off to work and deal with adults all day and have that still define their identity, and we lose SO much of who we are as individuals to the role of motherhood. Not to say that children aren't totally worth it, but just that it's hard! Maybe in one of those rare minutes when you get to have time alone together, you can explain how important it is that he still treat you as an individual woman rather than solely as "mom." Good luck!
We (me and my husband) say mom, mama, and dad, daddy all the time lol! We picked it up from his grandparents and people give us funny looks all the time! :D
I would charge him $2 for everytime he calls you mom or mama.
Lets see how long he keeps calling you mama, maybe long enough so you can by "X" that you want so much and he thinks is not in the budget, lol.
lol My husband calls me Mom or Grandma when my children or grandchildren are around but other times he calls me by my name. Now if you want to break a bad habit of someone elses you have to make them willing to change, if they don't want to break it, you can't control that. So in this situation you need to make sure he wants to change, not by nagging but by not answering at all until he calls you by your name. Another thing you can do is start calling him Daddy at times he wouldn't want to be called that.. a romantic dinner out or in private moments...lol I bet it would change some of it for you.
A while back I posted a question about whether people get a little bugged about being called 'mom' (not THE mom, or Suzys mom, just plain ol mom) by someone other than their own children and was pretty viciously attacked for being weird. So for a lot of people it's a non-issue.
I'm with you. Mom is reserved as my special name from my kids. No one else....I find it creepy when someone who's *older* than me referring to me as mom. So, *I* don't think you're weird and I think it's perfectly OK to be called Amy by your DH. :) GL!!!!
My husband and I call each other Mom and Dad whenever we are around the kids. When we are by ourselves we use our names. We really don't want our kids to call us by our names so we are willing to put up with being called mom and dad for the few years they are little.
Ever since I gave birth over 26 years ago I became Mom... everyone including the kids's friends called me that. Yes sometimes it does drive me crazy! I would pick my times, that I would absolutely refuse to be called "MOM" and only answer to your name. Especially in bed, there is nothing worse then that. Many men think that once you become a mother than your name changes..alias I did the same thing and called him dad. I stopped fighting it and just accepted it and after awhile instead of Mom.. I became "hon"...because I insisted on it and wouldn't answer until I approached the correct way. Good Luck!
Sometimes, we have to treat grownups like we do our kids (or dogs). :)
First, choose your battles wisely. This looks like it bugs you, so you've made your choice.
Second, very calmly explain your rules. Once. Tell him that away from the kids, he needs to call you "Amy." When the kids are around, he can call you "Mom." Don't go into the why's.
Third, back it up. Whenever he calls you, "Mom" in the wrong context, do not respond. At all.
This process sounds very much the same way I trained my son and all my nieces and nephews that 'L.' does not hear whiny voices. :)
My husband calls me "my wife". To everyone. My parents, his family. It's one thing to refer to your husband and wife by "my wife" when someone doesn't know their name. But very strange especially when talking to my parents. Who named me L. for a reason.
So I feel your frustation!
Sometime I am guilty of calling my husband dad. He does it to me also. I think because our kids call us that. But if he did it all the time I would not like it. I think maybe your husband thinks of it as endearing . Do not answer him until he calls you Amy. He will figure it out.
I think it's just something that happens as you get older and have kids. My husband calls my Mama about 80% of the time, but I guess most of that is when kids are around. I remember when we would visit my grandparents they always called eachother mom and dad. Before we had kids my husband ALWAYS called me sweetie. We watched a nephew of ours a lot and so hw started calling me sweetie. It was cute, (although it embarrasses him now!) I think kids pick up on what they hear and so it's better for me to be called Mama than by my name for the kids. Although I have started teaching my kids me and daddy's REAL names.
My dad called me "moo" my entire childhood due to a cute story that involved a 3yr old me trying to communicate with a dairy cow. The pet name drove me crazy, but it was also his cute little game of cherishing a fond memory. His way of saying I'd always be that adorable 3 yr old.
I bet your husband has kept it up half to be endearing and half to drive you up a wall. The cute games men play I'll never understand...
Have you tried calling him daddy in bed? If its a game, then I think you'd win with that move!
Calling each other Mom or Dad is very very common. I think it starts off innocently at first, mostly when we are trying to teach our young ones what to call us but then becomes habit.
Like any habit, it is hard to break. You need to make sure he understands how much you don't like it, explain to him that it makes you feel like that is all you are, just a mom. Unfortunatley he may not understand. Men don't think the same way women do. To him you being Mom (ie the mother of his children) may be very attractive to him & he does not undertand why you don't feel the same.
Suggest he use honey, dear or another term of endearment instead..
Tell him "You need to stop calling me mama. I am not your mama. Why are you doing this? Do you wish, deep down, that you could have sex with your mother?!"
Of course, the answer will be no, but it might get through to him how creepy being called Mom by your husband is. You are his lover, his wife, his partner. You are NOT his mother.
I refer to my husband as Daddy when I am talking ABOUT him to the children. ("When Daddy gets home, let's see if he wants some ice cream.") When both children and husband are present, I call him by his name when I talk to him ("Murgatroyd, would you please pass me the ketchup?"), and refer to him as Daddy when talking about him to the kids. He does the same. Once or twice he slipped and called me Mom and he was horrified, and I cringed as well. Then we laughed about it.
