Mommy Needs Help with Very Attached Baby!

I think you are a wonderful new Mummy. Well done on doing it your way and thinking of your daughter. At this time she needs you & yes there is a separation time that lasts about 1-2 months at this stage. Don't let her cry, she's only a baby - she'll only understand that you're not coming. Can you tie her on your back or front and work? she needs to feel your closeness. If you give it some thought I know you'll find an ingenious way to have her attached and yet you can work. How wonderful that you can take her to work.. I kept both my children on me, I never let them cry & I picked them up all the time. So did my husband when he was home.. both children are what people call secure children, happy in their own space. I have gotten compliments concerning this most every day! When you take a baby with you everywhere it learns naturally from you how to behave in different situations - they feel you... and it carries on as they grow. There is a lot of literature on this and I can only say it worked beautifully for us.

If you get any answers let me know too please! Mine is 20 months and still so attached. I used to be able to take her to the gym and to church nursery but no more. She started having complete meltdowns and got so upset that she would try to bite. She is such a sweet girl almost all the time but doesn't want to be left with anyone else. I don't know what to do about it but maybe wait another few months. She stays home with my husband 3 mornings a week while I work and she is good with him until I walk in the door then it is only mommy. It is getting so tiresome. I would love my husband and I to be able to go out once in a while but that isn't happening. And I hate missing church too. Oh well, I am sure it will pass in another few months or a year. Mine started this behavior around 8 months as well.

I know this doesn't help you but at least we both know we aren't alone. :-)

Three words....Mothers Day Out! It took until I had my fourth child to discover such a wonder, but when I did, it was glorious!! My youngest is 2yrs old, and I started taking him and my other son a few months ago. Both of my boys, had leach syndrome terribly!!! They would NEVER detach from my hip, I would walk into another room and they would follow me or cry because they couldn't find me, well my two year old more so than the 5 yr old. When I started taking them to Mothers Day Out at our church, they already were fimilar with the ladies, although they only seen them 1 or 2 days a week on Sunday and the occasional Wed, but when I started taking them to MDO it took a week or so for them to get used to it, although my oldest son, who just turned 5 spent the night at grannys for 3 days straight during spring break!!! Keep in mind she lives 2 hours away, so this is HUGE!! He's NEVER wanted to spend a night away from Mommy! My 2 yr old spent one night with a friend of ours while the other 3 were at grannys so My husband and I could go out and not have to worry about what time we got back in late, and when I picked him up the next morning, she said he never cried, didn't constantly ask for mommy, and did great! A few months ago, this would not even remotely be a possibility. YEAH FOR MDO!!! Anyway, you might want to check into it, it's not expensive at all, and it's 2 days a week you can really get things done. I use my MDO time to ride my motorcycle, the others are in school and my 5 yr old gets out of pre-k half a day, so I swing by school, pick him up and drop him off at Church, and go back out and ride. This is my only real time I can do what I WANT to do, with no kids. Go figure, a mom w/ 4 small kids who rides a motorcycle for fun, tee hee!

It is just a phase! I remember going crazy around this time with my daughter too, it seemed to help when lots of friends said it is just a 7-10 month phase and it will pass. Once I gave in and smothered her with attention & used a baby carrier (bjorn, wrap, sling, whatever) for a week or two, she seemed to get comfortable and ease up a bit. Hers was only bad for maybe 3-4 weeks. Of course, now we've been on vacation with constant mommy-daddy attention for 9 days straight and she is doing it again (she's about 12 mos now, so its been 3 month break where she runs away from me every time I turn around!), so I think it might come and go for the next couple of years, but it shouldn't be a constant thing! And this one is not nearly as bad. Also I agree re: easing her into church, mommys day out, etc., once the worst of it passes to make sure you both get some balance! Good luck!!

I agree totally with Angie F. My first was attached to me so painfully that she wouldn't let Dad, grandparents, or anyone else care for her. I couldn't go to the bathroom without a a screaming fit from her. Enrolling her in a one-day a week MDO program saved my life (and quite possibly hers). First of all, they were willing to let her cry it out; they're less attached, of course. But, they cared for her, fed her, loved on her, and she learned to trust them. After about three days (over three weeks) she was a different baby: more cheerful, more willing to allow others to help her, and easier to care for over all. I think giving your child the ability to trust others is a very big gift.

I just talked to my sons pedi today about this because he too is the same way. He is 18 months. She said that it IS just a phase that they grow out of at around 3 years old. She also told me to definately bring him around other people, with me at first so he knows it's a safe place, then I can leave him with other people. At church the ladies have dealt with a child crying before with the same stage. It IS ok to leave your child at the nursery while crying. She will eventually stop screaming. I wouldn't stay to where she can see you and also so you won't feel bad and want to take her out. If she continues to cry they will come and get you. They won't let her cry the whole time. As for the work thing I have no clue. I stay at home with mine and it's the 1st child that has been like this. I have 3. It's also the 1st one I have stayed home with. Is there a place at work where she can crawl around? Maybe block off a certain part of your work space. If you can. That's really the only thing I can think of. Hope this helps at least a little. Good luck. I hope everything turns out better.

Both my boys wanted to be held constantly so I think it is totally normal. I'm not sure what type job you have since you take her with you, so I can't comment on that, but as far as church goes, why not take her with you. My boys are just 5 and 20 months and sit with us in church. My 20 month old usually can't make it through the service, but at 8 months he did. He slept the whole time.

