Mom Making Friends

The local park, McDonalds play area, anywhere that moms with kids go is the best place to meet some more moms.

It is hard. Don't ever feel you are overreacting. It is not you. Many moms have this problem.

You can join MOPS, the library story hour, and all those. I have found I have to force myself to be friendly, to keep showing up, and to keep trying. I usually end up doing all the inviting to playdates, to McDonalds, to the park.

I found out the reason some moms know each other because they lead Mops or the PTA and have meetings where they get to spend more time together. The PTA has maybe 4-6 public meetings, then a bunch of committee meetings. That is how they got to know one another. I never joined as a leader, so I missed out on some socializing for sure.

I met many neighbors with kids by playing in the front yard. One became my best friend until they moved due to work.

Have you ever looked on meetup.com? Just put in silmilar interests, like "mom" and groups should pop up in your area. I also belonged to a Mops group, and enjoyed that.
I know how you feel. I am sorry you are going through this. I live in an area where everybody has lived here there whole lives and dont want knew friends. It is very lonely. I havemade a few friends, but none that I trust wish my deepest secrets. I just try to focus more on my kids and myself.

No one tells you how isolating it can be to have young kids! I used to be shy and had had to push myself to strike up conversations at story hour, playgroup, the park, etc. I found some casual friends that way but not any really close ones so far. We don't go to church so that is not even an option for me. I tried La Leche League and a new moms group and not much luck for me there either. I put my son is a scout group and that has been pretty good for us. My mom says being a girl scout leader saved her sanity when we were kids. She got to be very good friends with the other leader and she is still involved in some committees decades later.

I also spend time on facebook talking to old friends who are scattered all over but have similar age kids. My last high school reunion put me in touch with a whole bunch of HS classmates who have kids almost the same age as I mine. I haven't really been close to most of them in years but it is fine on facebook. Everyone has grown up and is nice to one another without any of the teen pettiness so common in HS and Jr. high.

Wow, this is a hard one. I live in an area where people don't live here long. They come and go and yes while I maintain the friendships I've made through phone calls, email and such, it's not the same thing. It can be lonely when you don't have that one special friend you can call on for advice over coffee. I have found, from a spiritual standpoint, that God allows people to come into and out of our lives for a very specific purpose. My best friend lives in another state and she and I have shared our similar situation that you have described. I'm willing to bet that there are plenty other women in this same dilemma. I have grown accustomed to going out alone and you know, sometimes it is very nice. I am on my own schedule, not having to be concerned that my friend has to eat or be somewhere at a certain time. My best advice, since you go to church, I'm assuming you have a spiritual relationship with God, is to pray about this. Ask God to bring godly women into your life who can become that friend that you need.

My hospital new mom's group is how I got to know folks. I also found that a lot of them that I liked seemed to have so much family and other obligations they did not have time for more friends. Our local library has lots of kid activities. Our town website has a "new comers group", a "playgroup", and "elder care" where they love to see little kids and one could possibly find a "grandparent subsitute" if your own parents are far away. Finally, signing up for a club or something you truly enjoy yourself on weekends might give you some contacts not related to being a mommy. I went back to work part time when my youngest was in 1st grade and it was the best decision for me: I get adult time with peers and lots of social contact while the kids are in school, and mommy time after school, and a little (somewhat sporadic) parent time with other parents at the activities of my kids. It is not easy, but do not give up. There is bound to be other new mothers out there feeling just like you do, because I did. Consider yourself hugged.

Sheer, dumb, luck.

And it's about 1000x harder trying to "double click" - aka you like the parents and your kid likes their kids.

I've actually only had a grand total of THREE family "double clicks" in 8 years of moving around. And 2 ended badly. The first time the wife got jealous because her husband was the SAHD & I was the student-mom (aka we were hanging out during playdates at each others houses)... and she imagined all kinds of stuff. Fortunately my son and their daughter were only 3 so my kiddo was only sad for about a year (mom cut off all contact between our family and theirs). The 2nd time I'm still "kinda" friends with the family, but our kids grew to DESPISE each other over 2 years (fist fights within 5 minutes kind of despise). Both situations are very hard, both when the parents have problems AND when the kids have problem. Go around #3 I'm just crossing my fingers, because it's still new.

I've personally found it's MUCH easier to make friends who don't have kids, but who like my son. Either I can get childcare for an evening and go out, or we can meet up in the daytime with my son doing something fun (kyaking, berry picking, whathaveyou), or we can do the dinner/bbq thing and kiddo can run around / play video games / show off / etc. Big age gaps between my child and theirs ALSO works for me with friends. My son is 8. Their child being an infant or their child being in highschool or even grown works great as well.

Being friends with people who don't have kids is ALSO great in that their schedules and mine don't have to struggle so much to match up. 9 times out of 10... if I call, they're free. They don't have naps/ babysitters/ meltdowns/temper tantrums/ bedtimes/ school schedules/ playdates/ homework/ afterschool activities/ birthday parties/ dinnertimes/ squeezing in a weekly or monthly date with their spouse/ round robin stomach flus/ babysitter cancelations/ etc./ etc./ etc./ ALL the things that make life so busy and so difficult for parents.

Frankly, I'm shocked I have any parent friends at all with so many roadblocks to friendships. As I said in the beginning, they tend to occure via sheer dumb luck. Stars have to align. Douglas Adams style steps have to all be followed correctly in triplicate and signed in blood and STILL things fall through.

How do I make NON parent friends? By doing things I enjoy with my son. We go swimming. We go snowboarding. We attend concerts & plays. We eat lunch at cafes. We go for long walks. Street fairs. Things that aren't "kid" oriented, but that I can take my son TO. Same token, having those people over for dinner/bbqs and being invited over in turn and meeting THEIR friends.

See if your local library has story time for little kids.
You might meet some moms there who have an interest in reading and things like that.
I've met great moms that way.
I don't know why church people would treat you that way, seems kind of weird to me. Don't take it personally.
Don't try too hard.
Go where you and your kids have interests and perhaps find like minded moms that way.
We had to move a lot for my husband's job and I know it can be hard. People don't always just "click" on a deep level but having some really good casual acquaintences is not such a bad thing.

Best wishes.

Does your church have a women's ministry or small groups? Check your church and see. There has to be more than these two ladies at your church. Good luck!

I see your a military wife right? fort wayne? I'm a military wife too and i have had literaly the worst luck w/ finding friends. Idk if most military wifes are just mean but they are were we live. I don't have any friends..not even casual ones. but i go to church, take my son to story time and the library, and we just go to the park alot. I'm trying to get involved if FRG (the spouses group for your unit) but I'm a bit nervous the woman so far are just mean as well and childish. I'm sorry your going through this and i'm probably not too much help. the only that has gotten me through is getting out of the house and doing those activites and skype lol. good luck!