Hi ladies,
First of all excuse my broken English. I'll try my best. I am married for over 10 years, after few months I got married I realized that I wasn't happy with my husband. But I thought that maybe was normal to feel that way, because of the changes, his job, his culture, moving away from my family, etc.... So i tried to be positive, hoped for a better future and I sticked to my marriage. Many years have passed and I feel that I am not truly happy with him.
What hurts me the most, it's that we now have kids. And because of them I' decided to stay in this relationship, for who knows how many years more. I am struggling, can't lie, and feel trapped. I don't know what to do or think. I need some words from you. I will gladly apprecciate them. Thank you.
Thank you so much to all of you who gave me an advice. Instead of unhappy I would say I am discontent with my marriage. My husband and I had talked many times and agreed on working things out, but after a while we go back to the same. I must confess I love him, not as much as I used to, but I still do. There is no abuse in our relationship, but he is cold. No hugs, no kisses, no nice words, no romance, not very good manners, etc... I have to initiate or ask for some love. Only when it comes to have intimacy he is all around me. I talked to him about it, and he apologizes, but then goes back to his routine, which I just got use to live like that. I was wrong when I thought that he might change, but he didn't and I accepted him, because I loved him. I keep busy, do my best to feel and look good (even though he doesn't noticed it), I have my ups and downs and right now I feel positive, and glad to tell you about my challenge. You ladies are right, life is too short to live this way, I'll leave or try to leave my life in God's hands. My kids are happy, because I never show them how I feel inside. My kids make me feel alive and lift me up. Thank you again for your help and prayers. More advice or comments are welcome.
Sorry can't help you with this one I'm in the same boat. I'm just waiting for my kids to get out of high school and then I'm history!!!!:-) I know it's a long time to wait but I just try and find other things that interest me like my kids. Good Luck and let me know what you come up with.
Hello!
i know how you feel because I have been there. As I have always been told, life is short and you should want to be as happy as you possibly can. Already you have been meiserable for the past ten years(wasting time). Children are very perceptive and probably feel the same as you do. Maybe counseling would help?
Hi T. T,
Do you love your husband? What made you marry him in the first place? Is he a good husband? Is he abusive?
I'm sure it's hard because you want to make sure that you are putting your kids and their future first but believe me when mommy is not happy kids are not going to be happy. They know when something is wrong and we think we can hide it so well. I would suggest talking to your husband and trying to work out something that will be good for you and your children. I'm not sure of their ages but the sooner the better. Children can have a great life with both parents even if they are not together. Although I pray you can work on your lives together.
Hello. I am so sorry you have felt this way for so long. I think that you need to decide if you want to stay in this marriage or if you don't want to stay in this marriage, After you decide....then you should make a fresh start. If you only stay for the kids you teach them that it is okay to be miserable in a relationship. Do you want them to marry into something like you have? I think that if you leave you should give your husband a fair shot at one last time. I think you need to be honest when no one is mad and the kids have gone to bed. You need to decide what THREE THINGS you need from him to stay in this marriage and be happy. Ask him if he will work on those 3 things and if you are feeling really nice you could ask him what his three things are. I would do your best for 1 month to try and make it work and see if you feel any happier and give your husband credit when he is trying. I mean if you are going to stay why not try and change things for the better for you. If you are going to leave....you will be fine. You need to tell him and then agree to sit the kids down and tell them that Mommy and Daddy are going to live in different houses now and that you both love them but things are going to be a little different. Then you don't need to drawl it out. I wouldn't move right back near your family yet! I would remain in the same town for a little while until the kids have adjusted and let them see their Dad as much as possible. This is a hard decision, but once you talk with your husband then decide to do things different for the next month and see if this experiment works.
As others have, I'm sure, mentioned....what makes you unhappy. What is the problem? I don't believe in the 'perfect person' for everyone, but I do believe that most can all work out the problems that are presented in a marriage. First you have to define why you aren't happy?
I'm all for trying to work things out, but...life is far too short to be unhappy! I think that maybe talking to your husband is a place to start, sometimes opening the lines of communication alone can make a world of difference. Yes, marriage is a commitment, but people change, and so do feelings. It's human nature, and again, no one should be unhappy! Good luck, I hope you find a viable solution!
E.
Hi Where are you from originally? I feel for you,it's hard to tell someone in your situation of how to handle it cause on one hand it's not good for you to live your life unhappy.Have you thought about what makes you unhappy with your husband? Have you thought about going to seeing a counselor? Does your husband know your unhappy? I'm just trying to see what maybe the problem and stuff to help you find out what you can do to make it better and maybe find a solution? Let me know,you can write me anytime I'm here for you.Your Friend,Bren
Dear T., I am sorry you re hurting. Do you have friends or family or a church that could give you support? Are you able to go to a counselor? I will be praying for you. You are not alone!
U have done nothing wrong here, I think its normal to feel this way sometimes, however it is NOT your husbands job to make u happy! U have to make yrself happy first! Even if you have to make like a weekly meeting with yr husband and talk( dont argue!) just talk about your life! Make a list of things u want to discus if that will make it easier. Its hard but its worth it! If you learn to comunicate now, the next 100 years with each other will be enjoyable for both of you! Hold each other DAILY! Again, you are not a bad wife, and you have done nothing wrong...but neather has he! God bless!
