Most Important Considerations for Having Another Baby

Yep. sounds like you can be satisfied with 2 with no regrets.The closer they are in age the more they play with each other instead of you entertaining them. Yes, very hard at first because you have to monitor them constantly and taking time off work may be necessary.
I stopped at 2 but, the 3rd came anyway :)
Stress and exhaustion just become part of you and you adapt. No regrets.

I don't think you would ever regret having a child. but you might regret not having one.

once you have a child you cannot imagine life without that person..

yes babies cost $$ take up space.. and eat food..

my kids are close in age.. I think it is best.. as the baby years although fun.. have lots of times when you need to be home so baby can nap.. so having a school ager with activities and a newborn.. would be more challaenging for me.. balancing everyones needs..

When I was a kid/teen/before marriage, I always thought I'd have 3 kids. I have no idea why that was in my head, but I did.

The reality of our life, though, is that 2 is perfect for us - for all the reasons that you mention above. The first year of #2's life, in particular, was very stressful and I simply can't imagine choosing to go through that again.

Now my two are a little older and I can go places with the kids spontaneously, no dragging a diaper bag. No worrying about bottles for daycare, finding places to pump at work, taking day after day off of work because infants are sick all the time for the first year (my kids are immune to everything now.) I can send the kids outside to play in the backyard by themselves. Sometimes I can even sit on my deck, with a beer in my hand and my feet up, and watch them play baseball in the yard. It's heaven. There is no way I want to go back to the infant stage. No, I have no regrets.

There's almost never one 'right' answer. I suggest you wait until you're certain that this is the 'rightest' thing for your family. In my 60's now, I have, sadly, known a number of mothers and even more fathers who regretted having another child. Sometimes it's because the child had a severe handicap or a parent developed an unexpected health or employment problem, but sometimes it's simply because the parents realized there was not enough of their own time and energy to give each of their children. So that can happen.

And of course, maternal (AND paternal!) age increases not only on a baby's statistical chances of having a birth defect, but of older mothers experiencing problems during pregnancy and birth. While I do believe just about any problem presents an opportunity for growing character, some families just become overwhelmed. While I might be willing to take that risk for myself, it wouldn't feel fair to me to lay it on a yet-to-be-conceived child, or on other family members.

Finally, what I consider THE most important consideration for having ANY child is the state of the earth they will be living on. Overpopulation isn't talked about much these days, but it is a problem of truly shocking proportions. We are overwhelming the environment that supports us at astonishing rates, and even if most babies born today are able to live reasonably healthy and safe lives (some are not, already), their children's future will be even more grim. How fair is it to have all the babies we think we want now, if we are using up their futures simply by having them?

Yeah, I know that sounds dire. I've been around since the middle of last century, and have seen alarming and heartbreaking changes: to environment, social stresses, general crowding, public safety, competition for available resources, that most young moms today have no idea have already occurred. I chose to stop with one child because I was already aware of this in the 60's. It was a great choice for me, not because nature wasn't urging me to have more babies, but because it seemed the most right thing to do. I have never had a regret about this choice.

My husband wanted another child.

I gave a very firm no after our first one was a 24/7 job who needed a lot of intervention.

Well, I got pregnant not expecting to. The second one was easy peasy...and still is many yrs later.

After that, I was done and would make no exceptions.

Fast forward to today, I would be worried sick about finances if we had had another one. The cost of living has gone up so much over the last 17 yrs.

When my kids went to preschool, it was 700.00 from Sept to June. The same program is now 4200.00. Groceries have doubled since my kids were little. .....So, for me 1) I did not want to start again 2) I would not sleep at night due to the finances...It is sooo expensive to live in CT.

Fast forward to now...Car insurance for new drivers, a car and college is sooo expensive. I used to think 700.00 was a lot for preschool. Now, it is going to be thirty thousand dollars A YEAR for college for yrs and yrs in our house...now !

No regrets here...except that I love to pick out a names. Plus, I have what I could handle. And I help other parent w/ their specials needs kids via phone consults.

An additional child is going to cost you two arms and a leg. Having a kid in college and one getting ready to go, I'm pretty qualified to tell you that if I added up the cost per child, the figure would be mind-boggling. It also makes it SO hard to work, the more kids you have. If you cannot afford to stop working, you should stop having kids. The balls you have to juggle in the air get harder and harder with more children.

If I were in your situation, I would stop making babies, and face up to the fact that what I "have always imagined" just isn't compatible with reality.

