Moms Are Friends Kids Aren't

Yup, and it sucks. I have a friend that has been my friend for over 20 years and I can't invite her over, and I dodge her attempts to come. I feel bad but I don't have a choice.

Her son hits my kids, and her way of disciplining her son and his reaction to it scares the living daylights out of my kids. They scream and yell at each other and my kids cling to my legs with their eyes like saucers. I think it's scary for a kid to watch an adult become hysterical especially when it's toward another child.

We talk on the phone a lot.

You get together for lunch while the kids are in school.

I usually just plan mom time with my friend that this is going on with. We find that we actually enjoy getting away even if it is just to go buy groceries alone.

Call me cruel, but I don't hang around them. Nice people can still be bad parents. Lots of my super cool and nice friends that I knew for YEARS before having kids I now barely see because their kids are terrors. I met a new lady at my gym who also sits in our kid's Tae Kwon Do class waiting room. Over time chatting I realized she's REALLY nice with lots of common interests and I love talking to her, but to be honest, her kids are NIGHTMARES. Every story she tells about them is, "Well we can't do that because Jr just screams". The whole time we're talking her 2 1/2 year old (same age as my youngest) just whines and hits her to make her keep paying attention to her. She'll tell her older sons (same age as my older two) to stop being massively disruptive and they just spit at her and don't stop. The oldest is really bad in the class. I can see her style is super permissive by the way she talks to them and the things she says she does in response to their "needs". She's always saying things like, "I dont' know why he's so aggressive, we've never spanked him or anything..." about her oldest who is a full on six-year-old bully. She asked if we could all have a play date, and I had to decline and make an excuse. I like her, but I'm not getting involved. Her kids are really mean. It wouldn't be beneficial to my kids to invest time that way-I've been there too many times.

I would say that my child is like a sponge and that he mimics whatever behaviors he sees from other kids. With that she should get the hint.

Simple, keep the kids away from each other - If one asks about the other then say they are doing well and keeping busy. Chances are if they are that different they do not care about the other any way and why would you want to bring them together anyway? Now if the other mother sees that she wants her child to be around yours for the good influence tell her that you will talk to your son about it and agree that he does not wish to take on that kind of responisbility, but suggest Big Brothers of America as an alternative.

This is so me right now. I just make plans alone with my friend and keep my child out of it.

very easy, make all your outings with her mom-only ones. keep the kids out of it.
like most young moms, you probably need some no-kid fun times in your schedule anyway.
:) khairete
S.

You stop getting together when the kids are around. Instead, you plan mommy outings - like lunches when your kids are in school, or evenings out. Or... you drop the mom as a friend because your parenting styles are so different and you can't get over it (I've been in that situation).

I think if you are really good friends, then you shouldn't have a problem letting your friend know in a nice way, that it's not good for the kids to be friends, or play together, because they just aren't the best influence on them. Then try to do things one-on-one with her without the kids around. If that's not possible you let the friendship go for awhile.

I've had this happen. My friend and I have two children each. The older ones used to be really close when they were babies, but her son has always been way more physically aggressive. Now we just get together without kids or get the little siblings, who do get along, together. Neither of the big boys have a problem with either of the littles, so sometimes we will get three of the four together, but the big boys always end up fighting. I will say that it has made it a lot more difficult to see my friend now that the kids don't play together. But the last playdate we had ended when her son slapped my boy so hard across the face that he left a handprint. This was several months ago. The two big boys haven't seen each other since.

I had to stop play dates with a mom I really liked due to her child. I hated to do it, and I know she must have felt horribly excluded, but her child was physically hurting my youngest on a regular basis.

Set up time to be friends without the kids in tow. I leave my DD with my DH sometimes to hang out with my friends, so my friends and I can all enjoy a day without children. If it's obvious that your children and theirs don't get along (or you don't like her kids) then you need to have a friendship beyond them. Go out to dinner or a movie or do a grown up thing and let the kids get dad or grandma or babysitter time. Everybody needs a break.