Have you talked to your husband about how you feel? Sadly, most men are not good at "reading between the lines" or picking up on subtle cues. Unless you're lucky enough to have a guy who thinks like a girl, you generally have to tell them exactly what it is that you want from the relationship in order to get it. If he is a good person, I would imagine that he would like for you to be happy, but may not not how to help you attain that happiness. There is never any reason to lie. It's not fair to you or him to do so, and he deserves to know how you really feel.
You've already been given some very good advice that I have to agree with. Life is too short to stay in a loveless marriage, and it doesn't set a healthy example for your children. However, I think you should ask yourself if it your husband who you are unhappy with or the situation in which you have found yourself. You can't change a person, but you can change your circumstances. Ask yourself what it is that you really want and care about. Is your marriage really standing in the way of what you want?
I think it would be a good idea to see a marriage counselor before you give up ten years of your life. But you have to be honest in this process. No one can help you if they don't know what the true problem is.
Good luck!
Make a list of all the good things about your husband and all the good things about your life now. Try to concentrate on them. Also make a list of the bad things about your life now. What of these things can you change??? Work on one at a time. If your husband is a good father and is good to you you should honor your marriage vows because the grass will not be greener on the other side. You might also make a list of all that would be required of you as a single mom. Single mothers have many struggles and it is far harder to parent than when both parents are in the home. Many of us have gone through times that we were not happy or satisfied with our marriage. The time period when you are raising your children is the most difficult of all as well as the most rewarding. Do try to find some activity you can enjoy. If you like helping others you might want to volunteer at a hospital, nursing home or children/battered womens shelter. There are many things to do. V.
Hi T.,
I recommend that you get out of the house a little and do something that you enjoy. Even if it is only for a few hours a day. You can volunteer, work a couple hours, find a circle of friends and meet for lunch/coffee. Raising your children is your most important role right now. When they go to college, you can see if your marriage is repairable. I am in a similar situation. Be there for your kids, they need you more than you can ever imagine. My son and step-daughter graduate from high school this month, they are the last two at home. I am happy that I stayed in the marriage until the kids got through school, despite the rough times. I am not sure if my marriage is repairable, but once the kids get to college I can start working on that one. :)
Good Luck to you!
D.
My mom always has told me - if the good times outweigh the bad - stick to it. Sometimes this is questionalbe - the bad times seem to be very strong.
As you mentioned you now have children - and I have realized in the past few years that unless the marriage is physically abusive - if you leave now - chances are you will swap one set of problems for another set. You won't like everything about one or the other if you remarry.
The Lord will bless your marriage in many ways and especially you personally if you hang in there - doesn't always seem so. But he promises us.
The benefit once you have children - is knowing you have worked to keep their family as a unit. One day you may have grandchildren and you will be able to look at them together (you and your husband can look in awe together at what you two started and have that peace of mind that you remained steadfast to a promise you made to each other and to our Father in Heaven). The grandchildren are the fruit of the spirit. I haven't had more joy than in sharing my grandchild and watching our children grow together.
I divorced my twins daddy when they were 1 1/2 years old. I remarried when they were 4 years old. My husband and I of 22 years have had many struggles - I married him based on a prayer - and have many times wondered??? about leaving. But, I have stuck with him and we have two children, it isn't easy but I can see the difference of the children that grew up with their daddy in the home and the one's who didn't. It does make a difference, even when we don't like each other very much. May the Lord bless you and keep you. When you are going through a rough time - a prayer that I pray is: Dear Lord help me to be the wife and mother you want me to be, and my husband the father and husband you want him to be - your will in this marriage. Amen. I have found that with this prayer our lives are better.
Hello T.
I am sorry to hear that you are not in a good marriage. I know how feeling trapped can be, so my heart goes out to you. I am wondering if you could get a job. That may help you not feel as dependent on husband. It is nice to have your own money. And with money comes power. Maybe one day you may find the strength to live your life which may include your husband or it may not. You only live once, that we know for sure. Why be miserible?
Wishing you a happier life.
no matter the reasons you chose to stay, life is too short to be miserable. If you are not happy, I'm sure that shows in your marriage, family and life. It's possible he is not happy either. Maybe it's just comfortable for you both but sometime in life something will happen and you will realize you need to do what makes you happy. Like I said, life is too short to be unhappy. If you are happy, you will be a better mother and a better person. Good luck
You tell us you are unhappy in your marriage but give no reasons? Reasons might help us understand better why you are unhappy.
My aunt who has been married for over 30 years gave me some good advice. First she said to remember that we can create our own happiness. Our spouses are really only one part of our life. We can not depend on them to make us happy. The other thing she told me was to make sure to have your own life. Keep active in the things you love to do. Always make sure to look your best and to be physically active. Sure we would all like to be married to the man of our dreams but that doesn't always happen and when it doesn't we need to look within to find happiness.