There were a lot of factors for us. Our fairly advanced ages raised the potential of a health risk from my husband's side. With 2 healthy kids -knock wood - I didn't want to push our luck. We're quite comfortable financially but I felt like I couldn't work and have 3 kids and my job is the more stable, lucrative one. I feel like the kids almost get more demanding as they get older and I couldn't imagine having enough time -in my mind- to dedicate to each one if I was working full time. I felt guilty enough with 2. I continue to think that way as mine have gotten older and need more help with homework, have conflicting activities etc. And finances were a consideration as I believe in funding college, making sure they're in excellent primary schools, still having enough for my husband and I to retire comfortably etc. My marriage was also a big consideration. My husband is a great guy but has too many "needs" to be the dad who is home all the time totally pitching in. He has to workout a lot, he's very ambitious at work so that takes hours. We also didn't have family around to help and I was stressed enough with 2 kids. I'm perfectly completely happy we stopped at two. I know moms of 3 who seem much more stressed than me and I figure -well, you knew how much work kids are and how much money they cost and you stilll wanted three... Of course none of them would give their 3rd back yet 90% of the time I'm around them they're complaining. Only one mom of 3 I know who doesn't. I also hear of the 3rd being the unhealthy child and really putting a strain on things. As I said, I didn't want to push our luck in this age of autism etc. I understand some people really want a third and that's fine. They likely are more easy going people than me (and maybe you if yo'ure already stressed with 2?) Just make a conscious decision and ask yourself why 3. I always pictured 4 to be honest! Then I had one...

ETA: I forgot to mention the overpopulation issue. Some people shrug it off but it was important to me. I didn't want to contribute to environmental issues my children may already face someday.

Also, our 2 are close in age and a 3rd with a big age gap would stop us from doing so many of the things we do now. That's a selfish pov but it is nice to be able to go do things without someone having to stay back "with the baby or toddler"...

Like Laurie A. said ... "Time" . We had our 4th less than a year ago & we have barely enough time to give each child. Our kids are pretty spread out & one with signifigant special needs. We definitely have no time for our marriage right now , the kids take it all. Our last was unplanned & I was worried & considered every thing but the extra time she would take . Actually , I did think about it but I thought she would just tag along to activities without any problems & nap at school functions & practices, that hasn't been exactly the case. I'm sure things will get easier but it definitely hasn't been seamless like I had imagined. I know it will get easier though & she has been such a gift to our family!

Having kids is a heart thing: if you listen close, you know what to do.

I spent 2 years contemplating having a third. I am sooooo happy we had her. I have been thinking lately, though, that finding the perfect house would have happened already if we only had two kids.

Btw, I had my last at 41. I didn't start having any kids until 36. I had three easy, all natural labors, two at home. I honestly wouldn't factor age in.

I will also tell you this, my family finally feels complete. Something was missing before, it nagged at me, but now? I feel settled. It feels right for all of us. The older kids adore their baby-sister, we all think it was the best thing -for us.

Listen to your heart, and you will make the right choice.

Not only money for all that comes along for each child.. and space in your home and cars, but the time?

Will you have time to spend with each child to help with homework? To coach teams, to volunteer at their schools, in troop meetings, Sunday school classes, getting them to lessons. Alone time with each? .

3 children in sports and all in school? maybe 3 different schools at one time while you both work full time?

I agree, I have never heard any family say they regretted having many children, but I have heard moms say they feel like some of their children did not get enough of them.. Especially the families where both parents HAD to work full time.

Follow your heart and listen to your brain.

"Do we feel that there's a person missing in our family?"

"Can we afford another child?" financially, emotionally, timewise, etc.

"Can we afford upgrading our home that having another child will force us to make?"

Zelda-

We have one, and are debating a second. We decided to table the decision till we are ready to start trying. That way, it isn't weighing on us unnecessarily for the time being. As for maternal age, I was 35 when our first was born, a doctor and your own conscience can guide you as to whether or not you are willing to allow maternal age to be a factor.

Best,
F. B.

You could either foster puppies or kids. Both have it's benefits.

When you foster, you get to 'try the situation' on for size before it's a permanent decision. If you decide that having an additional child doesn't work, you can ask that the child be reassigned, or when the child is rejoined/adopted, you just opt to not take on another. Plus the state will pay you a monthly stipend.

When you foster a pup, you get all the care issues of a kid, and the shelter/rescue pays for any medical issues.

In the long run, your baby blues, get resolved.

You will know when you are done. There is a little voice that comes thru. It's just something you know. You do. It sound like you are not at that point. Give yourself some time.

