Have you ever encountered a mom who really wants your kids to be friends with each other? Makes an effort to invite you to lots of stuff and so on, but.....the kids don't get along?
How did you handle it?
Ironically in this situation it's the other kid who doesn't like my son! I'm confused about why his mom persists in her efforts.
Marriage!? Jo - that's hilarious!
I have seen this happen repeatedly.
One group of moms wanted 8-12 "good kids"(white, wealthy parents) to be together in every grade and on the same teams. Ridiculous.
On a bad day when my child was rejected, I did think about getting her to be friends with the popular, nice kids in hopes she would stop being rejected. I never followed through on it.
Does she like you? If so, you might say, "Marie, our boys don't seem to be getting along, but I really enjoy your company. They don't need to be friends for us to be. Want to leave the kids with their dads one day and grab lunch?"
It could be any number of things (you don't mention how old your son is.)
She could want a friendship with you and knows it would be really convenient if your kids were friends...she could be forcing friendships on him due to shyness or to break his clinginess to her...she wants to expand his social circle...his current friends are not enough for her...and the list goes on.
Have you ever heard someone say "Gee, I wish my mom had forced me to have friends sooner or foced us to be friends sooner?"
Kids will make their own friends. The only time a parent really should interfere with that is when the other child is a negative influence.
Hi, Abbie! Sorry you're in a sticky situation. I agree with AV from Silver Springs, but before you proceed in trying to have a relationship with this mom apart from your boys, ask yourself: do you enjoy this mom's company? Is she mature enough to engage in a relationship with another mom that has nothing to do with your children? Also, proceed with caution. She obviously admires you and your family, but she sounds aggressive. Be careful before you get into something that's hard to get out of. She may not be a person who can separate her friendships from those of her children. I speak from experience. I had a friend, whom I still miss, that I lost because my daughter wanted a break from playing with her daughter. She talked about it with other moms in our social circle, and it got very awkward. It was pretty rough, and I'd hoped we could keep the friendship going, but it quickly became clear that if our girls weren't friends, we weren't either. I am grateful for the experience, because it taught me to not get too caught up in kid dramas and to seek out other moms whose identities aren't too closely linked with those of their children's. I don't get all the fuss so many women make in trying to control their kids' social circles. As the children grow, they resent that kind of meddling. My advice to you is, if this mom sets off any alarms for you, be politely too busy to get together. Don't give explanations or say the boys don't seem to be getting along unless you are very certain that she can handle that type of truth. It may seem normal to lay the cards out on the table like that, but I have learned the hard way that, sadly, honesty isn't always appreciated and often it's only your real friends who can handle it! If you think she may be a keeper, go for it! But if you have even the slightest doubt, be polite, guarded and move ahead. Good luck to you! It sounds as if you are a really cool mom with great kids, and people simply want to be around you, so be selective about how you spend your precious time and with whom!
Egad, I would say, that other Mom has personal ISSUES!
ie: that is a hint, to stay away!
Ewww.
Personally, I never force my kids to be friends with other kids, nor do I force my kids onto other kids or parents.
For you? How old is your child? Just tell her, you are SO busy! And just say no thank you.
Hopefully she gets the hint!
Most likely because she thinks your son is nice and sets a good example to her own son! :) Or maybe her son doesn't have too many friends and she's trying to help? Whatever is the case, I think she most likely has good means, so I don't see any point in feeling irritated.
If the other kid doesn't like your son, he can't be forced to. But one more friend is better than an enemy right? so maybe you could make some treats, or buy a small christmas present for him, and encourage your son to talk to him.
If it still doesn't work... well. Just be friends with the mom, then.
well, I can think of a few reasons...maybe the mom wants to be friends with you and is hoping that a friendship will stick between the kids if she just tries hard enough. It is hard to make friends out there and sometimes you try to make friends with your kids' friend's moms. The other reason, maybe her son is a difficult personality or has trouble making friends. He may not like anyone and she thinks your son is nice and maybe with help it will work.
Laugh mostly. I had a mom try to get my son to be friends with her daughter in kindergarten so they would marry as adults.
Like I said, I laugh.
Some parents get it in their heads this is the good family or the popular kid. They push relationships that just aren't there. Like the crazy mom with her daughter, she didn't think my son was awful and my son didn't think she was awful but there just wasn't a friendship there.
I know, it goes down as one of the more bizarre stories raising my kids. :)
I agree with CW. The mom probably enjoys your company. I have a few friends with kids my kids don't particularly enjoy. We still do things together. I figure my kids need to know how to get along with all kinds of people, and even if they don't really like the kids they should be able to make the best of it. Kids are adaptable, and they manage to get along. Sometimes I put up with parents I don't enjoy because my kids like their kids.
Yes, I have an acquaintance who wants our kids to be friends (and wants me to be friends with her too). My preschool aged daughter does not enjoy being with them very much, especially if other kids are around that she likes better. When I look at it, the truth is that my daughter doesn't have much in common with her kids except that they may enjoy going to a park or play area. That's the extent of it. In my case, I have little in common with the mother except that we both have kids of preschool age. In my case, I've limited the interaction because it's not working for my daughter or me. If I wanted to be closer friends with my acquaintance and our kids don't enjoy each other, I would do things with just the mother without our kids.
It's ok for kids to not enjoy being friends with everyone...no adult likes everyone either. I don't make them spend time together to build character, as I figure my daughter comes into plenty of situations out in the world (daycare/school, playcare, swim lessons, church school, etc) where she has to spend time with and be nice to kids that she may not particularly like. She doesn't need to be forced to spend her downtime playing with kids she doesn't like.
Just be honest with her and tell her you don't think her son really cares to play with yours and decline the invite. Don't get into a debate with her; just tell her this is how you see it - sorry.
