Moms' with Teenagers

Hi S...I feel your pain..I totally agree with the other mom..good job on her part...I wish there were more moms like her & I out there that love their kids enough to be more aggressive and involved..with having said that, I have and am still going through the high school years..the best advice I can give you is to be as active as you can in their life..know who their friends are and the parents as well..check their myspace profiles frequently and their friends too..heck..make your own myspace, I did and actually have fun with it..my girls know I'm on it daily and if I see something inappropriate, then I'm asking alot of questions..like the other mom said, if you feel the need to go through their rooms, etc, so be it...your'e a mom, and you feel it when something is not right with your child, no matter what the age is..I had to do it with my oldest, and I don't have to do it with my 17 year old, but they are so different..but as a mom, you must stay on top of most importantly, who they are hanging out with..unfortunately, I have found out that alot of parents don't "parent" the way I do, and alot of times, these are kids that don't have any boundaries set and have way too much time on their hands to do stuff they should not be doing mainly because their parents aren't paying attention to what's going on..sad but true..I really don't understand that, but it happens more than it should..this is my belief and my opinion..it is our job as parents to do the best we can do as we see fit when we are looking out for the best interest of our children..so don't feel guilty for doing your job and loving your kids while doing it, cuz that's what it's all about, wanting what's best for them even when it means curfews, boundaries, grounding, etc..they will thank you later..Also, sometimes you really can't be a "friend", you have to be a mom first always, so they know you are in charge until they move out on their own. As I have gone and continue to go through the challenging high school years, I have my own motto and that is "Never underestimate the love of a mother"..alot of tears and prayers went into this motto of mine and it is true from my heart and probably alot of other moms with my determination. God Bless your family and stay strong Mom. You will get through this and actually survive, with a little help from Clairol too, for the gray hairs!

Kim :)

As a parent of 2 teenagers and being a high school teacher let me offer the following. First, don't worry so much about the friend part work more on the parent part. Teens have plenty of friends it is the parents part they need to count on. Secondly, if you have reason to believe there is a problem you might want to send an email to teachers to see how your child is doing at school. Often we know a lot about what is going on (or can find out for you). There are huge stresses with this age group that you may not be able to change but just knowing you are there as a rock will make all the differences. I would make sure they are getting enough sleep and watch the friends. Get to know the friends that is always a big indicator to what is going on. I too like the other Mom feel free to be in my kids business. After all they are still developing their frontal lobe and can not accurately predict the consequences of their actions. Also, grades are due out really soon.

Good luck!
S.

Hi!
Finally another parent of teenagers!
I am a single mother of three teenagers (boys - 16, 15, 13). We are pretty close, but there are somethings they still won't tell me.
I just have to kind of be there, but not be there.

I've told them that the only right to privacy they have is in the bathroom.

I do spot check of their rooms and email/myspace accounts.
AND I do not mind asking them questions about responses or sent letters.

I've tried to be open and honest with them about my teenage years to let them know - I know a little about what's going on with them. I, too, let them know that they ALWAYS have a choice in the decisions they make. But they must be prepared to live with the consequences that accompany the choice. If it's a bad choice, then most defiately I'll be involved and then the freedom is taken away.
If it's a choice they discuss with me, I can assist with choosing the better choice and we discuss possible consequences. If it's a bad one then, then that's on me. I'll take the responsibility.

So far, it has worked out. They usually come to me if it is something that they really cannot handle. If it is something that they are embarrassed about, they usually leave subtle clues, I don't think they try to leave clues, but you know your kid. And if something don't look right, I will not hesitate to bring up the fact that I don't feel comfortable with what's going on.

I don't know what to tell you really...there are not clear cut answers with teenagers. My REAL answer is to just love them and be there when you teenager is ready to open up.

Much love and strength to you!

S., I'm a single mom and my kids are grown, but I was blessed that the rules that I used worked. I work with the school system and one thing I found and have seen is that kids especially teens try to play parents against each other. I always advice my sister to discuss things with her spouse. If they don't agree on things, don't discuss the disagreement in front of the kids. If you don't agree with your spouse on the disapline discuss it at a later time and in private (where the kids don't hear you discussing). When you start disagree in front of the kids, that is where the kids the idea to play you against each other. Your right about being a parent first. Between both you and your husband set the punishment & stick to it other wise the kids will know that you don't mean it and they will try it again. Don't let the tears soften you up. :-)