I have three children. I didn't feel complete until I had them all. And my youngest makes my heart sing. However there are challenges to be met. Yes, there are more expenses. We had to change cars to be able to fit three carseats in at once. Travelling becomes more complicated as 'family' hotel rooms usually only cater for two adults and two children. If you are private schooling, the expenses are high. Also, you and your husband become outnumbered by them, which means a higher workload for you! But of course, I'd never give my children back.

You will know later. Based on everything you wrote, you are not ready for one now. You may change your mind later and decide that 3 is too much. I would give it time and decide later. Enjoy what you have now.

It sounds like two is the perfect number for you:)

I have had 5 kids and i could not imagine life without them. One thing I did was think about how much extera money we would be spending between food, clothes, diapers and whipes, and other things like toys and carseats. We would never have a baby if we even had a worry about not having money. I would always think about my kids too. I would think about will the baby affect how they do things like they need enough sleep and i had to think about the baby possibly keeping them up all night. One of the other important things is to make sure you have enough space. A growing baby plus 2 other kids will certainly take up alot of space. If you are worried about a baby sitter, then you can maybe have a member of your church baby sit. With my 5 children we have someone from church baby sit. or sometimes we have one of their aunts with no children(so she doesnt have to take care of too many between mine and hers)to watch them. If we do need a baby sitter we always make sure we come home as soon as we possibly can. Makesure if you do have a baby it is on your own timing.

To have a third child or not to have a third child, that is the question. Is it nobler to have three little ones to love you or is it nobler to make another business deal, sell another widget, type another report.

When you are in the autumn of your life will you enjoy your grandchildren more than the plaque on your "brag wall". Or will your grandchildren giving you hugs and telling you "Love ya Grandma" be a "so-what" and you will take down the plaque off the wall and listen to it tell you you did a good job at work and you will have a warm fuzzy feeling from that cold plaque Then consider how you will be missed at work, or will you be replaced and a year after you leave work will the people you go back to see, ask you what your name is.

My wife and I decided to let the children God wanted us to have come into our home when we were blessed with them. We stopped at seven because we felt inspired o stop at seven. 2 and a half years later I came home after a week on the road and my wife told me she was pregnant. I was shocked because we were told 7 was all we were supposed to have. Through prayer, I felt inspired to learn that our 8th was supposed to be someone else's child. But since they refused to have him, Heavenly Father gave him to us. I'm so very grateful He gave him to us.

If you are not having another child because you don't love the children you already have, that don't have another unloved child. BUT if you love your children, then have another child to love. Just don't wait until your oldest is in kindergarten. You will be amazed at how well you will adapt to having three at home.

Good luck to you and yours.

If you want to have another child then do so. There is not good or bad reason for doing it. I saw a picture recently of a friends kids and thought "What an accomplishment!"

All 10 of her kids are amazing adults with wonderful loving families.

Another friend passed away this past year and all her kids were together for her funeral, all 9 of them. It was a wonderful sight seeing that family sitting there together.

My best friend all through jr. high and high school is one of 12. Her mom had kids clear up into her 40's. She did just fine.

So in my opinion if you want more kids there isn't really any reason not to.

If you have that feeling, then there must be something to it. My husband was ready to stop with our boys, but I felt that we should have another. My daughter has been such a wonderful addition! I can't imagine not having her. When she was young, she would get up in the morning and sing and dance because she was happy for the day to start. Now, she is so great to us, and she & I even went on a cruise together. She has grown into a friend, as well. If you decided to not have a third, would you ever stop and wish you had had that child? Or would you be grateful for just having the two you have? Just think about that. And good luck to you..

I Have two, and that is perfect for us. One Boy and one Girl. Those I know that went for #3 was mostly due to gender tries.. I know 3 familys that had 2 of one gender and went and got the oppostie for #3. I know 3 others that have 3 of a kind. It is up to you and your hubby. Kids are expensive, but worth it.

Good luck.

Hubby and I wanted four....and then had two and then I just had another in September. For him, three is perfect. For me, I could still see us having one more but I am completely happy with our three because hubby is done! However, I do not feel like our family is not 'complete' with our three. I did feel that way when we just had two but that was becuase we always planned on having 3-4. We did have to get a bigger car (mid-sized sedan moved up to SUV) and we are now moving (could have stayed longer in the smaller house with just two) and when grandparents babysit, both of them do it at once instead of just one or the other because a baby and a 4 and 6 year old are pretty demanding. Sometimes I split up who is babysitting who.

I would not have had a third until my son was in Kindergarten if my hubby worked during the week. He works weekends so the kids do not go to daycare so that made a huge difference for us.

What does hubby say? I'd say to sit on it for awhile since you said you have time. Something will come along and sway your decision one way or the other!