Mother in Law Upsetting Me

Yeah, it was a different time and a different family and different circumstances when your mil grew up. She does not recognize any value to art. It doesn't pay the bills, it doesn't put food in your mouth, she just doesn't have a pocket to put it in. The jump rope, she understands that its play. She understands that it doesnt cost anything.

Just as you dont understand her responses, she doesn't understand your thinking. it's like you both are from a different planet.

I am sorry she is not supportive and might not ever really be. It would probably be best if you did not include her in the details of your life, especially telling her the cost of anything.
You might just say, we can afford it. Then you won't be disappointed and she won't be disapproving.

You can invite her to the dance recital but expect the same reaction and be pleased if its goes better.

Could be worse. My ex-mother-in-law has four grandkids. My two daughters and a son and daughter by her other son. She has openly said over the years that she prefers boys, would rather spend time with boys and loved to shop for boys vs. girls for birthdays and Christmas. My daughters would get coloring books and crayons and my nephew would get a robot and nerf gun and k-nex..... always gifts that were much more fun.

To this day, my daughters aren't fond of her. And my niece (whose brother grandma favors) also keeps her distance. Just last week my nephew and his wife had a baby and in the hospital when she was holding her new great granddaughter, she said that she really likes boys better and she wished he had had a boy. Right in front of his wife's family.

You just have to get over it that your MIL is a piece of work. I had to get over it. I knew I was never going to change her, and my daughters now know that too. Focus on other people in your daughter's life who are better to her.

Stop telling her stuff.

Why is she around so often? (you say she hurts you weekly, and I assume she doesn't hurt you each time she is around, so that means she is around A LOT). Does she watch your kids for you?

Why does her making an ignorant (yes, she is completely unaware of how activites for kids work now) hurt you? I can see it being annoying, at the most. But really, she is just making an ignorant comment. I think she gets on your nerves and for some reason, you let that bother you way more than it should, and in the form of hurt feelings.

My MIL hurts me because she doesn't work, is only 54, fine health, and couldn't care less to help us (we really do need it sometimes), babysit, see the grandkids, spoil them (literally one or two toys at christmas and otherwise nothing), or do anything that doesn't please her and only her.

So if your MIL babysits constantly, loves the kiddos, spoils them, but just does these annoying things, I honestly cannot feel bad for you. BUT, if she sucks all around, isn't helpful, won't babysit, isn't nurturing and loving, well then, stop hanging out with her.

Please don't let her get to you:) Your MIL is not up with the times here. She doesn't get it, sorry. The only "free" sports that I know of are the ones where the neighborhood kids get together and play. Competitive team sports cost money. Many schools also charge for sports too.

By the way, $45 a month is very cheap to me. Try paying $120 a month for hockey, plus add in a $500 goalie helmet for the kid and our swim lessons for both kids are $180 a month....not cheap at all. I think that you should definitely put your daughter in dance. It's fun, great exercise and I would invite your MIL to the recital. Grandmas just love watching their granddaughters dance!

If she favors your son over your daughter, you may need to rethink that some grandma is better than no grandma.

You need to tell her point blank that when your daughter gives her something that she needs to say something JUST as nice to her as she says to your son. And next time she rolls her eyes at you, ask her WHY. Call her on this stuff. You shouldn't be putting up with it.

Do you really HAVE to have her picking the kids up? If you don't, cut it down some and see if she starts treating them better. And don't tell her your business. Her reactions to you are inappropriate.

Sounds like you and she are having a bit too much contact for comfort.
(Seeing my own Mom every week would be a strain.)
She could use some friends her own age.
Sign the kids up for what ever, then pick them up after school yourself and get right to the activities - you'll be too busy for the after school chat-fest.
Cut the visits back to no more than once per month.
She needs to get a life of her own.

Yes, try to appreciate that it's better than nothing.

It could be worse -- it could be your own mother. You have a right to be hurt, but it won't change her. She's a damaged person, just accept what she has to give and try not to get your feelings hurt. It's not about you.

And yes, $45 is cheap, just keep being the good mother you are, and don't let her comments get to you.

Personally, I would just ignore her. She could be a lot worse, trust me.

if you're hurt, you're hurt. you always have a right to your feelings.
are you a little hyper-sensitive? i think so. it sounds as if you may be blowing up her reactions to a bigger size than they'd be if SHE were telling the tale.
it's time to toughen up a little where she's concerned. she really doesn't sound so awful that you should be hurt on such a regular basis. try to develop a thicker skin and a cheerful savoir faire.
khairete
S.

About your jump rope example - do you mean that you told your son to use it outside but your MIL basically praised him for disobeying you (using it in the living room)?! Yuck. :-/

Might be time to have a heart-to-heart with MIL. Or for your husband to talk to her. Has she always been this way? Is it getting worse?

Often we are hurt and upset because of our own preconceived expectations. It sounds like you expect her to be kinder, more supportive, friendly and enthusiastic. The truth is, she is who she is, and not all grandparents act the way we think they "should" act. Some are simply not into being the involved and loving grandparent that others are.
I would just try to accept her for who she is. If she has issues with money then don't talk about money. Avoid conversations where you know you'll disagree.

It sounds like you overshare with her. Not her business what activities you are considering and what they cost.

I would be more upset about the art thing. I would be tempted to say something to her about that. She needs to try to treat both kids equally in her praise.

Some grandmas do not babysit. It is OK. I have one set that lives far away and would do it, but have health problems and I would not trust her to babysit. My husband's parents live a few hours away and have begged to babysit. However, they don't put the same emphasis on safety that I do (i.e. MIL wants to take the kids swimming when she does not know how to swim herself) so I don't trust them with the kids either.

Updated

It sounds like you overshare with her. Not her business what activities you are considering and what they cost.

I would be more upset about the art thing. I would be tempted to say something to her about that. She needs to try to treat both kids equally in her praise.

Some grandmas do not babysit. It is OK. I have one set that lives far away and would do it, but have health problems and I would not trust her to babysit. My husband's parents live a few hours away and have begged to babysit. However, they don't put the same emphasis on safety that I do (i.e. MIL wants to take the kids swimming when she does not know how to swim herself) so I don't trust them with the kids either.

Updated

It sounds like you overshare with her. Not her business what activities you are considering and what they cost.

I would be more upset about the art thing. I would be tempted to say something to her about that. She needs to try to treat both kids equally in her praise.

Some grandmas do not babysit. It is OK. I have one set that lives far away and would do it, but have health problems and I would not trust her to babysit. My husband's parents live a few hours away and have begged to babysit. However, they don't put the same emphasis on safety that I do (i.e. MIL wants to take the kids swimming when she does not know how to swim herself) so I don't trust them with the kids either.