I know exactly what you are going through. My now 12 year old was just like that. Now she wants to be as far away from me as possible. LOL. It is just a phase and she will outgrow it. Just enjoy it while it lasts. God Bless You!!!

This is a stage that can last til around 12 months....just depends on the child. I have friends whose child lasted longer. When my child went through this, I would reassure her verbally, in a cheerful voice, as I was finishing what I was doing. I did not make her cry for long periods. Once I could pick her up, I did even if for just a couple of minutes. I do think she may be ready for a Mother's Day Out and it would allow you to get more done faster. Being confined for awhile, especially when you are a new mobile child, is tough. The more space the better at this stage. She wants to move and GO, go, go.

I love Dr. Sear's website: www.askdrsears.com
Great info and advice.

I have been where you are except I'm a stay at home mom. My 1st was very attached to me, and I had trouble getting work done at home. He was with me all the time. Then I had #2, and then #1 started detaching from me. Then #2 was more attached than #1. This IS a phase, and for some kids it can take several years. Don't hate it, because some day they will grow out of it. I also think Mothers day out is a good idea, get him around other people regularly, and the same people and let him get use to somebody else. Things will eventually change. Every child eventually wants to be independant, it just happens at different stages. Hope this help. Bless your heart.

Since you asked, I'll give you my personal opinion...
hold her all she wants. I know that's probably not what the mainstream will tell you, but if I had only been in this world for 8 months, I'd want my mommy as close as can be also. A great way to still get stuff done is to "wear" her. There are tons of wraps and slings out there so that you can be hands free and she can be close to you. Check out the Peppermint Baby Botique in Richardson if you just want to go try a bunch of different kinds on and then look for a cheaper price online. I have kept my baby boy in church with me every service since he was born. A few times I have had to slip out of service for a few minutes to quiet him down, but then I go right back into service. We have trained him that he needs to be quiet during church. Check out nogreaterjoy.org and the book "To Train Up A Child" for more on that. But that's my two sense- stay close to her! When you're 80 years old, you may look back and say "I wish I would have held her as a baby more." But you won't say "I shouldn't have held her so much." In my opinion, it's IMPOSSIBLE to hold and cuddle with you child too much. Enjoy her all you can while you can!

Yes, babies around 9 months (7-10) go through a phase where they do not want to be left with anyone other than their main caregiver, this being the mommy. It will pass, she will get over her fear and go happily into the nursery. Perhaps go into the nursery with her for a few minutes during each service and then when you leave if she fusses, take her with you. This will let her know that she is ok in the nursery and that you will be there when she needs you. In time she will let you go in and leave and she wont 'need' to go with you. You are right, children are a great blessing and gift from the Lord. And this season is very short lived, believe me my baby will be 19 this week and I am sure that yesterday he was only 9 months and not wanting to be left. (He too was with me 24/7) But I have watched as all 7 of my children have gone through this attachment phase and when it is over... crazy I miss it.

This is normal and a phase for this age called separation anxiety. For my son, it began about 7 mths and ended about 18 mths. So just sit tight and enjoy her snuggliness while you can b'c the older they get, the less cuddly mine has gotten, and I miss it. During that time, I adjusted my schedule and how I accomplished little things.

At work, so can't write long post. Just wanted to suggest maybe wearing her in a sling.

My first daughter did this.... very attached to mommy. Actually, started at 4 months! She would not let any stranger hold her and would prefer me over dad. Anyway, you really can't spoil an 8 month-old. The best thing you can do is leave her for a few minutes at a time; even maybe get her used to someone else taking care of her for an hour or so. Play peek-a-book as practice. She thinks that you are leaving for good... she doesn't understand that you will come back. That has be taught; as she gets older she will start to understand. My daughter is still very attached to me at 2; however, she does not cry every time I leave her. The only time she did do that was after I had been out-of-town for a week. She was sad that I may be leaving again :( Good luck!!

Enjoy her attachment for you. She will grow out of this phase before you can blink twice and she'll be doing some other annoying thing that drives you crazy! Love her, love her, love her!!

E.,
I have a 2 1/2 year old that is still like that with me, now I think he's getting spoiled but I also think it's just his nature. He been a stay at home baby with his daddy, he's always been clingy with me, yes I nurse too. He growls at strangers a lot and gives them the ugly eye, or puts his head down. However, about 2 weeks ago we were at McDonald's play area and a little boy probably 3-4 came in to play (we had it all to ourselves for hourish) any way, he growled at him at first, but the little boy, did something to make him laugh, and my son followed him up the slide and played with him. I have never seen him do that... we go to the park a lot, but he doesn't like other kids too much, he's not good with strangers.
I know at my church they won't let me stay in the nursery with him, they only let you do that the first time. If you take her when she first starts fussing in the nursery then she'll know that is all she has to do and you'll come and get her. You might want to just hold off on the nursery for awhile, then try it in a few months, hopefully she'll out grow this stage. If not, you'll need to let her fuss for a while, if it gets too bad of course get her, but that separation is very intense for her. Your house is her comfort zone too, that is why she's better there than when you go to work with her. It'll take a little time but she will adjust.
God Bless!